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New York, 9:13 AM
Sun Dec 20
11 posts in the last 24 hours
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12/11/09
Does he take out his dentures for an extra swig of pruno?
12/11/09
12/10/09
"Sign over $10m with US and get to punch a Madoff in the gut. Sign over $20m and you get one to the face!"
...I'd imagine they'd do quite well finding clients in Florida.
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(too obvious?)
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12/10/09
Last week I was visiting the estate of a friend of mine in the foothills of the Szechuan province of China. It was just me, my buddy Chin, the head of a powerful European magazine chain, a hyperintelligent dog and the sons of Bernie Madoff.
Mark turned to me and said, through a haze of mucous and tear dops as fat as pearl onione "Tommy, why did my father bring me to work at a crooked investment firm". I kissed his sweet mouth with my rough and stable moustache and then suddenly thought: "Oh my god. Crooked. The world is crooked."
Now I've been saying the world is flat for a long time. Then I said it's hot and crowded as well as being flat. Then there was that thing about bubbles, and I was racist for a while against the dirty A-Rabs (I'm better now). But in this hot, flat, crowded, bubbling racist world of interconnection and funny-smelling ethnicities, somehow I was always missing an element.
That element is.... "crookosity". Crookosity admixes with the flatness of the world. Since it's so hot, the flat world bends easily. The interconnectedness of digital life means that the bending of our flat world brings us closer together. This crookosity allows us to move closer together on a flat plane. Oh, and the plain is bumpy with bubbles. Don't forget that.
"But Tommy," you'd say "how does this accord with your status as a Green Hawk, always looking towards the future of the world, always caring about the destiny of manking. You're a goddamn, fucking visionary."
"Thank you, Senor Lopez" I'd say, forgetting your name and ethnicity as I slipped you fifty bucks. "As a Green Hawk I have to say that crookosity is what will lead us both into green technology and further into Iraq." Bear with me: We as Americans have a god-given right to imagine the world as we see fit. Iraq is a desolate place responsible for 105% of the world's terrorism bubbles. When the world was flattened, and bubbled, they were separate. But with crookosity bending the flat world, we can connect them.
It's clear: We must raze Iraq and in its place build solar panels.
Mark Madoff, good luck to you my muse.
12/10/09
Wormholes, man.
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Back office, maybe. But would you want a Madoff working your books? Not me.
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