"All I am trying to say is that I was raised with a wonderful family surrounding me. Of course, we have our ups and downs, but all in all, my mother taught us to appreciate what we have been given. Nor would she ever encourage, or allow a 14-year-old child to alter her body. I am not judging people that do, but I am just saying that its not something that my family finds necessary to do, especially when you're not even fully developed yet!" [Star]

Steverino Begins' new line beats the original, Cindy Crawford: The Legend of Sparkle Tits

NSFW! French AA Ad Finally Gets To The F*cking Point. [Copyranter]

When we walked in, Biggie Smalls' "Juicy" was playing loudly in the nearly empty room. "Time to get paid, blow up like the World Trade/Born sinner the opposite of a winner/Remember when I used to eat sardines for dinner." On the bar, little steak skewers and mushroom canapés sat next to Learning Annex pamphlets with Imogen's face on the cover. "Single and Happy," it said.

Was this post-feminism or post-post feminism? Eventually, talking it over with Kelly, the Penthouse Executive Club manager, we realized it was post-post-post Feminism, in the same way that taking three rights makes a left. Kelly looked a little bit like Didi Pickles of the Rugrats and is single. Kelly is also a literary agent at PMA. "What's my tip for single girls? Don't be a stripper. The guys we cater to here are rich and sleazy."

Nearby, in a slinky red dress that stopped quite soon after it started, was Charlie. Charlie wasn't single, though her boyfriend, photographer Justin Hyte, wasn't there. Charlie is a graphic novelist. Her comic book is called Cracked Out Super Heroes. At the same time I was desperately looking for a polite way to say, "You look like a stripper. Are you a stripper?" Later in the night, a disembodied voice called out, "Charlie to the stage, please. Charlie." Phew.

Over a complimentary gin and juice, the cocktail waitress was asked if she had any tips for a single girl. Though she herself was in a relationship, she probably gave the best advice of the whole evening: Wait until you find the right one, and in the meantime do everyone else.

The book party wasn't an unqualified success. At its height, maybe 25 people loitered near the bar. And even a portion of them had no idea they were there for a book party. They had come, like three older ladies from the South, through Quintessentially, a concierge company that Imogen sometimes works for.

Deborah, who splits her time between Florida and New York, and her friends, from New Orleans, didn't seem to care that a Latina was dancing to a song called Titty Dancer, her lingerie just a puddle on the stage, her eyes focused on a distant point. Like the Judson Church-era school of downtown dancers, she blurred the line between pedestrian movement and dance. She'd shift her weight, rub her nipples, watch the football game on a flatscreen T.V. It was performative and casual, forced, awkward, natural. No one was watching.

On my way to find Imogen, there was Thomas, a neuroscientist. He was recent friends with Imogen and single himself. He tried to steal my book but I don't blame him. There were only 11 copies. He was German and kind of sleazy! "The thing about dating girls in the States, is you go out on a date, you go out on a date, then you sleep with them. You go out on a date, you go out on a date, you sleep with them. And they never want a relationship!"

I'm not sure that's how it really works but I wasn't going to argue with the dude. He did have a Ph.D.

Imogen Lloyd Webber, as we have previously noted, is a small woman. She was wearing a ladies version of a tuxedo (tuxeda? tuxedette?). And in a way that is not unpleasant she smells like when you floss your teeth, that musty smell that your mouth smells like. That's what she smells like. Again, it's not bad and maybe that's why I like flossing so much.

Anyway, she had no idea why they had the party at the Penthouse Executive Club. She gave me some answer that I think even she didn't believe but the bottom line is that her publicist, Faye Elizabeth, also reps the Penthouse Club.

Imogen says that she is under contract to remain single until the paperback edition of the "Single Girl's Survival Guide" came out in the states. Could that be worth it? And would it have been totally negging her to say so?

Take a gander at CollegeHumor co-founder Josh "The Boring One" Abramson's new digs over at 13th Street and 6th Avenue! 15-foot ceilings! A marble-topped kitchen island! A closet as big as the craphole you live in now! But don't be jealous; use it as inspiration! Somewhere out there is an idea that could be your "posting pictures of drunk co-eds whipping their boobs out on the Internet": you just have to go find it and then watch the cash roll in!

New Apartment from Josh Abramson on Vimeo.

Dear Patients,

I'm sure by now you've heard the horrendous and hurtful allegations which have been leveled against me as reported in the press. Rest assured, these accusations are false and I plan to defend against them vigorously to clear my name and professional reputation. I am disheartened and appalled at the way in which the press and media have been manipulated by a few disgruntled individuals who are attempting to advance their own economic agendas. I am confident that upon the completion of the legal process, I will be able to return to my practice and care for the many patients whose trust and respect I have earned over the years. I appreciate the countless well wishes I have received, and I am eager to return to my practice as soon as possible. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for believing in me.

