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New York, 10:59 AM
Thu Dec 17
60 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of Island of Misfit Toys Island of Misfit Toys
    09:01 AM

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    I can't help but think that that hideous bicycle threw itself in front of the car.
     Reply
    Island of Misfit Toys was starred Island of Misfit Toys was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    07:57 AM

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    Because of boredom I've translated both yesterday's Courtney Love Facebook posts and today's Courtney Love Facebook posts from Drunk into English.

    Yesterday's post in normal English:

    Golly. I don't know what people will say about my split with my daughter. The truth is that Frances is not going to be as rich next year as people think she will be. She and I both got the same share of my husband's estate - which breaks down as 37 percent of the gross profits of the In Utero album. The $15 million in profits from the use of my ex husband's name and image all go to the record company - because they are so greedy they would take cash out of the hands of a fatherless child. I've always thought this was wrong but so much time has passed now that I don't care.

    What I do care about is the attitude my teenage daughter is giving me at the moment. Sheesh! Kids these days! I love her but am going to have to give her some distance. What's sad is the people she thinks are her friends in New York really just like her because she's rich and her dad is famous. I'm so annoyed at her right now that I'm considering applying for a professorship at the college she wants to go to! That would teach her a lesson!

    What really annoys me is that she's not living up to her potential. She tells herself she's doing stuff to build a life for herself but, really, she wastes all her time on Facebook.

    I'm also annoyed because she's gotten into that teenage phase where she sometimes lies to me - her own mother. Also, my in-laws are a nightmare. Golly gee whillakers - why did I ever let her visit them so much! The son they raised turned out to be a suicidal junkie! I'm really worried they'll try to trick her into buying them a house and signing a lot of her money over to them. The good news is that well before this incident happened the lawyers locked up all the money in a trust so they can't steal from her. Thank god for that!

    Please don't take all this the wrong way. I love my daughter and think she's a great kid. I'm just worried she's surrounded by people around her who are a bad influence. My late husband's sister has alcohol abuse issues - that are so bad that even Kelly Osbourne was worried about her.

    Ok. Time for me to take a deep breath, step away from this situation and visit some friends for girl talk. It worries me that my daughter is going to be all over the tabloids over this and I hope she's strong enough to handle it. I just wish my daughter had considered her options. She could have enrolled at Simon's Rock of Bard College. She could have asked for legal emancipation. Heck, she is only a couple months away from legal adulthood and I trust her so I would not have fought that. It just tears me up inside to see her going to people I think are going to take advantage of her. She is going to be hanging out with the type of celebrity family blood suckers that led to all the problems with Britney Spears last year. And, doesn't she realize that these are the same people who raised her father in such a self destructive atmosphere that he had severe mental health issues that led to his addictions and eventual suicide? What is she thinking?

    Drat! I have to deal with the real estate agent today. Frances Bean, you are my daughter and I hope you know I love you unconditionally - I'm just very, very worried about you and the choices you are making.

    -------------------------------------------

    Today's Facebook posts translated from Drunk To English:

    Jeepers! I didn't mean to make that post public. I don't understand the new Facebook privacy settings. Well, no use crying over spilt milk. I wish people understood that I'm not angry at my daughter. I'm angry at the people who are manipulating her. I don't want her to end up like Jamiie Lynn Spears. She has so much potential. She could be a writer or artist or anything. I will always support her hopes and dreams 100 percent. What pains me is that the media will turn this into a circus and I believe that people - teenagers especially - value and deserve their privacy.

    I really miss hanging out with my daughter and the way our relationship used to be when she was younger. I hope she isn't worrying about me. She has to live her own life and growing apart from your parents is a normal part of growing up. I really just want her to be happy, find a nice place to live and go to the university of her choice. That's all I've ever wanted for her.

    Now, Mr. Hilton. I think you've made an error and should re-evaluate your position. Your own lawyer made a comment that I could just sell out for $15 million and all my problems would go away. But, life is never that simple. Right now, I'm in a little bit of a tizzy about the way you have been talking about me. That message was supposed to be part of a private conversation and was only accidentally posted in a public forum. In addition, and I'm sure this is a mistake on your part, you seem to have incorrectly transposed some of my prose. I hope you can correct your error in a timely manner and in the future respect my privacy because it is so gauche when lawyers have to get involved in situations like this. I'm sure this is a misunderstanding and I hope you have a super day.
     Reply
    Edited by drunkexpatwriter at 12/17/09 7:59 AM drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of BlinkyMcChuck BlinkyMcChuck
    09:19 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: After all this time, I still love you. For stuff like this most especially.
     Reply
    BlinkyMcChuck was starred BlinkyMcChuck was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    09:21 AM

    @BlinkyMcChuck: Thanks!

