Reuters says both Murdoch and Liberty Media's John Malone are sniffing around the 20 percent stake in NBC Universal that Vivendi is prepared to sell, but neither man has actually approached NBC Universal owner GE about a deal. As much as we'd love to imagine MSNBC under Murdoch's gentle-but-firm leadership, here's why it's not going to happen:

1. The report of Murdoch's interest comes via CNBC, which is the preferred in-house avenue for GE getting its messages out there on this deal. So it's almost certainly just a way for GE to keep pressure on Comcast and let them know that it has other options.

2. The FCC would blow a gasket. News Corp. already owns two television stations in nine markets, and is maxed out in terms of how many the FCC will let him own. It's unclear to us whether a minority stake in NBC Universal would trigger the FCC's limits on ownership and require Murdoch to sell off some of his assets in order to satisfy regulators, but the anti-trust implications of one television, cable, and movie giant owning a significant stake of another television, cable, and movie giant—especially when radical leftists control the White House and the Justice Department—make it a far stretch.

3. The Comcast purchase is a done deal, because the mellifluously named prognosticator Bruce Bueno de Mesquita's computer has ordained that it will happen. Bueno de Mesquita, whom the CIA hires to predict the future using Microsoft Excel and has a purported 90 percent accuracy rate, was asked by the Wall Street Journal's Dennis K. Berman to weigh in on the acquisition, and he says it will happen, based on what Berman told him about the players' intentions:

For the Comcast-NBCU game, I provided Dr. Bueno de Mesquita a crude approximation of the positions of the dozen parties most likely to influence a deal.

[snip]

Of course, these were rough estimates done on the fly. As Dr. Bueno de Mesquita reminded me, my evaluations could be flawed. His work was done over a weekend, which may influence the quality of the results. Most assignments can take three weeks, at an opening price of $50,000.

Oh, OK. That settles it then.

The donations are still being hashed out, but it goes something like this: the company will likely award a record-breaking $22 billion in bonuses this year, an extraordinary number considering the bank's role in the disintegration of the financial industry. Of those billions, the company may donate 10-15% to charity, a move that would make Goldman the biggest single-shot corporate giver in history, and would guarantee the bank loads of good press.

And that's just the point. An executive who's familiar with all the board room hand-wringing readily admits that Goldman considers this a "publicity stunt" and we're sure the American people will see it as such, which means then Goldman Sachs looks patronizing as well as greedy. Then the unwashed masses, still angry about the AIG bailout and golden parachutes and all of that, will have to decide whether they should be insulted by Goldman's self-serving donations or remember that the company is, in its own way, helping people.

Don't worry about whether or not to be inappropriately outraged and confused, though, because the plan's not finalized. Shareholders don't seem to keen on throwing away money on frivolous things like charity. And then there's Goldman's cash-loving culture:

Finally, there is concern over how to do this in a tax advantaged way. Goldman has a very low tax rate, thanks to its brilliant accountants. It is unlikely to be able to achieve much value by making a tax-deductible charitable donation, particularly if the donation goes to a charitable foundation Goldman controls. When asked if they realized that this sounded a bit silly, the former Goldman executive said that not giving away value was a point of pride for Goldman.

Perhaps the most advisable plan under consideration would be having bonus-receiving executives donate the money themselves, which means they receive a tax-deduction and we get to see which of Goldman's money bags actually care about the little people.

Realizing that they've lost their edge as the world's great evil empire, Disney has called on Apple overlord Jobs, who joined the board back in 2006, to help them steer a new path toward consumerist greatness. And, to that end, Jobs gave Disney access to his Apple Store blueprints and encouraged engineers to "think bigger," which means stores are no longer retail centers, but "Imagination Centers" that bubble with "Pixar-esque winks and nods."

Yes, gone are the days of plush toy displays and in are the days of video clips on demand, fake trees that sing happy birthday and, while they're at it, olfactory experimentation:

There will be a scent component; if a clip from Disney's coming "A Christmas Carol" is playing in the theater, the whole store might suddenly be made to smell like a Christmas tree.

Wow! This all sounds totally necessary!

Taken with Disney's plans for a brand-centric Comic-Con, it seems the company's poised to recreate the broken world in its own nightmarish image. And, in a move that would finally validate all those "Disneyfication" critiques of New York, Disney may open a new flagship store in Times Square. Sigh.

