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finance
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Cable: The Old New Big Thing
TV is dying, right? We read about it online. Kids these days spend all their time on YouTube, and television is left to geriatrics watching Depends ads, right? But no! One word, friends: Cable. Just today, news came out that the executives at Discovery Communications, home of the Discovery Channel, are some of the highest paid in all of the media—their CEO took home $20 million, right up there with the Viacoms and Time Warners of the world. How did little old cable get so rich? Good timing, good programming, and a little bit of luck. Learn and marvel! More »
rumormonger
Anderson Cooper's Boyfriend Works For Famous Beard?
Jo Piazza of the New York Daily News ran a snippet over the weekend about the relationship between one of Diane von Furstenberg's male assistants and "a very-high-profile, still-kind-of-in-the-closet male broadcaster." That's not much of a blind item: the TV personality pretty much has to be CNN's Anderson Cooper. More »
media
New 'Green' Cable Network Lets You Save The World By Watching
Discovery is launching a new cable network called "Planet Green" that will offer round-the-clock "green" programming. The standard assumption is that his network signals a further mainstreaming of environmentalism, and therefore will somehow be good for the environment. This assumption is incorrect. Rather, it signals that environmentalism—a brand of activism that actually means something—has been transformed into "green," a vague lifestyle term that means nothing. What revolutionary do-good messengers will Planet Green bring to the public? General Motors, Tommy Lee, and "earth-conscious celebrities": More »
branding
Titans Of Finance Undone By Larry The Cable Guy
When massive corporations decide to come up with a new slogan, they almost always end up with something short, trite, and massively expensive. Citigroup just unveiled its earth-shaking new slogan "Citi Never Sleeps," which is a reworking of its classic "The Citi Never Sleeps" tagline. But didn't they just spend $30 million last year launching a different slogan? Well yes, but that one didn't work out, because it sounded like it came straight from the mouth of bottom-rung redneck comedian Larry the Cable Guy. Derisive laughter is appropriate here: More »
advertising
New Optimum Online Ad Trades Reggaeton For Suburban R&B!
Optimum Online commercials: they are now their own genre. A specific category at the Grammy Awards, a spot in the Olympic Games, and a bust on Mount Rushmore are reserved specifically for the psychedelic, grating ads that this strange company produces. The original "Reggaeton-Jet Ski-Lifeguard" spot was an over-the-top classic after only 17,000 exposures per person in the Tristate area; the follow up spot, all shiny, kinetic, and Hype Williams-esque, expanded the motif. Now there's a new one in circulation, and it shifts the setting to suburbia, with a sort of knockoff Gwen Stefani character whirling through a household with backup dancers, and the odd appearance of an old lady who is also a race car driver. Philosophers, break out your thinking caps. The full ad is after the jump. More »
red eye
Greg Gutfeld: Ready To Take Your 3 a.m. Calls
Fox News's 3 a.m. time-slot filler Greg Gutfeld has an interview with TVNewser coming up that is sure to be chock-full of quotable lines. Like Gutfeld calling his show Red Eye "the most subversive, surreal piece of programming ever to be on TV." You, sir, have apparently never caught Unbeatable Banzuke. Greg will also take on HuffPo, Gawker, the magazine industry, and "politically correct media." We're sure he has very SHOCKING and CONTROVERSIAL opinions on all of those things. Cutest part of the interview excerpt posted so far is when Greg says Fox pushed him from the semi-reasonable 2 a.m. slot to the desolate 3 a.m. slot because the network needed "more political coverage." We're all big fans of Fox News's award-winning 2 a.m. election updates! [TVNewser]
ponderous heads
Aaron Brown Sucks Up to Keith Olbermann
Aaron Brown was the serious, soft-spoken voice of CNN. Americans all remember his calm, powerful, and moving presence on CNN covering the attacks on the World Trade Center, as they happened, all day long. His first day at CNN! Then a couple years later CNN ditched him and gave his time-slot to Anderson Cooper, who is much prettier. But he's back! On, uh, PBS, where he'll look comparatively "young" and "cool." Anyway, Brown weighed in, for some reason, on the battle between Fox hothead Bill O'Reilly and MSNBC's Keith Olbermann. "Keith Olbermann and Bill O'Reilly 'are both larger-than-life figures,' he says, but Olbermann is 'smarter, funnier, better read and eminently more talented.'" Well. Is someone angling for David Gregory's spot once Gregory takes over for Chris Matthews? He's got all the time in the world, NBC. He'll wait out this rumored move that may never happen. [TVNewser]
banned in dc
Arianna Huffington Banned From Third-Place Cable News Network
Arianna Huffington has reportedly been BANISHED by NBC news—including MSNBC!—because her new book savagely criticizes NBC political honcho Tim Russert. Keith Kelly reports: "Sources said that Huffington was at a dinner in the home of Barbara Walters on Tuesday night when she heard that word had come down from on high that she no longer appear on NBC or MSNBC, where talk show hosts Keith Olbermann, Joe Scarborough and Dan Abrams were all interested in booking her." NBC's Phil Griffin claims to not know anything about it. We'd argue Arianna was just playing up a rumor she heard to publicize her book, but Griffin adds: "I know some people have issues with her as a guest, but it has nothing to do with the book." Say what you will about Arianna, but she's generally a great guest. So we'll take that as a confirmation. Arianna used to appear on Olbermann's and Dan Abrhams' shows fairly regularly, but her media schedule shows no forthcoming appearances. [NYP]
cable news
Meth-head CNN Presenter Goes Into Rehab
Richard Quest, the flamboyant CNN presenter found by New York police in Central Park with crystal meth in his pocket, is to go into rehab for treatment of his drug habit, says the cable news network. This is by now the default escape route for disgraced TV personalities: they disappear from view, while appealing to the public's sympathy, a technique recently demonstrated by drunk-dialing host of The Insider, Pat O'Brien—twice. Quest also had rope around his genitals and a dildo in his boot, when stopped, making him not just a meth-head but a walking gay cliché.(Previously: watch Quest show off his rope tricks in a clip that foreshadowed his late-night embarrassment.)
