• Be desperate. Gorgeous George got into wrestling, which was fake, but also offered the very real assurance of getting injured. He risked getting his ass kicked on the street by adopting such a pansy-ish persona. He once took a match in which, if he lost, he'd have to cut off his beloved hair. Why? He needed the money!
• Be feared. It's impossible to survive long as a villain if people don't have a fundamental fear of you. Otherwise, you'll be torn to pieces (literally, in the olden days; now, just your reputation is at stake). George weighed 215 pounds, was a good athlete, and scared the yokels with his weirdness, besides.
• Have a talent. You can't just be hated. You have to be hated for doing something you're good at. George was actually a good wrestler and a showman. Julia Allison is actually talented in charm. Being a villain without talent makes you, for example, the Son of Sam.
• Get a good outfit. Oh, this is key. Be memorable! Gorgeous George had long hair, which he died blond and curled before matches; toted around a tea set to indicate his upper-crust persona; and had "a man-servant who attended him in the ring and sprayed perfume wherever he would walk." That's style. Kim Kardashian wears booty shorts. Every successful villain has their own thing.
• Drown your sorrows. Upside of being a famous bad guy: Fame. Downside: You're a bad guy. Being a villain can be hard on the soul. Gorgeous George ended up as an alcoholic who "literally drank himself to death." But you can say that for lots of non-famous jerks too.

[WSJ]

The Olympics were an eye-opener to some foreign athletes visiting China. Hundreds of millions of Chinese tuned into the games on television, and Kobe Bryant, the popular Los Angeles Lakers player, was greeted everywhere he went in Beijing to chants of “Kobe! Kobe! Kobe!”

Sales of his National Basketball Association jersey — and those of eight other N.B.A. stars, including Mr. Wade — top even those of China’s own basketball giant, Yao Ming.

What's with this lack of xenophobia? America didn't come to be the world's economic powerhouse by buying up the jerseys of foreigners. One sports marketing executive in China says the whole business is "extremely imperial," which is rather impolitic considering the context. But he does hint at the psychological aspect of the issue: "Anyone who can’t be the emperor of basketball or the queen of tennis won’t make it.”

The Chinese better step up their own basketball and tennis games quickly, or they may risk funneling money out of their own country to support their own middle class' taste for foreign goods. Hey, that's what we do!

[NYT]

1. Wu-Tang Clan endorses St. Ides

Malt liquor advocacy is not a positive move for the knowledge gods. On the other hand, Wu-Tang really doesn't give a fuck.

2. Pope Leo XIII endorses Vin Mariani cocaine-laced wine.

Popes back in the day were far easier to buy than they are now. Leo the drunk cokehead even appeared in a poster for this one:

3. Lucille Ball endorses Phillip Morris

You knew the people loved you, Lucy! But you still endorsed cigarettes. Later you died of an aneurysm. Sad. Here's a clip on some other celebrity cigarette endorsers with smoking-related deaths:

4. Ryan Lochte endorses McDonalds

Just to prove that Michael Phelps isn't the only US gold medal swimmer endorsing junk food: his teammate Ryan Lochte is a paid endorser for McD's fast food! Backlash:

When Mr. Lochte - whose McDonald's deal puts his image on packaging - apparently looked sluggish in one of his races, commentators wondered if his diet may have been a factor.

Burn, McDonalds.

5. Dale Earnhardt endorses "Big Mo" Candy Bar.

Dude.

Photo from the Spanish Tennis Federation's site:

Photo of Spain's team from the Fed Cup site:

Hey Spain, stop that.

Spanish basketball player Jose Calderon (who's also in the NBA) wrote on his website:

It can't be long now before all of Spain's players are trotting out their close Asian friends before the cameras to tell them about that one time they came over and the Asian guy's old mom made some crazy food from China and the Spanish player totally ate it without batting an eyelash because he's really open to new cultural experiences.

Spanish newspapers also hit back at suggestions the pictures were racist, saying the team had donated money to charities helping the poor in Africa.

Well if Spain had known you people were going to be like that, maybe they were wrong to be nice to you in the first place.

[Reuters]

Advice on "Chatting with Foreign Guests":

Don’t ask about income or expenses, don’t ask about age, don’t ask about love life or marriage, don’t ask about health, don’t ask about someone’s home or address, don’t ask about personal experience, don’t ask about religious beliefs or political views, don’t ask what someone does.

