Vanity Fair caught up with the freedom fighter himself in London:

What could happen to him if he went back today? "I don't know," he says. "There are enough lawyers working on it. So I let them work." He blames a lot of what happened to him in America on the eight George W. Bush years. "America has always been a country of dreams, and it became a country of hate."

Alberto Gonzales never could get a decent table.
[Pic: Getty]

He says, basically: He'd had enough of his country being fucked up and his countrymen being killed. He snapped. And he's not sorry.

The opportunity came, and I took it.

I took it out of loyalty to every drop of innocent blood that has been shed through the occupation or because of it, every scream of a bereaved mother, every moan of an orphan, the sorrow of a rape victim, the teardrop of an orphan.

I say to those who reproach me: do you know how many broken homes that shoe which I threw had entered? How many times it had trodden over the blood of innocent victims? Maybe that shoe was the appropriate response when all values were violated.

So he's a human before he's a reporter. An interesting notion. Not one shared by America's elite press corps. They're more of the "I totally got Bush to autograph a shoe for my kids, isn't that a hoot?" school of professional nihilistic suck-upitude.

So, Muntader explicitly says he's not a hero but I think he is, at least for journalists. You can't go crazy if you don't have a soul.

"He is going to flee," said his brother, Uday al-Zaidi.

That could be fun too! Muntader (there are about 12 different ways to spell his name, deal with it) reportedly plans to snitch on everyone who helped to torture him—including the government officials who authorized it—so he's clearing out of Iraq for good.

Muntader said he was beaten, whipped, subjected to electric shocks, and left outside in the cold while soaking wet. He's also kind of convinced that US intelligence services might assassinate him! God damn. We swear, US intelligence services, if this guy is assassinated we are going to be so mad, we are going to throw mad shoes, and more. Here's his explanation for what he did, which is fantastic:

"I saw the chance and I seized it," he said. "If those who blamed me knew how many destroyed houses I walked over with those shoes that I threw; and how many times those shoes mixed with the blood of the innocent; and how many times those shoes went into homes where the honor of those who lived there was disgraced, then it was probably the proper response."

Let's all take a moment to remember what a great man George W. Bush was.

Ari Fleischer may indeed be the single most irrelevant empty suit PR man masquerading as a political commentator today; but the combination of masterful Obvious Thing Repackager Mark Penn and superficially wholesome yet morally vacant Poor Shoe-Dodger Dana Perino together in the offices of Whitewasher of All Things Evil Burson-Marsteller truly makes that firm the industry leader in plain idiocy, corporate hustling, and the eschewing of all ethical thought.

We hope this clarifies the situation for you. [WSJ. Pic via]

"In that moment, I saw nothing but Bush, and I felt the blood of the innocents flowing under his feet while he was smiling that smile," he said during a hearing last month.

Here in America, "he was smiling that smile" is considered an acceptable legal justification for any crime targeting GW Bush, but Baghdad's fledgling justice system has not progressed that far yet. Muntader was sentenced to three years in prison, which prompted an uproar among Iraqis chanting "Maliki is a dog!" "Dog" is a great insult, which we should bring back in this hero journalist's honor.

Muntader: it was worth it.

Plus "Poster Boy is a movement," etc.

One of these most unsympathetic victims of the economy he ruined is ex-Commerce Secretary Carlos M. Gutierrez, who's making ends meet these days by hustling for $25,000 speaking gigs and collecting pay as a director of the United Technologies Corp. But oh, the pain of unemployment:

"This is not a great time for anyone to be job hunting, including numerous former political appointees," said Carlos M. Gutierrez, Mr. Bush's commerce secretary. Previously chief executive of cereal maker Kellogg Co., he hopes to run a company again because "I have a lot of energy."

This is, let us remind you, the same guy who was in charge of commerce while the economy died. Back in October 2006, when it was clear that the housing bubble was bursting and the entire economy was in trouble, this is what was going through Gutierrez's energetic mind:

"We have a very strong, large resilient economy that can absorb a housing correction," said Carlos M. Gutierrez, the commerce secretary. "If you isolate the impact of the housing correction and look at all the rest, those are solid numbers."

Oh, the tragedy that talented minds such as these are left idle.