Fondly,

Brad J. Jacobs

She digs deep: Not only does she interview her own (former, of course, A.K. doesn't go in for that sort of thing anymore) plastic surgeon, but she scores a quote from Men's Health editor and giant male tit Dave Zinczenko. (Now we're in our sweet spot.) While some worry that this expensive procedure (it can cost up to ten grand to dehooterize a plump young man) may be overperformed on those who are still enduring puberty, others have happier anecdotes:

Dr. Robert Kotler, a plastic surgeon in Beverly Hills, Calif., said that his nephew, who is now in his 20s, had breast reduction surgery when he was a teenager.

"My nephew wouldn't take his shirt off in public," Dr. Kotler said. "He wouldn't go to the beach, which in California is a pretty big deal.

"In the past, doctors said, 'Oh, he'll grow out of it.' He decided not to grow out of it, but to have the procedure." The result was astonishing, Dr. Kotler said.

"Here was the shyest, most introverted kid you could ever meet," he said. "And now, well, he's the polar opposite of the shy kid. Guess what he does now? He's a Hollywood agent."

A Sense of Anxiety a Shirt Won't Cover [NYT]

Previously: The Jane Guide To Boobs! BOOBS! [SORTA NSFW]

• A."Of course, in Hollywood, "hanging your boob out of your clothing for all to see" is just fine, as long as there is no baby to feed. You see more boob at the Oscars than when most mothers breastfeed."
  
• B."I think breastfeeding in public is just fine as long as it is done modestly. Just hanging your boob out of your clothing for all to see is a bit tacky. Isn't that why they make such cute covers now so moms can nurse in public stylishly?"

• If your answer is B, then congrats, you are a big jerk and also the worst kind of tool of capitalism. Of course, for the scant few of you who are looking at this as less of a femiladyist issue and more of a picture of a movie star's tit, here is a fetish site for you, now please go there and leave us alone. I am mostly just talking to the person who is always emailing us about posting rackier pix of the 'Toos. Emily

  Maggie Gyllenhaal Nurses In Public [Babble]
  Image via Celebrity Baby Blog

Our voluntary lay-offs—thanks for making yourselves available! The company appreciates it!—all come from the Jane magazine BOOBS post. We guess this is a quintuple mastectomy then! (Sorrrrry!)

Made Redundant: Barker
Crime: Blaming the victims.

Made Redundant: armacy
Crime: Blaming the perps.

Made Redundant: Mosha
Crime: Unawareness of surroundings.

Made Redundant: MediaHoHoHo
Crime: Appalling fetish.

Made Redundant: I Bent My Wookie
Crime: Understating the case.

Redundancies are just that: An HR-approved way to get rid of you while deflecting all blame and making you feel doubly victimized. It's not you—it's just that we don't need you any more. Y'all may check the Gawker Comments FAQ. It is also true that banned commenters may return through our invitation. The best way to receive such is to send us cookies (peanut butter, please, and not personalized) or charming and juicy gossip-filled emails.

Except... wait. We sorta did.

"Tell you what—we'll just hold on to this list and play mix and match later. You know, when we see the goods," we wrote when the list originally leaked. To us, it seemed clear that we were kidding. But in retrospect, it's easy to see how a concerned boob shoot participant could have interpreted our joke as a sincere promise to match up breasts and identities, especially in light of rumors that "paparazzi" would be staking out the shoot location (gross!) Anyway, we called Brandon and asked whether she hated us.

"We were sensitive and just wanted to protect the women involved. Women should be able to show their breasts without worrying that people will make fun of them," she told us. [Ed Note: Where are we, Big Sur? Whatever, sister!] Also! She apologized for lumping us in with tawdrier gossips.

Still, though we're the ones who should be apologizing to the heroic ladies who took off their tops in spite of adversity—adversity that was partially our fault! Gawker should so totally be a safe space for womyn, and we mean that in the most ironically detached but sort of deep down 100% sincere way. —Emily

Earlier: Jane Boob Coverage

Sex Tape Shelved — MTV Star Is "Severely Disappointing" [TMZ]
Previously: The Lauren Conrad Sex Tape And 'Us Weekly'

Update: Brooke tells us they're not her knockers. She'd also like to point out that she's only 27.

The Jane Guide To Breast Health [Jane]

"My boobs have a mind of their own and an inclination to be shown at any time."—Allison, 20
"They make me feel womanly and maternal. They give my body a great shape."—Heather, 25
"I have cleavage in a crew-neck shirt. When men see me naked, they're shocked." —Jax, 24
"The scar from my nipple ring and my two beauty spots make them unique." —Tracey, 34

The Jane Guide To Breast Health [Jane]

Earlier: The 'Jane' Guide To Boobs Shoot

Dear Gawker chaps,

Being based in London, I tend to read half of Gawker first thing in the morning, and consequently, thanks to that horrifyingly sincere male lactation article, I can't so much as look at my latte without my nipples twitching. So cheers for that.

Anyway. Genuinely loath as I am to point this out, the video linked in the article is, in fact, a spoof. It was directed by Peter Templeman, an Australian also nominated for an Academy Award this year in the
short film category for The Saviour. Haven't seen it, but there's a part of me that hopes it's about male menstruation.

Earlier: Revel In Our Continued Ignorance of All Things Breast-Feeding Related