Kai-Fu Lee joined the company back in 2004, when Google was beginning its adventure in earnest and became the giant's President of Google Greater China and vice president for engineering. Unfortunately, mean old Microsoft reared its head and sued Google, for Lee was bound by a pesky "no competition" contract clause. The companies eventually settled, and Google hoped to go full speed ahead into uncharted territories. China's government, however, had other plans, and soon lured the company into its controversial web of censorship and, to add insult to injury, favored competitor, Baidu.

Despite the uphill battle, Google has made a few strides in recent months and gained 6 percent on Baidu. But that means little, because Baidu still controls about 62% of search traffic, while Google has a scant 21%.

Now Lee has abandoned his post to pursue some hush-hush "new venture" in Beijing, and Google's attempting trying desperately to refocus its energies by splitting his duties between two executives while simultaneously double its sales force. After five years struggling to be the big wig, you would think Google would give up on imposing its capitalist ideals amidst an aggressive communist state. But that's the magic of the internet: it's a field of ambitious dreams rife with international and political barriers.

Well, thanks to anti-Beck boycott organizers ColorofChange.com, we can tell you:

Binder & Binder, Capital One, The Dannon Company, Discover, HSBC, ICAN Benefit Group Insurance, Infiniti, Jelmar (manufacturer of CLR All-Purpose Cleaner), Jordan McKenna Debt Counseling Network, Mercedes-Benz and Simplex Healthcare (creator of the Diabetes Care Club)

This latest round of blow-offs brings the total of boycotting companies to 57. At least one of the companies, Mercedes-Benz, has cited Beck's exclusionary politics as a primary motivation:

Mercedes-Benz USA (MBUSA) considers its commitment to Diversity and Inclusion [sic] an integral part of its corporate culture and business strategy. We believe that MBUSA's success is dependent on embracing the various cultures, nationalities and convictions of our associates and market that translate into meeting consumer needs and expectations for relevant products and services.

How long, we wonder, until Fox ditches Beck for more advertising-friendly television. His ratings are excellent, but money matters, as we all know, and it will be interesting to see how long popularity — or, rather, headline-grabbing — can trump cold, hard cash. Not long, we imagine.

Seriously, this video's messed up, so don't watch it if you have a sensitive stomach or don't want to feel incredibly guilty for eating eggs.

Now, a bit of explanation: the Chicago-based Mercy for Animals recently infiltrated Hy-Line North America's hatchery in Iowa, where the company, the largest of its kind in the United States, dispenses of about 200 million male chicks a year by tossing them into a giant grinder. It's really quite grotesque.

Hy-Line spokesman Mitch Head had little remorse, saying, simply, "If someone has a need for 200 million male chicks, we're happy to provide them to anyone who wants them. But we can find no market, no need." See? The free market breeds murder!

Hy-Line's hardly alone: the United Egg Producers and the Humane Society of the United States both admit this practice goes on across all the land and, sadly for the little chicks, there's no way around it. We would suggest these chicks be farmed and then used to feed people, but even that sounds callous and wrong. Still, it's so fucked up that it borders on absurd, but that's the way the world works. Sorry.

As part of its assault on Hy-Line and others, Mercy for Animals wants the egg industry to start affixing this label on egg cartons.

Perhaps you've heard the President talk about "net neutrality." That's the idea that the Internet should continue in on its merry way: people can go to the sites they like, do what they want and their web providers will allow them to do so. It's really quite utopian. Well, that practice could come to an end if evil telecommunications giants have their way.

The National Cable and Telecommunications Assn. and its ilk think that providers should reserve the right to pick-and-choose which sites get preferential treatment on their bandwidth. More than that, they're toying with the idea of increasing rates for video sites, meaning those of you who watch movies or television on your computer could pay more than people who use it simply for news and the such. According to the association, this is simply how the market works. And does it ever!

The current marketplace is working well to bring consumers the services and features they want at prices they can afford. Lawmakers should be very reluctant to replace that flexible, market-driven success story with a system of intrusive regulation.

Though the Obama administration insists it will fight for net neutrality, it may be in for quite the fight. Telecommunications companies give millions to lawmakers — Comcast employees and its PAC, which is fighting against net neutrality, spent $2.9 million in the political realm during the 2008 election and has already given about $700,000 since then — and, as we all know, lawmakers aren't immune to hefty checks. (It's worth noting that the FCC slapped Comcast's wrist last year, when the company put up barriers to block or slow down file-sharing services.)

