One Gigantic Moment of WTF on Dancing with the Stars
While recapping last nights Dancing With the Stars finale, the sound abruptly cut out and cut to a shot of the back of Miss Piggy's head. A flustered Tom Bergeron cut to commercial. This clip has not been edited.

Sesame Street Slander of Fox News Will Not Go Unpunished
Fox News is so cute when it tries to be funny. Bill O'Reilly, not to be insulted or outdone by Sesame Street, brings out his own puppet: Spill O'Reilly. Hey, that rhymes with Bill! Clever!

Anthony Bourdain Is Here to Help You Avoid Completely Ruining Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving is a day for being with family, giving thanks, and-ohmygod, you burned the freaking turkey, didn't you. DIDN'T YOU! Please step away from the canned cranberry sauce and let Anthony Bourdain be your Thanksgiving guide.

Roving Gang of Wild Turkeys Steal Little Boy's Bicycle
Parents have enough to worry about these days. Add roving gangs of hostile turkeys stealing children's bicycles to that list.

2009: The Year the Flash Mob Became Played Out
Okay, we get it already. Anyone can get a large group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual action for a brief time, then quickly disperse. It seems like everyone is getting in on the this new form of viral marketing from comedy troupes to PR firms and even the Today Show.

Moyers, who is 75, had planned on ending his weekly news show at the end of the year, but PBS convinced him to stay on through April 30, 2010. This means, in O'Reilly's fantasy world, that Bill and Jesse totally embarrassed PBS into firing Moyers.

Bill ambushed Moyers again in 2008, but he didn't show that clip, because Moyers upstaged the second-string ambush producer that time.

When O'Reilly asked Dobbs, who quit CNN unannounced last week, whether he was considering a Senate run, Dobbs said, "A lot of things are on my mind. I'm not going to be coy about this." He then proceeded to be very coy. Did you see Dobbs' little head bob when O'Reilly lists off his possible future moves: TV, Radio, and "run for office?" If that wasn't "marked by cute, coquettish, or artful playfulness," then I'm going to have to reevaluate a lot of the things women do around me that I previously thought of as coy.

Anyway, if nothing else we learned that Bill O'Reilly would seriously ask the question "Barack Obama, is he the devil?" and that Dobbs will be a "semi-regular" guest on the program to further dissect the degree to which Obama is or is not satanic. It's good to hear that Dobbs won't be sitting around just counting his $8 million severance package.

Here is a potential campaign poster and slogan for Dobbs' future political campaign, based on his claim that someone shot at his house in retaliation for his support of the Birther "movement" (sorry, can't think of a good synonym for "crazy people" right now):

Yes, Bill O'Reilly, the only reason we're dicking around over there installing potable water systems is because we don't yet have the capability to kill every single Muslim in the Middle East. And your guest, Lt. Col. Peters, of course knows this. He is a soldier, and we all know that soldiers secretly die a little on the inside when they are forced to hand out boring old life-sustaining Powerbars to Afghan villagers instead of getting to have an awesome firefight with them.

(O'Reilly was right in one important aspect, though: killing every Muslim in Afghanistan would definitely end the war there, seeing as how 99 percent of Afghans are Muslim. Seems like we're disturbingly well on our way to doing this.)

Bill O'Reilly: Always good for a laugh, followed by a long period of reflective silence, followed by a little more laughing, then a bit of weeping, then silence again, then some more weeping, and, finally, a week-long bout of problem drinking.

[Computer simulation of what you did after watching this video]: WHAAAAAAAAAAA!?!?!?!

If you are worried about not being able to sleep for the next week because of how curious/excited you are about the announcement this announcement announced, think of this: By getting a full night's rest instead of obsessively Googling "'Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly' + Announcement," you will be that much more alert for the announcement itself!

Can't believe Glenn and Bill's wedding is off, though. Anyone in the market for a matching set of offensive "Illegal Alien" Halloween costumes I bought for them as a present? (Yes, it was on the registry.)

In his show today, O'Reilly declared that the realistic discussion of Limbaugh's racist past amounts to nothing more than the "thought police" crushing the radio host's free speech: "This is 1984-type stuff, ladies and gentlemen. Thought police posture," he declared. All this because O'Reilly's research staff can't find a specific NAACP-related quote attributed to Limbaugh. He also specifically names NBC as a perpetrator.

