Rasmus Lerdorf, inventor of the PHP programming language, confirms he is leaving the company. "It has only been a couple of days," he told us by email yesterday. "I really don't know what is next yet... I am enjoying having a bit more time to play with pet projects this week."

Lerdorf, whose widely-used programming and templating system has been especially popular among Web startups, declined to elaborate on why he left Yahoo. But he was blunt about the matter on Twitter this past summer, just moments after Yahoo announced a pact in which Microsoft would power its search results — previously handled by in-house code — while Yahoo would continue to sell ads against the results:

If we had to guess where Lerdorf might end up, we'd lay our money on Facebook, a PHP shop and a fast-growing one at that. The massive social network has no doubt pushed Lerdorf's language to the edges of its performance envelope. More importantly, the young company shows no inclination to outsource software development to one of its largest competitors and turn itself into a second-tier advertising network.

(Pic by Aaron Hockley)

Yahoo's proposed new HQ in the Silicon Valley town of Santa Clara would be big enough to house 7,000 additional staff, according to former Valleywag Nicholas Carlson, at Business Insider. The company continues to try and push permits for the plan through the city's approval process despite plenty of available office space in existing Silicon Valley buildings.

We've seen this movie before. It does not end well:

• Fox Interactive's $350 million new HQ near Los Angeles was said to be the biggest area development deal in 25 years. Amid layoffs, Fox cancelled its move as the building was being finished.
  
• Internet conglomerate IAC finished its new Gotham headquarters in early 2007. Within months came a plan to break up the company.
  
• Amid the dot-com boom, network technology company Cisco Systems planned a controversial Silicon Valley megacampus for 20,000 workers. In late 2001 it scaled that back to plans for an office that could — maybe! — hold 3,000 to 9,000 workers.
  
• Handheld device maker Palm had dot-com-era plans for a 39-acre campus; the collateral alone on the project was $238 million. By mid-2001 Palm announced it would sell that land.
  
• From late 2000 to late 2001, USA Today reported, "Intel, Excite At Home and Inktomi... shelved or cut back plans for new plants or offices."

It's worth noting that Yahoo's plans have been underway since three years ago, when the company bought the land in question for $112 million. Seasoned real estate developers know it often makes more sense to obtain city approvals before canceling a project, since the approvals can usually be transferred to a new owner, making the underlying land more valuable. So Bartz is not necessarily at fault for Yahoo's hubristic plans. But that doesn't make her any less likely to be the victim of what they portend.

Despite the impressive profit numbers, former Valleywag Owen Thomas notes at NBC Bay Area, the internet company's revenue is down 12 percent, which means Yahoo is cutting its way to profitability — rather than growing like Google. "No wonder she's feeling under the weather," Thomas writes, in a refrain that will be all-too-tempting for the financial press. It's enough to make an executive want to suck her thumb.

Should ousted founder Jerry Yang have sold the company to Microsoft? Yes! Duh! Was Yahoo in severe need of focus and technical competence before Bartz came along? Yes! Has the company been in a self-defeating funk for the past year? Oh God yes! At least Bartz didn't accuse her staff of being on a "sugar low" for the third time (see examples one and two).

When your past and present talent is migrating to Microsoft, it's probably a good idea to try and keep your remaining engineers from becoming completely depressed. Bartz might want to keep that in mind as she dispenses her trademark tough love.

Excerpts above; full video at Business Insider.

Bartz would certainly like to know. In her weekly all-company email, sent out early, she asked why her workers "seem they're waiting for something," and demanded that "we stop waiting and get moving."

Uh, OK, but doing what? Shouldn't Bartz be, like, more specific? As out tipster put it: '

Q: Why are people "waiting for something"?

A: Because there's no freaking direction from managment to the troops. Isn't that *her* job?

Most of the email:

Surprise! You're getting my Friday message a bit early this week - I'll be out for two weeks or so starting today for knee replacement surgery. :(

I've got lots to cover before I go under the knife, so let's dive right in:

we're going to take a new approach to my weekly emails. You'll now hear from me every few weeks, but in-between will hear more from my staff. I'm not the only person with interesting things to say, and it's important that you hear from others that are running the business. And when I say my staff, I mean all my staff. Even Judy. I'm sure she can't wait to tell you what it's like working for me day-in and day-out.

One last thing before I go. I've noticed that since the reorg, people seem like they're waiting for something. I'm not sure if it's a sugar-low or what, but we need to stop waiting and get moving. Good things do not come to those who wait, they come to those who make things happen.

Oh, goodie: We can't wait for Eric Brown's turn as Bartz's email guest host!

