• Jeffrey Epstein is a free man—sort of. The billionaire money manager, who was sentenced to 18 months for soliciting a minor for prostitution, is now working at the office of his non-profit foundation five days as a week as part of a work-release program. [P6]
• Mort Zuckerman became a dad for the second time on…
• Both Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman have active cases of herpes, reports Page Six, something you should probably keep in mind in the event either woman tries to plant a kiss on you. [P6]
• William H. Macy will take over for Jeremy Piven in Speed-the-Plow now that the Pivster has overdosed on sushi and will need to…
♦ Amy Poehler and husband Will Arnett became parents for the first time on Saturday when Amy gave birth to a son, Archie. [Us]
♦ Madonna is in "meltdown mode," and asked her assistant to gather all the items she received from Guy Ritchie so she can "bury them." Guy, meanwhile, has reportedly said the couple's…
Everyone's favorite self-styled yet mildly unhinged teen role model, Atoosa Rubenstein, has brought new life into the world. The Daily reports that Toos and husband Ari "welcomed their first child Friday night, a daughter named Angelika McQueen Rubenstein." Which means the family share initials, just like that other…
Reps for Ethan Hawke have confirmed that the actor's wife (and the former babysitter of his two kids with ex-wife Uma) gave birth to a baby girl last Friday. Welcome to the world, Clementine Jane Hawke! [People]
Congratulations this morning to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the latter of whose womb has reportedly yielded its blobby, twinsy bounty at last. We think. It's official, isn't it? The Chosen Two are here? After InTouch called it Saturday afternoon, Extra overrode it an hour later and the rest of the world simply…
Oh mah gawww y'all! Britney Spears is an aunt! Jamie Lynn Spears, sister to gumball-filled ex-singer Britney, has spurted out a baby! The 17-year-old GED-certified ex-Nickelodeon star welcomed daughter Maddie to the steamy, southrun world in McComb, Mississippi this morning. Britney and family were there, along with…
Jessica Alba and Cash Warren apparently aren't playing along with the latest "hasty media retraction" trend in celebrity parenting, instead just blithely going along with reports that Alba gave birth this weekend to the couple's daughter Honor Marie Warren. As the actress was due in late May, however, we have no…
· Nicole Richie and That Guy From Good Charlotte had a bouncing baby girl and, as celebrities are wont to do, gave her two middle names. The diet for both mother and daughter begins tomorrow!
· I drink your milshake (dot com)!
· American Psycho gets a cuddly makeover (via BWE).
· Ever find yourself wondering what…
Go on, indulge yourself for a second: HOLY SHIT BRITNEY SPEARS POOPED OUT A BABY BOY!!!! Mother Nature has turned her back on the human race!
Though it would seem that the world has finally come to terms with the fact that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes managed to orchestrate some sort of birth, there's still much confusion over the origins over their new daughter's name, Suri. Cruise's spokesperson has said that the name Suri has origins in ancient Hebrew…
It's a small city in upstate New York known for its cold winters and eponymous university.
Frank Swertlow, an L.A. reporter for we-don't-stoop-to- invading-celebrities-lives People magazine, photographed the other day outside the Cruise compound. Sent in by a West Coast snitch who successfully persuaded us of its authenticity.
• After her baby Sean was effectively dropped on his head, Britney Spears looks to sue the makers of the high chair the child had been in. If only she could sue the makers of retarded white trash, too. Then all her problems would be accounted for. [Scoop]
• Oh, yeah — Brooke Shields also had her baby yesterday. Just…
Spotted last night on the Upper West Side. We understand their sauteed placenta is delicious.
Just to clarify the reports ranging from Us Weekly to the Associated Press, all of which include the following information from Cruise spokesbot Arnold Robinson:
Mission Impossible, frighteningly accomplished: the TomKat has silently brought a new life into this world. According to a remarkably well-timed statement (placenta? What placenta?) from Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, the pair are in posession of a brand-new baby girl (point goes to People for breaking it first). The…
Another day, another unfortunately named celebrity baby, as actress Gwyneth Paltrow has given birth to her second child with Coldplay singer Chris Martin. While the newborn does not have an edible name like that of his big sister Apple, the couple has done their best to ensure their child a life full of misery — the…
[Via the wits at the NY Daily News, NY Post, Calgary Sun, E! Online, and Ridiculopathy]