patriotism
Pundit Lapels Shockingly Bare
Doesn't anyone wear flag pins anymore? HuffPo's Rachel Sklar, who carries an actual maple leaf pinned to a beaver pelt with her at all times, pitted the cable news network talking heads against each other in a brutal MS Paint collage battle, and discovered that while people get all up-in-arms about Barack Obama not wearing his little American flag pin, no one else does anymore either. Except Brit Hume, Neil Cavuto, Karl Rove, and Lou Dobbs. The last defenders of patriotism! Everyone else in America is too bitter.
campaigns
Why the Never-Ending Primaries Are TV's Fault
So Hillary's "leaked" internal polling numbers gave her an 11 point lead in Pennsylvania, and Obama publicly predicted he'd lose by 8-10 percentage points. TV talking heads decided she needed to win by "more than 10 points" to justify staying in the race. And Clinton ended up clobbering Obama with 9.2 percent victory! Then, oddly, everyone suddenly admitted that the entire Pennsylvania primary was an elaborate farce with no actual point. More »
last gasps
Gay-Baiting, Porn Stars Will Save 'Red Eye'
Greg Gutfeld hosts this crazy show on Fox News at 3 a.m. every night called Red Eye. Gutfeld, who we are pretty sure used to be funny, albeit in a winky fratty way, usually just tries to rile up and offend liberals while putting his friends on the air, but it's 3 a.m. so no one is watching to even get offended. The show's been on for more than a year now, which is alarming. In the attached clip, Gutfeld tries to start some sort of war of semantics with GLAAD over his coverage of the pregnant man story. He even says he NAILED THE MEDIA or something, it's all kind of sad. Not as sad as the press release we received from VIVID VIDEO, the porn company, announcing that one of their VIVID GIRLS is going to report on politics for Red Eye starting tomorrow night. Barrels across the nation shuddered in anticipation of a particularly nasty scraping. Press release after the jump. More »
advertising
The Other Reggaeton Cable Ad: Awesomer
Remember that IO Digital Cable/ Optimum Online reggaeton ad on the beach that is the most ubiquitous thing on television in the tristate area? Ha, you don't just remember it, you secretly love it! Or perhaps it makes you want to murder people. Either way, when I saw this old Spanish remix of the ad running on Telemundo last weekend, I knew I had to find it and bring it to you, the viewer. This is not just the same as the ad on the beach, but with Spanish lyrics; this is a totally different ad, done in a Hype Williams-style shiny black and white palette, with dancing girls, an even more banging beat, and that reggaeton guy dressed up like Busta Rhymes, riding in a tiny car! It's truly a must-see. If you don't see much Spanish TV, you'll want to bookmark this one to watch over and over and over and over. Full video after the jump. More »
bloodsuckers
Which Fox News Employee Has Bedbugs?
How is Fox News supposed to bring the REAL news to the American mainstream when they are busy fighting off a bug infestation of the newsroom? If only we were making a metaphorical joke about the network's tendency to employ cockroaches. We're not! A liberal media outlet, the New York Times, reports that Fox News discovered an infestation of the dreaded, disgusting BEDBUGS a few weeks ago "when an employee 'caught a bug and showed it to us.'" YUCK. But Fox News employees get even nastier than that: One of them brought the bugs in! More »
cable news
All These Dirty Bands Look The Same To CNN
In this clip, CNN picks up on Maxim's fake review of the Black Crowes album. But they fail to pick up any anchors who know anything about the Black Crowes. Instead, the anchors just spitball about the band's connection to the "grunge" movement, then, grasping at straws, congratulate them on lasting longer than Nirvana. Which does tend to happen when your lead singer hasn't committed suicide. Click to watch the fun! [Disclosure: We don't know anything about the Black Crowes either].
jon friedman
Jon Friedman Says Something We Don't Really Object To
Marketwatch media person (and frequent target of Gawker ridicule) Jon Friedman actually wrote a thought that is sorta original and correct and interesting! According to him, MSNBC's ratings may suck, but they "stand out in one underappreciated category: embarrassing, mealy-mouthed apologies." He refers to David Shuster's suspension for his remarks about Chelsea Clinton (ably dissected down to the very last gruesome detail by Rachel Sklar here), which, along with Chris Matthews' half-hearted and partially reversed apology for being insane about Hillary, has MSNBC holding the early lead in the "apologizing to the Clintons" race. Of course, in the overall apology race, Fox did force anchor John Gibson to apologize for laughing it up at the death of Heath Ledger. But he didn't really mean it so that doesn't count. [Marketwatch]
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