(Pic: Via All Things D)

Eric Brown, Yahoo's new head of PR, just started work on Monday. He's ostensibly in charge of enforcing Bartz's edict to "dropkick to fucking Mars" any employees caught leaking things to the press. But before he does that, he'd like to tell you about his love for champagne, reading the Kindle in bed and his "couple of very close friends" that he frequently crashes with in Paris three or four times per year (sounds cozy!).

Kara Swisher at All Things D got Brown's companywide introduction email. This guy is going to be awesome.

—-From: Eric Brown (SVP Global Communications) Sent: Monday, July 06, 2009 6:00 PM Subject: It' s great to be here!

Global comms team,

Thank you so much for the wonderful intro materials you gave me. I' m going to spend quite a bit of time on the org charts, budgets, plans, and results package you compiled for me. But I' ve been especially thrilled with the personal profiles you sent my way. I' ve seen other people whose phobias are the same as mine: spiders and heights; enjoyed how many of you put Paris as your favorite place on Earth; and am impressed with how many amazing books this group has collectively read.

I must also admit to being slightly intimidated by all of you who put " bad grammar" as a pet peeve and will triple check this email to avoid any grammar infractions…

I know I have a Thursday group meeting with you, but thought the least I could do on day one is return the favor and complete my own handbook profile. So here goes…

Date I joined Yahoo!: today (6 July 2009), though I did spend two days at the senior leaders meeting in mid-June and thank all of you who were there for the warm welcome in Half Moon Bay.

What I do here: lead a team of amazing, intelligent, motivated people who put Yahoo! in the best light possible and tell our story in compelling ways that make users and advertisers around the world want to embrace Yahoo! heartily.

Where I grew up: Warsaw, Virginia– a tiny town about 90 minutes from Richmond, Virginia and 150 minutes from Washington, D.C. For those of you who are American history buffs, Warsaw is about 10 minutes from the birthplace of Robert E. Lee and 15 minutes from the birthplace of George Washington.

Where I live now: Sunnyvale, California. Can' t beat the commute.

College: William and Mary in Williamsburg, Virginia. BA in English. Loved lit crit. Senior honors thesis was on post-WWII masculinity in American society as represented by the works of Norman Mailer.

My first job: an internship for the U.S. Navy (my parents' employer-they were civilians) analyzing different process flow diagram software packages for a team creating warship defense systems. For the rest of high school and college, I had LOTS more fun as a waiter at dive restaurant called The Stagecoach. The food was ghastly; the people were amazing.

What I did before Yahoo!: I ran comms (PR, social media, internal comms, and exec comms) for NetApp, managing a global team of about 60+ people doing amazing enterprise and B2B work in 30+ companies worldwide. I' m very excited to learn " consumer" from all of you– and equally excited to share experiences from my almost 20 years in the business in return.

What I do when I' m not here: I love travel (had a super 3 days in the Blue Mountains outside Sydney two weekends ago), cooking (yes, seriously-cooking is very therapeutic and relaxing for me), and reading (though I haven' t picked up a Norman Mailer since my undergrad days).

If the Internet didn' t exist, what I' d be doing right now: teaching literature to high school students. I believe that at some point in my life, I have to return to society what it has given me. And I' d be a better teacher than firefighter or doctor!

Favorite place on Earth: Paris. I try to go there 3 or 4 times a year and have a couple of very close friends who are kind enough to let me crash with them. Second favorite is Hong Kong.

Proudest accomplishment: professionally– being part of the " inner counsel circle" for NetApp execs on a variety of comms and marketing issues (which I hope to be here at Yahoo! as well); personally– being a good friend, partner, and family member.

Favorite Yahoo! moment: there have only been 3 days of them so far-and all have been great. I felt very honored and lucky to be part of the Half Moon Bay leadership summit– and meeting people from all over Yahoo! there was inspiring.

Favorite book: someone who majored in literature can' t just name one, so I'll split them into categories… Favorite works of literature: The Scarlet Letter by Hawthorne, The Awakening by Kate Chopin, and To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. Favorite work that kindled my imagination: The Hobbit by Tolkien. Favorite works that make me laugh: anything by David Sedaris (the man is wicked funny).

Favorite movie: two– Moulin Rouge and Orlando– both visually stunning.

My first car: a Buick Skyhawk in a horrible shade of brown– the thing was so ratty that I had to add oil to it every other day so it wouldn' t break down– it made its last hurrah on a cross-country trip from Virginia to California and made it over the Rocky Mountains without any issues but then was quite unhappy crossing the Sierra Nevada range.

My next vacation destination: somehow I think I' m going to be very busy for the next few months so I' m not planning any big trips, though I have told a friend I' ll attend his 50th birthday party in Munich and from there I' ll try to drive to Vienna for a few days.

