Duff McKagan, of GnR and Velvet Revolver, got off drugs in the 90s. And picked up a finance habit, hey! Now he's Playboy's new financial columnist, which, well, yea.

McKagan admits, however, he doesn't understand all the technical ins and outs of high finance, but says TV's talking heads don't, either.

"Those boneheads on TV just want to make themselves come off as smart . . . I hope to shed some no-nonsense light on day-to-day money issues," he wrote, closing his salty commentary with a promise: "I will do my best to expose frauds and criminals, one at a time."

Seems like a good dude, but do not take financial advice from a magazine, especially from Playboy magazine, especially from a celebrity columnist in Playboy magazine, especially from a celebrity columnist in Playboy magazine who's a rock star who does not understand finance. Although he can probably lose you money just as well as the pros. [NYP, a bit late on the story. But no biggie!]

"Chinese Democracy," the notoriously long-in-coming Guns N' Roses album, hasn't turned out to be the big hit that Best Buy Co. expected when it scored the exclusive rights to sell the CD in the United States.

That's bad news for the nation's biggest electronics chain by sales, which paid millions of dollars up front for 1.3 million copies of an album that has sold just 318,000 copies in the U.S. during its first two weeks in stores — and looks destined for bargain bins.

GnR blames the internet! A devious blogger just pleaded guilty to leaking tracks from the album early, and he has received his punishment from the US justice system. So starting tomorrow, sales better take off.

Why does Axl Rose wish coal in the stockings of Best Buy employees' children? [WSJ]

• Tom Cruise reportedly chose to hold the Valkyrie premier at Jazz at Lincoln Center specifically to foil anti-Scientology protests. The venue has no big outdoor red carpet to disrupt. As a surprise bonus for Cruise, demonstrators thought "Jazz at..." was still at Lincoln Center (as opposed to Time Warner Center). [Scoop]
• David Letterman invited Jay Leno to come on Late Show as a guest back when it looked like Leno would be leaving NBC. Leno declined because it would hurt Conan O'Brien's feelings. [Times]
• Madonna will bring her kids to Britain for Christmas to be with ex-husband Guy Ritchie, but only if she also gets to bring Alex Rodriguez along as well. As, you know, a "friend." [Sun]
• Marc Jacobs enjoyed a dignified night out with his longtime boyfriend. MAN BITES DOG WTF?! [P6]
• Ryan Phillippe is going to Australia for a family Christmas with the actress he met while still married to Reese Witherspoon, lending the movie-set romance an even greater degree of Brangelinism. [P6]
• Axl Rose promises to promote his new record late next year, when it won't be new anymore. Just to kinda screw with his record label some more. [Sun]
• A hospital agreed to pay Dennis Quaid $750,000 for giving an overdose of blood thinner to his newborn twins. [AP]

• Gwyneth Paltrow's breasts were the subject of a scientific survey that brought together an anonymous titty expert and a fan who saw the star's forthcoming nude scene at a preview screening. The results, in the peer-reviewed journal Page Six, are: Paltrow totally had her boobs done, and a sample breast looks like "the boob of a 15-year-old girl." [P6]
• Paula Abdul, who has been complaining about the way American Idol producers handled her suicidal stalker, is purportedly thinking about leaving the show. [Scoop]
• Tommy Hilfiger is having a wedding involving himself, his blonde bride Dee Ocleppo, her 8.2-carat diamond engagement ring and a justice of the peace. Thank god it was at Hilfiger's "sprawling" Greenwich estate! But it's hard to invite friends when you already canceled your wedding on them once.
• How to get on at Vanity Fair: Graydon Carter has "hired staffers after eyeing them in bars because 'they walked with purpose.'" Or maybe he was just talking about staff for Waverly Inn. Our purpose is usually bladder relief or the acquisition of more alcohol. Work for you, Graydon? [P6]
• Eight years after losing his half-sister to a drug overdose, Macaulay Culkin lost another sister to a car accident. Now he's been dubbed "cursed," apparently by a headline writer. [Mail]
• First Jennifer Aniston can't remember the name of John Mayer's hit song, next they arrive separately to the red carpet at her big movie premiere. It's probably nothing. [Insider]
• Here's a picture of Britney Spears looking like a reanimated corpse. Those British tabs are wicked with Photoshop. [Sun]
• Axl Rose is "anthropophobic" (aka a hermit) and hasn't left home in two months. [P6]

