"Regulators are starting to ask: Is there something rotten in bank culture?" Hmmm. In unrelated news, "The average bonus on Wall Street jumped 15 percent last year to the highest level since the 2008 financial crisis."
A new research paper says there is evidence that five major banks may have been improperly colluding to manipulate the price of gold for the past decade. Shocking behavior, if true.
Of Course Jamie Dimon Got a Raise
If you are a "normal" person with "common sense" values who doesn't always "get" the way that Wall Street works, here is a very simple lesson.
Billions of dollars of legal costs related to endless findings of wrongdoing cost JPMorgan Chase only 27 cents per share in the fourth quarter. The company's profits fell to a mere $5.28 billion in the past three months. The bank is no doubt severely chastened by the serious consequences for its misdeeds.
JPMorgan has agreed to pay a settlement of $2.6 billion for charges related to the bank's failure to stop Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme. In the past two years, the bank has paid close to $30 billion in legal settlements. That number is smaller than JPMorgan's profits, so Jamie Dimon will never get fired.
Crush Nepotism Wherever It Lives
The New York Times reported yesterday that JPMorgan Chase is under federal investigation for hiring the children of China's elite with the explicit goal of boosting the bank's business prospects. Good. Nepotism on Wall Street is just as gross as nepotism at the media outlets that cover Wall Street.
We Could Use More Small Banks
America now has 6,891 federally insured banking institutions. That's the fewest we've had since 1934. Though it may cause reflexive distaste, it is a fact: we could use more banks.
JPMorgan's Deliberate Decision to Sell Toxic Garbage
Yesterday, JPMorgan Chase agreed to pay a record $13 billion settlement as an apology for misleading investors about mortgage securities in the run up to the 2008 financial collapse. Can all of this be traced to a single ill-fated meeting in 2006?
Moody's has cut the credit ratings of several big Wall Street banks, because it's less confident that the government will bail them out if they fuck up. Baby steps.
Goldman Sachs Is Treating Its Employees Like Pussies
I believe you're familiar with my friend—Goldman Fucking Sachs. Tell me something: does Goldman Fucking Sachs look like a bitch? No? Then why are Goldman Fucking Sachs employees being treated like bitches?
Federal prosecutors are reportedly seeking a guilty plea on "at least a single criminal charge" from JPMorgan in relation to allegations that the bank purposely turned a blind eye to Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme.
JPMorgan Is Basically Under Permanent Government Investigation Now
JPMorgan Chase, the massive and uncontrollable bank-monster which just paid a $13 billion fine and is run by a CEO who is doing a great job, now reportedly finds itself mired in yet another massive legal scandal. They're consistent, let's give them that.
Jamie Dimon Vs. JPMorgan: One Must Go
Jamie Dimon is one of the most admired CEOs on Wall Street. Under his watch, JPMorgan Chase has been penalized for multiple legal violations, capped by the largest legal fines in banking history. Should Jamie Dimon be fired? Well, if not, his bank should be destroyed.
Here Is Perhaps the Single Biggest Ripoff on Wall Street
Do you or a loved one have an investment account—perhaps for retirement? Is any of that money invested in a "managed futures" fund? If so, stop reading now and pull that money out immediately. It is being stolen from you as we speak.
Occupy Banking: Yes, Please
A spinoff group from the Occupy movement is seeking to launch its own prepaid debit card, as a prelude to offering a more complete set of financial services. Ridiculous? Not at all. In fact, taking over some of Wall Street's business could be the most useful thing Occupy Wall Street could do.
JPMorgan Chase is reportedly considering an $11 billion settlement over its handling of mortgage-backed securities leading up to the recession. "Billion" with a "B."
This Megabank Lawyer Pays Lower Rent Than You For No Good Reason
There's a brief and enraging—to New York City's renting class, at least—aside in Constance Rosenblum's Sunday New York Times Real Estate piece about committed couples who live apart. In describing Michael Kenny and Ingrid Doyle's two-apartment love affair, Rosenblum mentions that Kenny, a 62-year-old "lawyer with…
The Prosecutions From the Financial Crisis Are Just About Over
Five years ago, the world economy melted down. About four and a half years ago, an outcry began in earnest for the SEC to track down and bring cases against the people and institutions responsible for the meltdown. How's that going?
Five Years After Lehman, Is Wall Street Any Safer?
Five years ago this week, the storied Wall Street firm Lehman Brothers collapsed, heralding the true onslaught of the Great Recession. Has the system been "fixed" since then?
Daryl Lane Woods, chairman of Missouri's Main Street Bank and an idiot, has pleaded guilty to using $381K in federal bank bailout funds to buy a condo in Fort Myers, FL, which sucks.
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