Bonnie Fuller invented the modern incarnation of the celebrity gossip magazine at Us Weekly aesthetic — the screaming palette of pinks, purples and yellow, the starburst cover lines, the hand-drawn arrows, and picture pop-outs — which were widely duplicated as a sure-fire formula to get ladies to buy magazines at newsstands. This home page for her newly redesigned site uses all of her old magazine tricks. Simultaneously.

This stew of soft celeb chatter on HollywoodLife.com is all the more overwhelming because of the truly massive pictures Fuller insists on placing on the home page, thus requiring absurd amounts of scrolling to see just one item. That's not the only magazine throwback on the site; the right margin of the homepage is studded with little Us-esque sidebars, which should be as painful for Fuller's poor underlings to maintain/update as they will for readers to skim.

Which isn't to say Fuller's early stumbles will be lethal for her or her boss Jay Penske, who is building a stable of Hollywood news sites of widely varying viciousness. Pictures and chaotic sidebars aside, HollywoodLife has a serviceably clean design, and Web publishing in any case is all about iteration. Fuller just needs to coax a series of user-friendly tweaks from her staff. Given Fuller's notoriously ferocious approach to management, that shouldn't be much of a problem.

Bonnie Fuller, once and future member of the celebrity media, admonished Michael Lohan for selling out too cheap, to the celebrity media.

Smarterware's Gina Tripani, founding Lifehacker editor, was basically all, "$%!@#&*!@ing WOMEN. What are you gonna do, knowdamean?? Pffffft." So now everyone's allowed to say that.

In fairness to whomever Venture Beat's Anthony Ha overheard, we'd be pretty pissed, too, if we couldn't even get into something called "Enterprise 2.0 2009."

Tech writer Paul Carr discovered a creepy new use for Twitter Lists. Quite inadvertently. And quite involuntarily.

Former Newsradio and Kids in the Hall star Dave Foley was indeed hacked, and left up one tweet as a kind of memorial. The sleazy pyramid marketing links came down, however.

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From what we've heard, Fuller's redesign looks like what would happen if In Touch and Life & Style got wasted on cosmos and then barfed all over the internet. We can't wait to see what she's come up with when it launches.

But let's give credit where credit's due. In 2003 Fuller essentially invented the celebrity weekly as we know it at Us Weekly. Her editorial vision spawned a newsstand full of imitators — including Star which she took over after Us owner Jann Wenner didn't give her a pay raise — making her perhaps the most influential magazine editor of the last decade. Even more influential than Vogue editrix Anna Wintour, with whom Fuller's has always had a bizarre obsession. But the only category that Fuller has ever topped her idol in has been as the magazine world's scariest boss.

Most baffling to Fuller's put-upon ex-employees, though, is the strange way she imagines herself as Glinda the Good Witch. The full Fuller fantasy is brought to light in these promos, which were illsustrated by Donald Robertson, her former creative director at Glamour and Cosmo: on the inside, she's a little girl who only wears pink dresses, carries a magic wand, and is one with the people. It's a fascinating peek inside her psyche — and almost entirely at odds with reality.

Here is how Bonnie sees herself: young, thin, and wearing something that she purchased out of the "playing dress up" section of FAO Schwartz. She also says that she will make "all our celebrity life dreams come true." Unless that wand of hers can give me $7 trillion, a house in the Hollywood Hills, and a baby from every troubled African country, I don't think so.
Princess Bonnie says that she traded in Conde Nast car service to take the bus. Say what? First of all, she was fired from Conde Nast way back in 2001. And no matter how cheap Bonnie Fuller may be, she hasn't taken a bus since the 9th grade. Please.
The paparazzi do not call her "princess," they either call her "paycheck," because that's what she signs or "Hey you! Get out of the way. You're blocking our shot of Lauren Conrad."
Bonnie Fuller is not sad when celebs break up. This little princess is over the moon about it. Salacious stories! Moving magazines! Making stuff up! These are the things that Bonnie lives for! Don't try to pretend.
Celebs do not live for her magic web wand. They don't even know what a web wand is. We think it may be some sort of weird interactive vibrator and that's just gross. Also, Bonnie Fuller hasn't been on a red carpet asking questions probably ever. That is what interns are for.

