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Yankees player Alex Rodriguez's nickname, A-Rod, is already so delightfully phallic! Sadly, when choosing a headline to reveal his affair with Madonna, the tabloids went with hackneyed baseball metaphors instead. The Daily News wonders if A-Rod got to "first base;" meanwhile, the Post announces a "squeeze play." (Here's our headline suggestion from yesterday.)
Madonna Loves Yankee's Rod
Yankees player Alex Rodriguez's nickname, A-Rod, is already so delightfully phallic! Sadly, when choosing a headline to reveal his affair with Madonna, the tabloids went with hackneyed baseball metaphors instead. The Daily News wonders if A-Rod got to "first base;" meanwhile, the Post announces a "squeeze play." (Here's our headline suggestion from yesterday.)
The Lohans: There is Another
If one attention-obsessed, desperate mother isn't enough, the Lohan brood is in luck. A Florence, Montana, woman named Kristi Kaufman, 44, has just announced that she had a secret love child with Lindsay Lohan's dad 13 years ago. The newest Lohan, Ashley, is presumably ready for her own Disney show and movies and all the shame and scandal that naturally accompany such misadventures. Update: It's true! More »Paris Hilton's Secret Hollywood Language, Translated
Social-twit Paris Hilton talks exactly like we thought she would! In US Weekly, D-list celebrity and comedian Kathy Griffin explains how she had to translate Paris's words to Jenny McCarthy, who had "couldn't understand a word she said." Paris told Jenny, "Hi, bitch! Comes to my party? Publicist? Bye, bitch!" Translation: More »Paris Hilton Defends Her Dog-Demanding Habits
Paris Hilton was recently accused, via Page Six, of yet another antic concerning the welfare of a helpless animal, and she's just about had it. She took her case to the people's court, also known as her MySpace blog: "I was catching up on news last week only to read a story about me walking by some puppies for sale, and demanding that I be given a Yorkie puppy to be an accessory for a photo shoot. These stories have gotten out of control and I want to clear some things up." More »A Guide to the Weird Ronson Family
The Ronson family, comprised of DJ/Lindsay Lohan dater Samantha, DJ/producer Mark, fashion designer Charlotte, and a wacky socialite Mom and rock-star stepdad, is "not like the Kennedys," in the words of son Mark. And he's right! They're fairly bizarre, and they're everywhere. Samantha's already converted Lindsay Lohan to kissing girls, and Mark is going around telling stories of sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house when he was a child. After the jump, a brief guide to the family that would let their kid sleep over at Michael Jackson's. More »Why Lindsay Lohan is a Gay Hero
Those photos of actress and pop singer Lindsay Lohan nuzzling her "close friend," DJ Samantha Ronson, have attracted surprisingly little attention. A lot of female celebrities pretend to have girl crushes—it's edgy—and at first we automatically dismissed the images as publicity-seeking. Even the confirmation of a relationship by Lohan's semi-estranged father can be dismissed as his own quest for attention. But the relationship between the freshly rehabbed star and her lesbian friend is quite extraordinary, and here's why: More »An Ideal Celebrity Magazine
From Banterist, an image of what celebrity magazines could and should, perhaps, look like. Banterist says that the target would be people in their late 30's, but I think it could work for pretty much anyone who managed to let the celebrity machine rumble past them. (I mean, can someone please tell me who Stacey Kebler is?) My favorite is "Someone From Gossip Girl Squats." (Click through for larger)Which Is The Most Pathetic Celebrity Excuse?
Ohh poor beleaguered celebrities. When caught drug-handed or with pants down, they often have to make very public excuses for their un-role modely behavior. The latest came from former child star Tatum O'Neal, who was arrested for trying to buy crack in New York on Sunday night. She says she was sober, but had been chasing the dragon around the streets of New Amsterdam because she was distraught over the death of her dog. She claims she didn't know she was buying crack, and yet was in possession of a crack pipe. Oh, Tatum. A little darling no more. Also, lie better. There are other wonderfully silly celebrity excuses (including another one involving a dog!) waiting for you after the jump. Tell us which one you think is the worst. More »Vanity Fair Salutes Angelina Jolie's Breasts
Pregnant and famous? Call your agent. Your breastesses are gonna be huge, and you're gonna wanna capture the blessed event for posterity before things go considerably... south. And if you happen to help Vanity Fair sell a few thousand more magazines while you're at it, well, that's showbiz. Jolie's breasts-and-hair shot for VF's July issue looks more like Maxim's style, but judge for yourself. Click to, uh, enlarge.Young Angelina Jolie's Greatest Sin (It's Not S&M or Heroin)
Heroin? S&M sex? BORING. The real nugget of sadism behind the unearthed video of actress-turned-self-righteous-humanitarian Angelina Jolie in the UK's Sun is her blasé confession about—whoops!—kind of killing her pets. She's worse than Paris Hilton, who got in trouble for neglecting her many chihuahuas—and worst of all, young Jolie, filmed rambling on in what the Sun calls a "drug den," thinks her forgetfulness is really cute, grinning sheepishly as she recounts the pets she's killed over the years: "I had a dog and I ended up beating him, and he got sick and... I've hurt so many—I am just not a good animal person... I had a rabbit that died, too... a cage fell on him..." More »
celebrity
Who will corporately sponsor actress Lindsay Lohan's 22nd rockin' birthday? Remember, it's the '00s now, and the Brand is You. Lindsay clearly understands this, as does the marketing firm handling her party. But let's cut the crap: if you're a sponsor for her birthday bash, what's in it for you? After all, this is what the marketing site calls "an internationally media worthy event. Lindsay and 10 of her closest friends will start the celebration in the early afternoon with manicures, facials and massages."
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Lindsay Lohan's 22nd Birthday Party Needs Corporate Sponsorship
Who will corporately sponsor actress Lindsay Lohan's 22nd rockin' birthday? Remember, it's the '00s now, and the Brand is You. Lindsay clearly understands this, as does the marketing firm handling her party. But let's cut the crap: if you're a sponsor for her birthday bash, what's in it for you? After all, this is what the marketing site calls "an internationally media worthy event. Lindsay and 10 of her closest friends will start the celebration in the early afternoon with manicures, facials and massages."
More »