My hidden talent: navigating subway systems when everyone else insists on taking a taxi (the exception: Tokyo– because it is just too darned crowded).

My favorite online video: I like online videos to catch up on things that MTV no longer carries– like videos from Gus Gus (though I only see one of their videos on Yahoo! Music… )

My guiltiest pleasure: ice cream in bed with the Kindle (yes, just as Elisa put in her email)– the ice cream HAS to be Ben & Jerry's (LOVE being on this floor with the conference room names!) and my favorite is Peach Cobbler.

I have an intense fear of: spiders and heights– I even had a spider vacuum for a while so I didn't have to come near ‘ em or smash ‘ em– but then I was scared they'd survive the suction and electric shock and crawl back somewhere– so now they' re routinely smashed.

My biggest pet peeve: beating around the bush– tell me what you want me to know because I' m not telepathic and say it without a lot of metaphor or subtlety– if you really want me to know something, please make it crystal clear.

My best celebrity encounter: dinner with friends in the outdoor section of the Restaurant du Palais Royal in Paris on a gorgeous May evening– next to us was Tom Ford (at the height of his Gucci power)– I have never wanted to NOT eat so much in my life.

Something few people know about me: I abhor cava (sorry to those of you in Spain)– champagne is my favorite drink on Earth, prosecco will do in a pinch, and New World sparklings are hit and miss– but I universally detest cava.

Best for advice for working with me (yes, a little changed from what you all submitted): honesty really IS the best policy– unless I' m having a bad hair day in which case please just don' t say anything about that at all.

Thanks again for having me here– and we'll speak more on Thursday.

Best regards, Eric

Eric Schmidt of Google and Carol Bartz of Yahoo both submitted to interviews with Fox Business Network this week. And they both came across as peeved about having to answer any questions about Microsoft's upstart search engine in the first place. But it's no wonder why they took to the airwaves right as Bing was making it's big publicity push: With fickle user bases that can switch to competing software with the flick of a mouse, mindshare is becoming almost as important to tech companies as it is to celebrities. Hence, Twitter on The View and Oprah Winfrey Show.

In this case, the executives need not worry, as they happen to be right: A five-day ratings blip for Microsoft's Bing is evidence that people sampled the new search engine, not that they're switching.

An unrepentant Yahoo won't say what, exactly, Johnson did wrong. His comments were about Barack Obama's support of a bill allowing the government to suppress torture photos. They were attached to seemingly relevant images from the president's recent trip to Cairo to ring in a new era of U.S.-Middle Eastern relations.

"I thought, this is an opportunity I can use to let the administration know how I feel about some of its policies," Johnson told us in a phone interview.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.The Virginia man's initial 10 or so comments, which went up Wednesday night, were deleted without explanation by Friday. That night, Johnson posted roughly ten more to different White House photos, this time linking in another Flickr user's Abu Ghraib picture, as allowed by Flickr's comment formatting (see Johnson's reproduction of his comment, left, taken from his post to freedom-of-information hub Cryptome).

In the midst of this second round of commenting, Johnson found his account was gone. There had been no warning of any sort from Yahoo, he said. Johnson would later work his way up Flickr's customer service tree, eventually leaving a message for the vice president of customer service and other bigwigs. He even left a message for Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz — a noted fan of frank discourse — on Bartz's home answering machine.

Johnson, who lives outside Richmond, still has no answers. More crucially, he also doesn't have access to any of the 1,200 pictures he uploaded to Flickr under his paid "Pro" membership. Many of the pics, he said, were "completely irretrievable — I didn't back them up on any disks, I just spur-of-the-moment loaded it up and deleted the flash" memory originals.

Asked about all this, Yahoo issued us a statement (see below) saying its policies prevented it from discussing Johnson's account and pointing us to Flickr's community guidelines.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.But if the company expects people to move their data to its servers, via sites like Flickr and Yahoo Mail, it's going to have to do better than that. Users won't feel safe moving their data into Yahoo's "cloud" if it can vanish without a trace with no warning.

Similarly, Flickr's user base of photographers is notoriously sensitive to any hint of censorship, so the company would be well-advised to come up with a coherent explanation for why the most powerful man in the world needs to be so ruthlessly protected against a slightly aggressive internet commenter. Where's Carol Bartz's straight talk when you need it?

[via Cryptome] [top image by vanson on Flickr]

Flickr statement:

In accordance with Flickr's policy, we cannot disclose information to third parties concerning a member's account. However, in joining Flickr, all of our members agree to abide by our Community Guidelines. These guidelines require that all of our members be respectful of the community and flag content that may not be suitable for "safe" viewing. Our members have always done a great job of identifying inappropriate and offensive content on Flickr and bringing it to our attention. We encourage all members to continue to make Flickr a safe place to share photos and videos.