    Love the fact that my client is taking his sweet time getting back to me with revisions so I have a lot of free time on my hands.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of En0s1 En0s1
    09:25 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: you had me at 'Golly'
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment En0s1 was starred En0s1 was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    09:29 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: I don't know if you are being sarcastic or not, but I actually read all of this and I think it is pretty much right on despite the fact that you are clearly more rational and functional than C. Love (well, maybe the Perez part is more funny than true. Or maybe not). Maybe it's because I am a mother myself, but I feel for C. Love. Though I do not believe she is fit to parent in any way. Too sad. Poor Frances Bean. I cannot snark at this situation.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    09:53 AM

    @esmemurphy: I feel for her as well.

    I meant it when I said I was bored. Everyone was acting like her facebook posts were evil and I realized they were not so I figured I'd translate them.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    09:58 AM

    @En0s1: Thanks. I'm thinking of turning this into a blog if she keeps posting stuff on Facebook.

    [courtneylovetranslated.wordpress.com]
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    10:15 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: I thought some of her earlier ramblings were not entirely crazy. I think she is manic and hurried and doesn't think at all before she types, hence the typos and nutty stream of conscience blather. But my impression is that in the past she surrounded herself with sycophantic people who sheltered her from her financial mess and that when she found out about it she honestly had no idea what happened, hence the paranoia and accusations. Which is bizarre and irresponsible, of course. But how many famous folks aren't in that situation? Plus, the recording industry is so shady in their dealings with artists that I can't blame her for feeling like someone had hosed her. Having said that, I still think she is mostly (though not completely) cuckoo bananas.
     Reply
    esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    10:19 AM

    @esmemurphy: I'm honestly not making fun of her at all.

    I'm just bored and having fun with words. And trying to be accurate.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of esmemurphy esmemurphy
    10:24 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: Just to be clear, I am not a fan of her. I just really liked what you wrote. I think you should follow up on your blog idea. You could expand it to include other crazy famous folk. You could de-caps lock Kanye, for example.
     Reply
    esmemurphy was starred esmemurphy was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    10:28 AM

    @esmemurphy: Thanks!

    I just added an About page where I invite people to send me celebrity snippets they want translated. Work is slow this week, so I might as well have fun!
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Betty Draper Betty Draper
    10:50 AM

    @drunkexpatwriter: That was incredible.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter promoted this comment Betty Draper was starred Betty Draper was unstarred
    Image of drunkexpatwriter drunkexpatwriter
    10:58 AM

    @Betty Draper: Thanks. I'm making more translations by goolging her old facebook and twitter posts.
     Reply
    drunkexpatwriter was starred drunkexpatwriter was unstarred
    Image of Mo MoDo Mo MoDo
    07:32 AM

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    As opposed to everything else about Jessica Simpson which is just a JOKE.
     Reply
    Mo MoDo was starred Mo MoDo was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    07:15 AM

    In reply to Angelina Rushed to Hospital After Suicide Attempt, in Ambulance Visible Only to the National Enquirer
    re: fillers. Have you seen Carolina Herrera recently? she's beginning to look like Daffy Duck.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of paul7777 paul7777
    08:53 AM

    @raincoaster:
     Reply
    raincoaster promoted this comment paul7777 was starred paul7777 was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    09:34 AM

    @paul7777: If I could give you a star, I would. That was flawless.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of Swordfish Swordfish
    09:40 AM

    @raincoaster: And the Zoe...I feel if we tap her forehead, maple syrup would come streaming out.
     Reply
    raincoaster promoted this comment Swordfish was starred Swordfish was unstarred
    Image of raincoaster raincoaster
    10:19 AM

    @Swordfish: I don't know that there are ANY fluids in that corpse.
     Reply
    raincoaster was starred raincoaster was unstarred
    Image of richardmarxhatesmyhair richardmarxhatesmyhair
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    Please, Brad!!! But I want it for Christmas!
     Reply
    richardmarxhatesmyhair was starred richardmarxhatesmyhair was unstarred
    Image of TedSez TedSez
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    The Thrilla in BevHilla
     Reply
    TedSez was starred TedSez was unstarred
    Image of MyNameIsChris MyNameIsChris
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    Ali Bumajolie!
     Reply
    Edited by MyNameIsChris at 12/11/09 11:31 AM MyNameIsChris was starred MyNameIsChris was unstarred
    Image of jackbarber jackbarber
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    They are not looking like they hate each other.

