We had high hopes that Peter Getty would give our "nakedly hateful" rant against him the full rich boy-thrashing, but alas. And alack. We're greeted with only diplomacy!

Seriously; we knew it wasn't going to be a stroll through the park sharing our thoughts about growing up rich at any time, least of all during a recession. But we had to introduce ourselves somehow. What was the winning move? If we point out the things we might have in common, we're patronizing. If we point out the differences, we're rubbing people's faces in it. If we mention any difficulties that accompany wealth, we're self-pitying. If we simply ignore the subject, we're Marie Antoinette.

Just address it frankly in our first post, we figured, get it out of the way and go for a few laughs, so that's what we tried. We expected a little initial hostility, but we have to admit we were surprised to see it go international this fast. A guillotine has yet to be erected in Union Square, so maybe we didn't bomb as drastically as all that.

At least any uncertainties about a subject for our second post were removed quickly enough. Still, we don't want this to become a series of writings about the last thing we wrote, so we'll try to move on. Join us if you like.

So you want us to "join" you, do you? Here is what we require to agree to your armistice:

• One gilt-laden vessel of Pharaoh's ashes from the tombs of Egypt.
• A procession of seventy peacocks, linked with a golden chain.
• Spoons of the finest silver; forks of the finest copper.
• A baronial estate on the highest San Franciscan hill, surrounded by Bengal tigers trained by the holiest Indian shamans.
• Babes.

Jack Flack, posted at 9:15 p.m. on May 3:

Parsing Ballmer-to-Yang: See You Again Real Soon, Buddy...

Ballmer: Dear Jerry:

Translation: I'm pinning this on you personally. Not your board. Not Bill Miller. You!

Ballmer: After over three months, we have reached the conclusion of the process regarding a possible combination of Microsoft and Yahoo!.

Translation: This is the letter you've been waiting for. Try not to quiver.

Ballmer: I first want to convey my personal thanks to you, your management team, and Yahoo!'s Board of Directors for your consideration of our proposal.

Translation: I want to do a monkey dance on your neck, but instead I'm going to demonstrate civility. I want to come off as the rational one in this thing.

Etc.

WSJ's Deal Journal, posted May 3 at 9:41 p.m.:

Microsoft-Yahoo: Translating Ballmer's Letter...

And now the letter from Ballmer to Yang:

Dear Jerry:

Thanks for nothing, Jerry:

After over three months, we have reached the conclusion of the process regarding a possible combination of Microsoft and Yahoo!.

We really hope the market really thinks we're walking. Because we want to be able to cut a new deal in a few months when your stock price is still getting killed.

I first want to convey my personal thanks to you, your management team, and Yahoo!'s Board of Directors for your consideration of our proposal....

Thanks for nothing.

Etc.

Okay, they went up at close to the same time, so it's very possible the WSJ never even saw Jack Flack's piece before it put up its own. But the man has been "Parsing" the whole Microsoft-Yahoo thing in more than a dozen posts over three months. Give credit where credit is due!

[UPDATE: WSJ Deal Journal writer Dennis Berman emails to point out that he has done similar "Translating" posts before, such as this one from April 5, 2007. So it's likely he wasn't ripping off the idea from Portfolio.com. A fair point. I'm still in favor of giving Jack Flack the exclusive trademark on "Parsing." But we can say "Translating" will now belong to Deal Journal. Update your dictionaries accordingly.]

"'These life bloggers are the ultimate example of being the victim of your own success,' said David Griner, who blogs for Adfreak.com, a pop culture blog launched by AdWeek in 2004. 'They built their reputations and popularity by telling everyone every little detail of their lives; that's what makes them such a success. But what makes you popular also makes you vulnerable,' Griner said. 'There is probably nobody who is more susceptible to criticism than these bloggers.'" Sweet, sweet obvious opinions. Now if only someone would say something catty...

What's that, Loren Feldman, head of production at 1978 Media Company? "Allison would like to think she's special, but I probably have 10 different sites about me. People hate on me like you would not believe." [ABC News]

"Jong has apparently never read anything else I've written," Taibbi writes. He then goes on to list some of his recent descriptions of male politicians. Rudy Giuliani has "the vestigial stoop of a once-chubby kid who grew up hiding tittie pictures from nuns"; Mike Huckabee "has the roundish, half-deflated physique of an ex-fatty"; former House Judiciary Committee Chairman James Sensenbrenner is "An ever-sweating, fat-fingered beast who wields his gavel in a way that makes you think he might have used one before in some other arena, perhaps to beat prostitutes to death."

Taibbi concludes: "I mean, wow. And I thought I was a hack."

(He also called Jong an "eight hundred year-old sex novelist." Heh.)

Matt Sanchez: I did not write the words "gay" and "hard" in the same sentence, that would be cruel for the overwhelming majority of Gawker readers who still have their mouths open.

Guanabee: Okay, hardy har, we guess. We're not really sure what the hell that meant, actually. But, really, why did you write to Gawker in the first place?