The brash young man, David McSwane, cannot be criticized for this one, because he scored some leaked documents and audio recordings that basically proved that the top cop at this school, Colorado State, was a crazy power-mad corrupt violent law-flouting jerk:

In a later lecture, the chief, who was a Chicago policeman prior to entering academia, said sometimes excessive and violent force against a suspect is a "reality of law enforcement."

"If there's a news conference going on, I can't get in front of a crowd and say. 'He got exactly what the f*** he deserved.' You know the police should have beat him, you know. I used to beat ass when I was in Chicago, too. I can't say that.

One more from Mr. Yarbrough, the highest paid law enforcement official in the state!

The lecture that inspired him to gather recordings, Gropp said, was one in which he says Yarbrough told the class "women want the dick, even when they say 'no.' They want the dick."

The lesson here is that you can't be a pantywaist Ivy Leaguer if you want to bring down corrupt cops. You have to be the rough and tumble, FUCK BUSH, state school type. Just as we learned on The Wire. Yer okay, McSwane. [Collegian via Westword via Romenesko]

[Video by crack Gawker intern Georgina Devine]

The first person we could find to describe presidential life as living inside a bubble was, of all people, Ronald Reagan's oldest son Michael, who told UPI in 1983 that he was entering a Lake Michigan speedboat race to avoid getting "stuck in the presidential bubble."

But the term didn't really take off until 1992 when "security bubble" became a campaign coverage cliche, largely pushed by Clinton partisans, as a way to delineate elite George Bush (who didn't know the price of a gallon of milk) from the effusive friend-of-the-people Clinton (who liked to drop by McDonalds during his jogs). Here's Andrew Rosenthal writing in the New York Times in March of 1992:

Moving from the hermetically sealed, high-security bubble of President Bush's entourage to Gov. Bill Clinton's campaign is a journey through the political looking glass. It is not hard to imagine the two candidates standing on opposite sides of the mirror, looking at reflections distorted by politics and circumstances but in many ways the same.

Politico uses Obama's spontaneous trip with his daughters to a water-park last Friday to claim that "Obama seems to be struggling particularly hard, particularly early" with his new bubble life. But there again, Clinton did it first.

In Clinton's very first news conference after the election, Clinton was already worrying about whether he could keep up the level of accessibility he had during his campaign. "I'm a real sort of informal person," the boy from Hope lamented to reporters, according to the A.P.. "We went out of our way to demonstrate ... that we can be genuinely accessible to the American people."

A week before Clinton was sworn in, he set down the definition of just why the bubble was so pernicious during an interview with Arkansas reporters:

Q: Given your gregarious nature, Governor, I know that others worry about your safety. Do you worry about that now, going into this job?

PRESIDENT-ELECT CLINTON: Not much, just because there's not much I can do about it. I mean, I think the Secret Service does a fine job. Goodness knows my life is more restricted now than ever before. I do think there are ways that I can keep in touch with people and accommodate their security concerns and we're looking for those. I do want to listen to them to some extent.

You can't let the security bubble shut you down. I mean, it's hard enough to stay in touch with people as it is. Not always easy as governor. It's easy as a governor to get out of touch, but it's hard in a state like Arkansas where everybody calls you by your first name and you're supposed to run the office like a country store. I mean, it's different.

But there, where most people assume they should not see the president and where it's literally impossible for the president to personally see more than a certain number of people every day, or to talk to more than a certain number of people on the phone, you could just live your whole life in that bubble.
I mean, you live in the White House, you just go to Camp David where there's nobody else and you go around in an armored car and you fly in Air Force One, and you just — you have — there has to be ways for the president to stay in touch with the pulse of America. It's not just that I enjoy it, although I do.
It is very important because I think a lot of people — I think President Bush, for example, wanted to do a good job and I think really missed the level of misery and anxiety people had on the economy for a long time just because the way the presidents spend their days.

Ultimately, of course, it wasn't a "security bubble" that swallowed Clinton's presidency, but rather a legal one after Ken Starr and his investigators closed in. And here lies the real reason that Clinton must hate Obama so much: as long as Barack keeps his dick in his pants, he has the chance to live up to the potential that Clinton squandered for a blow job from an intern.

