CORRECTION: This post originally referenced the INXS Need You Tonight video, which was partly animatd. Clearly, A-Ha's "Take On Me" is the closer analogy. Gawker regrets the miscalibrated pop culture reference.

Or at least that was our experience clicking through the song previews. Which is actually kind of a selling point, since we so often feel that way, during the holidays. We've collected some of the most beautifully nasal, haggard, mumbled — i.e. signature Dylan — vocals in the clip above, from"Hark the Herald Angels Sing," "O' Little Town of Bethlehem," "O' Come All Ye Faithful" and "Silver Bells," respectively.

We expect listeners will be more partial to tracks like "Here Comes Santa Claus," "Christmas Blues," "Christmas Island" and "Winter Wonderland." You can always spring for the $21 vinyl version; a needle makes everything sound more Christmas-y.

Like so many of her aural generation — for example, Bob Dylan — Travers got her start in the Greenwich Village cafe scene and, like Dylan, too, her politically-charged lyrics helped propel her to international fame. In honor of Travers and her message, here's another one of her and her band's most beloved songs: "Puff, the Magic Dragon."

Feel free to sing along, man.

After all, a Dylan flourish would make the disc all the more gift-able!

Dylan has supposedly been recording the album at Jackson Browne's semi private studio in Santa Monica since May. Fans have already rewritten some holiday song titles for the famously nasal folksinger: "Spo-el, Spo-el;" "Po Middle Pawn o Methfaheem;" "Piddle Bunner Spoy" and "Cough the Gargle Nanges Wheeze."

What to expect from the actual music? The odds of something legacy-enhancing are slim. Let's look at what critics had to say about other holiday titles by long-established rock acts:

Lynyrd Skynyrd, Christmas Time Again: "Kinda sad. All these fellas want for Christmas is to be noticed again." —Denver Westword, December 14, 2000

Jimi Hendrix: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. (Released posthumously.) "Holiday horror... [one] outtake features Jimi audibly saying 'Man, I really don't feel like going through with this. This is really silly.'" —Phoenix New Times, December 23, 1999.

Moody Blues, December: "Perfectly innocuous. C-" Entertainment Weekly, December 19, 2003.

Jewel, Joy: "Christmas standards slaughtered by Jewel... is there any reason... [it] even exists?" Dallas Observer, Dec. 16, 1999

Jethro Tull, The Jethro Tull Christmas Album: "Not so much progressive [rock] as moribund... bulked out with insipid cocktail- jazz instrumentals... tedious... joyless." The Independent (London), December 12, 2003.

In Antichrist, the new Lars Von Trier movie, Willem Defoe's balls are banged and then Charlotte Gainsbourg jerks him off until he cums blood. (Lane Brown describes it much "better" but I thought the quicker you read that without dwelling the better.) That's a weird thing to do and also not very nice (at least the first half). Defending himself to an angry journalist Von Triers said, "It's the hand of God... And I am the best film director in the world. I'm not sure if God is the best God in the world." Needless to say, Maradona and the entire nation of Argentina objected.

Then there's Bob Dylan whose video of a hot girl being beaten up (and also beating up) a balding man (played by Eliot Spitzer!) then kissing him passionately, was a partnership with the Independent Film Channel. Whatever happened to the Dylan from Nashville Skyline? That guy was so sweet!

So! Here's the question: why all of a sudden are middle-aged to elderly white men interested in depicting women perpetrating violence against men and then either handjobbing or kissing them? Is it a function of the bleak economic landscape or perhaps, Kink's MeninPain.com has finally penetrated popular culture.

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"Lay Lady Lay, it ain't," the Sun writes.

No. More like "Jet Pilot."

Dylan himself doesn't think too much about albums, in this telling of his story, tinkering with his songs before, during and well after he records them in studio. He was likely fairly oblivious to Columbia Records' experiment in applying airline-style discriminatory pricing to his record.

Instead look to Dylan's entourage:

Much like Elvis was sheltered from the demands of his fans and the world by an entourage known as “the Memphis Mafia,” Dylan relies on a group of close advisers, employees, and friends that filter anything that would distract him from his real interests: his family life, touring, and occasionally getting into a recording studio. We can call these trusted consiglieri the singer’s “Malibu Mafia,” after Dylan’s home away from touring since the 1970s.

Within the Memphis Mafia, Turner shines a light on manager Jeff Rosen, friend to "sympathetic journalists" like "Greil Marcus, anyone on Jann Wenner’s payroll" (heh) and guardian of the singer's image. "Rosen bears much responsibility for Dylan’s post-1980s renaissance among critics, and for the singer’s current stature as a national icon feted by the Lincoln Center and honored with Grammys and Oscars," Turner wrote.

Tell Tale Signs, then, is something of a self-made shrine to Rosen, listed as "compiler" of the album in the liner notes. And thus you can blame everything on a music-industry suit if, you know, the whole "legendary 60s icon sells gimmicky ripoff album" thing gets you hot and bothered.

More calming, probably, is the knowledge that the cheaper version of the album gives fans the essentials, at least according to Turner: "You’re not missing any pieces of any puzzles by not paying 130 dollars..."