OK, we take that back. Bonnie actually did interview celebs on the red carpet during the Sixth Annual Hollywood Style Awards earlier this month. Click on the video of Jessica Lowndes (she's on 90210), and you can clearly see Bonnie interviewing her. Now, whether you can call Jessica Lowndes an actual celebrity or not, isn't so clear.
Ok, she is very late to the internet celebrity gossip ball, so she is right about that. However, no one invited her to the after party. Actually, we were hoping she's stay home and leave us all alone.
We can not find anything wrong with these illustrations. Gold star for self depreciation Bonnie. It proves you are not entirely deluded.
As for the top picture, it is way too dainty to be our Bonnie. As for the bottom picture, yes, it does kill her to miss a scoop. It is like throwing water on her.
Yes, Bonnie, you will see us. But will we see you? Not like this we won't. And because she's dressed like this, does that mean she's only going to dish about celebs like Selena Gomez, Demi Lovato, and other things that girls who dress like Disney princesses want to read about? Oh look, Hollywood life already interviewed Selena Gomez!
This is the real live Bonnie Fuller talking trash about Chris Brown and Rhianna on the Today Show today. She's wearing hot pink! She really thinks she is a pretty pretty princess!

Podcaster Jeff Smith was not nearly as pleased with the autumn wear in Chicago as The Awl's Choire Sicha was with the pullovers in New York.

There must be very few people who blogger Perez Hilton feels comfortable lecturing about ethics. Apparently Kim Kardashian is one of them.

Larry David as a no-doubt carefully calibrated caricature of himself is pure Twitter bait, and celeb-news editor Bonnie Fuller wasn't ashamed to bite the hook.

Irin Carmon of Women's Wear Daily found some feature fodder for the New York Times Magazine. No charge.

Brian Stelter is back from Philly so... what are you waiting for? Get back to work, Twitter followers!

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Web advertising maven John Batelle will tell you all about his $4,000 summit on "how the Web is putting the world to work," just as soon as he figures out how to get his website to... to, uh, work. Ahem.

The Wall Street Journal's Julia Angwin stopped into Barnes & Noble and did an ego check on her well written-book about a fast-cooling social network. Please no one show her Ben Mezrich's book display.

Sometime Gawker Media hand Kourosh Karimkhany officially has a point.

Would-be celeb-Web mogul Bonnie Fuller is "worried" about Angelina Jolie's health, if by "worried" you mean "publicly heckling and mocking."

Craigslist customer service rep/founder Craig Newmark had a sad. Go easy on him tomorrow, aggrieved pervy customers!

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To be clear, we don't know if the two deals are connected, and certainly don't have any info to suggest there was anything untoward about them. But given Rattner's history of greasing deals—recall that he bought Chooch, a low-budget film by the brother of the chief investment officer of New York state's pension fund, shortly after the fund invested $100 million in Rattner's Quadrangle Group—we thought we'd throw it out there.

Here's what we know:

In September 2008, Quadrangle Capital Partners—part of Quadrangle Group—invested $35 million in Mail.com, Jay Penske's would-be online empire. The money was for "selective acquisitions and new management hires," which means hiring Nikki Finke and Bonnie Fuller. Two of Quadrangle's partners got seats on Mail.com's board. Mail.com had little to recommend it at the time as a hot pick for internet supremacy, and the investment came shortly before Quadrangle would wind down its media-focused hedge fund amid 25% losses, but who knows? Maybe it'll turn out to be a rocket.

Four months later, in January, Rattner's name started getting bandied about as Obama's pick for "car czar," and six weeks after that Rattner left Quadrangle to join the Treasury Department with the goal of saving the auto industry.

One way to do that is to keep Saturn, with its 13,000 employees, alive. General Motors made clear that it couldn't keep Saturn going, so it went on the block. And in June, none other than Roger Penske, the billionaire car mogul who happens to be Jay's father—and perhaps the provider of seed capital to Mail.com?—emerged as a buyer. The terms of the deal haven't been disclosed, but the Wall Street Journal says Saturn's service and parts operation alone has been valued at $100 million.

And then last month, Rattner stepped down amid chatter that Quadrangle, and perhaps Rattner himself, was getting drawn further into the pay-to-play pension scandal that gave us Chooch.

Here's what we don't know:

Was Penske doing Rattner a favor in swooping in as Saturn's savior, or did Rattner hand it to Penske on a platter? Without knowing the terms of the deal, it's impossible to know. But the news of the deal sure made Rattner look like a hyper-competent technocrat calmly steering an industry in crisis. If Saturn had simply been liquidated, it would have been seen as a disastrous signal. On the other hand, according to the New York Times, the brand had attracted "16 potential bidders," so maybe Penske was the one looking for an edge, and maybe Rattner helped him find it. Or maybe Penske was the most rational buyer for Saturn, and it's a coincidence that the guy who was essentially running GM when it was sold happened to own a piece of Penske's son's business.