"The Baghdad reporter who hurled his shoes at President Bush was warned yesterday he could be charged with attempted murder - and face up to 15 years in jail."

Tough but fair. The Iraqi authorities also say the "rumors" that al-Zaidi was beaten all to hell are "baseless." They then went back inside to beat him with rubber hoses, which leave no marks. [NYP; pic via]

Apparently, "Perino suffered an eye injury when she was hit in the face with a microphone during the melee" as Iraqi security goons wrestled Muntader al-Zaidi to the ground , reports the AP.

"Muntadar al-Zaidi has suffered a broken hand, broken ribs and internal bleeding, as well as an eye injury, his older brother, Dargham, told the BBC."

All this despite the assurances of "officials" that he was being treated well. We will never trust "officials" again! The positive angle of all this is, when Mr. Shoe gets out of his dank Iraqi torture cell, he'll be able to go out on the autograph circuit, and maybe start a shoe company!

"Meanwhile, offers to buy the shoes are being made around the Arab world, reports say...
According to unconfirmed newspaper reports, the former coach of the Iraqi national football team, Adnan Hamad, has offered $100,000 (£65,000) for the shoes, while a Saudi citizen has apparently offered $10m (£6.5m)."

May he live a long, prosperous, and healthy life. Inshallah. [BBC]

The court split 5-4, as is its usual custom, between the libs and the conservs. The swing vote this time kindly went against the evil tobacco company. Altria's failed argument was, hey, we have federal laws, so nobody in the states can sue us! The Bush administration loves this idea of lawsuit "pre-emption":

The Bush administration has made a concerted effort across agencies to incorporate pre-emption. Language in nearly 60 regulations since 2006 has protected, among others, auto manufacturers and the railroad industry form suits involving safety issues. New regulations address motorcycle brakes, sun lotion, the crashworthiness of railroad cars and number of seatbelts required in certain automobiles.

It's the little things that make Bush such a lovable figure. So now you can finally, maybe, get a bit of class action money to pay your lung cancer surgery bills if you were foolish enough to believe that light Marlboros are the medical equivalent of Diet Coke. The business community's objection, via the Chamber of Commerce:

Robin Conrad, executive vice president of the chamber's litigation arm, said the decision "doesn't provide the kind of predictability that the business community has been looking for."

Predictability is the smoothness of a Marlboro light. Right in the old throat hole.
[WSJ, NYT]

Al-Zaidi is a 28-year-old journalist for Al Baghdadia, and Iraqi TV station. So what exactly is the penalty for throwing a shoe at Dubya?

[Iraqi Prime Minister] Maliki’s security agents jumped on the man, wrestled him to the floor and hustled him out of the room. They kicked him and beat him until “he was crying like a woman,” said Mohammed Taher, a reporter for Afaq, a television station owned by the Dawa Party, which is led by Mr. Maliki. Mr. Zaidi was then detained on unspecified charges.

Okay! And you can only imagine how his day is going today. It can only get worse. Sure, making Bush hit the deck twice on live TV is worth an ass whupping. But probably not worth a dozen years in an Iraqi prison while being tortured. Luckily, our hero president found a way to turn this into a teaching experience:

[Bush] also called the incident a sign of democracy, saying, “That’s what people do in a free society, draw attention to themselves,” as the man’s screaming could be heard outside.

[But don't worry because his Iraqi TV network "demands" his release so he'll be just fine.] [NYT]

The Obama family, you'll recall, asked the White House if they could move into Blair House, the official guest house, on January 5, so their kids could "start school." Then some young, probably Liberty University alum White House aides were like, "No, it's booked, or something. Heh." But they had a good reason:

White House officials declined to disclose specifically who is using Blair House during that period, for what purpose or how they could take precedence over the president-elect of the United States when it came to government housing; one White House official would say only that it had been booked for “receptions and gatherings” by members of the departing Bush administration. Those receptions, the official said, “don’t make it suitable for full-time occupancy by the Obamas yet.”

Can't you just hear the liberal media bias seeping out of that paragraph? It's great. So basically they need that space for going-away parties for criminal Neocon bureaucrats. But the real reason here is clear: Do you think W wants a bunch of cops around his place, fucking up the parties?

