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Tom Arnold's Tenderness, Ellen Barkin's Valium, Gilbert Gottfried's Tsunami Revisiting: The Adorable Messes of Roseanne's Roast

Above is a highlight reel of last night's Roast of Roseanne on Comedy Central. Its messiness was an aesthetic choice — many members of the panel, whose star power was repeatedly called out for being underwhelming, aired out their dirty laundry. Carrie Fisher talked about her addiction and its affect on her memory, but…

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Short Ends: George Clooney Pretends To Find Date's Stories Of Hard-To-Operate Briefcase Hinges Fascinating For The Good Of His Master Plan

· Celebrities terminate their unwanted pregnancies, just like us!
· George Clooney kicks off his paparazzi-foiling master plan by allowing himself to be photographed with a Deal or No Deal briefcase-opening technician. He's really mixing things up right off the bat.
· Finding a dead, gay Republican in her bed was…