• I like it, Rush & Molloy, I like it. Thanks for the nice, scandalicious, SEO-happy headline. The Boris and Natasha-esque Daily News gossip columnists have been stepping up their game lately. Today they slice-and-dice their Moose and Squirrel sights on a few items, chief among them: laughing at Courtney Love's batshit claim that Britney Spears was molested as a young girl, and the British tabloid who's paying an unnamed female Spears family member to argue that she did. That said, Courtney Love: still batshit insane, not worth listening to at all. Some conspiracy theorists, you gotta be like, hey, they might be on to something. What the hell is Courtney Love so worried about Britney Spears for? It's like she's reading us too much lately, or something. She's got to have something better to do. Also, She's kind of like The Werid Sisters, except nothing she says makes any sense whatsoever, and nobody would go to her for advice. Bubble bubble toilet and trouble, whiskey burn and tweaker mumble. [R & M]
  
  
• Usher is a crier. Every time he watches Extreme Home Makeover, he cries. 'Few things here: (1) This is the lead Page Six story today, probably because the other two major gossip stories (Alexa Ray Joel and Tiger-Style) get their own reports, but still: depressing; (2) Everyone cries at Extreme Home Makeover. People without tear ducts cry at Extreme Home Makeover. That doesn't make any less shitty or exploitative of a show. They're prying on your middle-class-and-above selfishness and need to compensate for it with guilt (or, if you're Usher, your boatloads of scratch), so your natural reaction is, of course, to cry. Well, guess what: when you're done crying, those people and their twelve adopted children have still been fucked eight ways to Pluto by the universe and they also still have a smile on their face at the end of the day. In swoops ABC with their cameras and JC Penny's with their advertising and the screamy tweakergay who scares the shit out of me. They get the house, everyone cries, and like that, we've all been subverted by the fucked up corporate entity that—by four or so degrees—probably resulted in their poor living conditions in the first place. So go ahead, keep crying. Assholes. But this doesn't change the fact that (3) Ush-urr got the beat make the booty go (CLAP). [Page Six]
  
  
• Johnson & Johnson heir Casey Johnson was dumped by "lover and friend" Courtenay Semel, but neither of them were in Twilight so I don't give a shit. Come back when you sparkle or can turn into an eagle or some shit. [Page Six]
  
  
• JEETAH! He eats chicken. [Page Six]
  
  
• Great. Tyra Banks was spotted eating at Market Table the other night with her boyfriend. The Page Six item is about how they were there eating all the fatty foots but honestly, it's like, just stay out of New York's good restaurants, Tyra. You don't need to eat. Your life encourages other people not to eat, or to throw up, or in my case, to involuntarily projectile vom. Go to Nello's. Shit, go to Buddakahn. Read all the fake books painted on the walls, come out "smarter." But Market Table? Seriously. If you take it to Joseph Leonard I'm gonna burn the West Village to the ground. [Page Six]
  
  
• Love it. Today show producers wanted to get her to talk about this so they were all like, So, Kathy Lee, Frank fucked around on you. This makes you an expert on Tiger Woods, right? [R & M, Second Item]
  
  
• Gianni Versace (pronounced VER-SAZE-EE) "must be turning in his grave" according to Page Six. What, did someone realize that his Peacock-print shirts were ugly as a fucking moon rock? I didn't read the rest of this item. I think it's about his Miami house. Former house. Former, because he's dead. [Page Six]
  
  
• What the fuck?

  F. Warrington Gillet Jr. can finally rest in peace. "Big Warry," as he was known in Palm Beach, died seven years ago and had a big funeral befitting his bloodlines — one ancestor was US Ambassador to the Soviet Union Joseph Davies, the husband of Marjorie Merriweather Post. But his widow, steel heiress Elesabeth Ingalls Boykin Gillet, never put a tombstone on his unmarked grave in Maryland.

