• Apparently Lindsay Lohan was seen making out and leaving the Sol Kerzner Mazagan Beach Resort launch party in Morocco with 300 hottie Gerard Butler. Wow, the collective tabloid media really really wants this guy to date someone famous—whether it's Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, or LiLo. Either that or he has a publicist who really really would rather have the playboy rumors floating around than the gay ones. Speaking of no longer gay, it seems Lohan has given up women since breaking with girlfriend Samantha Ronson. She's been linked to Butler and model (and SamRo look-alike) Petey Wright. Both Butler and Lohan's reps deny anything untoward happened between the two and Lindsay tweeted (creative capitalization and punctuation is hers), "One minute i'm dumped, the next i'm dating a model, now Gerard? WHO HAS THE TIME! such lies - it keeps me laughing." Well, and it keeps all of us reading. [Gatecrasher]
• Mischa Barton had a really rough Halloween. Not only is she reportedly off the wagon, she had a drink dumped on her in a NY bar by a guy who says she stepped on his foot. She threw a drink back at him (so unlike Mischa, to waste perfectly good booze) and got her friends to rough the guy up before bouncers stepped in. Things were a little bit more civil on Friday night at Yoni Goldberg's Halloween party, where she and ex Brandon Davis just glowered at each other across the room. Maybe she was too "wobbly" to go say hello. [UK Mirror, P6]
• Jeremy Piven is taking this "you are what you eat" thing way too seriously. The infamous sushigate survivor now claims that he quit drinking soy milk because it was making him grow man boobs. And here we thought that babies loved milk. [Digital Spy]
• Broadway is a tiny community, so it makes sense that Jude Law and his ex Sienna Miller, both currently on the Great White Way, would bump into each other. They are denying that they are anything but friends. If they are rekindling their romance, he's going to have to explain why he was sucking face with a hot blonde at The Box the other night. Cause it's not like Jude Law to cheat. No, never. Not him. [People, P6]
• Kate Winslet is our new hero. She sued the U.K.'s Daily Mail when they said she was lying about not working out before the Academy Awards, and she just won a $40,000 payout from the newspaper. She actually wants people to think she doesn't exercise! She looks good, doesn't go to the gym, and is a badass. Amazing. [People]
• Minus Jon and her eight, Kate Gosselin had a special on TLC last night called Kate's Story. The moral of the story is that "a part of [her] always will [love Jon]. We're glad someone does. Actually, we take that back. [People]
• Gossip dowager Cindy Adams is at some luxury retirement home in Arizona. Then why hasn't she retired? [Cindy Adams]

[Image via Getty]

• Megan Fox says she has supernatural sexual powers. I say it comes from her freaky thumbs. Those freaky, beautiful thumbs. They resemble the thumbs of other superpowered individuals. But she's using her powers for the best of bests: doing it. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• John Travolta's going to testify in the extortion case regarding the paramedics who tried to roll Travolta during his son's death. [TMZ]
  
  
• Oh, man. How does it feel to be Deryck Whibley, the Sum 41 lead singer now getting divorced from and by Avril Lavigne, after she spent the summer partying on a yacht with greaseball oil heir Brandon Davis? Well, probably shitty. They've been together since she was 17, got married when they were 21, and now at 24, Lavigne's saying L8R to the original SK8R BOI. Which is the kind of thing he should be reassured by, though: she went from a Canadian punk rocker to Brandon Davis, which is the celebrity romance equivalent of going from drinking lots of Schlitz with the occasional hit of weed, to smoking meth and getting all scratchy and jaw-clenchy. Brandon Davis, Avril? Really? Say L8R to your dignity. Whibley need not worry about karmic retribution. [Page Six]
  
  
• Taylor Swift may write a song about being Kanye'd by Kanye West at the VMAs, thus resulting a hip hop beef on par with LL Cool J and Canibus, but not on par with, say, Jay-Z and Nas. Because this one's a no-brainer: Swift will slay West with her sick rhymes about destroying him up the ass with a fist and a jammy, or whatever rappers scream at each other about when they beef these days. [US]
  
  
• Yoko Ono calls Britney Spears a survivor. Meanwhile, remember that time Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles? [US]
  