    INTOUCH, it's your move.
     Reply
    jackbarber was starred jackbarber was unstarred
    Image of The Real JR The Real JR
    12/11/09

    @jackbarber: <3
     Reply
    The Real JR was starred The Real JR was unstarred
    Image of medeasdragons medeasdragons
    12/11/09

    @jackbarber: Ah, but she's leaning away from him, putting her arm up against Ali as if she needs emotional protection. They're doomed.
     Reply
    jackbarber promoted this comment medeasdragons was starred medeasdragons was unstarred
    Image of jackbarber jackbarber
    12/11/09

    @medeasdragons: Look at that smile though -- She's a regular Keira Knightley!
     Reply
    Edited by jackbarber at 12/11/09 4:47 PM jackbarber was starred jackbarber was unstarred
    Image of chickachicka chickachicka
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    There is something about this picture that makes me think of those girls who flit around parties, hugging and kissing everyone, acting like the best, intimate friend of any "popular" person there.

    A very "look at how cute I am!" vibe.
     Reply
    Edited by chickachicka at 12/11/09 11:35 AM chickachicka was starred chickachicka was unstarred
    Image of filthy tongue filthy tongue
    12/11/09

    @chickachicka: I think she's just excited to be meeting Ali. I know I would be.

    Not that I am some huge Angelina defender. Ali is worth going giggly over.
     Reply
    The Real JR promoted this comment Edited by filthy tongue at 12/11/09 11:43 AM filthy tongue was starred filthy tongue was unstarred
    Image of The Real JR The Real JR
    12/11/09

    @filthy tongue: He's a legend.
     Reply
    The Real JR was starred The Real JR was unstarred
    Image of filthy tongue filthy tongue
    12/11/09

    @The Real JR: Whenever I watch footage of him fighting or in old interviews, I get chills. He's electrifying, and there hasn't really been a unique voice in sports since then. All of today's athletes seem to be beholden to corporate sponsors and the like. Makes me :(
     Reply
    filthy tongue was starred filthy tongue was unstarred
    Image of A Message To Rudy A Message To Rudy
    12/11/09

    @The Real JR: When I met him at the small newspaper where I used to work he told me the following joke unprompted:

    Q: What did Lincoln say after the three-day drunk?
    A: I freed the what???

    I was all, "Huh?"
     Reply
    A Message To Rudy was starred A Message To Rudy was unstarred
    Image of The Real JR The Real JR
    12/11/09

    @A Message To Rudy: lol what?
     Reply
    The Real JR was starred The Real JR was unstarred
    Image of MsMuffinMcGuffin MsMuffinMcGuffin
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    "Tiger Woods girlfriend finds a new ace."
     Reply
    MsMuffinMcGuffin was starred MsMuffinMcGuffin was unstarred
    Image of A Message To Rudy A Message To Rudy
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    "The woman is alright, but why is Mark Twain here?"
     Reply
    A Message To Rudy was starred A Message To Rudy was unstarred
    Image of resipsaloquacious resipsaloquacious
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    Behind that smile she is thinking:

    "Just think of the money I would save money on batteries...."
     Reply
    resipsaloquacious was starred resipsaloquacious was unstarred
    Image of AzureTexan AzureTexan
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    Muhammalina.
     Reply
    AzureTexan was starred AzureTexan was unstarred
    Image of gooneruk gooneruk
    12/11/09

    @AzureTexan: Jali.
     Reply
    gooneruk was starred gooneruk was unstarred
    Image of resipsaloquacious resipsaloquacious
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    Just add one more item to the list of:

    "How Joe Frazier got royally hosed."
     Reply
    resipsaloquacious was starred resipsaloquacious was unstarred
    Image of Mymoustache Mymoustache
    12/11/09

    In reply to Flirts Like a Butterfly, Stings Like a Bee
    That beard screams "Take your coloured hands off mah wife..."
     Reply
    misslinda promoted this comment Mymoustache was starred Mymoustache was unstarred
    Image of misslinda misslinda
    12/11/09

    @Mymoustache: And her shirt screams "I just got the part of Blanche in Lifetime's Golden Girls remake."
     Reply
    misslinda was starred misslinda was unstarred
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