An Alabama man suspects that the burglars who broke into his house also tried to smoke his dead wife's ashes in a failed attempt to get high.

On Tuesday, burglars made off with an iPad, Macbook, and jewelry from Barbara August's New Jersey home. They also took her puppy Pepper, a black, gray, and white schnauzer-poodle mix. August is, understandably, devastated.

How could you possibly improve the story of two 19-year-old women falling in love and going on a summer-long crime spree? What if I told you a lion was involved?

Is there any kind of crime better than the crime you can imagine being committed by a good-looking and diverse team of criminals cracking stilted jokes on, say, USA or TNT? No, there is not! And so it is with the "Sleeping Gas Bandits":

So now the American Kennel Club's saying that dog theft's up by 32 percent this year. Apparently their special database recording animal thefts has recorded 224 reports since January 1. That's almost as many thefts recorded in all of 2010 (255, if you're keeping score).