Matt Sanchez: They e-mailed me first.

Guanabee: Really? Out of the blue?

Matt Sanchez: I wrote a piece and cited Gawker for calling anyone who was offended by the ad a xenophobe. They queried me and asked me to comment.

We wrote to him after he had sent us an unsolicited email inquiring whether all Gawker contributors were gay.

Matt Sanchez: My only concern is that so many "gay" people don't seem terribly happy. They're always shaking their fist at everyone, as if they are waiting for Crisco or have broken a fingernail.

Guanabee: Wow. That's some aggression you have. Some people are saying that your hostile comments belie another story. That you are, in fact, self-loathing when you say disparaging things about homosexuals. What do you say to that?

Matt Sanchez: The last time I was called self-loathing was when a separatist Puerto Rican got mad at me, because I prefer Mexican Taquerias over Boricua buffets. There really are times when you can't be diplomatic and just have to tell the truth. Do you know what cuchifrito is actually made of!!!!????

Matt Sanchez: a man who frequently answers a question that appears only in his own mind.

Matt Sanchez: Most people in the military don't care how you clean your weapon, just keep that to yourself and do your job like everyone else.

Guanabee: Yes, but you cleaned your weapon for all the world to see. From 1992 to 2000. Anyway, despite our shameless liberal bias, we do support the men and women who risk their lives for our spoiled-ass country. We just don't want them to have to do it anymore! (You're not the only dichotomous one.) Did you get a chance to see our Guide to Latino Cultural Survival in Iraq? Anything you could add to help the morale of Latinos still serving over there?

Matt Sanchez: Liberals have shame? [Ed. Note: No, we said 'shameless.' Is this thing on?] I do have culinary caution for anyone who has eaten Mexican food. Back AWAY from the "Quesadillas" in the chowhall. You have been warned.

[Guanabee]

Email 1:

You gotta help me with some of the typos. I just rattled that off between two articles:

http://gawker.com/377001/matt-sanchez-exposes-gawker+nyt+gay-agenda

Post currently reads:

anything with term gay has

Change to:

anything with the term gay has

I do not believe all of the Gawker staff memebers are homosexuals, I am convinced there are a couple of faghags working there too.

Reply: "Ok, I'll fix your typo for you. But just because you called me a 'faghag.'"

Email 2:

I thought you were a girl, but not a fag hag.

Would you like another picture?

Email 3:

Hamilton, you should also include a link to my blog: [Redacted]

Email 4:

Are you going to tell me how many of your staff are gay? I'm afraid I can't tell by their posts, I never had a gaydar.

Email 5 (Subject: Geez):

Looks like the blogs have been popular. You may not get enough critical thought at The Gawker.

The Gawker is the modern day version of Playgirl, a "straight" publication gay men feel good about buying because they're tired of low quality faggy stuff the pink media puts out. In fact, anything with the term gay has already become a joke for "stupid", "silly" or "sub-standard". Don't believe me? Just look at the comments below and you'll see the most common insult thrown my way is "fag".

Pretty soon, "homophobe" will mean anyone who doesn't agree with the Gawker's stance that it is a non-gay website. Fast forward to the Gawker piece on the "gay cabal" at the New York Times.

The Grey Lady has always been a beard for left-wing woofters in search of the legitimacy a rumpled copy of Freshmen would never provide. (Full-disclosure here, I was the cover model for Freshmen or a magazine like it sometime back in the 90's, so I am authorized to comment on the readership) The real problem is when whack jobs editors try to pass off their advocacy views as "common sense" or as "mainstream". The truth is, despite the pushing of the agenda by the New York Times and her acolytes like the Gawker, most Americans are opposed to a radical issue like gay marriage, and many of them read the Sunday edition.

He also sent us that new picture you see!

Email #2:

Use a recent picture, that one is 3 years old.

Why don't you do a real interview instead of drive-by smear job?

Ok, done!

Email#3:

did, I miss something? Is The Gawker a gay site?

Hmm, I just feel like we're not really connecting here. Can you EXPLAIN yourself?

Email #4:

Hamilton,

Questions: Since when is national sovereignty and the controversy surrounding the Absolut ad a "gay issue" [Ed. note: I did not ask this question, but whatever]

Answer: Since, gay jihadis who would complain about strollers invading Chelsea feel far more threatened by anyone who disagrees with the rainbow colored multi-cultural mental disorder. If you think Mexico City would allow two dudes to get married if politicians wearing sombreros repossessed the Southwest, than you probably believe that a woman who has an operation to look like a man, is still a man when the woman is expecting her first baby.

Okay, gotcha!

Our assailer, Marine Corps veteran and big cock-haver Matt Sanchez, made his name in the right-wing blogosphere by complaining last year about the terrible mistreatment he was receiving at the hands of those vicious military-hating students at Columbia, where he was an undergrad. The fawning over him by conservative media outlets died down a bit after his former career as gay porn star "Rod Majors" came out. But he says he doesn't like men anymore because gays are like Islamic jihadis, or something! Republicans are so complicated.