Alex Blagg is not going to improvise like some sort of monkey; Lily Allen is not going to stand for your "fat whore" condolences; and Nick Bilton is not particularly enjoying this week's pressure cooker. The Twitterati defied reality.

Looks like we have some competition for tracking the media elite's bleat-replete tweets! Our competitive edge: We bring you the very worst of the Twitterati. Today's targets:

Just because you use Twitter doesn't mean they're not out to get you. Starring Sarah Lacy, Elizabeth Spiers, and more!