Roger Ailes’ cable news operation went live on October 7, 1996. 17 years and several wars later, Fox News remains as lively and accurate as ever. To celebrate, the channel bought a bunch of enormous Microsoft touch-screen computers.

In a world that often seems like one big penis party, the clit is a many-splendored thing—and a marginalized one, too. This locus of female pleasure has more nerve endings than any other human body part, but it still doesn't enjoy the cultural currency of your average wang. Maybe Clitoris Week will change that.

Good morning, America. Do you know why this is a special time to be an American? Because this is an amazing year for peanuts!

When aging musical jack-of-all-trades Jack White of the White Stripes and his model wife Karen Elson announced their divorce to friends, it wasn't with teary phone calls in the middle of the night, it was with an invitation. They're throwing a divorce party!

Last night as news of Osama bin Laden's death was announced to the nation, crowds in New York and D.C. rushed to Ground Zero and the White House to celebrate. Here are some photos of the revelry.

Do you know what today is, in addition to being a tragic day of global devastation? It's Rupert Murdoch's 80th birthday! No need to comment on any issues of karma. Born into a newspaper-owning family in Melbourne in 1931, Rupert parlayed a single small newspaper in Adelaide into a national—and then global—media…

Libyan dictator Muammar Qaddafi offered his own theory about the causes of the revolution sweeping his country on Thursday: "They [al Qaeda] give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe." Indeed. CNN foreign correspondent Ben Wedeman (whose Twitter…

Someone decided that today, February 18, is National Drink Wine Day. And here we thought every day was National Drink Wine Day. If holidays are made so easily, I hereby declare tomorrow National Buy Brian Moylan a Sandwich Day. Yum!

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il turns 69 today—that is, it is the 69th anniversary of his glorious birth on sacred Baekdu Mountain. What kind of events will take place? "Colorful events will take place," Korean News Service helpfully informs the curious. And that's not all!

Conservative deity Ronald Reagan would have turned 100 next month, so the entire Free World will celebrate with bronze statues, museum exhibits, a conservative retreat to the Reagan Library and even a "special tribute" at the Super Bowl. Get excited!

Chelsea Lately celebrated its 600th episode last night by reviewing the evolution of the show through a montage of her sidekick, Chuy. Perhaps we should call it "the politically incorrect use of Chuy" instead.

You can go to over-the-hill sex tape actress Kim Kardashian's 30th birthday party in New York on Friday. You just have to pay between $1,000 and $2,500 to reserve a table. Your personal invite below.

North Korea's next leader, Kim Jong-un, appeared on live television today with his dad, Kim Jong-il at a lavish military parade in Pyongyang that observers say is the largest ever there. Tanks! Missiles! Dancers! Dictators! Sounds like a great party.

This weekend marks the fifth anniversary of the landfall of Hurricane Katrina, which devastated the Gulf Coast and left hundreds of dead bodies floating in the wrecked streets of New Orleans. To celebrate, Katrina hero Michael Brown is "speaking out."

[Funi the Panda bear turned four years old today in her new home at the Adelaide Zoo in Australia. Funi and cagemate Wang Wang are the only Giant Pandas living in the Southern Hemisphere. Image via Getty]