  
• Michael Jackson's brothers are filming a reality show. This is why I'm glad I only have one brother and zero reality shows. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jay-Z called Kanye West "super passionate," which puts him in the same category of bark-happy rapper DMX, and where's DMX now? In the kennel, or wherever rappers go to have their careers put down or at least go away for a few years. [Showbiz Spy]
  
  
• Jon Gosselin won't charge for his signature. Good thing, because anyone willing to pay for his signature should probably be jailed or sentenced to a particularly intense colonic to get whatever bad chemicals are inside of them that's forcing them to do that extracted in the most visceral way possible. [TMZ]
  
  
• Rebecca Gayheart—yes, Eric Dane's wife, she of The McSteamy Affair—is preggers. She's said to be having quite a bit of trouble with morning sickness. Doctors attributed it to reading too much Gawker in the morning. Apparently, the rage-induced anonymous binge-commenting provoked by typos were making her queasy. [Page Six]
  
  
• Stone Temple Pilot Scott Weiland had a seizure on an airplane, which had to be piloted to the ground in order for him to recieve appropriate medical care. Hopefully, he's okay. [TMZ]
  
  
• Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around, Comes Around" philosophy has been transcended...by Justin Timberlake. The other night at Avenue, Timberlake skipped the line. Some girl gets faux-pissy and jokes to Timberlake that he can't skip the line, to which he replies "Oh, I absolutely can," in all sincerity. She then asked for an autograph (clearly a tourist), to which he replied that he would, but he's too wasted (the best excuse in New York). Every now and then, Timberlake should be allowed to—or even, be encouraged—to be a dick. I mean, jesus, this is guy that brought sexy back. He has a quota to fill, assholes. [Page Six]
  
  
• Is it a good sign or a bad sign when a director misses a press junket for her first movie? Take, for example, the hot mess that's going to be Drew Barrymore's Whip It, starring Ellen Page as a rising roller derby-ette. She missed the press for the Toronto Film Festival because she was out getting tanked with Amanda Seyfried a couple of nights before. [Page Six]
  
  
• Some guy tried to violate the magical ecosystem of Hollywood by assulting blessed Hollywood munchkin Ryan Seacrest. He tried to get into Seacrest's clown car, Seacrest did what anybody else would do—pulled away—and now he's going to face 15 days in jail and is ordered to stay away from Seacrest. If the man is secretly an aspiring unicorn, this is essentially equivalent to a particularly heinous, roundabout instance of self-immolation. [NYDN]
  
  
• Katherine Heigl and Josh Kelly have a new Babsian in their lives, the 10 month-old Naleigh, adopted from South Korea. It's really pretty cute, and there's a picture. You thought I was going to go somewhere else with that, didn't you? Fuckoff. I like babies. [Page Six]

Finally, Shana Tova, Jews! It's the first day of the Jewish New Year, and if you're not at synagogue for the high holidays, feel free to email Rabbi Foster (I was bar-mitzvah'd: that certifies me, no?) at Foster [at] Gawker [Dot] Com with all of your resolutions for the Jewish New Year. Rising ponzi schemers: I'm listening, and have a solid client base. Now: bump this shit.

• Apparently Courtney Love said something about being suicidal amid her 60 (!!) blog posts Sunday but she also said her mood was "pirate" (good, right??) and that "ebaz and mj dresses saved my life." Also putting on a dress made her feel pretty. Also: "Dada, circus."
• NBC's Dan Abrams and supermodel Elle Macpherson are an item. [P6]
• After a fan committed suicide in front of her house, Paula Abdul hired "healers" to get rid of ghosts, and still is convinced the place is haunted. [P6]
• Sean Combs: ""I shave and groom my private areas." Good morning to you too, Sean. [R&M - second item]
• No one tell Ricky Gervais the pound is now worth less than $1.50. The city needs all the economic stimulus it can get [R&M - third item]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis is now said to be a degenerate gambler, in addition to a sponge. [P6]
• Madonna is crushing Britney Spears' only-recently-revived hopes and dreams. [Showbiz Spy]
• Miley Cyrus is not dead. [E!]

