Much to PETA’s relief, ISIS is not, in fact, shaving bears.

A black mountain bear was tranquilized at a garbage dump in Fresno, California, on Tuesday afternoon, the Associated Press reports. The bear had ridden there from the Hume Lake area, some 65 miles away, in the back of a garbage truck.

Earlier today, the reclusive online aggregator Matt Drudge reported that the upcoming thriller The Revenant contains a scene in which the actor Leonardo DiCaprio, playing the 19th-century American fur trapper Hugh Glass, is brutally raped by a forest-dwelling bear:

Early on Monday, the Associated Press reports, a bear in rural Maryland got his head stuck in a metal milk can.

The town of Three Rivers has been blessed by a boom of bears and bear cubs, reports the Los Angeles Times. Bears!

Nissan the polar bear was on the last leg of a voyage from Moscow to the Yorkshire Wildlife Park in the United Kingdom when a small group of refugees looking for a lift happened upon him unexpectedly in the back of his truck, reports FOX News.

The bipedal bear, the same one that captured the hearts and minds of a nation last year, is back.

“Bear! Bear! You’re breaking it! You’re breaking my kayak! Why are you breaking my kayak?! Bear! STOP!”

Pop quiz: should you feed the bears? You should not.

This week, a hungry little bear cub snuck into a Colorado Springs pizza parlor, climbing shelves and eating icing and oil before finally taking a nap, NBC News reports.

While some animals naturally excel at rolling, many others do not. This chill grizzly bear, however, is very good at rolling.

Officials at Yellowstone National Park killed an adult female grizzly bear on Thursday after positively identifying it as the animal that fatally mauled a hiker last week, the Associated Press reports.http://gawker.com/partially-cons…

Biologists at Yellowstone National Park say they have caught an adult female grizzly bear near where a “partially consumed” hiker was found on Friday. Officials say the bear will be euthanized if DNA analysis, scat samples and paw measurements identify it as the hiker’s attacker.http://gawker.com/partially-cons…

On Friday, the “partially consumed” body of a missing hiker believed to have been killed by a grizzly bear was found in Yellowstone National Park, NBC News reports.

A two-year-old bear was seen at the University of Colorado Boulder today just minding its damn business (as bears do), hanging in a tree (as bears do), when authorities were called in to bring the little buddy back to its natural habitat. That bear was not enrolled in college—he is only a bear.

A grizzly bear at the Minnesota Zoo smashed a glass barrier with a 50-pound, “basketball-sized” rock, repeatedly slamming it against the window until one of the exhibit’s 5 layers of safety glass shattered. Because there has to be more to life than this, right?

A California woman recently rescued from a remote forest with her newborn child described her incredible three-day ordeal to reporters this week, claiming she gave birth, fought off insects and started a brush fire before help finally arrived.

On Sunday, an Alaska house cat had a clear message for a nosy black bear, telling the interloper (in the universal language of clawing), “Hey, big guy, get lost!”

A rescue worker in the Tbilisi flood zones was dramatically mauled by a tiger in front of several of his co-workers—just a day after the Georgian government assured residents that all the escaped zoo animals had been located.

You may have heard about the Billings teen who could face charges for killing his best friend with an “heirloom” revolver after the friend tapped on his window in the dead of night. But what do you know of 10 dead bears, sheep eradicating ragweed, and a lawsuit over the Garden of Read’n Christian bookstore?