There's also hubbub over a comment Limbaugh allegedly made about James Earl Ray, the man who shot Martin Luther King, Jr: "You know who deserves a posthumous Medal of Honor? James Earl Ray. We miss you, James. Godspeed."

But Limbaugh's not one to let someone else fight his battles, so he's using his lawyers to fight against those who claim he praised James Earl Ray. So, someone, please find proof...

The good people at The Smoking Gun are revisiting Mackris' sexual harrassment complaint against O'Reilly, just for kicks, and we recommend you do, too—it's got everything!

[T]the Fox News Channel host was named in a sexual harassment lawsuit brimming with lurid details about vibrators, phone sex, threesomes, masturbation, Caribbean shower fantasies, a Thai sex show, falafel, stewardess trysts, vehicular coupling, and Al Franken.

Everyone celebrates Loofah Day in their own way, but we like to pull out the sacred text and read aloud from its most memorable and moving passage—a transcript of O'Reilly's late-night 2004 monologue to Mackris, delivered during the Republican National Convention, while he was watching a porno:

So anyway I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples hard, kinda' kissing your neck from behind... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel [sic] thing and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business....

So what happened to the old loofah gang, anyway? Well, Mackris and O'Reilly settled their lawsuit within two weeks of its filing. O'Reilly somehow summons up a titanic lack of self-awareness every night that allows him to talk about David Letterman and Eliot Spitzer's transgressions, and Mackris moved to St. Louis, where, The Smoking Gun has found, she was recently named one of the city's best-dressed by St. Louis Magazine. She seems like she has a lot of money, that she somehow got from someone! Among her favorite designers, according to the magazine: Prada, Christian Loubouton, Alexander McQueen, and Dolce & Gabbanna.

Mackris doesn't need to work, apparently, but in her free time, she is a member of the contemporary council at the Contemporary Art Museum of St. Louis and "volunteers at Planned Parenthood." Living well is the best revenge, but helping people get abortions when the guy who kept trying to get in your pants hates abortions is awesome, too.

It's an underrated virtue. When these two get together, it's usually pretty fun. You can enjoy the quiet seething of Bill O'Reilly, who'd probably rather have thought of Beck's shtick first, if it weren't so beneath him.

The setup: Beck and O'Reilly are arguing about the Swine Flu shot. Beck will not disclose whether or not he'll get the shot. O'Reilly will get the shot; he thinks it's better for the general public that he doesn't infect everyone around him. Any symbolism here is purely coincidental. Beck jokes that his viewers are zombies. There's never truth in any joke, ever. Bill O'Reilly suggests that Glenn Beck might be the highest rated pundit in sincere need of mental health care.

Thank you, Media Matters:

Bill O'Reilly might have mixed feelings about Glenn Beck.

• Lindsay Lohan's new clothing line, that she walked down the catwalk in Paris for fashion week, did not go over well with the French. But really: what does? Also, those lips, my god. Are you in there, LiLo? It's me, Margret. Anyway, the clothing looks pretty meh and I'm not impressed, but then again my sense of style extends to "jeans, shirt, whatever, J. Crew" so, you know, there's that. But really: fugly. Meh meh meh. That should've called this line Donatella Mehrsaci. Georgia Mehrmani. The United Colors of Mehnetton. Abercrombie and Meh. Forever Meh. Mehniqlo. TopMeh. Mehccia Prada. Meh Sport. Tommy Mehfinger. Etc. [Just Jared]
  
  
• Beyonce Knowles' dad, Matthew, supposedly knocked up some woman, argues Bucky Turco at ANIMALNY. She's the mother of Tone Loc's son, she's filing a paternity suit against him, and she's a former Seattle Seahawks dancer. All the single Knowles? All the single Knowles. [ANIMAL NY]
  
  
• Padma isn't saying who her baby's daddeh is. Page Six thinks it's the 69 year-old sleezer geezer running IMG. I hope it's Toby Young. [Page Six]
  
