Freshman NYU ladies come running to windows of their dorm every time Jude Law comes out on his balcony. The reason for this, again: Jude Law lives in a condo with a balcony that is towered over by a dormitory full of 18 year-olds. He has not made friends with his neighbors, according to the NYP:

"He noticed we were there and we started waving at him. Then he went inside and came back with two oranges," freshman Neha Najeeb told The Post. "He threw them at our window, but he missed." Law then went back inside and returned with two additional oranges, she said.

In four tries, he landed two oranges on the windows next door. I see several problems here:

1. They don't play baseball in England. Try kicking the oranges next time, Jude. Heh.
2. Jude Law goes out on his balcony to exercise with a personal trainer, then gets upset when people look at him. Go to a gym, you bizarrely attractive yogi. Rich people seem to enjoy Equinox.
3. Look at these pictures of his totally comical workout outfit. Heh.
4. Just be thankful you're not located next door to a state school dorm, Jude Law. Your balcony would be covered in shattered beer bottles at all times. It's not as bad as you think. Your every move is an object of fantasy for dozens of young women, just enjoy it. God.

As you can see, the power couple made up a professional My First Contract™, in which Jon agrees to "employ Kate Major as a personal assistant handling some but not all future contracts," and pay her "a percentage," of something. In return, Kate says she will "run any media inquiries past Jon Gosselin," and "not make any negative or disparaging remarks." Just your average run-of-the-mill pre-fucking mutual consent agreement.

Since Jon immediately started/ never stopped fucking other people, and Kate immediately ran off to give teary interviews on national television, I guess they came out even. Are contracts written in crayon legally enforceable?
[Radaronline. Pic via]

We hear that Sheryl Berk, formerly editor of Life&Style, is coming in as the new top editorial person. We're not sure what her title will be, but the staff is supposedly being informed right now. Our tipster says that this was all finalized over the weekend by Paul Ashford, editorial director of Northern & Shell, the British publishing group that owns OK!.

How prestigious is this position? Well, we hear that Sheryl will be allowed to work from home. Because the competition for the gig wasn't too stiff. Among those who turned down the job, we hear: Dan Wakeford, current EIC at Life&Style; Alpha Kitty Atoosa Rubenstein; and In Touch editor Richard Spencer.

And Sheryl has a fun work environment to look forward to: We also hear that she doesn't get along with OK!'s Mark Pasetsky, who she used to work with at Life & Style. Allegedly, Berk once had an argument with him that ended with her vowing, "Karma is a bitch." She was right!

[Have any additions/ corrections/ denials? Email us.]

Earlier today, a large number of hard-core Twitter dorks — sorry, "influencers!" — noticed DeGeneres was following their accounts. Many were flattered, followed back and tweeted about it. "I am looking fwd to being a guest... now that she is following me," one wrote. But DeGeneres wasn't making friends; she was on a rampage. Near the start of the spamming, she was following 6,100, according to the notification one influencer received after DeGeneres followed him (see below, with the name changed). Within a couple of hours, she was up to nearly 6,700.

How did DeGeneres suddenly find 600 geeks to follow? Closely-watched Silicon Valley blogger and marketing specialist Louis Gray figured out the answer: Lists. Of the many lists already out there, the most popular include several lists of "influencers" and "thought leaders" and so forth. In other words: A celebrity twitterer's social media "consultant's" dream, and an effective way to load up on followers without following just anyone. DeGeneres' need friends just happen to line up with those on the top lists. Go figure!

It's one thing for everyone to be famous for 15 minutes. But it's starting to look like everyone will be a fame broker for a period, too, on the internet. Maybe channeling fame will pay better than obtaining it.

Asylum gets this heart-rending explanation from the sniveling funnyman's publicist himself:

"When DIRECT TV came to me and the Farley family with this idea about 'Tommy Boy,' we talked and thought it would be a cool way to remind people just how funny Chris was. It is a clever homage to my friend and a movie that we loved doing, " he says.

"Nobody else wants to pay me money for things," he means.

