Chanel No. 5 debuted its much-heralded new commercial starring Brad Pitt on Monday, though it's only a Chanel No. 5 commercial inasmuch as Brad Pitt throws out "Chanel No. 5" toward the end of the spot—a hail Mary pass hurled forth from a bog of nonsensical fortune cookie half-wisdoms.

Discovered on the Metro North New York-Connecticut commuter line: The Christmas wish list of one brand-conscious lass, along with her presumed boyfriend's handwritten notes of confusion and horror. Updated with a new theory.

Fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld talked about technology in an interview with The Business of Fashion. He says he doesn't use it, but that Facebook is "a flawless object." That's when it's clear he has no idea what he's talking about.

[Designer Karl Lagerfeld and his very threatening posse picked a fight during the finale of Chanel's ready-to-wear show in Paris today. Image via AP]

Carrying an iPad around might make people think you're a trend-chasing spendthrift. So why not buy an $800 or $1500 iPad case from Chanel or Yves Saint Laurent — and prove it?

When Las Vegas police found a bag of cocaine in her purse, Paris Hilton said the purse belonged to a friend. But earlier this summer, she tweeted a picture of her "new Chanel purse." Did Twitter just solve a crime?

For anyone who's ever considered counterfeit luxury products harmless-after all, what's a fake Vuitton or Chanel bag, or some faux-logo Coach or Fendi?-Scientific American has a study in its new September issue that may make you reconsider.

The latest issue of Interview magazine features 10-year-old actress Keirnan Shipka who plays Sally Draper on Mad Men dressed up like an Upper East Side dowager four times her age. We knew Betty was a bad mother, but damn.

For a man who wears pretty much exactly the same thing every single day—a high-collared white shirt, blazer, dark slacks, and a fat tie—the Grand Moff of the fashion world sure needs a lot of luggage. How much?

[Fashion chancellor Karl Lagerfeld is held aloft in a crane while shooting the new Chanel campaign on the Lower East Side. Image via Getty]

Sunglasses are "my burka" and porn is how the poor may approximate his escort-laden life. Chanel's dramatic creative director gave a ridiculously long interview to Vice in which he dismissed Anna Wintour and supported wearing fur. A Cliff's Notes guide.

Just when you think there isn't anything left for Chanel to stamp its brand on—maybe you'd be interested in buying a temporary tattoo for $75?—and Karl Lagerfeld comes through with another surprise. Yes, Chanel-branded footballs can now be purchased for $175. Don't forget to share the good news with all the…

Martin Scorsese was apparently filming an ad for Chanel in Uber-Hipster (and Uber-Chasid) Williamsburg right under Moto near the Hewes Street JMZ stop the other night. Could've been worse. At least it wasn't for APC jeans. Or Sparks. [Dossier]

[Karl Lagerfeld puts an end to a three-way roll in the hay on the barn-inspired runway for his Chanel presentation in Paris yesterday. Image via Getty]

Not only is Karl Lagerfeld not planning to retire until the day he has to be hauled out of Chanel's offices in a bodybag, he also isn't going to restrain himself from making bitchy comments to reporters. A couple of weeks ago, the Kaiser staged a verbal assault on Heidi Klum and Seal. Today he delivers a milder attack…

• Not only is Karl Lagerfeld not planning on retiring, he tells Cathy Horyn that he's staying at Chanel until he dies. Also: He says the blogger who started the rumor that he's stepping down "is an idiot." [NYT]
• The Jackson clan all wore Versace to the memorial service today, in case you were wondering. [InStyle]
…

Chanel, the legendary fashion brand run by Mugatu-esque overlord/enemy to Heidi Klums everywhere, Karl Lagerfeld, is pissed. They let everyone know how much they cringe when you use their name to refer to anything but Chanel. Dare speaketh Chanel?!

• Betsey Johnson reports that she's thinking about retiring this fall. She plans to hand over the reigns to Eric Sartori. At least assuming he manages to "Betsey-fy himself," that is. [Cut]
• Kanye West's line of sneakers for Louis Vuitton has been delayed, but photos of the $700 kicks can now be viewed online. […

• Here's a sign that people are shopping again (or else Victoria Beckham has gone on another shopping spree): Hermès says it's experiencing such "massive over-demand" for its handbags, it's been forced to set up its own crocodile breeding operation in Australia just to keep up. [Reuters via Cut]
• Esteban Cortazar…