Does Anyone Know Where Fox News' RNC Booth Is?
I can’t seem to find it.
Uber Got a New Logo, Which Doesn't Mean Shit
In corporate America, the most persistent refuge of outright charlatanism is “branding.” The only thing more offensive to honesty than a “rebranding” campaign is a breathless feature story about a rebranding campaign.
American Zombies Crave the Leadership of Brands
People in the USA are fed up with these Washington politicians who don’t care about folks like us. We want to be led by those we really believe in: brands.
Tobacco Company Now Just a Company of Brands (That Are Tobacco)
Imperial Tobacco Group, the maker of Kools, Winstons, Cohibas, and Gauloises, is changing its name to Imperial Brands, in order to remind the world what the company is really about: brands.
“‘We know his goal is to make America great again,’ a woman said. ‘It’s on his hat.’”
“Three Hidden Reasons Why Brands Struggle with Authenticity.” All three reasons are “Brands are illusory constructs built upon a foundation of cynicism for whom the concept of ‘authenticity’ is wholly nonsensical,” but it doesn’t say that in Ad Age for some reason.
Why are hedge funds rushing to rebrand themselves as anything besides "hedge funds?" As one hedge fund manager explains, "Labels can create a lot of emotions."
Please Don't Be Cynical About This New Site's Huge Corporate Sponsors
What happens when you combine the editorial sensibility of Upworthy with the world's most powerful corporations and filter it all through Vice's ad agency? Collectively.org, a new site that will save the earth. Cynical? Stop being part of the problem.
Which of Your Favorite Brands Will Soon Be Thrown In the Garbage?
Last week, P&G, the world's largest consumer goods company, announced that it will be jettisoning as many as 100 of its well-known brands of household crap. Now, the corporate equivalent of "Guessing Lindsay Lohan's Fuck List" is guessing which brands will go. Let's play!
A Case Study in How the "Brand" Concept Makes Case Studies Stupid
The New Yorker website, not to be confused with the New Yorker print magazine, is thinking about status today. In an item on its "Currency" vertical, the online New Yorker introduces us to researchers who have gained fascinating insights into how people police the abstract status identities they've constructed around…
Pizza Hut Is Willing to Try Something Wacky: "Higher Quality"
In Pizza Hut's quest to reinvent itself as a restaurant serving food fit for human consumption, no tactic is too radical. Pizzas made by actual humans? You bet. And now the dynamic company is making the boldest innovation of all.
Taco Bell Spinoff Explicitly Branded With Death Symbols
Despite decades of devotion to low-quality garbage food, today's Americans think they're "too good" for a "fast food" restaurant. You wouldn't be caught dead in a "Taco Bell?" How about this rebranded fancy Taco Bell, though?
"Arcangel Surfware products consist of everything one needs to 'chill' in bed all day and surf the Internet in comfort: sweat pants, sweat shirts, bed sheets, pillow covers, iPad® and iPhone® covers, magazines, and music."
The big hedge fund SAC Capital has given itself a new name, which is something for it to talk about other than its massive insider trading scandal.
You Hate Global Warming? Man, Chipotle, Like, Totally Agrees With You!
Do you, like, care about the environment? Yeah, cool, me too. And you eat organic, yeah? Right, right. But sometimes you just want a burrito, man, like, a big fat flour roll of stuff, and Chipotle's the place, yeah? Oh hey, did you see the news yesterday? Global warming may ruin their guacamole!
"There are only so many malls and airports."- the president of Cinnabon's unsatisfactory explanation for the existence of Cinnabon Vodka, Cinnabon lip balm, and Cinnabon air freshener.
Americans Will Be Drugged to Believe Their Soda Is Sweeter
In the future, soda will not be some grotesque concoction of artificial flavors and sugar. In the future, soda will be a grotesque concoction of artificial flavors and mysterious taste bud-modifying chemical agents. Progress!
What Shall We Call Lobbyists Instead of "Lobbyists?"
The American League of Lobbyists is changing its name. Seems that the word "lobbyist" has some negative connotations, in the minds of ignorant flyover state troglodytes and opportunistic media vultures. What shall we call lobbyists, in the future?
Brands Are People Now
Gone are the days when a "brand" was just some bullshit made up by bullshit consultants who charged a ridiculous amount of money for bullshit. From now on, brands are people—just like you.
Man Arrested for Branding Woman's Genitals Arrested Again for Dog Porn
The arrest of an Arizona man early this month on suspicion of branding his name into the private parts of at least one former girlfriend has resulted in the same man's arrest earlier this week on bestiality charges.