But the issue goes beyond pique; as president-elect, Mr. Obama receives a level of Secret Service protection that is almost equal to that of a sitting president. Several blocks around his house in the Hyde Park neighborhood of Chicago have been cordoned off with concrete barriers and round-the-clock police protection. Area residents often have to show identification to go home.

Obama: socialist narc. [NYT]

• Those of severely impaired intelligence cannot be blamed for their sins: This is the single best thing you have going for you, Dubya. You're an idiot. Everyone knows you're an idiot. Once upon a time you were a useful idiot; now that you're retiring in disgrace, you're no longer useful, politically speaking. But you're still an idiot. The upside of this is that it won't be hard to convince the world that forces far more cunning than you manipulated you into doing all these evil things. Forces named Dick Cheney. All you have to do is start dropping Cheney's name more and more into future interviews, until his controlling hand in all matters becomes clear.
  Ask an adult to help you with this.
• The inevitable post-presidential book: All ex-presidents "write" a book. You will do the same, without the "writing" part. Some of these books are truth-free extended versions of political stump speeches; others are so long and ponderous that any truth within is only ferreted out by the unfortunate journalists assigned to read them. Everyone knows you have no literary abilities, so your book should not be ponderous; and you were never a good speaker, so don't take a stump speech as a model. What you need is dirt. A teeny-tiny bit of dirt will suffice. That dirt should be about Dick Cheney, the bad man who convinced you to do all those bad things. See previous point for guidance.
• Get your nice, cushy, non-political job: Mr. Bush, you can be the next Commissioner of Baseball. You love baseball, and while I assume you are just as stupid about baseball as you are about other topics, you can take comfort in the fact that the many other stupid baseball team owners will make you look good in comparison. Look, I know tons of baseball fans would be outraged at the appointment of an incompetent warmonger as Commissioner. But most baseball commissioners suck, and with one or two decent advisers you should be able to avoid making any major mistakes. Five to ten years in this gig, and people will remember you more for improving the instant-replay system than for that whole Hurricane Katrina business. As an added bonus, people in baseball who give ridiculously nonsensical quotes are celebrated as icons (Yogi Berra) rather than despised as clueless disasters on the world stage (you, as president).
• Surround yourself with unobjectionable objects and people: Your mom is Barbara Bush. America loves her, despite the fact that there is no compelling reason to do so. They just see her as some idealized version of grandma. Your daughters will soon have their own children, George, and you can make a space for yourself as America's idealized version of grandpa: harmless, doting, chuckly, showing the toddlers around the ranch and telling tall tales about animals. Get yourself several cuddly dogs. Adopt a charity rich in heartwarming visual imagery—the Special Olympics would be appropriate. Babies, puppies, baseball, and the handicapped: these are the things you want associated with you in the public mind.
• Stay away from politics forever: Your idiocy may be enough to eventually absolve you of your past sins. But if you choose to pursue your twisted Rovian agenda into the future, nothing will be able to help you. It is of utmost importance that you leave the political world behind in favor of innocuous, popular activities. Jimmy Carter rehabilitated his own image as a failed president by taking strong stands on political issues, but Jimmy Carter is a far smarter man than you, George. Go back to Texas, enjoy your book royalties, and be sure to pin the blame on Cheney when you hit the speaking circuit. The only remnant of the Christian conservative agenda you should really cling to is the little prayer you say each night for President Obama's success. The quicker he can fix what you broke, the quicker people will forget about everything you did.

They're adding a webcast called "Straight from Iraq" to their website, where soldiers will tell you the real deal about life in the desert war zone. Presumably not too real, though. They're also supercharging their marketing plan with the following changes:

- More internet, less "sponsorships of professional rodeos."
- The voice of Gary Sinise!
- New commercial: "young workers in business attire suddenly start climbing walls. 'This company is filled with dreamers,' Mr. Sinise says." You'll have to join the Army to know how it ends!

Of course, all of this is very much deck chair/ Titanic. If more people join the Army it will be because they can't get a job anywhere else since our economy collapsed. And if the Army was smart it would have one simple selling point: "Bush is gone." [NYT]