There is already a scandal: Mets fan Rep. Eliot Engel wore a Yankees cap on the House floor last Friday! His spokesman had to note, to Roll Call, that the hat was only on his head for a little bit, and that Engel "hasn't switched allegiances" (he is not Spike Lee, people).

Then there is this:

But some Mets fans weren't buying into the Empire State rendition of "Kumbaya," politics be damned: Rep. Anthony Weiner (D) was notably absent from the list of sponsors of the resolution formally congratulating the Bronx Bombers. One might think Weiner, who is thought to have aspirations of being the Big Apple's mayor, would want to curry favor with the big chunk of its residents who root for the Pinstripes.

It seems, though, that Weiner's loyalty to the Mets runs even deeper than his political ambitions - even though he acknowledges that his team isn't in the same league as the Yanks. "I only follow double-A baseball," Weiner tells us. "I'm a Mets fan."

Oh, Anthony Weiner. You are such an annoying person, even though that was a very good Baseball Quip. It may seem counterintuitive for a man with mayoral aspirations to not root for the most successful and popular New York baseball franchise, but in 2013 this guy needs to win Queens, Brooklyn, and a New York City Democratic primary election. The Mets are his ticket to Gracie Mansion!

Heard on the Hill [Roll Call]

Murray Chass, who despite retiring from the New York Times several years ago is still apparently in the press box at the Yankees-Phillies series, has noticed that there aren't as many familiar faces around this year. He tallied up the number of newspapers that had sent reporters to cover the baseball championship for his not-a-blog blog: of the 60 papers that fund traveling baseball beat writers during the regular season, there are 31 covering the Series.

Given that there are 30 teams who are playing during the spring and summer, and just two in the World Series (meaning that the paper-to-team ratio has gone from 2-1 to 15-1, see chart above), doesn't seem like all that big of a tragedy. Especially since many of those non-traveling beat writers are presumably still employed — writing about the games from the comfort of their sofas — while many thousands of other newspaper employees are not.

Where Chass sees a "startling barometer of how critical the health of the newspaper industry," someone else could see a rather modest way for struggling papers to cut down expenses without sacrificing either jobs or coverage.

The same could be said for the other regular gatherings of journos — say the tens of thousands of media credentials handed out for the national party conventions, the Oscars, or the White House briefing room — all of the events where it seems that journos are more intent to just show up rather than cover any actual news.

Of course, that might mean losing some republic-defending inquiries that opened Robert Gibbs' press briefing this afternoon.

10/30, WSJ: "Equidistant From New York and Philadelphia, Easton (PA) Faces a Choice: 'They're Both My Team'"
10/28, NYT: "If any spot could be torn apart by the World Series, it would be the town of Cranbury, N.J."
10/28, USAT: "'We live halfway between the two cities, and we are a typical 'we-don't-know-who-to-root-for' family,' [John] Marchese [of Egypt, NJ] says."
10/28, AP: "HAMILTON TOWNSHIP, N.J. - When the Philadelphia Phillies and the New York Yankees meet in the World Series on Wednesday, New Jersey will be a state of divided loyalties."

If your news outlet hasn't written up your "Halfway between Philly and NYC, Divided Loyalties" story yet, don't worry. Using GPS, draw one line Northeast-to-Southwest between the two cities; now draw another perpendicular line Northwest-to-Southeast; any crappy city along that line is equidistant from the two opposing World Series cities. Who are the residents of Owen Sound, Canada pulling for? We'll find out soon!

The Mets-owning Wilpon family actually made money on at leason one Madoff account. How's that for a "home run," EH?

The report shows that Mets LP, one of the team's financial arms, withdrew $570.5 million from two accounts it held with Mr. Madoff's company, $47.8 million more than it put in.

Dealbook notes that they had other Madoff accounts too, so they may come out with a net loss, but still. Pretty nifty. Now they're gonna get sued and have to give all that money back, because that's how it goes for the Mets (Luis Castillo).

Meanwhile the Yankees will clinch their World Series bid tonight. What a contrast. Big, big contrast.

The New York Yankees are spending nearly a quarter of a billion dollars on their pitching staff. Let's all say it together, populists: "It is so crazy that people get paid this much money just for playing a ball game. Let's give that money instead to the fabulously wealthy team owners, rather than the players. Only when the issue is swept under the rug like this will we nonsensical populists will be mollified."