This is the sixth painting idea suggested by you, the bored Gawker readership, that pancake painter-to-the-stars Dan Lacey has executed, for the benefit of mankind. Previous works: Rush the Hutt, The Crucifixion of Octomom, S&M Goat Wedding, Mickey Rourke Chihuahua Pee, and Hoda and Kathie Lee Flapjack Wrestling.

Don't miss your chance to purchase this one-of-a-kind work of Tinsley Mortimer art. Bid for it on Ebay now.

Microblogging might seem straightforward enough to your typical Silicon Valley office drone. But Hollywood superstars are used to things coming a bit easier in life. And PR firms like Santa Monica-based Id are ready to hold their hands on Twitter, Nicole LaPorte (disclaimer: the long-suffering wife of Gawker's Richard Rushfield) writes at the Daily Beast, and help bolster their image, or at least not wreck it.

What does Id teach? Well, only clients like Herman, Ben Stiller, and Natalie Portman know for sure, but it's possible to distill a few likely lessons from LaPorte's story:

• Make a friend at Twitter Inc. Everyone who's anyone has one. They're great for when hackers and impostors come around — or for when your problem is more old school. LaPorte: "Virtually every publicist in Hollywood has a go-to person at Twitter-the equivalent these days of having an "in" with famed MGM publicity chiefs-cum-fixers... during Hollywood's Golden Age."
  
• Latch on to current events. Just because you're a celebrity and no one really cares what you think about important issues doesn't mean you can't offer commentary. Everyone loves a clown: "The day that President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, Ben Stiller tweeted: 'Was awoken this morning to my daughter telling me that I had no shot at ever winning the Nobel Peace Prize.'"
  
• Launch with a crowd. A real one. Herman issued his first tweet at the 140tc Twitter Conference (see video above), thus helping ensure a bunch of re-tweets from the Twitter junkies and bigwigs in the audience and thus accelerating his microblogging popularity.

Thank goodness for flacks. Without them, celebrities would have to earn Twitter attention all on their own, with only their wildly inflated global popularity to hep them.

Yesterday Essex House employee Derrick Praileau was charged with strangling and stabbing a woman in her Essex House condo. But whoa, the NYDN says somebody who appears on a TV show was only a single floor away!

Makenzie [Vega] - who plays Julianna Margulies' daughter in the drama [The Good Wife] about an unfaithful politicianthat debuts tonight - thinks she spoke with Derrick Praileau.

He came to her apartment to help her find her lost iPhone, and her apartment is just one floor above the scene of the crime! Had Derrick Praileau inexplicably snapped while looking for the iPhone, or chosen to break through the ceiling after his first crime in search of another, more famous, victim, this tragedy could have been even greater.

But hey, private equity guys are still schmoozing journalists at Essex House and Ahmadinejad's still planning to speak there, so the PR battle's been won.
[Pic: CarbonNYC's Flickr]

Here we have America's newest magazine Cesar's Way, combining a popular television personality, dogs, and celebrities talking about their dogs. Every other magazine in America is worried about folding, but this invincible trifecta of American interests makes Cesar's Way the surest media bet until Jill Abramson's god damn 'Puppy Diaries' book comes along.

"Can your dog fix your marriage? Just ask Jada Pinkett Smith." That seems like a bizarre conversation.

Dogs and famous people, together at last!

This is what happens when you don't listen to us, Ashley. We told you not to play footsies with the New York Post. We told you to take the money and run! Or do whatever you like, as long as it does not involve speaking publicly, or singing. You disregarded us and wrote your fancy "blog" about ladies in NY hooking up with rich guys for the luv of money and how is that very much different from being a hooker? That's all the angle the Post needed to go stand on a random NYC street corner speaking to ladies for maybe 20 minutes and turning their idle comments into a citywide hate feud:

"I don't agree with what she said — I would totally never do anything like that," sniffed Justyna Cichon, 29, of Long Island City.