Advice on "Interacting With Handicapped Athletes":

1. You should use polite and standard forms of address for handicapped athletes.
2. Try to keep as light as you can with handicapped overtones.
3. Pay attention to how you congratulate handicapped athletes.

Pay attention to avoiding taboo subjects, quit using bad platitudes, and do not use insulting or discriminatory contemptuous or derogatory terms to address the disabled. Say things such as, “You are amazing,” or “You are really great.” When chatting with the visually impaired, do not say things like “It’s up ahead,” or “It’s over there.” When chatting with athletes who are paraplectic in their upper body, do not say things like “It’s behind you.”

And finally, how to walk when the foreigners are around:

When men and women are walking together, men should generally walk on the outside, and the person carrying things should normally walk on the right. Men should help women carry things, but must not help women carry their handbags. When three people are walking side-by-side, elderly should walk in the middle. Where there are many cars around, men should walk on the side of the sidewalk closer to the street. When four people are walking together, it is best to walk two-by-two.

Yes, it's just like New York!

[Peaceful Rise via Coudal]

[via WSJ]

The general reaction to the boxer's initial denials were roughly the same as the reaction to R. Kelly's legal team's theory that it wasn't really him in the sex video: quiet scoffing. In reality, experts concluded after much examination that they were faked by a stripper trying to blackmail him. So, on behalf of the media, we (as ridiculous as that sounds) have to apologize to him. Sorry!

And while many people have laughed off the incident as free publicity for Oscar, the truth is that things like this never really go away. Many more people will have heard about the initial photo scandal than will hear about its debunking. It will now make its way to Snopes.com, along with all the other persistent urban legends that get passed down despite the fact that they're false. Never forget:

The main criticism of the Sporting News' strategy is that its newsletter will come out in the morning, while rabid sports fans will probably have gotten their fill of the news the previous night. It's certainly possible that the entire comeback will be a colossal failure. But getting one of the sports world's most high-profile bloggers on staff (once again—Leitch worked there ten years ago) was a pretty savvy move for the old folks. People will be forced to link to them now!

Publisher Ed Baker's defense of the morning newsletter:

"What if a player gets arrested or traded? Things happen overnight," he said in response to Mr. Padwe's comment. "And if the Mets are on the West Coast playing the Dodgers, how many people stay up till 1 to find out the score?"

Here's hoping for plenty of arrests!

[NYT]

[via OhNoTheyDidn't]

Then, it stung me like a hundred bees. Preston has not told me everything. He is holding something back. We've only been together for two nights, and this was nothing serious, so I had no right to question him. WRONG!!! I had every right.

I did just that. I asked him if there was something I needed to know- more importantly, if he had a family. "I have two children. They live with their mother. I see them on the off-seasons."

Oh no! Terrance is cool with it though; he says he's been in that situation before. Plus, Preston gives him a present (and us a clue):

Preston had me sprung. Yup, he sure did. Because to solidify he was serious about me and him, by the end of the week he brought me one of his personal team's jersey.

"Here you go," Preston said as he pulled the jersey from behind his back. "This is for you."
"This is for me," I said jubilant. I stared at his number. I had memorized the double-digit number from when I googled him on-line. I was going to make sure to find his number while I watched him run up and down the court.

Double digits. Take note! Finally, they take a surprise trip:

We pulled up to a beautiful home. As soon as the car pulled up, an older woman came through the front door. It was his mother. Preston was taking me to introduce me to her. A wonderful woman. Such a warm spirit and very loving. She readily accepted me. I was now on the "in." I met two important people in his life.

Maybe this was love? Maybe Preston was the man of my dreams.

Maybe? I should be receiving an actual copy of Dean's book in the near future. So any further secrets contained within will be revealed.

[1224 Confessions]

"In the meantime, I hoped on the computer and googled Preston. Oh you best believe I checked him out. I mean what person wouldn't? Normally I would not have done it, but I wanted to know more about this talented basketball player. I had to find out his stats - height (Preston is a tall dude. I am tall, standing at 6'2, but I felt short next to his long lean muscular body). I checked his weight, rebounds, average points per game, how long he's been playing, and other vital information.

I was impressed. Preston was on top of his game. The press liked him and he was hometown favorite. In high school and college he was an all-around favorite, traveling across the country showcasing his talented ball-handling skills. The more I discovered, the more I liked. So, I was looking forward to spending more time with this amazing basketball player."