Luckily for all of us, new FCC head Julius Genachowski vowed to back Obama and company, saying:

One thing I would say so that there is no confusion out there is that this FCC will support net neutrality and will enforce any violation of net neutrality principles.

This would please the New York Times, whose editorial team demanded this weekend that the President keep the Internet open and free.

The issue isn't simply about money — making it and spending it — but about which sites load faster or are more accessible. If, for example, one Internet provider prefers NBC News, that means CBS readers will be shit out of luck. And, if that's the case, we'll be one step closer to this "destroyed democracy" thing Glenn Beck and others keep barking about.

As much as some would like to believe it, the free market's not our democracy's defining characteristic. Nor should it be. And if there's one place to prove that, it's here, on the wild, wild Internet. Regardless of what happens, it's clear that the Internet won't be what it once was — and that makes us sad.

Image via aLii's flickr.

The happy happening will go down at the massive, 800,000 square foot Anaheim Convention Center and will feature all things Disney, including much lauding of Tim Burton's highly anticipated — we can't wait! - Alice and Wonderland. While that's all well and good, Disney president and chief executive Robert Iger hopes the event will help persuade "very ardent" fans to flock to the company's wide-ranging products:

We live in a world where digital communication enables people to express their opinions about things to a much broader set of people. We call it the combustion of digital world of mouth... Their ability to communicate with others is unlike anything we've seen at any time before.

Translation: "We want to make sure the little buggers don't use twitter against us, as they have others." Yes, the D23 Expo may sound simply like a company-specific Comic-Con, but it's far more than that: it's so much more than that. Disney crazed masses can also join "a high-end, elite-level access" fan club.

So, what does membership cost you? $75-a-year. Now, tell us: who on this green planet of ours, in this recession of ours, would shell out that kind of money simply to get into a glorified trade show that doesn't feature comics?

[Image via Getty]

We've heard rumors (which we're trying to confirm) of at least two NYC media people who are trying to break into the liquor or beer business, either as investors or partners. It makes sense. Media jobs aren't secure. But selling booze is always secure—look how well the bootleggers did, even during the Depression! And who has their finger on the intoxicated pulse of drinkers' tastes more than a media person? No member of any other "professional" class, that's for sure!

Media workers [in the UK] are the biggest consumers of wine, drinking on average one and a half bottles a week. They are also the biggest drinkers of spirits, liqueurs and shots, taking on average 3.2 measures a week, finds the poll by YouGov for the government's Know Your Limits campaign.

People in the profession also drink 10 units more a week than the next heaviest drinking professionals – IT workers.

Bow down, IT workers! We applaud the entrepreneurial spirit of these forward-thinking moguls of the future. If you are a media person breaking into the booze industry—or know of any—email us and brag.

[Guardian UK. Pic via]

This is the only good story of this miserable economy, that the union workers of a small-ish Chicago factory are indeed exercising their "right to work" as anti-union assholes always put it in their typically "opposite of what we mean" fashion. When the plant abruptly closed with three days notice and workers were denied their severance and vacation pay owed them by federal law and their contracts, 200 workers staged a sit-in, and then they won.

The company makes energy-efficient windows, which are a thing people need, and so a California company is going to rehire laid-off workers and reopen factory doors in a month.

So everything is working out OK for 200 American workers yay!

Despite my own promise to myself over the last few months not to write about Ronn and 5WPR unless they do something truly hilarioutrageous, the amount of disgruntled current and former 5W employees and exasperated reporters who continue to send tips never seems to decline. Just this week Ronn issued a bizarre press release saying his firm would be "making acquisitions" in 2009:

"We are targeting small firms and we are seeing a lot of Public Relations firms doing great work, but are facing tough times. We are very confident that we will continue to grow and view acquisitions as a component of that process. We are cash positive and want to invest in acquisitions to grow."

...he explained. This only prompted more people to point out to us:

• There have been quite a few layoffs at 5W this holiday season, causing much of the staff to live in perpetual terror for their jobs.
• 5W's LA office may or may not still actually exist, but it's not doing well. To say the least.
• Ronn is renting out space in his own offices to anyone at all. Cheap!
• Fun story from a tipster: In October, 5W's HR person—who replaced the last one, who Ronn sued—wanted to call in sick, but came into work, because her presence was requested. She went into a staff meeting, looking ill, and about 20 minutes into the meeting, "passed out, her back to the wall as she slithered to the floor." When she was revived, she finished the day at work. Then left the firm shortly after. Fun times.

