According to the Guardian, Catholics in St Louis, Missouri, find themselves confronted with an ethical dilemma over whether they are permitted to buy cookies from the troublingly feminist Girl Scouts. “Each person must act in accord with their conscience,” the archdiocese advises.
Cool Pope Probably Not a Trump Supporter
Cool Pope “Francis” (a rap name), a Catholic man that religious people must pretend to respect, continues his irksome habit of making public statements that do not comport with the official positions of Republican presidential candidates.
Vatican City is its own state with its own laws and you may be surprised to learn that one of those laws is that the practice of journalism is illegal. Cool Pope or Not-So-Cool Pope? You decide.
Crafty Catholic John Boehner Used "Catholic Guilt" To Force Paul Ryan Into Speakership
As a descendant of Irish peasants and a graduate of a Catholic high school, I personally know that “Catholic guilt” can be a cruel and unyielding master. Little did I know that that same Catholic guilt is used to decide some of the most important decisions in the United States government.
Cool Pope “Francis” (a nickname) in a speech yesterday “called the unfettered pursuit of money ‘the dung of the devil.’” Damn—now that’s a cool Pope.
Leaders of Fantasy World, Real World Now United Against Climate Change
At long last, Cool Pope “Francis” (a pseudonym) has released his much-anticipated encyclical on climate change. **SPOILER ALERT**: He’s against it. What does this mean?
Vatican Adopts Balloons as Symbols of Satan's Power
Yesterday, the Catholic Church released hordes of colorful balloons in St. Peter's Square, a gesture meant to symbolize the triumph of Satan's power over life on earth.
Cool Pope Just Making Stuff Up About Heaven Now
It is becoming increasingly clear that Cool Pope "Francis" (a nickname)—though he is certainly cool and wacky and generally chill—is just making stuff up as he goes along. Do dogs go to heaven? Sure, why not?
Conservative Catholics Call Bishops' Gay Acceptance "Homoheresy"
The Catholic Church reached a huge milestone today when bishops declared that gay partnerships have value and that LGBT people have plenty of "gifts" to offer the church. Even though gay marriage is still off the table, conservative Catholic groups are pissed.
Cool Pope Francis is going to replace the entire leadership of the Vatican Bank because they're scandal-plagued and also their profits fell 97% last year. Wow, bet god is really proud of that shitty bank... get your shit together, Cool Pope.
America's Catholic bishops are considering whether their voter's guide's "discussion of evil, now focused on abortion and racism, should be revisited in light of the pope's description of economic inequality as a social evil." Well... let's not be hasty.
Catholic Church Hastens to Reassure Everyone the Pope Is a Capitalist
Cool new Pope, "Francis" (not his real name), has won lots of new fans for pointing out the exploitative and rapacious nature of global capitalism. The Catholic Church would like to assure you the Pope is not a commie. He loves the free market!
Harvard Plans to Hail Satan, Confirms Conservative Fears About Harvard
An undergraduate student group has announced plans to hold a Satanic "black mass" on Harvard's campus Monday evening, freaking out Catholics and conservatives who probably figured the Ivy was a dark servant of Beelzubub all along.
Now that we have a socialista Pope, many Catholic bishops in America and around the world are rethinking their traditional practice of living in opulent mansions. Mighty big of them.
The Catholic Archdiocese of Newark, which two years ago closed a school for lack of funds, is paying to build an enormous new wing on its archbishop's vacation home, with "an indoor exercise pool, three fireplaces and an elevator." Jesus wept.
Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor late Tuesday temporarily blocked the Obama administration's enforcement of the Affordable Care Act's contraceptive coverage requirements for a small group of Catholic nuns. The government has until Friday to file a response in the case.
In the latest travails of The Most Interesting Pope In The World©, Francis I has revealed to an interviewer that he used to be a nightclub bouncer. Most awkward ladies' night ever.
Liquidate the Catholic Church
The new Pope, Francis: great guy. He loves the poor. He's cool with atheists. He's even pretty chill about gay marriage and abortions. Yesterday's photos of him embracing a severely disfigured man were genuinely touching. Still, the best thing that this nice Pope could do would be to dismantle the Catholic Church.
Pope Francis Suspends “Bling Bishop” for $55 Million Home Renovation
Pope Francis suspended Germany's infamous “Bishop of Bling” today after learning that the bishop spent as much as $55 million renovating his official residence, including a Bloombergian-$20,000 on his bathtub.