Flickr is a very large community made up of many types of members from all over the world, and we respect the viewpoints and expressions of all of our members. In crafting the Community Guidelines, Flickr weighed the rights of the individual vs. the rights of the overall community, and built a system that would enable members to choose what they want to view. As with any community, online or off, there are members who may disregard the Community Guidelines. When this happens, Flickr may have to take action accordingly towards building a respectful community. For more information: http://www.flickr.com/guidelines.gne

Bartz's tongue twisting came, unfortunately, as the CEO battles the idea she's unsuited to the job of running Yahoo, since her last company, Autodesk, makes software that runs on personal workstations rather than servers.

We sympathize: The criticism of Bartz's background seems more like thinly-veiled swiping at her age and gender than at anything substantive. Eric Schmidt escaped such second-guessing when he moved from PC software company Novell to running Google.

Fortunately for Bartz, her reputation for verbal aggression should deter critics from making undue hay of her lack of comfort with the word "algorithm."

Highlight above; full interview below.

An internal memo about the new VP of Corporate Communications, Eric Brown, was obtained by Kara Swisher of All Things Digital. In it, Yahoo is careful to describe Brown's "bad habit of eating ice cream in bed while reading my Kindle and surfing the web."

Also, his "partner's name is Scot, he has a Pomeranian named Clio, a passion for cooking and travel." So adorable!

Less cuddly: Brown is tasked with enforcing his boss Carol Bartz's edict that anyone caught leaking information will get "dropkicked to fucking Mars."

Like former Autodesk honcho Bartz, veteran Wilson comes from a business software background, specifically storage company NetApp. Hopefully for his sake he developed a passion for "dropkicking" there.

Full Bartz Memo:

Marketing & Executive Teams,

I'm very pleased to announce that Eric Brown will be joining Yahoo! as Senior Vice President, Global Communications, reporting directly to me. In this critical role, Eric will oversee our Global Communications function, including public relations, product promotion, executive communications, public affairs, internal communications, corporate reputation management and social media outreach.

Eric is joining Yahoo! at a particularly pivotal time, as we update our corporate position and message, develop and execute a renewed global brand strategy and launch major new products and solutions. Eric will be tasked with more closely integrating the global communications team with broader marketing initiatives and the company's overall business strategy. A critical objective will be to set the communications agenda and drive Yahoo!'s message to our various constituencies–the media, analysts, consumers, employees, and key industry influencers who create buzz and can have a significant impact on how our brand is perceived.

Eric is a Silicon Valley communications veteran with 18 years of tech experience. Most recently, Eric and I collaborated at NetApp, where he spent the last nine years helping to transform the company into a multibillion dollar global enterprise. As Vice President of Corporate Relations, Eric managed a large global team and strategic communications program. He was the core communications executive responsible for the company's recent revamp of brand strategy and execution. He also played a significant communications role in helping the company gain recognition by Fortune magazine as the "Best Company to Work for in America" in 2009. Prior to NetApp, Eric was the head of PR for Adaptec responsible for B2B, brand and consumer communications, and held additional leadership positions in both corporate and agency environments.

On a personal note, Eric's partner's name is Scot, he has a Pomeranian named Clio, a passion for cooking and travel, and a self-described "bad habit of eating ice cream in bed while reading my Kindle and surfing the web."

Eric will join us in early July, so please join me in giving him a warm welcome. I look forward to his leadership contributions in this vitally important role at Yahoo!.

[All Things Digital]

The cable network's Silicon Valley bureau chief has been something of a parrot for Apple's public relations flacks, but Bartz found him too antagonistic, at least after Goldman asked a lengthy, tortured question that implied Yahoo has contended itself with its rival's leftovers. See the top clip at left.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Missing were the flashes of humor that had the audience at the D tech conference eating out of Bartz's hand after she cursed Swisher. (All Things Digital has finally posted video of the f-bomb; it's included in the lower clip.)

Goldman didn't seem to take the anger personally; he later laughed that "to call [Bartz] the straight-talking CEO of Yahoo would be... an understatement." Hopefully, if only for their sake, Bartz's underlings are able to take her bluntness in the same good humor.

The headline "Carol Bartz, Live and Uncensored" topped video of the Yahoo CEO's comments on All Things D, the Journal tech website, extending interest in the f-bomb that began when on of its reporters reported the incident on Twitter. The accompanying article referenced Bartz's "much-anticipated f-bomb." Yet the curse had been mysteriously excised from the video.

