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Spirit Fingers
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
"Tiger, you do know the Gosselins, Jon and Kate, don't you? No? Here, let me introduce you."

Welcome, Tiger and wife, to the non-abating news cycle for the next month at least... expect revelations, tearful denials, fervent protestations, and someone wailing, "And what about the children?!"

Yes, a mighty thing you've done for publishing this Holiday season. Jingle-Bell Balls in Your Face!
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mimigoliath
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
Isn't 24 too young to have a facelift? Her eyebrows are in the freaking ionosphere.
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lobstr
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
Incomprehensible to think he'd go for that unattractive piece of trash over the rather hot Swedish wife. Golfers..
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heywhat
12/01/09

@lobstr: Agreed. Would it kill Tiger to have a hot mistress? How hard can it be to find an attractive piece of ass?
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Edited by heywhat at 12/01/09 6:17 PM heywhat was starred heywhat was unstarred

Brad Brown
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
As Kwanzaa Charlie Brown would say, that girl has more clap than an auditorium.
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LeftCoastLady
12/01/09

@Brad Brown: Franklin would like to have a word with you.
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A Message To Rudy
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
Very rarely do you see the words "24 year-old cocktail waitress" in a news story without the word "affair" nearby.
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BookishLatkeish
12/01/09

@A Message To Rudy: Those daring young bitches should just be fitted with chastity belts from the get-go.
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A Message To Rudy
12/01/09

@BookishLookish: Actually, I was trying to suggest that it's the guys who get themselves in trouble by always courting the aforementioned 24 year-old cocktail waitresses.
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noonecaresowen
12/01/09

@A Message To Rudy: And of course she spells her name "Jaimee".
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A Message To Rudy
12/01/09

@noonecaresowen: And yet "Grubs" only has one "B". Go figure.
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pollyannacowgirl
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
I have a feeling that we're going to be hearing from Rachel U, and this time, she's going to admit to being Tiger's hooer. These bimbos can't STAND being upstaged.

*rubs hands gleefully*
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Little Green Frog (Wise Latina) promoted this comment pollyannacowgirl was starred pollyannacowgirl was unstarred

ArtfulSlinger
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
This chick was from the first season of Tool Academy, who was there with her fake boyfriend, so I can only assume she was trolling for money the whole time!!!!
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Matt Cherette
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
Seeing that TMZ comment makes me crave the return of the "The Unapproved" feature even more. Can we please bring it back? Hell, I'll even do it.
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IpsoFacto
12/01/09

@Matt Cherette: yes! I miss them too.
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Brad Brown
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
What are those circular, white stains just above her zipper?
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m4ximusprim3
12/01/09

In reply to Rumor: Us Weekly Pays Big For Tiger Woods Girl #2
The most amazing thing is that Tiger is allowing this to occur. He's on track to be the first athlete to bank one billion dollars - and people are getting these contracts for $150,000?

If I were him, every woman who has ever touched the 1-wood would immediately get a million dollars and a legally binding non-disclosure agreement, or they'd end up at the bottom of a very deep lake.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: He's handling this all wrong.
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momof3wildkids
12/01/09

@m4ximusprim3: You're right. He should have allowed the interview with the FHP to go forward. The less disclosure the more shit will fly in to fill the void. (e.g. picture of rather whorish woman above)
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Edited by momof3wildkids at 12/01/09 4:53 PM momof3wildkids was starred momof3wildkids was unstarred

resipsaloquacious
12/01/09

@momof3wildkids:

He's handling it as perfect as one could. There appears to be no chance for arrest, for he or his wife. Continue with the no comment, no comment, no comment. This is the only chance the story will die.

Media loves to argue that if he just tells the truth, this will all die down. Bullshit. If he says nothing he has a much better chance that it will all die down. If the mistresses come out of the wood work, they are coming out of the work -- there is nothing he can do to stop it. Attempting to get ahead of the story by admitting to the affairs is a sucker's bet, one that will not work and one that the media hopes he takes.

If there are mistresses out there and they want airtime they will get airtime, regardless of whether Tiger admits to his affairs or not.
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GregorMendel
12/01/09

@resipsaloquacious: He is trying to keep his wife out of the pokey salad weeds. If she hit him, he cannot hide behind the 5th to protect her.
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resipsaloquacious
12/01/09

@GregorMendel:

From the reports, it seems he achieved his goal. I call that a win. Who mentioned the 5th Amendment? It concerns self-incrimination. The more relevant issue would be Florida's law on whether the state can force a spouse to testify against his/her will against his/her spouse, which I do not know.
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m4ximusprim3
12/01/09

@resipsaloquacious: I'm with you on the "no comment" thing - his business is his business, and admitting to an affair is not going to appease the vultures.