• Wacky old Giorgio Armani is going back on his promise to PETA not to use fur in his designs. [P6]
• Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston was seen coming out of a fur shop. [Faded Youth]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis hasn't actually inherited anything yet, so he's scamming all the other heirs and rich people for money, and that's apparently not cool. One of them is going to call the American Express fraud department if complaining to Page Six doesn't produce immediate results. Smart plan. [P6]
• Heather Mills is actually suing someone who called her a "witch" on the grounds that she's not actually a witch. Apparently in England witch accusations are still taken very seriously. [P6]
• Perez Hilton will be photographed with his hair on fire surrounded by naked people. [P6]
• Supposedly, Crispin Glover disowned a friend for sleeping with Gene Simmons in that sex tape. [Showbiz Spy]

Brandon Davis and Scott Storch in 1 Oak...at the same table. Scott was with this blah girl & Brandon was sitting the whole looking at his cell phone.

Send your sightings to stalker@gawker.com. Include time, date and exact location so we can post it to the Gawker Stalker map.

• Having lost his criminal case, famed spin-class grunter Stuart Sugarman sued Christopher Carter, who manhandled his stationary bike, in civil court. He also sued his gym, Equinox. [Daily News]
• Rum scion Anton Bacardi owes alimony in New Jersey, but it's unclear if authorities will be able to track him down, since he's often in Dubai and supposedly friends with King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia. [Post]
• Wait, Katie Couric was dancing with Jimmy Fallon? [P6]
• Mary-Kate Olsen tried to get into an SUV but did a Lindsay Lohan-style drunk fall instead. There's video. [LA Rag Mag]
• Bill Murray's wife accused him of being an abusive sex addict. The actor is now accusing her of being a child-abusing drunkard, and has a police report to prove it. [P6]
• Actress Tori Spelling gave birth to daughter Stella Doreen McDermott. Her other child, Liam, is one year old. [OK!]
• Brandon Davis continues to be a mooching greaseball, but this time in the Hamptons. Yay for seasonal gossip! [P6]

• Actor/NRA man Charlton Heston's hands grew cold, dead.
• We had a thoughful discussion about Battlestar Galactica's season premiere.
• A Princeton kid discovered drugs on campus!
• Unfunny comedian Dane Cook got even more unfunnier.
• Former Gawker chief Choire Sicha actually got Elizabeth Berkley to say something funny. But the LA Times cut it.
• Oil-heir-loser-with-no-reason-to-live Brandon Davis casually flung the N-word at a man and then cowered.

• Britney Spears can't have nice things because men will take them from her. Yesterday her dad got permission from a judge to sell off at least some of the singer's cars, and it emerged that former hanger-on Sam Lutfi allegedly intercepted "hundreds of thousands of dollars worth" of jewelry, fur coats and other luxury items intended for Spears.
• On the bright side, Spears may actually be getting healthier under her father's conservatorship: The cast of How I Met Your Mother claims she was "surprisingly easy to work with." Star Neil Patrick Harris said she was "rather shy and intimidated." Classic politician's gambit: Set expectations low, then exceed them!
• Designer Donatella Versace will be a live mannequin at Barneys today. [P6]
• Tom Cruise historically does this weird thing where he will sometimes awkwardly make "friends" with people for PR reasons, and fellow actor Will Smith is his newest victim. Cruise has been basically stalking Smith, flying to New York for his movie opening and surprising him at Smith's Hollywood Walk of Fame installation. The horrific result: Charitable Smith and his wife donated $20,000 to a Scientology literacy campaign. [Fox]
• Michael Stipe of ancient alternaband REM is gay and about to say so in Spin. [P6]
• Here is a picture of actor Ashton Kutcher in tight Calvin Klein briefs, to kick off or ruin your morning. [LA Rag Mag]
• Madonna's flack said the singer's marriage to Guy Ritchie is a happy one and the whole family is "joyfully back together" after the wife and husband finished far-flung movie projects. Page Six is so not buying it and points out that, to the Brit ear, Ritchie clearly has an affected gangland accent that sounds as fake over there as Madonna's faux-British accents sounds in the U.S.
• The whole thing about actor George Clooney returning to TV show ER was, of course, total bullshit. [People]
• Perez Hilton does not seem to realize Amy Winehouse has an actual skin disorder and registered a false drug-related accusation against the singer-druggie, perhaps the first in her entire life. [Perez]
• Oil heir Brandon Davis is now disrupting lives in California instead of South Florida. He made a scene at designer Lauren Conrad's fashion show and was removed by security [P6]
• Kirstin Davis of Sex and the City is not the one in that porn photo allegedly from a sex tape. [OK, P6]

1. Zach Braff: Conquests include Drew Barrymore, Shiri Appleby, Sarah Chalke, Mandy Moore, Bonnie Somerville and Kirsten Dunst.

