—The mayor of Nice, Christian Estrosi, went before the cameras Saturday evening with Knox Leon's birth certificate; officially carved from Jolie's belly at 6:27 p.m., he was one minute older than little sis Vivienne Marcheline.

—Jon Voight is excited, even if he apparently had to pass along his grandfatherly love through second-rate gossip conduit Pat O'Brien and has yet to be summoned to his daughter's bedside. But! "If I were called today, I'd be there," he added.

—And seriously, Jolie would have called, except she and Pitt were having too much fun in the delivery room. No, really, said Dr. Michael Sussman: "It was an epidural, so [Angelina] was awake and speaking and laughing. They were happy. ... Saturday was a great day for us all."

—First photos of the blobs could fetch up to $20 million. We don't want to talk about it.

—Can't stand to live in a world without a pregnant Brangelina? US Weekly has just the remedy: The official "Angelina's Bump Days" memorial slideshow. And yes, Mary Hart — it's real. Or was, anyway.

[Photo Credit: AFP]

Alba, who has yet to offload the rights to Honor's first photos, nevertheless did Paramount a huge solid by keeping the openings of both her womb and her new film The Love Guru — opening everywhere June 20! — in the closest possible proximity. Expect our first sun-kissed, blobby look that week, followed by rough calculations of how Alba's imminent thousand-year Hindu curse impacts little Honor. Here's hoping Vishnu goes light on her.

• Jessica Alba and Husband Cash Warren Welcome Baby Girl [US Weekly]

Now the facts: The National Enquirer reports that the poptard gave birth by Cesarean; the baby was born at 2 AM today, just narrowly avoiding a cursed birthday (as if being her kid weren't curse enough). Sources report that Britney was pregnant with her third child as of 9 AM this morning.

Britney Gives Birth: It's a Boy! [National Enquirer]

"I really don't know what they were thinking when they chose this name. It's a term that denotes expulsion, like 'Get out of here'," said Gideon Goldenberg, a linguistics professor at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem. "It's pretty blunt."

As if the cards weren't already stacked against her, even the poor girl's parents are on the side of popular opinion. Can you put a toddler on suicide watch?

Cruise Baby Name Puzzles Israelis [Reuters]

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Tom Cruise.

Full image after the jump.

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Tom Cruise.

"Her name has its origins in Hebrew, meaning "princess," or in Persian, meaning "red rose," Robinson said in a statement.

We'd like to do the TomKat family a favor, as they're understandably too distracted to fact-check their own press releases: While Suri is indeed Persian, it is not a Hebrew name. It is, however, a Hindu name meaning "Lord Krishna." Hindu, Hebrew — simple mistake.

Also, props to Tom Cruise for cancelling his MI:3 promotional appearances, which just coincidentally were scheduled for next week. We know it was hard, but you made the right choice, Tom. Sometimes being a man and doing no press is the best press of all.

Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Welcome New Baby [AP]

We are, of course, incredibly happy to hear that the couple has finally cast the appropriate orphan to play the role of their child — and our congrats to Katie Holmes, who must be thrilled to return to Barneys sans the cumbersome prosthetic.

Katie Holmes & Tom Cruise Have Their Baby! [People]
Tom and Katie Welcome Baby Suri [TMZ]

It's a Boy for Gwyneth Paltrow [AP]

[Via the wits at the NY Daily News, NY Post, Calgary Sun, E! Online, and Ridiculopathy]

Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth Paltrow and her musician husband Chris Martin are expecting their second child, celebrity television program The Insider reported on Friday.

The show said Paltrow, who has a daughter with Martin, was at a screening of her movie, "Proof," in Los Angeles on Thursday when actor Lou Diamond Phillips introduced her to the audience as a "pregnant woman" and asked her how far along she was.

Paltrow replied: "Far enough along to feel very cumbersome," according to The Insider.

While the notoriously baby-publicity shy Paltrow put on a brave game face when put on the spot by Phillips, the ensuing confrontation at the valet stand was several degrees less civilized, with a livid Paltrow pinning the actor by his neck, and in a tooth-clenched whisper, threatening, "Yo, Diamond Phillips, howsabouts you keep your eyes on your own uterus and I'll keep my eyes on mine. Capeesh, LaBamba boy?" before a concerned Martin pried the two apart and ushered his fierce, arm swinging mama bear into their waiting limo.

• Paltrow pregnant with second baby: report [Reuters]
• Previously: Gwyneth Paltrow WombWatch: Water Birth Edition [Defamer]

Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly planning to give birth to her second baby underwater.

The pregnant star and Coldplay star husband Chris Martin are said to have splashed out on birthing pools for their homes in London and New York.

Oscar-winning actress Gwyneth - who is due to give birth in May - is said to have planned an underwater delivery when having daughter, Apple, but changed her mind at the last minute.

A friend is quoted in Britain's Daily Mirror newspaper as saying: "It's something Gwyneth really wanted to do for her first birth but she didn't feel confident enough.

"This time she's more than ready for an underwater birth - she's done loads of research. It will be very special and spiritual."

It took months of mental preparation and special training, but Paltrow is now supremely confident that even with one hand occupied by a life-affirming clench with her husband, she can still accurately fire a harpoon gun into an overzealous paparazzo's diving goggles with the other, ensuring that any interruption of the primal spirituality of the moment will be kept to a minimum.

• Gwyneth Paltrow's underwater birth [FemaleFirst.co.uk]
• Previously: Gwyneth Paltrow Accused Of Cootiephobia [Defamer]
• Gwyneth Smuggles Fruit Out Of Troubled America [Defamer]

From the Us Weekly website:

From the AP story:

(For those of you bad with time zones: That still leaves more than four and a half hours between when Us says it reported the birth and when AP says the birth actually happened.)

Us Weekly [Official site]
Garner, Affleck Have Baby Girl [AP via Yahoo]

Our personal malaise aside, we'd be remiss if we didn't briefly update you all on the most important aspect of this otherwise unexciting story: the baby's name is Violet. Which isn't quite as dowdy as Hazel, nor as weird as Apple, but still not, you know, completely normal. Could this signify a new happy medium in celebrity baby names?

Anyhow, mazel tov to all. And our sincere condolences to those celebrity weekly staffers charged with scoring the baby pics — no one can relax when Bonnie Fuller is hungry for the taste of baby flesh.

Exclusive: Jennifer Garner Gives Birth! [Us Weekly]
Affleck, Garner — and Baby [E! Online]

• Ben Stiller, Christine Taylor Have Baby [AP]