  
• Bill O'Reilly doesn't think you should beg if you're caught by enemies in a war zone. In other news, Page Six is running Bill O'Reilly's hostage negotiation tips? Great. Here's a good way to be released by your captors in a war zone: be Bill O'Reilly. Also see: The Ransom of Red Chief. [Page Six]
  
  
• Vincent Gallo, director of The Brown Bunny (who also starred as the film's lead in the trailblazing role of Guy Who Doesn't Talk For Two Hours Only To Get His Dong Sucked By Chloe Sevigny On Camera; the Oscars sadly overlooked it), has phone problems. He had a New York number, he got an LA number, and the guy who took his New York number is still pretending to be him. He's being creepy when girls call and when he was recently invited to a VICE screening of Where The Wild Things Are (which sounds like the best night of paint-huffing children's movie watching ev-ar) fake creepy Vincent Gallo asked the girl who invited "him" for a picture. This could actually be a set up for Gallo's next film, which I would go see. Gallo could play the role of Guy Who Walks Around New York Until He Finds Guy With His Phone Number And Punches Him In The Face (And Then Bones His Girlfriend, Because He's Vincent Fucking Gallo). In other news, maybe you've seen those advertisements we're running for Chelsea on the Rocks, yeah? Well, THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST, and also, I haven't seen the movie and have no idea if it's any good or not, but I was working on an interview with Abel Ferrara last year. Ferrara's insane. But this was great:

  I don't like Vincent Gallo.

  A lot of people say that.
  No, but I know him. You know? ‘Cause I introduced him to [my girlfriend, Shannon], and he asked her to marry him after a day. But she didn't bother telling me.

  So he's disrespectful?
  You know, he's a punk, man. He's just a punk. What'd he do? Hit this reporter the other day? I heard he like slammed this chick, right?

  He does it a lot.
  This kid's not right. Right? Right? Because he said that she didn't like his leather jacket. Smashed some chick in the face! [Editor's Note: Vincent Gallo did not actually, physically attack anyone.] You know what I'm saying? But I mean, you know, what can I say about the kid? I don't wanna talk about him.

  Say what you will about Abel Ferrara or Vincent Gallo, but they're both awesome New York characters. I wish this rivalry got hot and we could have some kind of charity thing where Ferrara gets to beat Vincent Gallo with a nightstick for two minutes. And then Ferrara goes over a dunk tank, and Vincent Gallo has to throw wadded up tissues at the target. That is all. [Page Six]
  
  

• Rush and Molloy, the husband and wife Boris and Natasha-esque gossip team, focus their Moose and Squirrel lens today on Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem, who they say are engaged. This is what they lead with. They're engaged. We all know she's preggers with her kid and they've been together for a while, so this isn't a surprise or really any kind of lead item. Rush and Molloy, I H8U, you're like the Family Circus of gossip pages. You suck this week. [NYDN]
  
  
• Heh. Barry Diller got dissed by Larry Page for Page's Blackberry. I think Page was just being coy and Diller was playing hard to get. But that's how I read into it. Also, Google sux. Heh. [Page Six]
  
  
• Does Liza Minelli get emotional and have to stop a medley written for Judy Garland at every performance? Isn't that part of her Itzhak Perlman-like shtick? Sorry Gays, I know she's Vishnu to you, but seriously? Come on. [Page Six]
  
  
• You know whenever a Page Six item begins with the words "Hedge-fund wife," it's going to be spectacular. And this was great: Lisa Falcone—a hedge-fund wife—donated $10M to the High Line without her husband's input. That's $10M for a "park" that's 30 feet above the ground and, I mean, listen: I don't know how to explain the High Line to anyone who doesn't live in New York, suffice to say it's one of those ridiculous New York things we enjoy (like waiting in Madison Square Park an hour for a burger, yes: a burger) that makes us all categorically insane. It's a park built on an abandoned elevated rail track. And $10M is a lot of money for it not to have people movers, or something. Anyway: this hedge-fund wife offered up the ten large without her husband knowing. And this was the quote: "My husband was a little unhappy because I made such a quick decision, and he said I should carefully consider the charity before writing a check." Well, yes. Because you gave $10M to something with the cultural significance of Shake Shack. Also, I—like so many other young, hardworking Murray Hill* residents—want to one day grow up to be a hedge-fund wife. Someone help me do this. [Page Six] *I do not actually live in Murray Hill.
  