I just can't believe someone with his money and influence can't corrall some fugly bitches, especially when his public image is worth something like $80-$90 million a year. 5 million to silence some road meat seems like a pittance.
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GregorMendel
12/01/09

@resipsaloquacious: When this all started, my legal brethren were all a-flutter about the fact that Tiger did not have to talk to the police as we are all protected by the 5th amendment. The difference, however, is that if he is in no danger of self-incrimination he can be compelled to talk to them. And spousal privilege does not apply in domestic violence cases in the vast majority of states.
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GregorMendel
12/01/09

@m4ximusprim3: Win.
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m4ximusprim3
12/01/09

@GregorMendel: Thanks! I don't know anything about the legal aspects of it, but as a practical matter, it seems like someone with nearly unlimited financial resources could do a better job at damage control.
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resipsaloquacious
12/01/09

@GregorMendel:

The police/DA cannot establish probable cause to file a domestic violence charge (as the hospital reports cannot support such a claim). Tiger will not file a report against his wife for abuse. Therefore, Tiger will not have to testify in Court. The legal aspect of this story appears over.
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resipsaloquacious
12/01/09

@m4ximusprim3:

We are on the same page.

But there is a risk in drafting a "road meat" non-disclosure agreement. If such an agreement became public, then, he would have serious sponsor issues.

The lesson for the young, insanely wealthy and uber-famous: don't get married. See Jeter, Derek.
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BookishLatkeish
12/01/09

@resipsaloquacious: Mmm, I love when res gets all lawyery.
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sweetpickles
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
Like Letterman, this is another public figure that made no claims to being a moral saint. Just because corporations gave him buckets full of money for hitting a golf ball, he holds no obligation to the public. In fact, it seems rather inane that the public and media is out for blood. I mean, if he cheated on his wife with this surgical wonder, why does it make such a big sound? OK, yes: It sells papers and news. With politicians, it's understandable: a lot of them use taxpayers' money for their sex romps and always emphasize their prudence while being completely hypocritical. But here's a case of everyone getting all worked up and the battle of the sexes raging testosterone/estrogen for nothing. If Tiger Woods wants to bang bimbos and run away from his family, I don't think we need to hear about it as much as we are. (CNN was breaking updates on my phone about it every 30 minutes the other day.) I think he's doing the right thing by not talking. Trust me, the guy doesn't need any more money, so holding over his head that his sponsors leave doesn't hold too much weight. He'll win a few tournaments and no one will care anymore. As for the big lips, she'll marry rich and stay in all day with her dogs.
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Spirit Fingers
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
Okay, so I read that as Education: Bachelors (men). And not Education: Bachelors (degree).

Is this wrong? (Probably.) Accurate? (Probably.)
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ParahSalin
12/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: I read "director of VIP services" as "gives head to famous people." Is that wrong? Probably not.
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sanyucat
12/01/09

@Spirit Fingers: Your reading was indeed inaccurate, given that she does not seem to be interested in "bachelors," but rather "married men whose Scandinavian bikini model wives are waiting at home with a 9-iron."
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Spirit Fingers
12/01/09

@sanyucat: Ah, but I think it all fits rather well under the heading there that says "Employed," since from the looks of it, anything not involving boning celebrity dudes is slightly out of her job description.
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AzureTexan
12/01/09

@ParahSalin: As a chronically obscure sybarite whose Very Important Personhood is confined to the intimate solicitations in his Spam box, I hereby submit that VIP directors who service only celebrities are guilty of violating the antidiscrimination standards that have made America great.
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Tremonius
12/01/09

@sanyucat: Yes, and we know of premeditation because of that phone call to his caddy about club selection.
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ParahSalin
12/01/09

@AzureTexan: I concur, but not to worry. I'm creating a New World Order where discrimination will be a thing of the past (also penis enlargement solicitations via email will be history). I'm going to make America great, and groovy, again. All I need to get started is a hairless cat, a Nehru jacket, a ring with a secret compartment that holds poison, an island lair and a billion dollars. I'm also going to need minions in identical suits. Lots of minions. The pay is not very good, but the benefits will be excellent. Now, if you know where I can get the cat, the ring, the jacket, the lair and the money, please let me know.
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Edited by ParahSalin at 12/01/09 10:29 PM ParahSalin was starred ParahSalin was unstarred

AzureTexan
12/02/09

@ParahSalin: I don't know about the cat, the ring, the jacket, the lair and the money, but as for the minions, I'm in.
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ParahSalin
12/02/09

@AzureTexan: Exxxxxcellent!
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BookishLatkeish
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
Also:
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BookishLatkeish
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
Nice rack.
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arirang
12/01/09

@BookishLookish: correction. Nice pre/never-gave-birth-to-one-let-alone-two-rugrats rack. In other words, no distractions just the goods.
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BookishLatkeish
12/01/09

@arirang: Men do like the lure of the new, rugrat-free or not.
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shostakobitch
12/01/09

In reply to Rachel Uchitel, This Is Your Future
Playboy spread posing with the latest Ping Zings. A business card that says "More celebrity dicks than 'Bewitched'."
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