  Okay guys, if F. Warrington Gillet Jr. can make Page Six, if you dream it, you can, too. Just make sure you send Richard and Neel an unmarked envelope stacked with enough cash to get them to get an intern to write this shit up. In fact, I'm working on an item about how the two cats I don't own, Captain Scuzzybutt Esq. and Muffin McCloud III fell in love, as they recounted the story to a party in Miami at Art Basel while everyone drank Veuve Cliquot on dry ice and Andy Dick tried to put his pants on backwards. [Page Six]
  
  

• Guys, does Barbara Corcoran have a main line into Page Six, or what? This week, there's a story about the real estate queen bumping into Robert DeNiro in the "Today" show makeup room. De Niro—still kinda funny—asked her how the real estate business was [get it? Because it's fucked and etc, yeah, you get it.] and she responded by asking if he was still with that beautiful wife of his. Cute. But AH-HA! Two weeks ago, during that same visit to the Today Show, Babs' (far funnier) story about running into Len Berman at Today was ALSO reported. So! Either Today has an intern hiding in a houseplant to collect decent anecdotes, Barbara Corcoran has an awesome publicist, or Corcoran's been hanging out at Today was too much. There are any number of scenarios in this case, but the fact that I feel pride in being able to connect these two items only means that I need to get out more. Also, Babs, if you're looking for a hot PR drop, holla. I can't take cash like the real gossips, but it's always good to know a decent real estate agent in this town. Apartment hunting's a bitch. [Page Six]
  
  
• Rosanne Barr sits around and talks shit with former First Lady Barbara Bush, who "hates" Obama. Well, that's okay, Barbara Bush, you're sitting around talking with Rosanne Barr. [R & M, Second Item]
  
  
• A Harvard dean who was supposed to be at an event with Mark Conseulos and Kelly Ripa came down with Swine Flu. Good to know where your professors hang out, Harvard: with Kelly Ripa and in places you can catch Swine Flu. Ivy league, my ass. [Page Six]
  
  
• Natalie Portman thanked director Jim Sheriden for the "special effects" on Brothers. I'm thankful to Natalie Portman for getting quoted using the word "tits" in the Daily News. [R & M, Fourth Item]
  
  
• Anthony Haden-Guest—who, and, really, I'm not going to explain—was roasting artist Damien Hirst (who is an Important Artist right now selling Expensive Art to Fancy People) at The Standard in Miami (where Art Basel is wrapping up) and he did it with this fairly crafty poem, entitled "A Brilliant But Inexplicably Underappreciated Artist Contemplates Some Figures in the Landscape." It went: "Why would I want to see him immersed / In formaldehyde next to his putrid shark / And sold as a set to an oligarch?" This was in reference to a Hirst piece sold to a billionaire. What I like about thinking about artists who only sell paintings for bazillions of dollars because they all blew Larry Gagosian is that they're a fine lesson in exactly what kind of art sells in this world: theirs, and their poster reprints at the MoMA. And that's really all you need to know! [Page Six]
  
  
• Glenn Beck is "cool" with gay marriage and thinks we should just leave the institution of marriage "alone." This is funny, because, regardless of your gender, Glenn Beck's job is to stick his dick in your ear. [R & M, Fifth Item]
  
  
• Awesomely funny asshole-comic Jim Norton almost got his spine snapped in half by Jesse "The Body" Ventura (R) on live radio recently. See, people: radio isn't dead. Especially whenever Jim Norton might be. [Page Six]
  
  
• R & M buried a few decent items on their last page, but I've spent way too long on this, so here: Zack Galifinakis likes working in Brooklyn on Bored to Death because he can ride his bike to work, subtext, every woman in Brooklyn wants him and he gets to watch on his way to work. Sub-subtext: I still don't understand the appeal of Zack Galifinakis. KiKi Dunst got drunk at dinner. Chelsea Handler's dating the guy who runs Comcast who will soon run NBC and we will soon all eat out of Chelsea Handler-emblazoned dogbowls. Julian Lennon who was the Lennon son John had that acts more like Paul (HA!) is doing something that doesn't involve Yoko Fucking Ono and that's all that matters. [R & M]

Running a wee bit late today. Whoops! Anyway, I'm well-rested, and we hope you are, too. I think another nine girls who slept with Tiger Woods are outing themselves today, so, you know, word: another few slides on the dossier, notches on the belt, balls in the holes, whatever. How's everyone doing this morning? Let's kick it off with a nice jam.

Thank you for your continued support of Gawker Weekends.

[Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Blount is an associate at Casey Quirk, an investment management consultancy, which pays even junior staffers six-figure salaries. (The firm tells its clients how to tell their clients how to manage their money, or something like that.) His Sig Ep brothers are no doubt breathlessly excited about the news — though their description of Blount as a "hottie" leaves their judgment in question.

Update: Apparently Blount was hot in college, according to the Yale Rumpus! Also, he seemed to have horticultural leanings, nudge nudge, wink wink. We think that's how frat boys make marijuana jokes, at any rate.

There's more! The April 2005 issue of Rumpus reported that Blount got rejected from Yale's business school until Barbara's dad wrote him a letter of recommendation — after which he got accepted with one year of free tuition. Also, he belonged to the Yale Potato Sack Relay Team secret society.

(Photo of Bush by New York Social Diary; Blount by AP/Scott Applewhite)

"Obama, L'Chayim."

The wine was flowing liberally. None of them needed that shot. Can't make this shit up. I asked the waiter what wine they were drinking.

"Brought they're own wine," he said.
"Hope you charged corkage," I said.
"The sommelier said it was crap," he said...

Sixteen years ago, Bill and Hillary showed up late for coffee with Bush's mom and dad, according to Second Acts, a book about life after the presidency. And unlike the Obamas, who brought along Joe and Jill Biden, the Clintons showed up with Hollywood producer pals Harry Thomason and Linda Bloodworth-Thomason. Thanks for staying classy, Barack!

(Photo by Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images)

It's kind of mushy and silly and doesn't make me hate the girls' father any less, plus it was published in the Wall Street Journal. But I guess it's kind of cute, so here. Some words on being the First Daughters:

Be Nice to the Help:
"If you ever need a hug, go find Ramsey. If you want to talk football, look for Buddy. And, if you just need a smile, look for 'Smiley.'"

Oh the People You'll Meet:
"As older girls, we were constantly inspired by the amazing people we met, politicians and great philosophers like Vaclav Havel. We dined with royalty, heads of states, authors, and activists. We even met the Queen of England and managed to see the Texas Longhorns after they won the National Championship."

Don't Believe the Hype:
"Our dad, like yours, is a man of great integrity and love; a man who always put us first. We still see him now as we did when we were seven: as our loving daddy. Our Dad, who read to us nightly, taught us how to score tedious baseball games. He is our father, not the sketch in a paper or part of a skit on TV."

Enjoy the Bowling Alley:
"The East sitting room became a peaceful place to read and study. We ran on the track in the front lawn, and squared off in sisterly bowling duels down in the basement alley."

Every President Plays T-Ball:
"Slide down the banister of the solarium, go to T-ball games, have swimming parties, and play Sardines on the White House lawn. Have fun and enjoy your childhood in such a magical place to live and play."

Don't Let Time Pass You By:
"In fact, go to anything and everything you possibly can: the Kennedy Center for theater, State Dinners, Christmas parties (the White House staff party is our favorite!) [More being nice to the little people!], museum openings, arrival ceremonies, and walks around the monuments. Just go. Four years goes by so fast, so absorb it all, enjoy it all!"

Neg!

Image via Getty

"There are religious differences," one [source] points out. "Would he expect her to convert to Judaism?"

Lauren's mother, Sharon, is a devout Christian.

The Daily News did find one Bush insider to dispute George and Barbara Bush's disapproval of Lauren, and to point out that even the elder George Bush didn't get to invite siblings.

NB to David: If you do get invited, don't bring up Grandpa Prescott. So awkward.

[Rush & Molloy]

Blasberg, who was once implicated in conspiracy theories over who's really pulling New York's socialite strings, has appeared in a couple of pictures palling around with the younger Bush—including one of them sitting next to each other at a New York Rangers game:

So what conclusions can we draw from this weighty evidence?

1. Derek Blasberg likes hockey.
2. Barbara Bush likes hockey, or at least likes attending hockey games in the company of Derek Blasberg.
3. As well as doing some other stuff about town with Derek Blasberg.
4. Hockey may or may not become a standard event for the socialites of New York to attend.
5. Blasberg and Bush have not been photographed together at a Knicks game.
6. The Knicks suck way more than the Rangers.
7. In the words of the intrepid investigative blogger Eric McErlain himself, "Not a whole lot."