And while CC Sabathia is making big money and being fat, is he supporting Jewish delis? Obviously not. Because plenty of Jewish delis have gone out of business lately, especially in Newark, which is not too far for CC Sabathia to travel for a sandwich. Whose fault is this really: The recession, or rich baseball players?

Or Jews?

Speaking of conspiracies: The US Virgin Islands are giving a rum company $1 billion in incentives over 30 years to come make their rum in the Virgin Islands. And all the businessmen are happy and the fat cats are happy and the many people who work in the rum manufacturing industry are happy, but you know who gets hurt? The alcoholics who work in the rum manufacturing industry in the US Virgin Islands. Because of the easy availability of rum, at work. Who is thinking of them?

Also the teetotalers. Their tax dollars are wasted.

And while Jewish deli founders mourn the collapse of their corned beef sales and lushes on the midnight shift at the rum plant take nips of their own destruction, Andy Pettite and CC Sabathia retire to their luxurious Manhattan condos, eating decidedly non-Jewish food and drinking non-Alcoholic beverages and counting their evil money. Money which, if they fucking win another title for once, will be well worth it.
[Pic: AP]

Mets GM Omar Minaya said in the press conference yesterday that NYDN writer Adam Rubin (pictured)—who wrote the stories about Mets exec Tony Bernazard that got him fired—had ulterior motives. "Adam has lobbied for the player development position," Minaya said. "I scuffled with it early on. I had to think about that."

Bullshit! Says Adam Rubin.

What I have done, and what Mets COO Jeff Wilpon acknowledged later yesterday, is ask Wilpon for "career advice." My question: Is it even remotely feasible for a baseball writer to get into an administrative job with a team - any team - down the road and what would I need for that to be achieved?

This story's interesting insofar as it raises the issue of the appropriate ways for reporters to talk to sources about possibly switching careers, while still covering those sources. But let's be honest—it happens, it's always happened, and come on, you expect people to be reporters forever? Not if you could get a gig working for a baseball team! Come on! Seriously. You can be sure plenty of other reporters have had far cozier career conversations with sources than Rubin did, so don't expect anyone to come down on him too hard.

Bernazard was fired for doing things like challenging players to fights and calling them "pussy" so Rubin should probably worry more about seeing him around the ballpark than anything else.
[NYDN. Pic via]

Obama, dressed in jeans and Chicago White Sox jacket, certainly looked smooth with his delivery, but the camera angle broadcast by Fox was simply horrendous and didn't really give viewers any indication of whether or not it was a good or a bad pitch, so we're basically incapable of rendering a verdict on our own. However, some members of the media who were in attendance saw the pitch and have already weighed in.

From the New York Times:

Once Obama made it to the mound, he eased into his motion and softly floated a pitch to Albert Pujols. Pujols, the current Cardinals icon, reached in front of home plate to catch Obama's wobbly pitch. The fans cheered for Obama, who then hugged Pujols halfway between the mound and the plate.

From the AP:

Obama's ceremonial first pitch at the All-Star game barely reached the plate Tuesday night. St. Louis Cardinals star Albert Pujols helped the president, moving up on the plate and reaching out to scoop the toss.

From the Chicago Tribune:

As you would expect, President Barack Obama leaned to the left while making the ceremonial first pitch at Tuesday's All-Star game in St. Louis.

While he was lacking in style points on his short southpaw lob to home plate, he certainly made a striking fashion statement — not to mention showing his South Side sentiment — to the worldwide television audience.

From the Weekly Standard:

He may have thrown out the first pitch wearing a Chicago White Sox jacket ("My wife thinks I look cute in it"), but there was nothing in his cool aspect or his broadcast-booth blarney to suggest a true love for the game, like that of, say, our 43rd president. This guy should stick to golfing, or, better yet, to kicking a soccer ball around the White House lawn. It suits him: more Europeanish, less Americanish.

Finally, we text-messaged Deadspin Emeritus Will Leitch, who is actually at the game in St. Louis, for his assessment. Here's what he said:

He isn't as good at throwing a first pitch as Bush. THANK GOD!

So the verdict seems to be that Barack Obama throws like a girl, which probably shouldn't be all that surprising considering that he's a latte-sipping communist. But here's a clip of the first pitch from Fox, not that you'll be able to really glean anything from it, so you can at least try to render your own verdict.

pic via AP

Is there any one who could possibly meet our nation's most pressing demand? Is there any one out there who can just make us feel good again?