And on top of that the Real Housewives of New Jersey were asked to comment on you, of course, and Andrea Peyser was brought in to provide the sexxxy outrage. Tell us, Andrea—how do Ashley Dupre and Eliot Spitzer go together?

Like Eliot's pasty, white legs and those kinky, black knee socks he couldn't quite lose before doing the nasty.

Thanks, Andrea. So you see, Ashley: You need us. We can be there for you.
U no we just want 2 luv U, gurl.

Australian tab New Weekly has a cover with the star looking like she's put on a few pounds. Given all that talk of anorexia a few years ago, you'd think that would be good, right? Wrong! The caption looks forward to the day she gets "healthy." Just last Wednesday Star also did the "Mary-Kate is fat" story, calling her weight gain shocking and saying "bye-bye billion dollar looks, hello bloat."

Star has a long history of railing on Mary-Kate's weight. It started in 2004, when they ran a cover saying she was too thin because of drugs.

They finally believed the actress' claims of anorexia in 2007 (see cover above), but did so by chastising her "stick thin legs" and wondering what is the best way to get her back to health.

Then, in 2008, they did an about face, saying she's headed back to rehab because of drinking and drugs.

There are really only six stories in a gossip glossy: diet (either too skinny or too fat), drugs, boyfriends, weddings, pregnancy and deaths. So just wait, they're soon going to say that the "bloat" is from drugs or bulimia or pregnancy or (gasp) all three! Maybe if everyone wasn't so obsessed with what she's eating, her weight would even itself out naturally. Why not go after Jonah Hill. He's overweight and probably much more in danger of a heart attack than Mary-Kate is in danger of anything other than wearing a bad outfit.

Said our spy:

She was like Hannibal Lecter. She barely moved, she sat at the edge of her chair. She's reptilian.

Host David Letterman asked the Vogue editor about her Devil Wears Prada image, saying something along the lines of, "You've got a reputation of someone who chews people and spits them out."

Wintour played it cool: "I have strong opinions and people know that."

All in all, we're not expecting any Joaquin Phoenix-like meltdown when the interview airs later tonight. It sounds like the fashion mogul maintained an aloof aura without saying anything that might upset her bosses at Condé Nast or utterly alienate viewers of the show. Said the audience member: "She didn't shit the bed. She held her own — more than I would have thought."

Wintour did alter her facade in one regard: Gone were the trademark sunglasses, studio lights be damned.

UPDATE: Now with video released by CBS on YouTube.

That Twitter would describe Hollywood royalty as a "distraction" just shows the enormous cultural gap between the San Francisco startup and its associates in Southern California, where such a broad putdown of celebrities would be unthinkable at a company meeting. Notes obtained by TechCrunch show Twitter staff even called Diddy "not so strategic... Diddy values his contribution higher than we do... [Let's] get a group of people rather than concentrate on Diddy."

But Twitter co-founder Biz Stone is now spinning the incident like a veteran Tinseltown flack, declaring in an interview with VentureBeat's Kim-Mai Cutler, "we were super impressed with how savvy [Combs] was... He has stayed relevant for so long, and how does he do it? He's constantly reinventing himself." Stone himself has staged something of a reinvention, calling up celebrities to apologize and to "tell them that these notes didn't reflect anything." Apparently Hollywood was a bit more strategic than geeky Twitter wanted to admit, and Stone will probably have to spend months groveling like this as a result.

Take Houston, Texas' anonymous "Bloggess;" the Houston Chronicle columnist just can't understand why Shatner blocked her account, following posts like these:

• "Dear @ WilliamShatner: I need you to come to my house to save my marriage. No sex involved."
  
• "Unless you *want* to have sex. Which is totally fine."
  
• "But not with me though because I'm married. Please bring your own hooker."
  
• "Oh my God, what am I saying? I am the worst hostess ever. I will totally provide the hooker if you just come to dinner."
  
• "I need to know your preferences though or else I'll just default to hot Asian cheerleader."
  
• "Fuck. Dear @WilliamShatner. Please ignore my last several tweets. I'm a little drunk. And dangerously close to paying too much for travel."
  
