It's Fourth of July weekend! And if you're not working like we are, you should be out drinking Bud, getting a sunburn, and blowing shit up like a true Patriot. Here's some examples of how to properly celebrate America's birthday.

Today is the longest day of the year! And while you are spending it writing emails to Justin Bieber, or whatever it is you do, some of the most magnificent weirdos you will ever meet are celebrating at Stonehenge.

Blessed 68th birthday wishes to maniacal Elvis doppelganger and beloved North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il! While outside agitators allege that Kim's mental and physical health is flagging, we have official word that the truth could not be more opposite.

Whenever a 30 year-old woman dies tragically, alone, her dead body lying undiscovered for days, capping a horrifically fucked up life, one is always tempted to ask oneself: Shouldn't we treat this event "as a glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire?" Eschew the temptation, friend! Andrea Peyser, an…

We figured out where the photos of Katie Couric shaking her lovely lady humps were taken: at the after-party celebrating her debut as anchor of the CBS Evening News. That was the best possible answer.

Angelina Jolie has picked the latest far-flung country from which she plans to pluck another child. And the winner is Syria! According to OK!, which first broke the news of Jolie's latest acquisition, Brad Pitt has decided to sit this one out, since he thinks six kids is plenty. But the people of Syria sure are…

The supposedly magical ladyparts of Kate Hudson and Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly are being credited for their respective boyfriends'—Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter—awe-inspiring post-season performance. Here's hoping Ms. Kelly doesn't get jealous of Jeter's new girlfriend.

The downside (and upside!) to a Yankees World Series victory.

It only cost the city of Mount Vernon, Washington $17,748.85 in police overtime and whatnot to host their "Glenn Beck Day." Cheaper than buying a slave! [UPI]

Owner of us Nick Denton is 43 today. Happy birthday also to Vince McMahon, Yasser Arafat, Dave Chappelle, Mike Huckabee, Reggie Miller, Steve Guttenberg, Rupert Grint, and Richard Blakeley. Quite the auspicious group. Also on this day in history:

Pictured, tautly manboobed sexagenarian Sylvester Stallone, toasting Planet Hollywood's purchase of Buca di Beppo, who plan on extending the movie motif to the Italian chain by rechristening it Apastalypse Now.

How excited was Glenn Close yesterday to earn immortality on the Walk of Fame? Excited enough to carnally plunge onto Hollywood Blvd., which we take to mean "pretty excited." Get a room, you two.

Happy 75th, Variety! Defamer wishes the best of anniversaries to Daily Variety, which today celebrates 75 years in business — albeit a month late, as is customary with so many of its biggest stories, but in a festive, infectious spirit nonetheless. Not to mention surprising as well, according to the blurb featured on…

IMDB is Finally Legal: We know where your mind probably went hearing that the Internet Movie Database turns 18 today. But despite the lovely note passed along by founder Col Needham, we're mostly just relieved we can finally throw it out of the house. So, IMDB, consider yourself emancipated — write if you get work,…

OMG! The birthday-celebrating opportunity of your tween's lifetime is right around the corner at Disneyland, where plans for Miley Cyrus's Sweet-16 bash on Oct. 5 are coming together with saucy, serendipitous panache. Never mind the $250 face value of the limited tickets going on sale Aug. 30 — the guest list…

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