Yes! His name is Jon Hamm you may recognize from the the trillion of subway ads you've been seeing. Bless the thoughtful souls of AMC marketing who are revving up their full throttle promotion for Mad Men's third season premiere (only 33 more days!) Not only are they clearing the fetid air with Hamm's scent of masculine perfection (Sandalwood? Coolwater?) but they're trying to stimulate our economy!

First to the retailers! Banana Republic will be premiering a line of " 'Mad Men' Inspired clothes line. Think sharp suits, wide skirts and scotch-guarded collars to protect from the lip stains left by lonesome hussies. Do you think BR will sell Jon Hamm's undershirts as novelty items? Do you think I can get one? Do you think Jon Hamm reads Gawker? Does he know I'M SINGLE?

Next up, the print business! Variety invites you to 'Relive the 1960's' . Sponsored by Mad Men, the trade has scanned and archived some of the big Hollywood headlines from The Old time. Ah, remember the the Old Time? When men like Don Draper could buy a car, a house, an apartment for his mistress without fear of mortgage meltdown and a Jackson family reality TV show?

But it doesn't stop there! No, Jon Hamm is even reviving the integrity of American Baseball! No more of this beefy divas dopped up on goofballs! No! Just a man with a strong jaw, a firm set of hands, a numbing sense of alienation and despair brought on by the post-war paradigm, and a basic cable show, playing some ball. Ladies and gentlemen: JON MOTHERFUCKIN' HAMM.

Video via Hamm Enthuiast and all around great gal Lindsay Robertson.

Roberts meant that, you know, he is a blank slate completely dispassionate and free of biases. Like umpires! And, as we all know, umpires always accurately call balls and strikes, based on the official strike zone as described in the rule book.

The fact that Roberts made such a clear and easy to comprehend sports metaphor instead of saying something specific and useful about his "philosophy" meant that half the Senators blathering on at Sonia Sotomayor in today's hearings felt compelled to use the same crappy sports analogy, except John Cornyn, who called judges "quarterbacks."

This is all a very compelling reason to believe that a wise Latina woman would probably make a better Senator than another old white man.

Our own Mike Byhoff put together this compilation of great rhetoric from the World's Greatest Deliberative Body.

Nantucket, Maaaaa is home to lots of once-rich people: "Its residents include Eric E. Schmidt, chief executive of Google, and his wife, Wendy; General Electric's former chief executive, Jack Welch; David M. Rubinstein, of the Carlyle Group, a private equity firm; along with hundreds of lesser-known money players at other prominent investment and private equity firms."

Now they're practically paupers, huddled in their unheated, drafty mansions, trying to eke out a living in this wayward fishing village. Overall property values have declined by $6 billion; restaurants are serving breakfast (declassé) in order to try to "make money"; the yacht club's membership is at a crisis-level 78%.

And where is the government? Where is the Red Cross? Where is Habitat for Humanity? They're all at baseball games, trying to snag home run balls that can be traded for signed memorabilia that can be Ebay-ed for a few precious, life-sustaining dollars.

It's true. The last thing keeping millions of Americans afloat is the hope of catching a Joe Mauer dinger, that can be sold to a hardcore Minnesota Twins fan who's put away emergency money for just that purpose. It won't be enough. We should know better. Look what happened in Nantucket. Fuck it. Even Kirby Puckett kicked the bucket.
[Pic via]

First, let's briefly recap what we and others have reported so far: The film was set to begin shooting last week. Five days before the start of shooting, director Steven Soderbergh turned in a rewrite of the original script, which was written by Steven Zaillian, that Sony executives, led by co-Chairman Amy Pascal, did not like. The studio felt that Soderbergh, who was insistent that every event in the film had to have taken place in real life, was taking the film in an "artsy" direction that they weren't willing to gamble $58-million dollars on, so they killed it. That's the short version of events according to Amy Pascal anyway.

Since then a few more details about the project emerged. Movieline and Deadspin provided some new information in reports of their own, and today the New York Times has an article that sheds some light on Soderbergh's zeal for authenticity.

One reason was to win the approval of Major League Baseball, which was not happy with some factual liberties in Mr. Zaillian's version. Such approval is crucial in a baseball film that intends to use protected trademarks.

