Bernie Kerik needs your help! The former police commissioner is defending himself on charges he accepted bribes, didn't report the freebies to the IRS, and later lied when he was being vetted for Homeland Security chief in 2004. But he's run out of money to pay his lawyers, and is having trouble paying for his Jersey…

Bernie Kerik, the disgraced former NYC police commissioner, turns 52 today, although we imagine that this year there will be no celebratory hugs from his former boss. Today is also Beyonce's birthday: the singer, actress, and wife of Jay-Z is 27. Celebrity DJ Mark Ronson turns 33 today. One of the many contenders for…

Purdue Pharma had a bit of a problem. They spent millions marketing their awesome new painkiller OxyContin as totally non-addictive, despite the fact that they knew it was very addictive. Then a bunch of poor Appalachian people started dying! And the DEA was beginning an investigation! As was a federal prosecutor!…

Disgraced former police commish Bernie Kerik is probably gonna wish he'd spent a couple fewer of his millions of "security contracting" dollars on platinum-infused mustache wax, as it looks like he's going to have to get a third lawyer to defend him against the government's charges that he's a corrupt asshole. Kerik…

Gravel-voiced bulldog Joe Tacopina was a lawyer for corrupt former police commissioner Bernard Kerik—one that Kerik actually paid for services rendered. Because while the other guys were defending Kerik from pending indictments the old-fashioned "legal" way, Tacopina was, according to the U.S. Attorneys, passing on…

Former police commissioner, Judith Regan-sexer, conspirator, tax-evader and all-around public-defrauder Bernard Kerik may be slapped with a bias lawsuit from a former corrections officer who claims he was passed over for a promotion because he was too black and too strong. Though the guy bringing the suit might not be…

Federal prosecutors are asking a grand jury to indict Bernie Kerik, the man who personally saved New York and Iraq from all the criminals. You accept one $165,000 bribe and suddenly all your accomplishments mean nothing. Kerik also failed "to report as income more than $200,000 in rent that they say was paid on his…

If Rudy Giuliani can be half as criminal and corrupt while president as his tax-evading public fraud-committing police commissioner Bernie Kerik was back in the day, American will finally be safe. Or so he said to the AP, in yet another installment of our favorite series, "Rudy Giuliani defends his indefensible friends

Bernie Kerik—Rudy's ultimate bro, former New York police commish, quickly-withdrawn nominee to head the Department of Homeland Security, baldie, sexer-of-Judith Regan at a free Ground Zero apartment, former Interim Minister of Interior of Iraq (we always forget that one), and all-around mobbed-up creep—is apparently…

Thanks, tipster! Boy, having an editor here who used to work in publishing sure is paying off.

The hits just keep coming for the Pirro campaign: Today's Post reports that she was instrumental in steering "a no-bid contract to Bernard Kerik and Rudy Giuliani's security firm, rebuffing protests about the arrangement." Pirro's spokesman rationalizes the sweetheart deal: "In order to guarantee that A & P met her…

It's like watching a mortally wounded animal. You're only sorry that it has to suffer and that there's nothing you can do about it.

After soiling ourselves with fear over yesterday's foiling of the air terror plot, we decided to see how the story was being covered in the media. It was a fairly predictable series of packages designed to once again liberate your bowels from their contents (our particular favorite moment came when ABC's Chris Cuomo…

Former New York police commissioner and failed nominee for head of Homeland Security Bernie Kerik can't even catch a break on eBay. Granted, Kerik's police jacket (unmet starting bid: $1,000) and other memorabilia were being auctioned by alleged Kerik pal John Picciano, who "said he lives in Brazil." An "annoyed…