In a great piece titled "The Gilded Age of Conde Nast is Over," The Observer's John Koblin reveals a slew of shocking goings-on at Conde that almost makes the purging of the company's receptionists pale in comparison. Below are a few of the choice cuts, starting with the horrifying revelation that Graydon is now being forced to lunch with the peasantry in the Frank Gehry-designed space pictured above.

"I saw Graydon in the cafeteria this week!" said one business-side insider, last Friday. "In all my years here, I've never seen him in my life there. He was behind me in the line at checkout with his little swipe card! He was milling around uncomfortably with the commoners."

Now obviously, if the Conde overlords are being forced to sacrifice some of their luxuries, you just know that the underlings are getting screwed, and they are. On that subject, two words people: tap water.

"When I started, there was this little refrigerator, and it was stocked with amazing drinks!" said one ad-sales source. "Pellegrino, Orangina, Red Bull. And like the water wasn't Poland Spring, it was like Fiji. I remember when I started working here, I emailed everyone I know and I was like, ‘I have to tell you about the drinks!'"

But then in December, a few months after Condé Nast ordered publishers and editors to cut 5 percent from their budgets, the drink supply emptied out. That Fiji water turned into Poland Spring. Worse, instead of the fridge, the water bottles were stowed in a warm closet.

And then: "I just found out today that we are on our last batch of Poland Spring," said the source. "We won't have any more after this. We have to start drinking tap water."

Tap water! At Conde Nast! Are you kidding me?! Among the article's other cutback revelations: no more expensed lunches at Nobu, no more take-out from Balthazar, no more free spa treatments, no more fresh flower deliveries to the offices of top editors — the list goes on and on.

But perhaps the most surprising (Or maybe not) detail in Koblin's piece is the revelation that Conde Nast's claim about there are no untouchables within the company is complete bullshit. The New Yorker is the one sacred cow not to be meddled with.

Two well-placed sources said that Condé Nast's chairman, Si Newhouse, reached out to (Editor David) Remnick shortly after the McKinsey announcement was made and told him not to worry about anything-the magazine would be just fine, and neither McKinsey nor company executives would be mucking with his editorial costs.

Go read this piece, if only because, as Choire Sicha pointed out on his Twitter, the story's punchline is among the best you'll ever read.

If it makes anyone feel better, this event probably happened sometime last year, when the two were dating.

For the uninitiated: Star talking head and unrepentant compulsive fame-seeker Julia Allison used to date Men's Health editor Dave Zinczenko. We were at a party, around this time last year, in which Allison boasted about sex-bruising to our publisher Nick Denton. (That's kind of the same thing as printing it in the Daily News.

Maybe this says more about Zin's allure than Allison's alleged "sluttiness." While she's often accused of it, the fact is that looking sexually available isn't the same as actually being sexually available. In fact, she's kind of a prude! She blogged an email to ex-boyfriend, webtard Jakob Lodwick, that admitted they hadn't yet had sex, early in their relationship. She's also famous for letting rich men fly her to villas, then getting into trouble for not putting out.

But anyway: Dave! Author of a best-selling book. Man about town. Killer abs (we hear.) Finger-banger. How does he find time to edit?

Note: In case it wasn't clear, today's tip from Widdicombe is actually old gossip; Allison and Zinczenko broke up last May.

While Balthazar embodies a fetishized version of fin de si cle Paris, FR.OG aspires to a late 1990's chic. There's wavy plaster, lots of pink, and circular booths shrouded in what seems like a shower curtain. When we walked in, a Buena Vista Social Club-esque version of Lady Marmalade played, inexplicably followed by Chopin's Nocturne No. 2 in E Flat, Op. 9, No. 2. For some reason, I imagine it is a lot what the bathroom in the summer home of Renee Montaigne looks and sounds like: "Sexiness," dim lights, fusion. Down a spiral staircase, a large lounge area contains another bar and more tile. There was a bathroom attendant and a Schillerian unisexiness to the commodes.