See, Dr. Pepper promised a free can to everyone in the US if GnR released Chinese Democracy before a certain date. They did it! But sadly the company's server crashed when they tried to give out coupons online, and they have now sold out the soul of rock, or something, according to Axl's attorney:

Ultimately, both parties are involved in thoroughly meaningless endeavors. [Ad Age]

• Bryan Adams is so famous entire families are stalking him. It's nice when parents want their children to follow in their professional footsteps! [Sun]
• Kirsten Dunst is getting a restraining order against a man who showed up several times at her home in Hollywood and was finally citizen arrested by Dunst's assistant. [AP]

• Uma Thurman's parents accidentally hired Ashley Dupre's sex-for-money booker. Like Dunst, Thurman has recently gone to court against an alleged stalker. Small world! [Post]
• Paris Hilton tried to break up with Benji Madden by voicemail, not realizing he had broken up with her by voicemail an hour earlier. Appropriately pathetic! [London Paper]
• Sad George Michael has to give away concert tickets to avoid an empty stadium in Abu Dhabi. To be fair, the men's room action is much less of a draw in the Arab Emirates venues. [Sun]
• Kate Moss finally admitted those scratches are on her cheek had nothing to do with falling Christmas decorations; instead, her boyfriend Jamie Hince of the Kills put them there. But you should see what she did to his eye! [P6]
• When you date a hipster bass player for 10 years, and pay his expenses the whole time, you already kinda know he's a loser. So — sorry — you're not entitled to too much righteous indignation when he kicks you out and sues you for back rent once his Raconteurs make it big. Maybe you'll listen to your friends next time! [P6]
• After 15 years and $22 million, Axl Rose's new album isn't even number one in its opening week, because he didn't return anyone's calls for two months to do publicity and promotion for the album, because he's Axl Rose. Sigh. [Sun]

The album is laden with commentary on the Chinese government, referencing the banned spiritual practice of Falun Gong and featuring the 1989-y lyric: "if your Great Wall rocks blame yourself." (If you're Great Wall's a rockin', you're probably doin' the knockin'! Of boots! Chinese boots!) But, c'mon, we've known the title of this thing for years, and the Chinese are just now getting mad about it? They could have been raging about this since, like, before the internet even existed! Where were the pamphlets about how the album is a Western tool meant to "grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn"? I mean, it's true! And it's also about rockin' out!

Their reaction, though resoundingly nationalistic and scary, is probably kind of what Axl and his newish bandmates were hoping for here stateside. Instead all they got was a deliciously side-winding review by Chuck Klosterman, and sad opening day debuts at Best Buy. So, I guess it just goes to show that the world has changed a lot since last we Used Our Illusion, but China hasn't noticed.

Because, you know, they've been focusing on slightly bigger things.

China State Media Blast New Guns N' Roses Album [AP]

"

Saw Axl Rose today outside of the Muse hotel on 46 St b/w 6th and 7th in NYC. I was crossing the street staring right at him. I had no clue it was him. He was staring at me as I was crossing the street walking toward him with this "I can't believe you are about my age (or younger) and don't know who the f*** I am!" kind of look. Then, 10 minutes later, on my return, in front of that same hotel I over heard this "security/driver guy" explaining to two young girls that yes, they did in fact see Slash. It was at this moment that I realized I saw Axl.

Send your sightings to stalker@gawker.com for our handy dandy map.

Tired of a world in which Americans idolize wannabe singers and musicals about high schoolers pass as rock 'n roll music, Dr Pepper is encouraging (ok, begging) Axl Rose to finally release his 17-year-in-the-making belabored masterpiece, Chinese Democracy, in 2008.

Awesome work.

It turns out that Guns N' Roses' "Sweet Child O' Mine" is the voice of my generation. It narrates the 20th century's transition from optimism to disillusion, beginning with some dude's poetic idealization of his girlfriend, and dissolving amidst the sound and fury of encroaching insignificance. It's like taking your date to the malt shop and winding up in a tomb.

That's how this Curt Cloninger disquisition for ABC News starts. It goes on to get the lyrics wrong, engage in tongue-in-cheek clich , beat an analogy to death, and then, well, this:

It's one thing to write an essay bemoaning the decentering of contemporary man in postmodern society. It's another thing entirely to play a wailing guitar solo that viscerally embodies that decentering. Slash's solo is our voice — 2,000 years after a resurrection we never witnessed, facing a future that seems insoluble.