Given the timeline, it's virtually impossible that the Mail.com deal itself was some kind of sweetener—coming as it did in September, Rattner would have to have had the foresight to know that Congress would bail out the auto industry, and that Obama would win, and that Obama would hire a car czar, and that Rattner himself could land the gig, and that Saturn would need to be off-loaded from G.M. Only under those circumstances would a relationship with Penske's son be something worth having in your back pocket, and Rattner would be a much richer man if he had that sort of vision. (Cf. Maxim.)

So is there any more connective tissue out there that might make render the above datapoints more sensible? Let us know.

About an hour or so ago, Paula issued a series of seemingly heartfelt tweets reflecting upon her time as an Idol judge (Can't you just see her weeping madly as she typed her tweets?) and thanking fans for all of their support of her.











But then Bonnie Fuller popped up to call bullshit on Paula, saying that a new contract has already been signed and that all of this is just a publicity stunt.





So who to believe here? The occasionally lucid ex-pop star, or the conniving former Gossip queen desperate to drum up publicity for her new internet gig? Though perhaps the biggest question of all is what the hell else is Paula Abdul going to do?

Dropping off their Twittering this summer are such familiar Twitterti as music writer Touré; Air America snarker Ana Marie Cox; New York Times Oscar obsessive David Carr; Times "conceptual scoop" artist Jennifer 8. Lee; celebrity journalism diva Bonnie Fuller; Yahoo vlogger Sarah Lacy and Digg perpetrator Kevin Rose. See the chart above, assembled with help from tweetstats.com (until we melted their servers by asking for numbers on Times Twitterer-in-Chief Brian Stelter).

Summer vacations could well be playing a role; Carr went on a bike trip to Colombia this month, Rose was inspecting tea in remote parts of China. But that would seem the ideal time to use Twitter, which lets you talk to all your friends back home at once, without much time commitment, and even to share pictures and videos with services like TwitPic. Maybe media and tech types have Twitter firmly slotted into the "work" category and don't want to touch it much on break.

There are some outliers: Salon's Joan Walsh, whose been on a cable-news punditry tear, has spiked her Twittering; the New Yorker's Susan Orlean has been manically chronicling her animal obsession in recent weeks; and Kurt Andersen got a burst of posts out of his trip to the White House. Everyone else should hop to and follow their examples; what else can America export to save its useless circle-jerk of an economy, if not narcissistic navel-gazing media?

Perhaps "stable" isn't the right word for a collection of media personalities known for their trail of enemies. Finke has had more than her share of feuds and bloodsport.

While Finke tends to spar with competitors and subjects, Fuller is known more for her demanding and abusive treatment of underlings, distance from family and exorbitant pay. After making her name at Us Weekly, the editor flailed atop tabloid publisher American Media and was eventually pushed out.

Now she'll take over Penske's HollywoodLife.com, and adjunct to the failed HollywoodLife magazine shut down by his holding company, Mail.com Media Corporation, last year. It's hard to imagine how Fuller will differentiate the site on the Web, already teeming with celebrity news, hard and soft, from a wide variety of other, better known sources. Penske is surely spending a tidy sum to find out; maybe he can use some money from the same pot to buy some news.

(Pic: by Esther on Flickr)

PBS' Mark Glaser watched helplessly as a thief ruined his Amazon recommendations for the next 18 months.

Digg's Kevin Rose tried to bait Steve Jobs into a swordfight.

Six Apart blogging pimp Anil Dash opened up a second, linguistic line of attack against the mainstream media.

Revision 3's Patrick Norton was officially called a frightening gadget freak by the Feds.

Celebrity gossip Bonnie Fuller gleefully took credit for one of the most obvious casting decisions in reality-TV history.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets - or send us more Twitter usernames.

Full disclosure: I once worked for Bonnie Fuller and last night I had a reminder of what it was like to sit in her office as she dreamt up stories. Fuller stumbled across a picture of Angelina Jolie on the red carpet at Cannes wearing a dress that had some fabric bunched across her stomach. That can only mean one thing: Totally preggers!