What was served of the vaguely Asian food was uniformly excellent. Tomato soup came with a dollop of curry cream; pork and shrimp spring rolls offered crunch and spice. The exhaustive cocktail lists includes well-done standbys as the Ginger Martini with a rose twist. New York's the Robs have a better idea of the full menu but it is safe to say, fans of cuisine traditionnelle fran aise will be better served by sticking with the ten-year old Balthazar while more adventuresome diners might want to stop by the fresh meat. —Josh

Earlier: Fr.og tempts fate, Balthazar

Indeed by 1 pm, any visitors seeking shelter from the sweltering midday heat were assaulted by great waves of noise and an onslaught of good cheer. A small bevy of black-clad McNally hostesses manned the maitre d' station, one clutching a unopened bottle of Champagne Gardet Premier Cru in her graceful fingers. Champagne corks popping rapped a joyous tattoo. As of press time, no one had been injured.

As the day progresses, one must assume the level of revelry will as increase, crescendoing with a delirious bacchanal unseen since the time of Euripides' tragic mad celebration at the temple of Demeter at Eleusis. The suffused light filtering through the windows illuminated the coruscating champagne flutes. I am a little drunk. The tintinnabulations of glasses clinking and laughter ringing rose into a roar. Okay more than a little. One could have been in the Goncourts' Paris or Isherwood's Berlin but let's hope this party ends better, or better yet, never ends at all.—Josh

I only spent a few hours with them so maybe i don't have all the answers you're looking for though. oh and i should mention they said "this whole dinner is off the record" and i responded "i can't make that promise" hahhahahahhaa

Question from(Dick Johnson @ Apr 19 2007, 10:48 AM) * Are they gay?

Abbe: no i don't think so. actually lockhart-steele did recount a story about a dinner date he had at Gusto. with a GIRL

then again
any boy who doesn't blatantly sweat me i always automatically assume is gay.

Dinner with Eater

• Caffe Falai stays open until 10:30 pm starting Thursday. New menu as of next week.
  
• The New Yorker continues its bizarre doppleganging of the NYT with a tables for two on EU.
  
• Marc Myer's Landmarc opens a week early at the Time Warner Center. Breakfast, Lunch AND dinner, suckas.
  
• Balthazar nemesis FR*OG is slated to open on Monday, April 23. Nearly two weeks later than anticipated.

• P*ONG, Pichet Ong's new spot and FR*OG's brother in asterisk, flooded on Sunday and won't open until the 20th. Ah, le deluge
  
• That vortex of restaurant ventures known as 245-247 Houston (corner of Norfolk) is about to get another tenant. Last night, the shuttered space that once housed Canapa boasted a sign informing residents of an application for a beer and wine license. The petitioner? The Remedy Diner.
  
• UES Taco Taco slated to open in LES on 205 Allen St. CB3 provisionally denies liquor license application.
  
• This guy is the biggest douche in all of NY chefdom. Guaranteed.
• LA Weekly Food Critic Jonathan Gold wins a Pulitzer. Bruni weeps hot tears into Esca's pasta.
• Women grow their own sperm. WTF?

Breakfasters get a free glass with a meal while lunchers and dinnerers get a whole goddamn bottle. True, you don't actually get a balthazar of champagne but the man's got a business to run. At any rate, if you've been wanting to catch Lockhart Steele drunk on bubbly, April 23rd is your day. Probably our entire staff will rotate in and out of the place making McNally rue the day he ever offered it. But, as they say, Apr s nous le d luge and all.

Balthazar Celebrates its 10th Year with Complimentary Champagne

When Balthazar Restaurant, the SoHo institution, opened, it brought the bustle of New York City downtown to what was once a quiet industrial neighborhood comprised of artists and galleries.

Balthazar serves traditional bistro meals from breakfast through late-night supper in a setting, which evokes a feeling of a Paris brasserie. Opened by Keith McNally in the spring of 1997, Balthazar offers a French menu prepared by Chefs de Cuisine Riad Nasr and Lee Hanson. Diners can also choose from an extensive wine list, a raw seafood bar, and breads & pastries from Balthazar Bakery.

Most people don't even know what a Balthazar is. . . [ED Note: WTF?]

Pour 16 bottles of Champagne in one bottle and you've got yourself a Balthazar (think, Magnum...). So to celebrate the success of the past 10 years, Balthazar will be offering diners lots of complimentary Champagne.

The Champagne served will be: Champagne Gardet Premier Cru, Balthazar 10-year Anniversary Cuv e Brut NV which is imported exclusively for Balthazar and is available in the US only at the restaurant. This richly flavored, complex and lively Champagne is made from grapes picked from some of the best vineyards in Champagne. It is handcrafted in limited quantity by the House of Gardet, continually family-run since its founding in 1895.

How it Works:
Monday, April 23, 2007 - all day.

