Dear staffers,

The editor in chief has decided that future coverage of Somali pirate stories must from now on be written in the stage theater voice of a pirate.

For example, instead of writing:

"The statement did not say specifically that negotiations with the hijackers had started. The supertanker, about the same length as an American Nimitz class aircraft carrier, is the largest ship known to have been seized by pirates."

The paragraph should read like this:

"Tha' charter be sayin' nothin' 'bout discussings with the scalawags. The boat, she's 'bout the same length as the American Nimitz, the great beast o' the seven seas that strikes fear in the hearts of stony souls. The frigate, she be the grandest bounty these roustabouts have seized thus far."

Please make note of new style rules for covering Somali pirates:

- A port is no longer a "port" but rather a "port o' call."

- The president and chief executive of Velo International, Salah B Ka'aki will now be referred to plainly as "Capt'n Salah the Arab."

- On second reference, a ship is now to be referred to with the pronoun "she" and contractions are to be used at all times (ie "She be callin' on the pirate's haven.")

- Do not use the term "supertanker." Instead call such ships "the grand dames of the Arabian Sea."

- Phrases like "the Somali pirates have engaged in increasingly brazen attacks"

should be replaced with more culturally sensitive phrasings, such as

"the African sea-beasts be gettin' long'r swords and swift'r boats, their hunger growin' strong'r with each bounty!"

- Replace the word "oil" with "bounty" or "booty".

Please refer to the in-house style guide for further references.

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And Bernard Madoff to chum the waters.

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