That noted big-school-in-a-boring-town binge drinking game is, of course, still played by full-grown adults with actual jobs in terrible places like Washington DC, so we should not be shocked that a professional political operative like Plouffe devoted hours to it at the University of Delaware. We do, at least, give him credit for dropping out of school to pursue his drinking habit.

The seven-hundred-word article is about beer pong. Plouffe and his college roommate were prolific. "For two years," says Barack Obama's campaign manager, "that's all we did." Classes, he wasn't that into them. He never graduated.
[...]
"You have to use a paddle, or you can use a saucepan, but where do you think the word pong comes from? It's not just about the ball," he says. In fact, if you think it's just about the ball, you're missing most of the game.

An old college buddy says that Plouffe was far more skilled at the hanging out and drinking than at the game.

At least he doesn't seem to call it "Beirut." College should be banned.

(Oh, and then he ran the best presidential campaign ever in history, and Plouffe is the one who owns your email address and is still emailing you for money.)

Last year, Dartmouth College banned water pong, the real-world version of Pong Toss, because of the risk of water intoxication — it's no joke, as an H2O overdose can be fatal. "I know that [water pong] seems like a good balance between the Dartmouth drinking culture and just trying to have fun," Kristin Deal, a Dartmouth community director, wrote in an e-mail to students announcing the prohibition. "However, it can be just as dangerous, if not more so."

Good to see the old alma mater cracking down on what's dangerous. Not like that towering inferno it builds on the front lawn every fall and encourages freshman to run laps around.

[Time]

Facebook's PR and Legal dept said they can't participate. I guess that's what its like working in corporate America as opposed to a fun Internet company.

Dear Facebook, Looking forward to Thursday. Your winning percentage will be even lower than your click-through rates. Love, CollegeHumor

Click on any of the thumbnails below to be taken to the gallery.

To the monster who stole our trophy,

The whole world now knows... my beer pong trophy was kidnapped, for ransom, two days ago. Trophy, if you're alive, we love you. And this... well, this is what waits for the man that took him. This is your ransom. Two million dollars in unmarked bills, just like you wanted. But this is as close as you'll ever get to it. You'll never see one dollar of this money, because no ransom will ever be paid for my trophy. Not one dime, not one penny.

Instead, I'm offering this money as a reward on your head. Dead or alive, it doesn't matter. So congratulations, you've just become a two million dollar lottery ticket... except the odds are much, much better. Do you know anyone that wouldn't turn you in for two million dollars? I don't think you do. I doubt it. So wherever you go and whatever you do, this money will be tracking you down for all time. And to ensure that it does, to keep interest alive, I'm running a full-page ad in every major newspaper every Sunday... for as long as it takes. But... and this is your last chance... you return my trophy, intact, uninjured, I'll withdraw the bounty. With any luck you can simply disappear. Understand... you will never see this money. Not one dollar. So you still have a chance to do the right thing. If you don't, well, then, God be with you, because nobody else on this Earth will be.

We'll keep you updated on the progress of the negotiations as information becomes available. We just hope that this public posturing doesn't goad the kidnapper into doing something rash, like chopping off the trophy's ball and mailing it to the winning team to prove that he's serious about collecting his ransom.

• Assistant Beer Pong Tourney Tainted By Hostage Situation [Defamer]

[*We should have photos for you tomorrow.]

• Previously: BeerPongGate! Lionsgate Claims Snub, Issues Challenge! [Defamer]