[AOL Fanhouse]

The date: March 3rd, 12 a.m.
The place: La Esquina, 106 Kenmare
Sighting: "Saw Barbara Bush with a group of 5 girls dining and drinking at La Esquina. I read what was said about her at Spotted Pig. She actually looked pretty hot. Very Evangeline Lilly-esque."

The date: March 3rd, 1 p.m.
The place: Whole Foods, E. 14th street and Union Square West
Sighting: "Saw Barbara bush (twin) at whole foods today in union square. She is stunning in person, amazing blue eyes and she must be healthy because she was buying a kombucha. She seemed sweet, her friend was talking about Scottish fold cats."

Abraham Lincoln once said, "A house divided against itself cannot stand." Though he was referring to slavery in particular, there is currently another, potentially more explosive issue threatening to tear this nation apart at its very seams. First Twin Barbara Bush - hideous or gorgeous? Below, we examine the evidence using a time-honored three-prong test for political celebrity attractiveness.

Prong 1 - Is the celebrity in question attractive compared to his/her peers?
While Barbara certainly does not have the luscious gigundos of Alexandra Kerry, she does compare favorably to Emma Bloomberg, who may or may not closely resemble a small woodland creature. Certainly Barbara beats out early Chelsea Clinton, but since America loves a good makeover story, and Chelsea has recently gotten with the program and obtained a chin implant and a flat iron, it's no landslide win for Barbara. However the fact remains that she remains doable.

Prong 2 - Is the celebrity in question attractive compared to his/her family?
While there has been much debate about whether Barbara is better looking than her sister Jenna, British FHM ranked Jenna and Barbara numbers 17 and 18, respectively, on its Most Eligible Bachelorette List - conclusive proof that Jenna is indeed better looking. Barbara obviously pales in comparison to her cousin, Tommy Hilfiger model Lauren Bush, and is a mere troll compared to her wildly successful relative Billy Bush, host of Grease: You're the One that I Want.

Prong 3 - Is there empirical evidence of said celebrity's attractiveness?
Barbara may be the decrepit hag of her family, there is powerful evidence suggesting that she may in fact be objectively goodlooking. First, she has an attractive boyfriend. Jay Blount, unlike his girlfriend, was listed among Yale's 50 Most Beautiful People. Second, Barbara's celebrity lookalike - Lauren Graham - plays the lead on Gilmore Girls, and as everybody knows, lead actresses cannot be ugly. Finally, Barbara interned at Proenza Schouler and anyone who hangs around with fashion jerks must be attractive.

Not surprisingly, the sightings sent into Gawker Stalker precisely match the results of this airtight study; Barbara Bush - 40% hideous, 60% gorgeous. One celebrity, divided. A nation, polarized.

Gawker Stalker
Earlier: Sienna Miller Parties Harder Than You

The fact that President Bush's twin daughters like to booze it up? Not all that surprising. The fact that it's Barbara Bush who's taking the lead in the ongoing race to get back at Daddy for making them grow up surrounded by suited dudes with earpieces who are always harshing their buzz? That IS mildly surprising. Our money was always on Jenna. She was, after all, first out of the gate, she didn't even pretend to waste her time at an Ivy League school, and frankly, she just looks a bit dirtier.

Nevertheless, it's Barbara we find sucking face in public a day after the whole Argentina debacle. (The chad in question is most likely Jay Blount, her fellow Yalie and sometime boyfriend.) And it was Barbara pictured straddling Gawker fave and all-around wonderful human being Fabian Basabe at a club back in the day. A few weeks ago, she even showed us a new way to hold more than one drink when tailgating. Useful!

The only question becomes, what's next? How can she piss Daddy off even more? Our unsolicited advice? The two words every father fears: Paris Hilton.

Gawker Stalker

Earlier: Rachael Ray's 30-Minute Marriage

Babs, recently back from lounging on the beaches of South Africa, er, I mean, kissing HIV orphans, strolling around the student tailgate in a tunic dress, tights, knee-high boots (dark sunglasses, natch) with on-again boyfriend Jay Blount (Yale '05), chain-smoking at the SigEp tailgate with a red cup in her back pocket and a drink always in her hand, surrounded by drooling Republicans and Thetas.