  
• Ruth Madoff didn't know about Bernie's affair until the NYDN reported it, reports the NYDN. She went to prison to visit him and he still denied it. This is sad. [NYDN]
  
  
• Apparently, Michael Jackson's kids are doing well in their grandmother's care. As long as she keeps Joe Jackson away, they'll continue to do so. [NYDN]

And to celebrate the first nice piece of Michael Jackson news in months, 'bout we start this day off with a little jam, no? Happy Sunday!

The story's murky: Citing two sources, The Wrap reported that a deal to purchase NBC Universal—which owns Universal Studios, the USA Network, Bravo, MSNBC, NBC, and a bunch of other stuff—from General Electric "had already been completed at a purchase price of $35 billion." GE has been rumored to be interested in selling NBC for ages, and Vivendi's reported intent to exercise its option to sell its 20 percent stake in the company this year could be a motivating factor for getting a deal done. Comcast, which owns cable and internet pipes but not much of the stuff that goes through them, has always wanted to own a big content company, and made a failed pass at Disney five years ago. GE makes engines and microwaves, so it never made much sense for them to own a network and studio.

But Comcast has attempted to knock the story down, saying "the report that Comcast has a deal to acquire NBC Universal is inaccurate." And while GE has officially remained silent, CNBC—which Nikki Finke suspects is acting as a mouthpiece for its corporate parent—is pouring cold water on the report as well. But NBC Universal's bullet-headed, upward-failing chief Jeff Zucker sent out a compay-wide e-mail today that took pains not to shoot the story down, saying, helpfully, "there are a number of possible things that could happen." The New York Times says that, Comcast's carefully calibrated denial notwithstanding, it is just one of many companies looking at buying Vivendi's stake in NBC Universal, but not the whole company. Billions of dollars are at stake, so you can be fairly confident that everybody is lying.

But what happens if Comcast does buy the whole hog outright? Here are a couple of potential ramifications:

Tina Fey Is Screwed:
The primary comic engine of 30 Rock is the notion of a television network being run by a cultish global microwave conglomerate. Brian Roberts, the CEO of Comcast, is a mild-mannered squash champion who lives in Philadelphia. They could get a good story arc out of the sale, but in the end, what's so funny about a show-runner clashing with cable executive? We suppose they could just pretend it didn't happen, but it's been funny because it's been true!

Bill O'Reilly is Screwed:
Ruh-roh. The hysterical crusade against GE CEO Jeffrey Immelt for personally helping Iran build a nuclear warhead sort of lacks urgency when it's not a proxy war against Keith Olbermann and MSNBC. If GE fully divests and Comcast takes over, O'Reilly loses his favorite target to lie about. Maybe Comcast gives free cable to ACORN, or something?

Jeff Zucker is Probably Not Screwed Because He Always Gets Away With It
Jeff Zucker, who personally oversaw the dismantling of one of the greatest television brands in history from the home of Seinfeld and Friends to the home of the Jay Leno Comedy Hour, should have been fired, repeatedly, years ago. But he somehow persists, and even though we'd like to speculate that Comcast's new management would seek a shake-up in order to more closely integrate NBC Universal's content into Comcast's delivery system, we won't because the guy always wins.

Other than that, NBC Universal would have to get used to having an interested, involved corporate parent that thinks it knows something about the entertainment business. Its status as the red-headed stepchild at GE afforded it some independence—GE didn't care much as long as NBC made the numbers. Comcast, on the other hand, is in the business of delivering entertainment, and probably has some ideas on how to make it. It would also of course seek to sell Universal Studio's film library via its On Demand service, and would likely try to find a way to sell all of NBC Universal's content through its internet service.

One significant area where the two companies overlap is ad sales: Right now if you're a Comcast subscriber watching USA Network, you're seeing a mix of ads sold by NBC Universal and Comcast. If a deal is completed, Comcast would in effect own all the cable ad inventory on its cable properties. And in local markets, Comcast now competes with NBC's owned-and-operated stations—they want the local car wash to buy Comcast's cable spots, not the NBC station's local news spots. That competition would go away.