"Typically, on a film like this, we look at it for historical accuracy," said Matthew Bourne, a vice president of Major League Baseball for public relations. "We've been in touch with Soderbergh and Sony, and they've been receptive to our requests."

What baseball saw as accurate, Sony executives saw as being too much a documentary.

All of this brings us to the information provided to us by a tipster who'd been working on the project and has a decidedly different point of view than that of Amy Pascal and Sony.

First and foremost, Soderbergh had been upfront with the direction in which he intended to take the film from the very beginning of his employment. In fact, it was clear to all of us - whether in the Art Department or the Costumes Department, etc. – that Soderbergh intended to use real people to play themselves in the creation of the true story of Moneyball. Additionally, for months Soderbergh had been shooting interviews with real ball players and people from Billy Beane's past, and the studio approved these shoots. How could the studio then at the eleventh hour claim that his approach was a surprise to them? He intended to tell the true story rather than a fictitious version of the story. How innovative.

What exactly is wrong with making a movie accurate? And since when does an authentic film translate as an "art" film? I know numerous people that thought that Soderbergh's approach sounded insightful and interesting and true to the game and what really happened. If baseball lovers and non-baseball lovers alike in my large social network felt this way (not to mention the hundreds of bloggers that were fans of the concept), why couldn't this approach have universal appeal?

Regarding the notion that Sony executives were shocked to discover the direction Soderbergh planned on taking the film:

Soderbergh's script dated June 17, 2009 was not the first script that he handed in to Sony. On June 7th, Soderbergh submitted a draft to the studio with the following note on the first page:

"NOTE: Scenes involving Billy Beane's minor and major league career have been removed from this draft. They will be determined by filmed interviews with scouts, coaches, managers, players and family members who were with him at the time."

Sony executives read this draft. And Sony executives gave Soderbergh their notes. Clearly Amy Pascal did not read this draft – if she had, maybe the drama that began with the June 17th draft could have been avoided.

Another fact: Soderbergh handed in yet another draft dated June 10, 2009 with this note on the first page:

"NOTE: Billy Beane's minor and major league career will be shown via filmed interviews with scouts, coaches, managers, players and family members who were with him at the time. These interviews will comprise approximately ten percent of the film.

"Another ten percent of the film will consist of re-enactments of real events as remembered by the people playing themselves. The purpose of these scenes will be to provide set-up and perspective for subjects, situations, or relationships which currently appear in the screenplay without the requisite/normal amount of context."

Now why in the world was Amy Pascal so shocked (or, rather, "apoplectic" as it was relayed to the production team) when she read the June 17th draft? Could Soderbergh have made his intentions any more clear? Even if these executives did not read beyond PAGE 1, they would have known the direction in which he wanted to take the film – and they should have perhaps reported that to their boss. And maybe, just maybe, if there had been communication with their boss, maybe, just maybe, another avenue could have been taken rather than pulling the plug three days before the film was supposed to start shooting. For instance, maybe they could have delayed principal photography while script/concept issues were resolved.

Our tipster closed with this note:

On the day that Amy Pascal pulled the plug, there were 230 people that were working on Moneyball. Now those 230 people are all out of jobs.

When Soderbergh had to address a stage filled with crew members who were about to lose their jobs, he told us that just as Moneyball was the unorthodox version of building baseball teams, Moneyball the movie was the unorthodox way of making a film. Unfortunately, Amy Pascal does not believe in Moneyball as a concept; otherwise the film would be in its second week of shooting right now.

So there you have it—Another side of the story. All of this is obviously meaningless in the grand scheme of life, not to mention very "inside baseball" (pun intended), but it's so damn fun to talk about. We anxiously await the next bit of backbiting to emerge between the Sony and Soderbergh camps.

Why Did Sony Kill the Pitt/Soderbergh Film Adaptation of Michael Lewis' Moneyball [Previously]
MLB Approval Still Murky as Moneyball Circles the Drain [Movieline]
Money Worries Kill A-List Film at Last Minute [New York Times]
Soderbergh's Moneyball Script Too Real to Get Made [Deadspin]
pic via Vulture

To celebrate the occasion, the team wore special red, white and blue jerseys, invited Amber Lee Ettinger, the Obama Girl, to the throw out the first pitch, distributed Obama bobbleheads to fans, offered "universal health care" to fans in the form of free Band-Aids, gave free admission to anyone named "Barack," admitted any plumbers named Joe in for free—I think you get the picture here—The whole thing was a bit over the top, but most of the fans seemed to enjoy it.