If Fuller was still in charge of a magazine, once she had spotted this tell-tale bit of ruching, a dozen or so employees would be dispatched to find anything — body language experts, astrologists, a hotel bartender who saw Jolie sipping club soda — that would back up Fuller's conclusion. Now, her musings are limited to a Twitter account and a lot of people who used to work for magazines would choose to follow Fuller's orders over their current unemployment.

If and when Fuller's women's web site gets off the ground and you end up taking a gig there (hey, a job is a job these days) consider this a preview of what will ruin your night or weekend.

Joe Biden says people shouldn't ride the subway? Bonnie Fuller is full of populist rage!

Thanks Joe for joining in the swine flu hysteria. How nice that you and your family have the luxury of riding in the protective bubbles of Air Force Two and the Vice Presidential motorcade. Most of us average folks are stuck with regular modes of transport to get to work—yes those public buses, subways, trains and planes.

This from a lady who made $2.4 million last year and always, always, always had a car and driver provided for her! Haha! And who got mad at the Make-a-Wish Foundation for giving her a free airline ticket to Hawaii in coach!
Populism!
[Huffpo]

Peppy alternapublican blogueuse Meghan McCain threatened the Bay Area with a visit.

Suze Orman frowned on the acquisition of guacamole via credit card.

Pejorative-epithet-deprived media personality Bonnie Fuller recounted her face-to-chest meeting with Voldemort.

Gawker alumna Jessica Coen maintained her sense of proportion.

Chicago journalist Rob Elder experienced the diminution of print media firsthand.

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Erstwhile checkout-line tastemaker Bonnie Fuller found someone who made her seem less loathsome by comparison.

Time writer Karen Tumulty ended up on the wrong side of Texas.

WebMediaBrands mogul Alan Meckler touted his company's stock.

CNET social-media beat reporter Caroline McCarthy subverted the dominant media paradigm.

Bay Area exile Alex Blagg advised Gawker alumna Doree Shafrir, in San Francisco for a book reading, on his former haunts.

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New Yorker music critic Sasha Frere-Jones displayed a "fondness" for "air" "quotes."

Erstwhile checkout-aisle influence-peddler Bonnie Fuller was disappointed in Sarah Palin.

BusinessWeek's Spencer Ante cozied up to some Beatles.

TechCrunch editor Erick Schonfeld spatted with sharp-tongued AllThingsD mommyblogger Kara Swisher.

And Swisher responded in kind.

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Fomer Town Car passenger Bonnie Fuller rode the train.

Web comedian (and future mom?) Heather Gold made a purchase handy for tracking ovulation cycles.

GDGT cofounder Ryan Block witnessed a street brawl.

Ex-Access Hollywood animator Lee Stranahan chased the latest media trend.

Guardian writer Jemima Kiss contemplated reader feedback.

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Self-described "popologist" Lyneka Little took a ride on Ikea's wild side.

Revision3 CEO Jim Louderback, the man responsible for inflicting Kevin Rose's Diggnation on the world, apparently couldn't afford a rental car in L.A.

CNET News oversharer Caroline McCarthy filled us in on her food preferences.

Time columnist James Poniewozik watched CNN Fox News shoutyman Glenn Beck play Jenga on live TV.

Formerly important media person Bonnie Fuller made the Lance Armstrong collarbone-break story all about her.

Did you witness the media elite tweet something indiscreet? Please email us your favorite tweets — or send us more Twitter usernames.

Time's Karen Tumulty and Rachel Maddow buddy Ana Marie Cox were fascinated by the funny ways foreigners speak.

Music critic Touré applauded John Mayer's effort to monetize Twitter in ways that Obama's latest, disastrous economic advisor would never dare.

Money was also on the mind of Gawker alum Nick Douglas as he learned that collecting a book of funny tweets does not solve money problems as quickly as one would like.

The Politico's gossip reporter Patrick Gavin opined that todays poors are living on easy street.

Former celebrity magazine editor Bonnie Fuller revealed herself as the only person in the world who believes Madonna hasn't had some work done.

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Inhuman, caffeine-fueled Gizmodo blogging machine Matt Buchanan broke down.

ABC's John Berman resisted the urge to dance.

Sun Myung Moon employee Christina Bellantoni got told by a Congressional aide.

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon producer Gavin Purcell was very, very tired.

Formerly important editorial person Bonnie Fuller failed at Twitter. (140 characters max, Bonnie — but don't worry, even Google's CEO got that wrong.)

Anyone else's tweets we should keep an eye on? Send us more Twitter usernames, please — or email us your favorite tweets.