The paper quickly heard from aggrieved bloggers (including this one, although we weren't too aggrieved — we've seen plenty of Bartz's cursing elsewhere) . All Things D writer Peter Kafka urged patience:

Several hours later, the logistical problem had not been resolved. But the Journal insists it will, and attached a note to its original video to that effect:

But the interest in the "fucking" clip (ahem!) only illustrated the power of Bartz's salty talk, which listeners tend to equate with forthrightness. Her comments, blunt words and all, seem to have gone over well at D and perhaps even turned the Yahoo chief into a full-fledged Valley character ("I'm sorry we're starting late — Carol Bartz just trashed my hotel room," Swisher would later joke).

We have to hand it to Bartz: Any executive who can stage-whisper "fuck you" to a WSJ reporter and come out on top is handling herself admirably.

The more spirited non f-bomb moments of the Bartz-Swisher exchange are excerpted in the video above. We'll update if and when f-bomb video becomes available.

I still remember the day I called you up and tried to recruit you to Valleywag — only to learn that that sneaky rapscallion Nick Denton had beaten me to the punch by one whole day in offering you the night shift at Gawker. It all worked out in the end — and perhaps better than I could have imagined back in 2007. But the main lesson I take away from that is that you can get Denton to do pretty much whatever you want if you're patient enough.

Denton, who has a weakness for idle truisms, likes to say that gossip is a young man's game. But you're old enough to remember the first dotcom bubble, and how it popped. That's going to be key in the next few years. We may escape a depression, but Silicon Valley is facing a reckoning nonetheless. Too much venture capital chased too few idea for far too long — and a buoyant economy can no longer hide the startup factory's mistakes.

The biggest mistake you can make is getting too close to your Valley sources and fall for their groupthink in order to ingratiate yourself. (You know how I've scolded you for gullibly buying the hype that Twitter is an amazing source of real-time news. Okay, perhaps it was — for five seconds, before the blowhards, spammers, and self-promoters found it.) At least your schooling will help you remain an outsider: As a Berkeley grad, you'll have an instinctive dislike for the Valley's Stanford in-crowd.

At the same time, don't forget that your years living, studying, and working in the Bay Area give you a better understanding of your beat than anyone can have from 3,000 miles away. Gabriel and Nick, though well-intentioned, have the Manhattan media habit of confusing proximity with relevance. Gawker is much more than New York now — and Valleywag's unique place therein must be firmly grounded in northern California's shaky soil.

Remember: Love is far more powerful than hate. Keep a clear-eyed passion for the Valley. Most tech reporters here secretly loathe their subjects, but try to disguise it with a supine gladhandery as they beg for scoops about new startup website features. They hate themselves and the people they write about. Sad, right? By loving the Valley, you can write about it more honestly than any of them. Just prepare to have your heart broken again, and again, and again. To truly love something, you must love it with all its failings.

For example, the Valley's Alice-in-Wonderland economics — why is Twitter worth more than most startups precisely because it has no revenues to speak of? But the thing you must love most about Silicon Valley — the part of the story the local press corps always skips over in favor of buzzwords, punditry, and lazy analysis — is its people.

The Valley's story is not one of chips and code. It is not a tale of technology. It is the always-running tragicomedy of the people who make technology.

Here are a few characters to watch. I hope it helps — but I can't wait to see who you add to the list.

Marissa Mayer Valleywag's first story remains its best. The public face of Google, Mayer also runs search, the only business that matters there. The cupcake frosting of her girly image — one she assiduously advances at every opportunity — may humanize the otherwise robotic computer scientist. But it is a distraction. The real question to ask about Mayer: Does her spreadsheet-ridden management style scale to new problems beyond search? Are her strengths now turning into limitations?

Mark Zuckerberg Ignore the nerd façade. Facebook's 25-year-old CEO is headstrong and ruthless. Here's the grand irony of Zuckerberg's revolutionary venture: He claims to be all about openness and sharing. But his imperious, my-way-or-the-highway management style has created a fractious culture of dishonesty, delusion, and disillusionment at the social network. His underlings either learn to say things they don't believe, or they move on. This is why Sheryl Sandberg is exactly the wrong COO for Zuckerberg. The veteran of the Clinton Administration has forgotten her Google training and reverted to Washington-player form, where staying on message is all that counts. Facebook's best hope is that Zuckerberg learns from his mistakes — but first he has to recognize them as mistakes.

Carol Bartz Yahoo's CEO swears like a sailor. At last, a boss who has found the right language to describe Yahoo's plight! Bartz brings a refreshing frankness to Yahoo. But the already demoralized troops she inherited will need to start seeing results. Otherwise, Valleywag will continue to be a steady recipient of leaks from Sunnyvale.