But of course, as with all things, some did not enjoy the evening, and a tipster whose husband has knowledge of the team said in an email that there's been a bit of a backlash from some of their Obama-hating fans.

my husband tells me that, in response to the "gift" at tonight's brooklyn cyclones game, which was some sort of obama bobblehead doll with the moniker "baracklyn cyclones," over 200 angry, anti-obama season ticket holders canceled their subscriptions.

Now, to be fair, it's doubtful that season subscribers at, say, the Metropolitan Opera, would take too kindly to Bush bobbleheads being handed out at a performance of Carmen, so cut 'em some slack.

No word yet on whether or not Jets Kicker Jay Feely was one of the season ticket holders who canceled their seats.

Baracklyn Cyclones [baracklyncyclones.com]

Per a Variety report that dropped today, Columbia Studio head Amy Pascal hated the script so much when she got it, she shut down production on the movie, which was supposed to start Monday in Phoenix. The script, adapted from Lewis' book by Steve Zaillian (American Gangster, Schindler's List) and Steven Soderbergh, had changed so much since Pascal had first seen it, that she's given Soderbergh and Pitt the weekend to find a new home for the movie, either with Paramount or Warner Bros.

The movie, starring Brad Pitt, Demetri Martin, and a bunch of actual baseball players (David Justice, et al) isn't exactly a traditional baseball flick, but this was also the project that ended up sidelining Steven Soderbergh's epic - and hopefully, epically flamboyant - musical take on the life of Cleopatra ("Cleo"), so, you know, you get what you pay for. Variety suggests that if they can't line someone else up to take over the bill of the movie, Columbia's either going to (A) try to replace Soderbergh on the project, (B) delay production indefinitely until Soderbergh and Pascal can agree on what's going to happen once the thing gets back into gear or (C) scrap the entire thing.

Meanwhile, Michael Lewis is still sitting on piles of money from his Vanity Fair writing contract and this, while a small bump in the road for him, certainly isn't the end of it. This project's far too beloved by Hollywood for it to go anywhere but (eventually) into production, and Brad Pitt's probably not going to stick around if Soderbergh gets taken off of it.

But most importantly, here's the list of facepalm-worthy baseball wordplay Variety used in their report:

"Columbia Pictures has dropped the ball"
"attempting to get another studio to play ball in a game that will play out"
"turnaround news on "Moneyball" is surprising, given that had reached the equivalent of third base"
"Oakland A's general manager who found success fielding competitive teams for low cost"

Sony scraps Soderbergh's 'Moneyball' [Variety]

So young AG got up to go, although he felt despair.
"I'm not a sports reporter. What could I possibly do, there?"
In fact, AG's a baller, "And," his editor said, "Besides,"
"It's a feature story, kid. Use your charming dark brown eyes!"

But first there came the cab ride, and traffic's a headache;
The Bronx is far from Midtown; the photographer's a flake;
Upon young AG's wizened face, the prospect wasn't glory;
There seemed to be but little chance of landing a good story.

But, lo—it's Derek Jeter! And all the fans did roar;
AG gathered pithy quotes, not concerned for the score.
Yankee Stadium is bad, they said, for autograph hounds;
Is that an angle in which 800 words could be found?

Oh, somewhere down in Times headquarters, reporters are smiling;
Somewhere there are great important stories for the filing;
And somewhere there are Pulitzers, and page A-1, no doubt;
But AG's piece got stuck in Metro. Sulzberger's struck out.

But not with the ladies.

[NYT. Better: Ernest Thayer]

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Conde Nast is clearing out of 54,000 square feet of space in an office building on Lexington Avenue, currently occupied by Golf Digest. The once-fancy publisher is subletting the space to another company. It's not clear where Golf Digest will move, but, considering Conde's current financial state, it probably won't be "to a glittering golden throne atop a huge pile of money."

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Look, the New York Times has gained insider access to record the delicate process of People magazine choosing a cover story! How does editor Larry Hackett balance consumer sensibilities, stars' egos, and pressing financial concerns to select successful stories that uplift—and sell? "We're also on Farrah watch," he said. "At this point Farrah has to die. It's the only cover left for her." Thank you, Larry Hackett.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Bill McHugh is a newspaper pressman. He runs printing presses. For the Boston Globe. In an interview, he basically tells a Globe reporter, "You think you're screwed?"