And you get to tell people that only the truly insane spend $130 for a bunch of alternate takes and live performances — not you. As crazy as the "Deluxe Edition" of the new Dylan album is, however, expect more of such products as industry revenues decline and traditional media executives attempt ever-more-outlandish cons.

boomp3.com


Natalie Portman attempted to put on a brave face as a mysterious hand hung over her shoulder doing a photo call at the year's Cannes Film Festival. Portman said that it could've been worse; after all, that mystery hand could've been grabbing her in her bathing suit area. Portman knew it had to one of her fellow jury members, but she thought it was too soon to be so handsy with her. Portman reportedly said, "We just met at brunch a couple of hours ago, but I need a bit more than a conversation over some crêpes before you can just willy-nilly throw your hand on me like you're Bob Dylan or something."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

"It wasn't like [Dad 1] and I had so much in common that we could have this great personal relationship. We were at totally different stages in our lives, and I don't think he was necessarily so fascinated by what I was going through. But we were fortunate that we had a lot of chemistry between us. ... At that time, my mom was still coming with me to work. She legally had to be there—thank God she was there!"

"I've been fortunate enough to never be the biggest media sensation. ... If you have somebody waiting outside your house for 32 hours, it doesn't matter how many days you've clocked in on the movie-star meter. You're still a person living your life. I can understand how that must have been for [Dad 2], who's such an icon. I've been fortunate enough to mostly come out unscathed."

"It's been so exciting to get out there and talk to kids—and I say 'kids' meaning my peers—about why I appreciate [Dad 3]. He's confronting health-care issues that affect young people. You know, most of my friends don't have insurance. They're working as photo assistants and stuff like that. These kids on the campaign trail asking questions, they are so well-informed."

"At first it was like, 'What this weird music that your dad listens to?' ... [Dad 4's] songs are very cinematic. I think as a kid I was attracted to that in the same way I loved 'Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite!'—one of my favorite Beatles songs. It really lets a kid's imagination take flight. ... I was this little blonde girl with a baritone singing voice, which at nine was freakish, I'm sure."

"I don't know why relationships between men and women are always pigeon-holed into being some kind of push-and-pull for sexual power. I'm always kind of weirded out when I'm interviewed by people who say, 'Gosh! [Dad 5] must be in love with you.' It's like, 'fucking expand your mind.' We have a great friendship between us and I have such a fondness for him as a person. I can appreciate his quirks."

Seriously! Expand your fucking minds! It's not like anyone here has fetishized or even married women younger than Scarlett. Oh, wait. And come to think of it, she doesn't look anything like Obama. Anyway, happy guessing.

• My Five Dads [Paste]

"'Whenever I looked around, Bobby was nearby. I thought he was oddly old-time looking, charming in a scraggly way. His jeans were as rumpled as his shirt and even in the hot weather he had on the black corduroy cap he always wore. He made me think of Harpo Marx, impish and approachable, but there was something about him that broadcast an intensity that was not to be taken lightly.'

"Dylan was, she says, 'funny, engaging, intense, and he was persistent. These words completely describe who he was throughout the time we were together; only the order of the words would shift depending on mood or circumstance.' Rotolo and Dylan immediately became inseparable, and not long after their meeting she moved into the small walk-up Dylan found on West Fourth Street. The headiest parts of the book detail their time there and the friends they made in the glory days of the folk music revival, among them singer-songwriter duo Ian and Sylvia Tyson and folk legend Dave Van Ronk and his wife, Terri Thal, a leggy, lanky, unconventional beauty who, on hot days, would greet guests at the couple's West Village flat dressed only in a white bra and panties." [Salon]

"The more you see the less you know/The less you find out as you go/I knew much more then than I do now." [U2 "City of Blinding Lights"]

"Barack Obama has won the Iowa caucuses. You'd have to have a heart of stone not to feel moved by this. An African-American man wins a closely fought campaign in a pivotal state. He beats two strong opponents, including the mighty Clinton machine. He does it in a system that favors rural voters. He does it by getting young voters to come out to the caucuses...This is a huge moment. It's one of those times when a movement that seemed ethereal and idealistic became a reality and took on political substance." [David Brooks, New York Times]

"A self-ordained professor's tongue/Too serious to fool/Spouted out that liberty/Is just equality in school/"Equality," I spoke the word/As if a wedding vow./Ah, but I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.." [Bob Dylan]

Also to note: Not one presidential candidate (according to a quick search on Wikipedia) used a song by an African-American as a campaign song. The closest thing was when Bob Dole ripped off Sam and Dave's Soul Man turning it into the soulless doleful Dole Man in 96. Obama, when he started out, was using "Better Way," a song by Ben Harper, who is half-black, but sometime along the way switched to the all-white U2. Weird and duly noted.

Mart n Perna (Antibalas/TVOTR) calls VOICE cover racist [Brooklyn Vegan]

From issues of sexuality to issues of no sex at all, here's a promo clip that permanently cross-legged hymen regenerator Dawn Eden made for her new book, The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. Remember how we all thought that Twyla Tharp musical was gonna kill Bob Dylan? Well, if he survives this one, we know he's bulletproof.

Earlier: Gawker's coverage of Dawn Eden

[The Times They Are A-Changin'] is the best presentation of my songs I have ever seen or heard on any stage.

Dylan Broadway show to close after poor reviews [Reuters]