Still, Comcast's shareholders aren't reacting well to speculation about the deal: It's stock is down 6% right now. And the Wall Street Journal's Martin Peers spells out why:

But there's little evidence that owning both content and distribution brings strategic value. Time Warner, in fact, only this year split its cable systems from its vast content operations. In Comcast's case, it's tough to see that having more MGM movies on demand has helped Comcast slow the inroads that phone companies have been making into its video business. And there are surely cheaper ways to prevent exclusive deals by rivals than to spend billions on an equity stake.

David Segal, it's wonderful that other nillas at the Times besides Sia Michel and Jon Pareles and Jon Caramanica listen to Jay-Z, and for the most part, you're kind of right, but please, next time you do this, note the following five suggestions. I'm only trying to help:

1. I haven't heard it called "Gangsta Rap" since Tupac and Biggie were still alive. I doubt anyone mentioned has either. Please, unless you're being cute, keep all suffixed consonants intact, for the sake of your fellow white guys.

2. Ian Spiegelman's had better beefs than 50 Cent vs. Ja Rule, which is to say nothing of other rappers. Also, these guys are about as "gangsta" as Clark Hoyt, if that.

3. Rush Limbaugh peppers his show with self-adulating incantations that would seem right at home on a Snoop Dogg track, calling himself "Chief Waga-Waga El Rushbo of the El Conservo Tribe," "doctor of democracy," and "a weapon of mass instruction." Well...okay. You get that one. I'm pretty sure Snoop actually has called himself Chief Waga-Waga El Rushbo, and has possibly been ordained as such by an obscure, cannibus-harvesting tribe.

4. You only lent a paragraph to this assclown, this DJ Clayvis character, a conservative talk show host who's also a rapper who I think might secretly be Sage Francis. There's an entire story waiting to be done on him.

5. The difference between these guys? Ludarcis recorded "Southern Hospitality" and gives away cars. Glenn Beck recorded this and gave us The 9/12 Project.

Finally, you failed to bring the viral wonderfulness that is the internet into the equation. Let me assist: the remix culture where beats, music, and the untended moments of a broadcaster meet in the middle.

At the Values Voter's Summit—a conservative get-together where they do things like heap awards on Bill O'Reilly for demonizing George Tiller—Watters, there to support Poppa Bear, got crept up on by ThinkProgress' Matt Corley. Media were banned from the speech, but not from standing outside the room it was taking place in.

ThinkProgress' Amanda Terkel was once ambushed by Watters while on vacation with her boyfriend. The reason? Turkel wrote about O'Reilly speaking for a rape victims' support foundation after chiding a dead rape/murder victim for wearing revealing clothing.

So, ThinkProgress goes after Watters. They finally get him. They ask him why he stalked Amanda Terkel , as Watters apparently only ambushes those who won't answer his questions. Watters' excuse:

WATTERS: We called her office.

Q: She said she got no call.

WATTERS: Yeah, no - I called her office twice.

Q: Who in the office did you call?

WATTERS: I called the main number.

Q: The main number?

WATTERS: Yeah, I called the main number and asked if Amanda Terkel was there.

Sure he did. Watters, of course, refused to answer questions for a New York Times piece Brian Stelter wrote back in April. They ask him why. Watters' response?

"I didn't refuse to comment to the New York Times," he replied. "Don't believe everything you read in the New York Times."

What'd Stelter have to say?

Sure, now we're playing a great game of media he-said-she-said, but really, who're you going to believe? This guy, an employee of a for-profit news organization infamous for their excitable, fear-mongering blowhards, who won't talk to the friendliest blogger on our masthead—Superchunk fan John Cook—or two people who tried to get him on the record, one of whom works for a non-profit?

The encounter's below:

And Watters' perspective—posted on Fox News' site—right here:

Huh. Here's the old "Worst Person In the World" chatting with a Heritage Foundation Hack about health care reform.

He, uh, he has just endorsed a public option, basically.

I want, not for personally for me, but for working Americans, to have a option, that if they don't like their health insurance, if it's too expensive, they can't afford it, if the government can cobble together a cheaper insurance policy that gives the same benefits, I see that as a plus for the folks.

