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New York, 7:18 PM
Tue Nov 24
54 posts in the last 24 hours

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    Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie

    Tucker Max and Carson Daly, Together

    So How's That Tucker Max Movie Doing?

    Tucker Max Lies About Totally Inconsequential Thing

    Today's Lies From Tucker Max

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  • Your version of Internet Explorer is not supported. Please upgrade to the most recent version in order to view comments.

    Dsmvwl  Admin  Promote to frontpage Approve user Ban user ×
    Image of PontiusPirate PontiusPirate
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    #11. Tucker Max is the Roman Polanski of our time
     Reply
    goetz promoted this comment PontiusPirate was starred PontiusPirate was unstarred
    Image of goetz goetz
    10/12/09

    @PontiusPirate: They're confusing "rape culture" with "rape rape."
     Reply
    goetz was starred goetz was unstarred
    Image of jaxdesert jaxdesert
    10/12/09

    @goetz: I love the irony of this quote:

    "I rarely laugh out loud in movies, but I remember I did during the shit scene and the scene with Drew strangling Lara. "

    He WAS being ironic, wasn't he?
     Reply
    goetz promoted this comment jaxdesert was starred jaxdesert was unstarred
    Image of goetz goetz
    10/12/09

    @jaxdesert: "And when I hit that homeless guy with my car, and when I fed broken glass to those pigeons."
     Reply
    goetz was starred goetz was unstarred
    Image of goetz goetz
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    I hope they serve humble pie at the DVD release party.
     Reply
    goetz was starred goetz was unstarred
    Image of Bottle-Of-Smoke Bottle-Of-Smoke
    10/12/09

    @goetz: You win.
     Reply
    Bottle-Of-Smoke was starred Bottle-Of-Smoke was unstarred
    Image of Varnsen Varnsen
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    "You smell like you got buttfucked by a garbage truck."

    Wouldn't you then smell only faintly of garbage truck? It would be worse if you just made out with a garbage truck.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming promoted this comment Varnsen was starred Varnsen was unstarred
    Image of Uncle_Billy_Slumming Uncle_Billy_Slumming
    10/12/09

    @Varnsen:

    Clearly you are not conversant in poop.
     Reply
    Uncle_Billy_Slumming was starred Uncle_Billy_Slumming was unstarred
    Image of Varnsen Varnsen
    10/15/09

    @Uncle_Billy_Slumming: Oh, I'm conversant in poop - just not in buttfucking.

    Anyway, so you'd smell like poop, (although I imagine the garbage truck would more so). This is a function of buttfucking, not garbage trucks. #tuckermax
     Reply
    Varnsen was starred Varnsen was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    I'm glad to see Tucker's now in the "rationalizing failure" portion of his career. And that rationalized failures are his only company.
     Reply
    Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of i'm a bottle i'm a bottle
    10/12/09

    @Unsolicited Advice: I'd like to quote something that you wrote earlier. It states succinctly what Tucker Max means:

    The whole Tucker Max ouvre is nothing more than "According to Jim" for the under-30 set, a helpful indoctrination program for an overweight middle-aged period of dumbassery prior to justifiable expiration on the couch of some sort of heart defect.

    If you go to the forums at Max's website you'll see that this is the case. People aren't necessarily looking to laugh or swap stories, they're looking for personal guidance into the successful living of an undistinguished American sub- or exurban life.
     Reply
    i'm a bottle was starred i'm a bottle was unstarred
    Image of Unsolicited Advice Unsolicited Advice
    10/12/09

    @i'm a bottle:

    There is a serious crisis of masculinity in this country. Tucker Max provides a helpful way for All The Young Dudes to measure themselves: how many bitches did you fuck, how hot were they, and how big of a dump did you take afterward? And he's hardly alone in selling this mentality to boys with nothing better to occupy their time.

    It's not even a lack of role models for young men, it's a lack of roles. Outside of the bedroom and toilet, of course.
     Reply
    Unsolicited Advice was starred Unsolicited Advice was unstarred
    Image of Richard Petty Bourgeoisie Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
    10/12/09

    @Unsolicited Advice: Amen. I feel like an outlier sometimes because (1) I use Irish Spring and Old Spice, (2) I open car doors for my wife and (3) I internalize both stress and joy to a degree that will almost surely spell my demise before age 70. Will the other real men please stand up and be counted???

    For serious, the "Adam Sandler Generation" fails to realize that arrested development is something to be laughed at and ridiculed, not something to aspire to. Don't get me wrong, every 18-22 year-old should be granted some leeway when it comes to being led around by their cocks, but it seems that the expiration date on that behavior has been abolished. As with everything else bad, I blame the Baby Boomers.
     Reply
    Edited by Richard Petty Bourgeoisie at 10/12/09 2:04 PM Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was starred Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was unstarred
    Image of femputer-says-no femputer-says-no
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    Ha! # 3 is right - humor derived from the english language is where it's at! As demonstrated by # 4, who writes that PeePee and PooPoo are "two very different levels of humor."