2. Brandon Davis: Hit it (and subsequently quit it) with Mischa Barton, model Caroline Vreeland, Miranda Kerr, Harrod's heiress Camilla Al Fayed and model Cheyenne Tozzi.

3. Cisco Adler: Dating history includes Mischa Barton, Kimberly Stewart and Lauren Conrad.

4. Dax Shepard: Rumoured to have slept with Kate Hudson, Kirsten Bell, Tara Lipinski and Ione Skye.

5. Marilyn Manson: Got biblical with Dita Von Teese, Evan Rachel Wood, Rose McGowan and Jenna Jameson.

[Source: Who's Dated Who]

• HOW DOES ZACH BRAFF BAG HOT CHICKS? [ONTD]

• London tabloid Daily Mail snickered at Kate Moss' bony knees during Moss' night on the town with her rocker boyfriend, but what about the frightening shot of her face at left? The tab writes, under that photo, "Kate's hard-partying ways are beginning to show on the world beauty." Or maybe it's just the tint on the limo glass? [Mail]
• Britney Spears was not allowed to go to the bathroom alone, call anyone or touch the mail, but she was allowed to order something called a "lobster burger."
• Lily Allen had a miscarriage, broke up with her lover and her show got low ratings. Now lingerie maker Agent Provocateur is backing out of a modeling deal she trained hard for. Where is Chris Crocker when you need him? [Sun]
• Yankee Derek Jeter shut down by actress Sienna Miller, who had no idea who he was. [P6]
• Vanessa Hudgens,18, looking cute in an airport. ("Hot" would be creepy still, right? Too soon?) [X17]
• After being "inappropriate" with an adult film star during the taping of a reality show, married Daniel Baldwin returned home. Now he's got a black eye.
• Oil heir and inventor of the term "firecrotch" Brandon Davis is out of rehab and, surprise, now has a short temper, most recently with some South Beach hotel staff who called the police. Sounds like a certain hotel needs to sign up for the Russell Crowe Celebrity Sensitivity Training Workshops. [P6]
• Jessica Simpson is blocking a video she starred in, because it might possibly have some redeeming social value. [P6]
• After all the pussies canceled their Oscar parties, which diehard queen was left standing? Elton Fucking John, that's who. [P6]
• Michael Bolton is engaged to an actress from Desperate Housewives in an attempt to create the most sickening wedding ever. [Daily News]

• Kevin Federline is dragging Britney Spears back into court because of her erratic driving—she recently ran a red light with the kids in the backseat. [Us Weekly]
  
• It's okay with retired Supreme Court justice Sandra Day O'Connor that her husband is having an affair, because he has Alzheimer's and his nursing home hand-holding has given him a new lease on life. Aw/ew. [NYP]
  
• Stylists forced to touch the head of oil heir Brandon Davis wore rubber gloves. [Page Six]
  

• Why are Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong parading their PDAs around the town's hotspots? Although! Page Six says they were dining at Waverly Inn together on Tuesday—but the photographic evidence says that Ashley was actually dining with Sting, Slash and Stephen Fry. No Lance shows up in the paparazzi photos. [Page Six, Image: Splash Photos]
  
• Alleged oil heir Brandon Davis is in town; please avoid the greasy wingnut on your travels. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Heather Mills owes $3 million in legal bills so far in her endless divorce from Paul McCartney and says they're going to kill her just like they killed Princess Di. Oh sugar no! Also she is tired of being called a whore and a gold digger. Well, ya gotta spend money to make money! (Um, whore!) [Page Six, Gatecrasher]

BRANDON DAVIS: (nasty)

Q: What do you think of the Enron verdicts?

A: Huh?

Q: Do you think Jeff Skilling should get life in prison?

A: I dunno. I've been in Europe. Why should I care?

PARIS HILTON: (laughing to Brandon)

A: Brandon, you're in oil. Enron is oil.

BRANDON:

A: Oh. Yeah, they should go to prison.

Q: What do you think of hurting Lindsay Lohan's feelings with that off color remark?

A:Shut up!