So there's that!

Bill is, of course, an avowed independent, beholden to no party, but what that usually means is that he will occasionally tell his audience that a certain Democrat it not necessarily a traitor. In the past, as far as we can remember, his independence has not led him to actually support any actual liberal policy proposal.

Providing context for this kind of thing is akin to shooting fish in something smaller than a barrel—one without water—so I'll just leave you to enjoy this on your own. Though, there are highlights: Jay-Z signed Bill O'Reilly's book, telling him to step off. Also, Beck's "tired of the race thing" and he also doesn't "think the race thing works anymore," so, if you didn't know, now you know: Glenn Beck doesn't see color. Anyway, the bar set by Statler and Waldorf has officially been moved up.

Yesterday Mediaite linked to a post by Steve Outing pointing out that O'Reilly's pay site is actually a good potential model for how to make money from news. Outing prefaced the post with this: "Disclaimer: I think Fox News personality Bill O'Reilly is a big-mouth wingnut who spouts dangerous ideas."

Mediaite linked to it, but without any of the stuff about how O'Reilly is an idiot, and O'Reilly responded in kind: "We like this web site, Mediaite, because they seem to like us. They posted an article on why BillOreilly.com membership is a great deal.... Check it out."

And they did! Here's a comment the Mediaite post got after the plug:

Except they're not real Americans! They're Canadians.

Fox News wants to make out with Barack Obama. Get off the internet if you're gonna keep hitting the white wine, Kilmeade!

Update: Oh, it was a fake Twitter account to begin with.

The attack included the usual snipes about Fox News' super superior ratings, like how the network's 9am morning show beat MSNBC's 8pm evening show. How embarrassing, indeed, O'Reilly! He also made sure his viewers feel personally invested, for MSNBC thinks they're all "paranoid" and "racist."

"Pinhead," insists O'Reilly, doesn't begin to describe NBC Universal President Jeff Zucker and his crew. We're sure O'Reilly's longtime foe, Keith Olbermann, feels a bit left out after not even getting a mention.

In this evening's installment of his eponymous broadcast, Mr. Beck took some time to bear his soul. And what a soul-bearing it was: reminders of how booze brought him down, how he scraped himself from the gutter, lifted himself to great heights, was again hammered down and then, suddenly, came to this zen-like realization:

They can take my job and they can take my wealth but that's okay....even if the powers to be, right now, succeed in making me poor, drum me out, and I'm just a worthless loser... which I'm just about that much above that now... I will only be stronger for it.

Stronger? Perhaps. An unemployed journalistic pariah who's loved by the likes of Sarah Palin? That's more likely.

Even if he is preparing an exit, Beck appeared on fellow Fox Newser Bill O'Reilly's show tonight to attack discuss Van Jones, who's part of the White House's Council on Environmental Quality. Oh, and a tacit friend-of-a-friend of the Weather Underground. Sharpen those pitchforks!

O'Reilly and his dedicated team at Fox News recently tried to get Lee on the record about President Obama's slipping approval ratings and ongoing trouble in the health care arena. Lee wasn't having it, and simply turned his back on O'Reilly's right hand and our old friend, Jesse Watters. That's because, as Lee told Watters way back at the DNC, he doesn't do interviews with Fox News.

O'Reilly rose above it all, however, and told a little anecdote about how he and Lee were both at a New York Knicks game a few years ago and ran into one another in the bathroom. It was there, nestled among the unzipped masses, that O'Reilly and Lee shared a special moment. Recalled the rascally O'Reilly:

Spike Lee comes walking into the men's room. I'm 6' 4". Spike's is what? 5'2"... So, I'm at the urinal, and Spike kinda saunters up two away from me, he looks up and he goes, 'Did you find any weapons of mass destruction in here?

The news man then remarks that one "has to" give Lee "props" for the line. Props? No, Billy Boy, that's not what you were supposed to do, but we won't spell it out for you. Anyway, it's no wonder Lee doesn't want to do interviews with your news channel.

But, all joking aside, we too will give Lee props: if we saw you all exposed and stuff — well, let's say we would probably have had a different reaction. But trust it would make an equally entertaining story!