After three years of incubation, a human has emerged from Hayden Panettiere's country-western womb. The human, a woman, has been dubbed "Kaya."

It's the first wintry day on the Eastern seaboard, and the sparrows are nowhere to be found. The sun cuts through the ice-wind but provides no warmth. A lone crow makes its rounds. Tila Tequila's firstborn is two days old.

As the Baby Name Critic was finishing her second Americano today, her editor informed her that her responsibilities at Gawker.com have expanded to include not just celebrity baby names, but analyses of baby-name data when necessary. Then the Baby Name Critic was sent this chart, from the Randian Costco of websites,…

Yesterday, a proud father named Dan Lieberman tweeted a shot of his newborn twins and birth certificate worksheets suggesting that he named them after Wu-Tang Clan members Ghostface and Raekwon.

Over the past 12 years, New Zealand's Department of Internal Affairs has banned nearly 80 names deemed unacceptable to the government.

A social baby naming startup that made international headlines last week after it claimed to have offered a mother-to-be $5,000 in exchange for allowing the Internet to name her baby has confessed to making the whole thing up.

The American baby-naming crisis was already getting out of hand prior to this week, with names like Jaydien being thrown around by white trash parents who are actively trying to damage America's reputation. But now the problem is worsening. Yesterday, the people at BabyCenter—the site you go to when your child has…

A 20-year-old mother in Kenya who gave birth to twin boys on the day of the U.S. Presidential election has named her sons Barack and Mitt, after the United States president and a model of a robot briefly manufactured in the 1940s as a companion for lonely children.

In case you missed it, yesterday it was revealed that Uma Thurman had taken the names—all the names—for her baby, Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, who will go by "Luna."

The Office of National Statistics for England and Wales has just released the list of the most popular baby names of 2011. The top name for boys was Harry, followed by Oliver, then Jack, but all three of these names might as well have just been MY BALLS, because English people suck at naming kids.

I recently came to terms with the fact that, if I ever have babies, I will probably give them ridiculous names. (Elbow Macaroni O'Connor.) This is because I lack self-determination and thus am perpetually at the mercy of pointless trends, and also because people with cool names are actually cooler than the rest of us.…

Parents made "Arianna" the 66th most popular name last year, vs. 100th in 2001. They're either getting more religious — "Arianna" means "holy" — or thinking of Arianna Huffington because they spend too much time online. Not a tough call.

We all hear stories about kids who are given ridiculous names—usually kids that are born to celebrities—but when you're looking to name your child, don't turn to a "baby name blog." They're full of horrible ideas too, like this one.

Kate Hudson and half-porcupine baby daddy Matt Bellamy (How did they make the baby? Carefully!) named their child "Bingham 'Bing' Hawn Bellamy." Best Microsoft product placement ever? "For those wondering, Bingham is my mum's maiden name and Bing Russell was Kurt's dad. Family connections all around," Matt explained. […

Natalie Portman's one-month-old Millepied-sired baby boy is named Aleph (or Alef), People, Us, and Israeli gossips report:

Alicia Silverstone had a son last week and named him Bear Blu. That sounds more like a cartoon show than a human being. However, we're sure he'll fit right in with Apple, Phineas, and Moroccan at his celebrity pre-school.

Improbably rich stylist Rachel Zoe gave birth to Skyler Morrison Berman on Tuesday. "Mom and Dad 'LITERALLY' could not be happier or more in love with their son!" Zoe and her husband, Roger Berman, said in a statement.

One of the great failures of modern political journalism is its inability to account for the children of former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin—specially, why they are named things like "Trig" and "Willow"? But where journalism has failed, science may have succeeded:

Bucking the long-held Hollywood tradition of celebrities giving their kids insane names, butterscotch stallion Owen Wilson and his girlfriend have dubbed their new son Robert Ford Wilson. That's it. Yes, a slight outlaw association, but nothing weirder. Rather amazing!