It's an infinite loop of hair. [Holy Cuteness, Orlando Sentinel, image via Busch Gardens]

After his first career as a rock star, Bret Michaels had a second wind as a reality TV personality on shows like Rock of Love. If only they were as trashy as this parody, they might still be on VH1.

Ashton Kutcher's maybe-mistress milks her 15 minutes. The Baldwin family Christmas will be argumentative. "Taylor Momsen offends Scottish crowd," but not for the reason you think. Tuesday gossip will soon be naked.

"Make it or break it or die," said Josh about the show that wrapped Rock N Roll Fantasy Camp. Then his band Tugboat Circus, led by eloquent Svengali Mark Hudson and his sexy vision, won it all.

Whenever Brett Michaels' isn't denying an affair with one Cryus woman, he's denying an affair with another Cyrus woman. On Wendy Williams today Brett Michaels makes sure people know he didn't sleep with Tish or Miley Cyrus.

Today at Gawker.TV, Bret Michaels swears he didn't have sex with Miley's Mom, the Wheel of Fortune whiz defends her intelligence, we celebrate television's greatest robots, fun at the Natural Museum of History, and Scarlett Johansson makes the trombone sexy.

On Fox & Friends, Bret Michaels reports he didn't bang Miley Cyrus' mom. He promises he was only hanging out with Miley, not her mom. He's not having an affair, he's just hanging a lot with a teenage girl.

Someone needs to start hiding the tabloids from Wendy Williams. She freaked out when she found out that Miley's Mom was allegedly having an affair with Bret Michaels and gave Miley Cyrus permission to get drunk on her eighteenth birthday.

According to Us Weekly, Tish Cyrus—mother of famed tween Miley—had an affair with Poison singer Bret Michaels. I don't know what to think about that, except I wonder why she didn't have to go through Rock of Love.

Today at Gawker.TV, Audrina Patridge shimmies around to The Hills' theme song, the mother to Bret Michaels' children likes to box with the Rock of Love girls in mind, and we're introduced How I Met Your Mother's Mother! Finally.

"No, they're not airbrushed," began Bret Michaels when he was asked about his recent nude Billboard cover, "I'm like The Situation's older older brother." Why won't he admit that he's been even a little brushed up for a magazine cover?

During last night's Miss Universe pageant, judge William Baldwin asked Miss Philippines, "What is one big mistake that you've made in your life, and what did you do to make it right?" Her response? She's made no mistakes! Video inside.

Guess what! The Miss Universe pageant is on right now. Since nobody cares about who wins, I've decided to pull clips of the worst/creepiest/most awkward moments—just from the first hour!—and post them as your schadenfreude fix. Videos inside.

Since Brangelina definitely aren't breaking up, gossips dig deep for rumors from Angie's past. SamRo visits LiLo in jail. Bret Michaels' tour bus busted for drugs. Mel Gibson's latest rumored rant: "I want Jew blood on my hands." TGIFriday gossip.

To celebrate, the starcrossed lovers of Wasilla are dressed like Jehovah's Witness proselytizers on the cover of Us. Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem got married in secret. Are Rihanna and Chris reuniting? Wednesday gossip has wedding fever.

The world recoils at the news that a supermodel is not completely flawless, just mostly flawless. Jeremy Piven drops his cellphone in the toilet. Kristen Stewart has a litter of half-wolf hybrids. Tuesday gossip confirms what you already knew.

Lady Gaga buys some ghostbusting equipment. Michelle McGee strips for a cheating website. Sarah Ferguson has standards. How did Gary Coleman die? Sunday's Gossip Round up is trying to concentrate even though there's a big parade outside.

Reality TV "star" Kendra Wilkinson is making tons of money off the release of her sex tape. So why is she talking about how it's the worst thing ever? It's just one of several approaches for smut-scandalized celebs.