There's video on the site of Cloninger doing a great NPR-voice version, but it's somehow much more magical in print. All we have to say is, Chuck Klosterman, don't look back: This guy is gaining on you.

Axl Rose as Voice of a Generation? [ABC News]

The Post's cover photo was taken by a Wireimage photographer inside the nightclub Plumm, and marketed under DMI to protect Wireimage's celeb-friendly image. They won't make celebrities look bad, and publicists know that. You won't find passed out, drunken people in the Wireimage archives. Wireimage is known to pull images off their site at a celebrity's request.

So by funneling the less-flattering photos to their sketchy sibling, WireImage stays cozy with the PR gatekeepers.

This concludes today's lesson in celebrity photojournalism. Tomorrow: what's up with Patrick McMullan's hair?

Earlier: Post Reveals Axl Rose, Tommy Hilfiger Fun

Tommy Hilfiger really showed his "Appetite for Destruction" yesterday when he pummeled Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose in a dispute over a VIP table at Rosario Dawson's birthday party, sources said.
[...]
As the punch-up escalated, Hilfiger introduced Rose to some "November Pain" with a blow to the cheek.

Also, holding the story for an extra day gave them time to perfect that brilliant wordplay.

Tommy 'Guns [NYP]
Earlier: Axl Rose, Tommy Hilfiger, and the Disappearing Item

In the early edition of today's Post, Page Six ran an item about an incident at Plumm on Wednesday night. Apparently, Guns & Roses was playing some sort of live show, and Tommy Hilfiger was in attendance. Somehow, Tommy Hilfiger and Axl Rose got into a scuffle, ending when Hilfiger clocked him across the jaw and was escorted out by security.

The story is not online, and it's not printed in the late edition Post we have here in the office. I'm kicking myself for leaving that shit on the subway.

Innneresting! We don't have a copy of the first edition, so we can't confirm anything (but if you do, send us a scan and we'll give you some candy). It's the case of the phantom gossip item — and why was it removed from later editions? Was it written with disappearing ink? Was the story total bullshit, and Page Six caught it a bit too late? Or did Axl bury this one, for fear that the people would learn that he got punched by little Tommy Hilfiger?

UPDATE: No scan, but the P6 item read as follows:

Fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger better watch out the next time he runs into Guns N' Roses frontman Axl Rose. Hilfiger and Rose got into a heated argument last night at the trendy Chelsea nightspot Plum, sources told The Post. Rose, who was there to put on an acoustic guitar show, got into a heated row with Hilfiger for reasons that remain mysterious. Not happy with how the verbal exchange was going, Hilfiger punched Rose in the face, leaving a red mark under Rose's eye, witnesses said. Hilfiger was promptly escorted out of the club by security guards. Rose stayed and eventually performed for the crowd.

We still want to know why the Post removed the item. Was Hilfiger threatening to withhold free rugby shirts?

UPDATE 2: A reader from LA writes:

Axl was on KROQ (a local mainstream pop/rock station) this morning doing an interview, appaearntly G&R is headlining a concert they throw every year in Septmember. Anyways what AXL HIMSELF said about the scuffle was that he was simply moving Tommy's girlfriends drink so it wouldn't get knocked over. Tommy flipped, yelling "What the fuck?!?!" at Axl and then told him not to "fucking touch her fucking drink" and things just went south from there. Axl also said that Kid Rock saw the whole thing and told him it was "totally Detroit."

After the jump, the beatdown is corroborated by a just-received press release*, courtesy, it seems, of Axl's PR people.

*Since when did Axl need a publicist? Slash wouldn't stand for this shit.

Tommy Hilfiger was carried away by his own security people kicking and screaming after attempting to pick a fight with Guns N' Roses main man Axl Rose at The Plumm on Thursday night.

According to The Plumm owner Noel Ashman, Hilfiger who took two swings at Rose, was fortunate that he found Rose in good spirits and a forgiving mood. Ashman said "Axl was a gentleman and had the good sense not to retaliate as he would have done some serious damage to Hilfiger."

Rose, who was at the club to play a surprise acoustic set with his band Guns N' Roses for actress Rosario Dawson's birthday party, filled out a police report and later dedicated the song "You're Crazy" to "My good friend Tommy Hilfiger" during the band's scorching performance, which left the way beyond capacity crowd screaming for more and gasping for air well into the wee hours of the morning. Said birthday girl Dawson of Rose: "They've never played all acoustic, this is history in the making, how much does this fucking man rock?!"