Breakfast - Complimentary glass of champagne or a Mimosa, with a meal.

Lunch, Late Lunch, Dinner and Supper - Complimentary bottle of champagne for parties up to 5 people, with a meal. Parties of 6 or more will be offered two bottles.

Hours of Operation:
BREAKFAST LUNCH & LATE LUNCH
Mon to Fri: 7:30 AM - 11:30 AM Mon to Fri: 12:00 PM - 5:00 PM
Sat & Sun: 8:00 AM - 10:00 AM
DINNER & AFTER HOURS
BRUNCH Mon to Thu: 5:45 PM - 1:00 AM
Sat & Sun: 10:00 AM - 4:00 PM Fri & Sat: 5:45 PM - 2:00 AM
Sun: 5:30 PM - 12:00 AM

Keith McNally additionally owns and operates:
Morandi, Schiller's Liquor Bar, Pastis, Balthazar Bakery, Pravda and Lucky Strike.

Riad Nasr and Lee Hanson are also Chefs de Cuisine at Pastis and Schiller's Liquor Bar.

In addition to operating his restaurants, Keith wrote The Balthazar Cookbook (Clarkson Potter 2003), along with co-chefs Riad Nasr and Lee Hanson, with a foreword by cultural critic, Robert Hughes.

Balthazar Restaurant
80 Spring Street
(between Broadway and Crosby)
New York, NY 10012
212.965.1414
www.balthazarny.com

The inside is going for a slightly cheesy Uptown vibe: pink iridescent tiles, pink stools (never a healthy sign, according to our nurse practitioner), and swirly plaster. Down a mosaic'd stairwell, a lower level seats 40 people, half as many as upstairs. FR.OG, which stands for French Origin, concerns itself with the nexus of Mediterranean and French cuisine. Though its menu shares few similarities with McNally's beleaguered-of-late flagship Balthazar, FR.OG aims to share ever fewer customers. Nearly all of the PR shouts "It's right across the street from Balthazar!" Ah, the French, never ones to shy away from a fight. Oh wait, yes they are. —Josh

FR.OG, 71 Spring Street

But how's the actual experience of it? I stopped by in a gearing-up-for-Morandi mood and frame of mind, and on this visit — and do I emphasize it was just one visit — I didn't have such a wonderful time at all...Inexcusable risotto. I mean bad. Really bad.

Don't you know, FB, that 90% of Gawker's wheeling-and-dealing happens on those chairs you deride as spindly? Or that without the Balthazar bread basket, Denton deflates like a leaky bouncy castle, taking hordes of screaming kids with him?—Josh

Back to Balthazar [Diner's Journal]

The Gansevoort put up a fugly billboard that McNally and the some of the meatheat district business owners are not taking kindly to. Haven't seen it for myself, but apparently it's awful, and if you think the Jersey trash is bad there now [We do! -Ed.], wait until you can see that fucker across the Hudson, not to mention the abominations that could go up in its wake. So McNally is having his reservationists say the following when the Gansevoort concierges - all totally sycophantic asshats, by the way - call Pastis: "I'm sorry, but we've been instructed not to take reservations from your hotel in protest against the billboard on Hudson Street."

[Photo: Eat This New York]

Update: Via Curbed, an image of the billboard in question:

Earlier: Web Type Ready, Willing To Spout Off On Pretty Much Everything

Lockhart Steele, the managing editor of Gawker Media, is a regular, who on a different morning was in his usual banquette with Ben Leventhal, the editor of Eater, a food blog that Mr. Steele is an investor in. "We lead strangely deconstructed lives," Mr. Steele said. "Ben works at home most of the time. My full-time job is at the Gawker offices. It would be very easy for us to go weeks without getting together."

Breakfast Is Late, So Business Is Good [NYT]

And what do we get from you?

Bupkes.

That's not entirely true. We did return from lunch to find this email:

Just spotted Graydon Carter going into AW's corner at Balthazar. Couldn't get a snap, unfortunately. He looked as magisterial, and as rotund, as Gore Vidal.

To be fair, it's a good sighting. (We particularly enjoy the Vidal reference.) But it is not a picture. And we wanted a picture. Which leaves us heartbroken.

There's a silver lining, though: We'll be eating the goat cheese and onion tart ourselves. Delish.

Earlier: Today in Lunch: Anna Wintour Forgets All Her Troubles, Forgets All Her Cares