But is 5W still sending out irrelevant press releases, which are then forwarded to us, constantly?

Re: Story Idea: OPRAH’S RECENT WEIGHT GAIN – THE FALL OF YO-YO DIETING AND THE RISE OF LIFESTYLE CHANGE

Hi [Reporter],

Oprah has hit 200 pounds and her image and dieting habits are now splashed across tabloids, gossip blogs and even mainstream columns. How does this influence ordinary Americans who are frustrated with their own weight loss struggles? To answer this question, I would like to suggest a panel of experts who can explain why all ‘diets’ are not created equal and why the only way to permanently lose weight is by changing your lifestyle:

Etc. Here's hoping for serenity in '09.

The Chapter 11 filing doesn't affect the production arm of of Yari Film Group, which was responsible for Crash and has another two putative Oscar contenders this fall in What Doesn't Kill You and Nothing But the Truth. The latter film opens under the cloud this Friday, a week after a court order requiring the reorganization; to Yari's credit, he said he has no plans to cut jobs or benefits, though he does, alas, still intend to make the Jennifer Lopez romcom The Governess.

The Yari library, for what it's worth, is expected to get a close inspection in the months going forward. Tip to creditors: Keep The Illusionist, set Winter Passing on fire, sell the rest for parts. And if you can somehow wrangle YFG's rights to the languishing Joe Carnahan adaptation of Killing Pablo? Maybe shuffle them over to Miramax or Fox Searchlight? You'd make a lot of people's days.

• Bob Yari crashes into Chapter 11 [Variety]

Gilliam was invited to the emirate to collect the regional film festival's lifetime achievement award, following which he has since brought his working-class exuberance ("Tonight, we're going to party with the Indian migrant laborers in their dormitories," he told The Hollywood Reporter) and his awards-season contrition ("My comment was taken out of context. It's been used to say that I didn't think that Heath [Ledger] deserved to have a posthumous award, which is utter and complete nonsense") to bear on Dubai's burgeoning moviegoing community. The endgame: Don Quixote, his aborted 2000 project that Gilliam plans to return to next year:

The widely traveled Monty Python veteran who years ago shot Life of Brian in Tunisia, is visiting Dubai for the first time and also plans a visit its giant new studios to "check out their attitude toward funding."

His long-interrupted Don Quixote, in rewrite come January, could be made in Dubai, he said, because "at least there are mountains here."

Dubai, Spain, oil wells, windmills — whatever works, we suppose. And we like his odds, with his contemporary Oliver Stone making the Dubai money rounds as well, surreptitiously leaving crescents, crosses, stars and other hobo-style markings on palace gates in accordance with each resident's film-funding largesse.

• Terry Gilliam keen for studio tour [THR]

The plan is simple: rather than getting an MBA from a real school, move to the New York suburbs and spend half a year doing whatever Seth Godin does, and stuff!

"Here's the program I'm interested in creating:
One hour a day of class/dialogue
Four hours a day of working on my projects
Three hours a day of working on your personal project
Five hours a day of living, noticing, doing and connecting

At the end of the six months, it's quite likely that I'll ask one or more people to stay on. Everyone will get a letter of reference and a certificate worth framing. I think it'll be pretty scarce."

Oh it sure will be! A few simple requirements:

You have to find a place to stay that allows an easy commute to my office outside of NY (zip code 10706). We are three blocks from the train station, which is 40 minutes from Grand Central Station.

You have to speak perfect English.

You can't smoke.

You have to be both nice and smart, with an impeccable list of references

Shucks, everybody I know is out. But the lucky few who qualify won't have to pay a nickel!

Should I pay people who do this? After all, the projects we're doing together are things I'm working on, things that might turn a profit.

On the other hand, should you pay a lot to do this? After all, it's an education and the group and I are helping you develop your skills and ideas—something you'd have a hard time buying at any price.

That's right, you can work 20 hours a week for Seth Godin for free! Then head out into the business world and present your 'certificate worth framing' to the HR department at your dream job. Luckily one of the skills Seth is teaching is "bravery."

Seth Godin got his MBA at Stanford.

Apply now!