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The LA Times has suspended publication of its new, atrociously-named weekly magazine LAetcetera, "Featuring pop culture, shopping, fashion, and home features," before the first issue even comes out. Somewhere in the Tribune company sits an executive who was sure that LAetcetera would be a big winner.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Do you know what, of all things, is not getting good ratings on the television these days? The American pastime! (Baseball). The last World Series had its worst ratings ever, and now Game of the Week ratings are down nearly 10% this season. Communism?

Selena Roberts just wrote the big scandalous book about A-Rod (and the NYT was scooped on its contents, btw). One of her accusations in the book: that, during blowout games, A-Rod used to tip batters on the opposing team to what pitches were on the way, if they would do the same for him.

So last Sunday, the NYT examined A-Rod's stats in a "Keeping Score" column, and found that there was no statistical evidence to back up the allegation (better hitting by A-Rod or the opposing middle infielders late in blowout games, for example). The headline: "Numbers Indicate Rodriguez Didn't Tip Pitches With Rangers."

Which pissed off Selena Roberts, we hear! Her reps contacted the NYT, complaining that the story's writer never contacted her, and, more importantly, that the story's headline wasn't supported by its facts because her book claims that A-Rod was cheating with a select group of buddies, not every opposing middle infielder in baseball.

We hear that the Times acknowledged that the headline was erroneous, but internal debate about whether to run an editor's note—a debate which went all the way up to Bill Keller—took so long that the correction to the story was just added yesterday.

Here it is:

A headline for the Keeping Score column on Sunday, about an analysis of the assertion in a new book that Alex Rodriguez revealed pitches to opposing middle infielders to let them know what was coming with the expectation that they would return the favor, referred incorrectly to the findings. As the column reported, the numbers show that either no so-called tipping of pitches occurred or that it was ineffective; the numbers did not "indicate" that "Rodriguez didn't tip pitches."

But Roberts is still pissed that nothing in the story was changed. Says one of the people who are working with her: "First The Times was beaten by its former reporter with the bombshell story that A-Rod used steroids. Then The Times gets the story about A-Rod cheating during games all wrong. But Bill Keller is too worried about losing readers and losing money to risk losing faith among readers by running an appropriate editor's note or full correction."

That seems a bit overblown. (We've contacted the paper for comment and we'll let you know what we hear. UPDATE: See their response below.) The original headline may have been a stretch, but stats are stats. A-Rod could have gotten tipped off for pitches and still not hit better. He could have done it so infrequently that it didn't show up in his stats. You can both be right! Let's all come together to condemn this rich baseball player as one.

[NYT story with correction here. Selena Roberts also addresses this in a Deadspin podcast today.]

UPDATE: NYT spokesperson Diane McNulty sends us this response:

The article did not take issue with Selena Roberts's assertions about A-Rod. It said that the effects that any tipped pitches would normally be expected to produce did not show up in statistics, which indicated that "either no tipping was going on or it was pathetically ineffective." The headline on the article went beyond that and so we promptly (on Monday for Tuesday's paper, typical for errors in Sunday editions) corrected it. There was no internal debate at all about whether to run an editors' note.

Yankee stadium. Citi Field. New. Shiny. Expensive $2500 seats! Which are empty, because, really, who is gonna buy that, right now, really? So fans cluster in the upper decks and eat the snacks they snuck in from home while the ushers stop them from moving down into the good, empty, expensive seats. What would Goose Gossage think?

Iraq. War-torn. But getting better! Jobs are open. But Iraqis won't take them, because they don't care for the car bombs and whatnot. So foreign workers from Bangladesh and other wretched countries are rushing in to fill the gap. Makes it harder for foreign reporters to discuss current events with cafe waiters. What would Thomas Friedman think?

Flint, Michigan. A terrible city, in Michgan. Was once big. Now getting smaller. Because rather than pursue the impossible task of rehabilitating decrepit and abandoned neighborhoods, the city is just bulldozing them. Forget it. Huddle together. Hold the fort. More open spaces! What would Jane Jacobs think?

Trouble. The name of a dog. A tiny Maltese. Owned by Leona Helmsly. Got left $12 mil by Leona in her will. Courts stepped in. Now? Only $2 mil for Trouble. The rest goes to "charities." Is Maltese coddling not a charity? What would Leona think?

We give up.