Elon Musk The CEO of Tesla Motors and SpaceX is living the geek high life, playing with fast cars, rocket ships, and other people's money. It's wonderful that Musk has realized even a small part of his childhood fantasies. But he risks destroying his dreams by refusing to reconcile them with reality. Factcheck everything Musk says. For example, was he actually running either Zip2 or PayPal, the previous dotcom successes he likes to cite in his bio, when they were sold?

Owen Van Natta Everyone is going to give MySpace's new CEO a pass, because the so-called "social portal" is so clearly troubled. If the former Facebook executive succeeds in a turnaround, it will be viewed as an astonishing achievement; if he fails, people will say no one could save MySpace. That's not fair. Hold his feet to the fire, and judge this disturbingly tan rock-star boss like anyone else on the list.

Peter Thiel Thiel, the PayPal cofounder, likes to brag about how he recruits only the best brains from the best schools to work at Clarium Capital, his hedge fund. Oh, really? Take a look at their résumés on LinkedIn. Like so many of this outspokenly harebrained libertarian's theses, the claim sounds good on paper but doesn't stand up to inspection. Valleywag, alone in Silicon Valley, can take a keen look at Thiel's rhetoric without being dazzled by his inflated wealth.

Tim Armstrong Like Van Natta at MySpace, Armstrong, a Google golden boy now charged with running AOL, will be enjoying a honeymoon. Don't worry: There are plenty of disgruntled AOLers who will gladly help you break up the lovefest.

Jimmy Wales Remind me: What does Wikipedia's founder actually do to earn his keep, besides give speeches? In all this time, I was never able to figure that out. Maybe you can!

Eric Schmidt When did Google's CEO turn into such a raging egomaniac? When the blogosphere was the only corner of the Internet that criticized him, he dismissed it as a "cesspool." But now everyone from Hollywood to the New York Times to the Federal Trade Commission is looking askance at his online empire's practices. "Don't be evil" has turned into "don't get caught." He will, though. Be ready when he does.

Larry Page and Sergey Brin Google's wonder twins have achieved geek nirvana, creating a cloistered campus with free food, lava lamps, and exercise balls to spare. They have a fleet of jets to transport them to rocket launches or rendezvous with Richard Branson and Bono. They've even managed to get married and reproduce. Just one question: Are they still sane? Were they ever?

There are many people who will help you — many of the same people who helped me so much, I hope. They include:

• Nick Denton, for putting up with three years of playing hard to get — and then putting up with much more besides.
• Brian Lam, Choire Sicha, Noah Robischon and Lockhart Steele, for tag-teaming me into taking the job.
• Gabriel Snyder, for expertly steering Valleywag into Gawker's welcoming arms.
• All the Valleywaggers: Paul Boutin, Nick Douglas, Megan McCarthy, Tim Faulkner, Mary Jane Irwin, Jordan Golson, Nicholas Carlson, Jackson West, Melissa Gira Grant, and Tim Woolery. You guys, we've been through so much together!
• Richard Blakeley: We made sweet Photoshop magic together.
• Everyone at Gawker Media: How much do I love you? Far more than just five milligrams.
• Sarah Lacy, Kara Swisher, and Peter Kafka: My peers and fellow purveyors of Valley gossip, you constantly inspired me.
• Countless sources, tipsters, and fellow scribes: Please understand that I esteem you none the less for not naming you here. In fact, your continued anonymity is the best sign of my abiding affection.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Good luck, Ryan. I'll be reading eagerly.

Don't screw it up.

Yours,

Owen
The Valleywag

(Photos by Brian Solis and Scott Beale/Laughing Squid)

The pottymouthed Bartz held it together for her first conference call with Wall Street analysts. Almost. Right at the end of yesterday's earnings call, she got asked some tiresome question about Yahoo's latest layoffs. You can hear the frustration and annoyance in her voice. "We had a lot of people telling engineers what to do but nobody fucking doing anything. [pause] Excuse me. I knew that would slip out one of these times."

What makes the slipup extra hilarious: We hear Yahoo's beleaguered public-relations staff had promised reporters that Bartz would hold it in for the call.

To no one's shock, Yahoo's ad-dependent business struggled amidst the worst advertising market in recent history. The company is laying off another 700 employees — though, thanks to Yahoo's lousy cost controls and poor planning, they'll probably hire that many people in a couple of months. We wonder how long it will take Bartz to figure out that Yahoo's business is thoroughly broken, and not in a way that can be fixed with a few well-chosen curse words.