• "Please come to my house and save me from myself."
  
• "Please give me a sign."
  
• "Victor: GET OFF TWITTER. I'VE BEEN STABBED." (Not addressed directly to Shatner)

Actually, we don't get it either: We'd rather read about hookers, Robert Scoble murdering rabbits and some crazy lady's husband getting stabbed than about 95% of what's on Twitter already. Then again, we don't have a wholesome Christmas song to pimp, and no one's going to write a tabloid story about us if we ignore a fan who writes "save me from myself" and then does something stupid.

(PIc via Bloggess)

Trump has a very particular business model: Get a reputation for being a wildly successful business mogul even though you are, in fact, a failure at business; capitalize on the reputation itself—instead of your purported mogul skills—to make a living. Donald probably makes more off books and TV shows and Learning Annex courses than he ever did off his crumbling real estate empire, and that's okay. It works for him.

And it can work for Gordon Ramsay! His own little empire of fancy restaurants has been collapsing ever since this little economic meltdown stopped hedge fundies from using their little expense accounts to buy, you know, food sold by Gordon Ramsay & Co. After a rapid expansion during the boom years, he's now closing restaurants during slow hours, cutting back on staff and expensive menu items and fancy dining room trimmings, and using "more economical ingredients." And look—according to the WSJ, his business model is evolving in quite a familiar direction!

Mr. Ramsay generates about £10 million in annual revenue from television, publishing and endorsement contracts. That includes as much as $250,000 a show for the U.S. versions of "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares," which both air on Fox, a unit of News Corp., which owns The Wall Street Journal. Mr. Ramsay has poured about £12 million of his media earnings into his restaurant empire...

[Now], Rather than paying rent, Mr. Ramsay receives fees for licensing the Ramsay name, provides key personnel and advises on menus.

Licensing: that's where the smart money is. And though Gordon Ramsay and Donald Trump are both asshole, Ramsay is a lovable asshole. Big difference.

This new made-up designation supersedes our earlier proclamation that Gordon Ramsay was the "John McCain of Food.".
[Pic: Getty]

See, originally they figured the High Line would only be used by Lisa Falcone and a few of her friends, and maybe Ed Norton would take a date up there once in a while when he wanted to impress a gal. But turns out like thousands and millions of regulars have been visiting it as well. The scuffing of their low-quality shoes requires maintenance, which requires money! The fancy Friends of the High Line is supposed to do fund-raising to pay for that, but whoa, now they would like to tax the neighbors, to the tune of $1 million a year.

The bill would be less than a hundred bucks a year for the average apartment-dweller nearby, but it's the principle of the thing. Look at all these fancy people on the board of Friends of the High Line! Are you putting forth the preposterous notion that if you locked Ed Norton, Steven Rubenstein, Philip Falcone, and Alexandre von Furstenberg in a room full of hungry rats, they would not eventually agree to come up with an extra $1 mil per year between them? Let's get serious.
[via CityFile. Pic via]

This statement just went out from Star:

Star Reporter Resigns Over Jon Gosselin

Star Senior Reporter Kate Major resigned this morning, Thursday, July 23, citing a conflict of interest between her reporting duties for the magazine and her relationship with Jon Gosselin.

Since Star was so happy about this in the first place, it seems impossible that they asked her to resign for (heh) ethical reasons. And since Major made sure to get herself photographed with Octo-dad in the first place, it seems impossible she didn't plan this advance. The only remaining possibilities:

1. Kate Major and Star decided that she can more effectively pump Jon Gosselin for scoops if he thinks she's really his girlfriend.

2. Jon Gosselin told Kate he wouldn't go out with her as long as she was a scumbag celeb reporter. She talked to Star and agreed that it would be worth "resigning" in order to stay with him, and pump him for scoops. See theory #1.

3. Kate's quote from press release: "I didn't mean it to happen, it just did. I went to do a story on Jon and ended up falling for him." Could this be...love? We refuse to believe it.

[Pic: INF]