Later, they hook up again. Then "Preston" gets an urgent phone call. What happens next?

Check back tomorrow when Preston introduces Terrance to some important people.

Okay!

[1224 Confessions]

Dean is at a club, on an island vacation spot, when he meets him:

He was across the room standing against the wall with a drink in his hand. He was bobbing his head to the Hip-Hop beats and surrounded by slew of bodacious women and physically fit men.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. He was absolutely gorgeous - Tall, caramel, chinky eyes, and a body that wouldn't stop. Damn, he was fine! I felt the temperature in my body rise. Lust was speaking and its low growl was whispering in my ears.

Then he looked over in my direction and smiled.

They have a short, coy meeting at the bar. Who was that man?

I asked my boy Clever if he knew the beautiful specimen of a man. Clever acknowledged that he did. "That's 'Preston' I haven't seen him in a while. He's always on the road. He plays for ________."

Now, I am really excited. This professional athlete just approached me and how he did it was so smooth. No one noticed anything.

The next night, Dean is in his hotel room:

Anyway, I opened the door and there he was. Tall, broad, strong, sexy, and smiling at me. Preston strolled into my suite as if it was his own. I was in shock. My mouth dropped open, and so did every molecule and cell in my body.

I quickly closed the door. Preston didn't say a word. Nothing. His muscular body glided into the bedroom. I followed. He unbuttoned his shirt and revealed an amazing physique. I followed suit, and, like that, me and Preston went at each other like two lovers in heat. We wanted each other badly. We explored each other's bodies as we peeled off our clothes and strewn them throughout the room.

My gosh, Preston was ferocious in bed. His soft lips met mine. We kissed tenderly, and then passionately. Our tongues danced in each other's mouths. We groped each other finding different and wonderful places to touch. His long hard muscle was massive. He felt wonderful in my hands.

We have no guesses!

[1224 Confessions]

Item one: Let's take a look at the empirical evidence. Brady (Gisele) lost the Super Bowl. Romo (Jessica Simpson) lost in the playoffs. Tony Parker (Eva Longoria) is injured. Matt Leinart (Paris Hilton) also got hurt. Further back, Mike Tyson (Robin Givens) went crazy, David Justice (Halle Berry) got accused of steroid use, and Andre Rison (Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes) got his house burned down.

Or, put another way: Brady had one of the best seasons in history. Romo had a career year. Parker has won three championships. Leinart was a top draft pic, Tyson was a champ, Justice won some rings, and Andre Rison is a five time Pro Bowler. In other words, all these guys did great things, even as they were boning some famous girls.

Item two: This supposed curse really needs to be clarified. Plain old beautiful women are not dangerous to performance, apparently, because damn near every married professional athlete has a beautiful wife. Tiger Woods, the most successful athlete working today, has a famously smoking wife:

So do scrub baseball players like Kris Benson:


Item three, in which we explain the fundamental roots of the error: This "Curse" bullshit is based in three things. One, the old crusty coach's idea that sex before sports can make an athlete worse; that one is a myth. Actually sex raises testosterone levels in men, making them more manly, aggressive, and powerful. Second, there is a simple feedback mechanism most men have that allows us to keep our self esteem high. When we see another man with a beautiful woman, we must assume he is a bitch (David Beckham), or a pretty boy (Don't make me kick your ass, Oscar de la Hoya), or— best of all— cursed! This helps us believe we're still at the front of the line, baby.

Finally, there is a female-driven paradigm of hate that is the psychological flip side of the male desire to undermine our competitors. Females, faced with the prospect of a simplistic boyfriend being bombarded with images of successful athletes (his heroes) being rewarded with famous celebrity women (his poster-bound fantasies), must act to incite a negative response in the man's mind, lest he lose all grip of reality. Knowing that he values his sports even more highly than his sexual desires, the idea of a curse is implanted into the public dialogue, instigating a reaction of fear, rather than lust, towards famous female sexual objects. No single Jessica Simpson blow job is worth a playoff loss to a real Cowboys fan.

The media simply feeds on this triumvirate of underlying influences to perpetuate the myth of a curse, because it's a pretty good story. But really, athletes should feel free to go ahead and scoop all the actresses and super models they want. New England didn't lose to New York because of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. They lost because Boston sucks.