We've never quite figured out what Jeremy Johnstone does, besides critique other people's code, take bad pictures, and trade barbs with gossip blogs. Whatever his official job is, he apparently requires seven computer screens to do it. (In fact, Johnstone has so many screens that they couldn't fit in one photo.)

Memo to Yahoo CEO Carol Bartz: You could save a few thousand bucks, easy, by redistributing five of these screens to Johnstone's colleagues instead of buying new ones.

There's much to the good in this org chart. Ash Patel, a famously lazy old-time Yahoo mostly regarded for his time in the job, is nowhere to be seen in Yahoo's executive ranks, replaced by CTO Ari Balogh. He's still at Yahoo, but his new job is unclear. Hopefully he'll be out the door entirely soon. And CFO Blake Jorgensen, an ineffective hire made by former Yahoo president Sue Decker (he was her best man at her wedding), is also gone.

But there are too many holdovers. Michael Callahan, a general counsel who got founder Jerry Yang hauled in front of Congress and labeled a "moral pygmy" over Yahoo's outing of a Chinese dissident, whose own department generated a labor lawsuit by Yahoo's first black, female lawyer, and who blithely expressed optimism about a lucrative advertising deal with Google that antitrust cops end up shooting down, should not be holding his job. HR chief David Windley's faults are less public, but Yahoo insiders say they loathe him.

Finally, there's the new face Bartz has picked: Elisa Steele, Yahoo's latest chief marketing officer, who joines the company from NetApp. Like Bartz, Steele previously worked at Sun. For all the same reasons that people were dubious about Bartz's hire — she's a software and hardware saleswoman who's unfamiliar with Web products and online advertising — one might be skeptical of Steele's background. Instead of shoring up her weaknesses in those fields, Bartz has hired a clone.

For those who want to plow through Bartz's explanation of what that purple graphic means, here's her memo:

From: Carol Bartz
Reply-To: Carol Bartz
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2009 09:02:49 -0800
To: "all-worldwide@yahoo-inc.com"
Subject: Our New Organization

Yahoos,

As I've gotten to know Yahoo! over the past several weeks, I've developed a
point of view on how our organization should be structured to set us up for
success.

Our goal is simple: to consistently deliver awesome consumer and advertiser
experiences, everywhere in the world we do business. Delivering great
customer experiences is everyone's job at Yahoo! – and each part of our
organization will have a clear role in making that happen every day.

The timing of this announcement is important. As soon as decisions were
made, I wanted you to know about them — even if that means we don't have
all the details nailed down yet. Yes, there's been a lot of speculation in
the media over the past few days … that's been a little frustrating, but I'm
not willing to speak publicly about decisions before they're final. Today,
they are — so I'll lay out our new organizational structure for you now.

I know you guys have reorg fatigue. Hang in there – our intention is to
leave this structure in place for two to four years. We'll continue to make
adjustments as needed, but we expect this core structure to stay put.

The structure outlined below will enable us to make big improvements in our
product quality and operational efficiency. Part of that is simplicity –
I'm frankly amazed at how complicated some things are here! We'll have much
clearer decision making and accountability. Product and regional teams will
share responsibility for revenue targets and expense management, but we'll
have one P&L, for which I'm accountable.

We will also be in a better position to really listen to and understand our
customers -both consumers and advertisers. I think we've gotten into the
habit of focusing internally too much and we sometimes forget who we're here
to serve. You'll notice that our management structure puts a renewed focus
on the customer, with stronger feedback loops across the company… and they
all come through me.

Also, as you know, no organizational structure is a substitute for
collaboration, communication and trust. We'll all need to evolve our
behavior a bit – as teams and as individuals – to make this structure work
the way it's designed.

So here's the overview, with the roles that will report directly to me. As
you'll see, some of our leaders are still to be determined. I know you'll
want more detail than what's below – you can learn more on Backyard:
http://backyard.yahoo.com/ourorg .

Products: We've combined Tech and Product groups under one roof, led by Ari
Balogh as EVP Products & CTO. Ari's charter is to deliver global products
that enable extraordinary consumer and advertiser experiences. Ari's direct
reports now include one leader for each product group – we've taken care of
the "two in a box" problem.

One important note: The Connected Life team has been integrated into various
parts of the new organization. Our mobile strategy remains a key part of
Yahoo!'s focus going forward and all of our product groups will own mobile
innovations. After leading Connected Life for four years, Marco Boerries has
resigned from the company to spend more time with his family in Europe. We
thank Marco for his important contributions at Yahoo!.

Regions: There are now two: North America and International. As I've said
before, international growth is critical for Yahoo!, which has become too
reliant on its U.S. business over the years.