    That's true! One comes out of the PeePee hole and one comes out of the PooPoo hole!
     Reply
    tigolbitties promoted this comment Hamilton Nolan approved this comment femputer-says-no was starred femputer-says-no was unstarred
    Image of Bottle-Of-Smoke Bottle-Of-Smoke
    10/12/09

    @femputer-says-no: And with lines like "you smell like you got buttfucked by a garbage truck", the author makes yet another bid for the title Oscar Wilde of the Zeta Chi Set.
     Reply
    Bottle-Of-Smoke was starred Bottle-Of-Smoke was unstarred
    Image of RollsRoyceRevenge RollsRoyceRevenge
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    Alas, Seanbaby has yet to make a movie. And given the existence of this thing I can't see why he doesn't.
     Reply
    RollsRoyceRevenge was starred RollsRoyceRevenge was unstarred
    Image of Richard Petty Bourgeoisie Richard Petty Bourgeoisie
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    I think you infused the right amount of slapstick, physical comedy (the shit scene, Dan pissing on the cops) into the movie.

    Hey, Plagarist Pete! Stop copying and pasting my comments from the Schindler's List message board!
     Reply
    Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was starred Richard Petty Bourgeoisie was unstarred
    Image of Spirit Fingers Spirit Fingers
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    Since clearly the same amount of thought went into producing this travesty of human existence, I'm going to just look at a couple random words in each comment and see what I come up with:

    Screwed up, mold, crazy, shit, motherfucker, garbage, hates women, bored, unsettling, bad reviews.

    That's really all I needed to know. Thanks!
     Reply
    Spirit Fingers was starred Spirit Fingers was unstarred
    Image of Caius Caius
    10/12/09

    @Spirit Fingers: "I didn't find it funny . . . I was bored." This is fun!
     Reply
    Caius was starred Caius was unstarred
    Image of Mymoustache Mymoustache
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    It's like a celebration of mediocrity!
     Reply
    britneyspearstears promoted this comment Mymoustache was starred Mymoustache was unstarred
    Image of Dr. Nick Dr. Nick
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    Shitty With A Chance Of No Balls
     Reply
    johnny_carsick promoted this comment Dr. Nick was starred Dr. Nick was unstarred
    Image of BettyCrocker BettyCrocker
    10/12/09

    In reply to Tucker Max's Biggest Fans Explain His Transcendent Movie
    How To Enjoy "I Hope I'm Not Queer In Modell's":
    1. Set brain to 0.
    2. Try to work up theatre-clearing flatus.
    3. Practice braying drunk laugh.
    4. Set cellphone to ring the guitar solo from Van Halen's "Jump".
    5. Eat popcorn. In mouth. On floor. Save enough to throw around, like the sad monkeys in the Bronx Zoo do with poop.
     Reply
    Edited by BettyCrocker at 10/12/09 12:24 PM BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred
    Image of City_Dater City_Dater
    10/12/09

    @BettyCrocker:

    You forgot the giant prolonged burp that should preceed the braying drunk laugh, but other than that small oversight, you've captured something here.

    Now if only we had a way to humanely stamp it out before it spreads any further...
     Reply
    City_Dater was starred City_Dater was unstarred
    Image of BettyCrocker BettyCrocker
    10/12/09

    @City_Dater: It's already dying. See: Montauk Monster.
     Reply
    BettyCrocker was starred BettyCrocker was unstarred
    Image of bananaballs bananaballs
    09/30/09

    In reply to Tucker Max and Carson Daly, Together
    Even the camera work and editing are douchey. They should run away together. I recommend it, actually.
     Reply
    bananaballs was starred bananaballs was unstarred
    Image of metoometoo metoometoo
    09/30/09

    In reply to Tucker Max and Carson Daly, Together
    Wretched wretched wretched wretched wretched wretched wretched wretched. That is all.
     Reply
    metoometoo was starred metoometoo was unstarred
    Image of miss_msry miss_msry
    09/30/09

    In reply to Tucker Max and Carson Daly, Together
    Smack me in the head NCIS dude, but I thought they were the same person. Are they? I'm still not sure.
     Reply
    miss_msry was starred miss_msry was unstarred
    Image of andBegorrah andBegorrah
    09/30/09

    In reply to Tucker Max and Carson Daly, Together
    There isn't a lot of support for my unapologetic femininity in this culture either. Sure, the teeth in my vagina are off-putting, but it's just me being authentic and real.
     Reply
    andBegorrah was starred andBegorrah was unstarred
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