"Bored, anonymous, pathetic domestic terrorists who launched Obama's secret muslin career in their front rooms annoy me.

"I fuck, therefore I conceive. I want to fill my freezer with good, clean, healthy kids. That's what I was raised on. It is abundant and it is available here in Alaska, because I make the ladies pay for the rape kits. Schmape kits! All the more kids for me! That's what we eat. So that's why I hunt and why I fish. It attracts the kids.

"The secret to motherhood is you gotta have a good strong cervix made outta STEEL in there. I don't know if you can get STEEL commercially in New York. You'd have to come up here and visit me in my home, and I'll prepare it for ya. I know my STEEL cervixes. Cervixi? Hm. Willow! Get in the boat and go across to Pootin's library!

"Hot? Yes. Yes I am.

"Unprotected sex, and lots of it. That's the best way to stay warm.

"After a long day, I cry cry and cry about my wasted life and opportunities and how I used to be a beauty queen and play the flute and these days it's only the skin flute and the tanning bed and I went to that special alfalfa club place for a dinner and no one paid me no mind. Everyone cares more about Bristol's babies than mine. Baby. Baby. One baby. I gotta go now and fetch me some white-choc skinny latte frappucino mocha. Britney's coming over."

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