The regions deliver Yahoo!'s products, programming and services to
consumers, partners and advertisers in local markets. They will partner
closely with the newly formed Regional Solutions & Products group in Ari's
organization to help drive a significant shift in how Yahoo! develops
products for different geographies. The goal is to have global platforms on
which regional product offerings are based.

The North American region — comprised of the U.S. and Canada – is led by
Hilary Schneider. The leader of our International region, to be hired soon,
will be responsible for a cohesive Yahoo! global strategy and seizing our
international growth opportunities. Until we determine who'll lead the
International region, Rose Tsou (Asia), Rich Riley (Europe) and Keith
Nilsson (Emerging Markets) will continue to report to me.

Marketing: Elisa Steele will be joining Yahoo! as our Chief Marketing
Officer (CMO), effective March 23. Elisa joins us from NetApp where she was
SVP, Corporate Marketing. Previous to NetApp, she held executive positions
in marketing at Sun Microsystems. Elisa will oversee our global marketing
strategy and provide direction for our marketing function. She'll bring
together the various Yahoo! marketing teams that have been spread across the
company. Reporting into Elisa will be Brand Marketing, Audience Marketing,
Corporate Communications, Insights, Policy & Privacy, Community Affairs and
related central teams. I'm delighted to have Elisa joining the team.

Customer Advocacy: As I said, we can do much better in hearing the voice of
the customer across Yahoo!, and incorporating what we hear into all of our
work day-to-day. We have opened a search for a leader, who will oversee
Customer Care and Ad Operations globally with the goal of improving how we
support Yahoo!'s users and advertisers. In the interim, these teams will
continue to report to Hilary.

Service Engineering & Operations: This new team is responsible for
delivering common technology services at scale, including application
management and infrastructure. No matter how cool our products are, the
customer's experience won't be great unless our applications consistently
deliver. Note that we're bringing Service Engineering together as one group
because these engineers bring expertise that is best applied horizontally.
Leading this organization is David Dibble, who joined Yahoo! in December.
David's team also will be accountable for delivering more effective
corporate IT systems.

Corporate Functions: Blake Jorgensen will be leaving Yahoo! and I am
searching for a new CFO. Blake will remain through a transition with his
successor, and I want to thank Blake for all of his great contributions to
Yahoo! over the past two years. Mike Callahan will continue to lead our
Legal team, and David Windley leads our Human Resources function. Joel
Jones joins the team as my Chief of Staff.

So that's the high-level view. These changes are effective immediately, but
we've got more work to do in filling out the structure of each group. In
the short term, this transition will be challenging for many of our people.
My executive staff will be working with their organizations as quickly as
possible to create further clarity. For example, we'll need to recast
budgets and adjust work areas so we have the right people working
side-by-side.

I want to thank all of you who've shared your ideas and views with me since
I arrived. Several leaders across Yahoo! came together to design this new
structure – I've been very impressed with their dedication to the right
outcomes, particularly how they've embraced the need to eliminate the silos
that have been a drag on this organization for so long.

I think this organizational structure has the potential to solve many of the
issues you've helped me better understand. Of course, new issues will
emerge. But I know we'll be aligned and nimble in tackling them together.

This is a tremendous, proud company with a powerful brand, great products
and a bright future. Now's the time to get more focused than ever on
delighting our users and advertisers. Let's show them how great Yahoo! can
be.

Carol

Under former president Sue Decker — whom Bartz swiftly swept out of the company — a swift-moving Silicon Valley startup turned into a glacial global bureaucracy, stacked with a faceless army of disposable vice presidents. Bartz, the new CEO whose blunt speech is laced with four-letter words, is set to flush out the leftovers of Yahoo's lackadaisical leadership. And good riddance!

The cloddishness of the old management team was what made Yahoo's stumbles such a good tale. Back when we were in the business of chronicling every coming and going through Sunnyvale's revolving door, my then-writer Paul Boutin ridiculed my reporting as a running tally of "Yahoo vice presidents you've never heard of, but now they're fired."

Funny because it was true! For example: AllThingsD's Kara Swisher hears that wireless exec Marco Boerries could be on his way out, and has been spending a lot of time on "family issues." We'll translate that from Swisher's overly polite prose: He's going through a messy divorce, and has been talking to people at both Google and Facebook, though neither company seems interested in offering the brash mobile entrepreneur a job. Boerries ran mobile as a fiefdom, separate from the rest of the company, and as a result, Yahoo has proven irrelevant in a mobile market that Apple and Google have run away with.

If you hadn't heard of Boerries before you learned his job was at risk, don't worry — Yahoo has dozens more like him. And they will soon be on the job market — with "getting fired by Carol Bartz" as their most notable accomplishment.