Don't try it. Because their lawyers will find you and stab you with a wire hanger, or something. Via Pursuitist, Chanel ran an ad in the back of yesterday's Women's Wear Daily letting the world know specifically what IS and IS NOT Chanel, and how it absolutely chaps their exquisitely powdered asses when you get it all wrong. Neit more with this bullschizah! Get it right, you Well Intentioned Mis-Users:

That's right: it's not a Chanel Jacket, even though the look in question is patently Chanel's, which, you know, would be a pretty decent thing for anyone else. Like when people call all brown soda a "Coke," there are probably worse things in the world than being ubiquitous, unless you're Lagerfeld or Chanel's lawyers. In which case, any commoner taking the name of Chanel in vain will be positively destroyed. Or made to kill the prime minister of Malaysia. Either way: I'm going to take my Chanel tattoo and get it erased, cancel the service on my Chanel Cellphone, and take my Chanel Condom off (while holding the reservoir tip, of course), while taking a stand for appropriated brands everywhere, and against Chanel. Because, honestly, as "important" as Chanel may be, anybody snobby enough to try and dictate the way people speak or write is pompous, stupid, and probably giving fashion at large a terrible name (pronounced "Chah-nehl," in case you were wondering). As for the "extraordinary woman's timeless contributions" to fashion, I don't think Chanel's lawyers will disagree with anyone when they bring up her homophobic Nazi past. But then again, they've got more important things to keep in mind, right? Footage of Evil Chanel overlord, Karl Lagerfeld, trying to change minds on child labor policy, below:

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What is Chanel? Well, let's find out... [Pursuitist]

Worth noting: one commenter pointed out that this ad's run by Chanel quite often. Whoops! In any case: DO NOT KILL THE PRIME MINISTER OF MALAYSIA.

[pic via NYT]

Despite having represented Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle fragrance in addition to appearing in campaign after campaign as the brand's moody red-lipped rep since 2001, Kate Moss and her contract were kicked to the curb months after the supermodel's famed cocaine tape hit the tabloids in April 2005. Though Keira Knightley was loudly announced as Moss's replacement, Kate very quietly usurped a bit of Keira's thunder by re-entering the house of French glamour after her comeback hit its stride a year later. But by far the most publicized partnership between Chanel and star occurred when Nicole Kidman appeared in a short film directed by Baz Luhrmann to promote her new role as iconic fragrance Chanel No. 5's porcelain-faced embodiment.

But all the hullabaloo and fanfare came to a stop when Kidman became pregnant, irking Chanel and causing them to pull yet another switcheroo, hiring fellow French star Audrey Tautou to take over the reign. As Tautou's star remains lukewarm, industry insiders began buzzing with the surprising and off-kilter news that none other than heiress to the grunge throne, Frances Bean Cobain, would begin appearing front and center as Chanel's new ad girl. But Cobain's upward momentum towards the fashion world's limelight never materialized, and having perfected the art of sudden blows, Knightley is now rumored to be ousted as Watson prepares for her year or so of acclaim and glossy ads. We just hope Emma manages to keep the apparently very short attention spans of the Chanel bigwigs, or at the very least, has the stamina to turn her inevitable drug- and Britney-flashing downfall into a glittery comeback like Kate.

• 'POTTER' STAR WATSON GETS BIG PAYDAY [MSNBC]

EXT. THE JAMAICA LIRR STATION, ONE DAY BEFORE THE PINES PARTY

The crowd flows en masse from the 4:40 Long Beach train across the platform to the 5:03 Patchogue train. As the train arrives into the station, BUSINESSGAY (wearing a plaid dress shirt, suit pants, and well-shined square-toe black shoes) is displaying a court jester's hat to CASUALGAY (dressed in an untucked white long-sleeve button-down, jeans, and Asics running shoes) and CHANELGAY (in a sleeveless tank top with Thai script, displaying his array of tattoos, including the Chanel logo on the back of his neck). The jester's hat is tucked back into a black canvas weekender bag as the three begin to board the train.

CASUALGAY wears a face of concern as they board the crowded train.

EXT. THE BLUE WHALE, ONE DAY AFTER THE PINES PARTY

The Sunday brunch crowd is mostly quiet with the voice of Sting heard clearly, singing "How Fragile We Are." WAITER, wearing jeans cut just below the knee, an Ascencion tee shirt and Nike Air Hi-Tops is moving a table to seat a party of five. Four are seated while TYPICALFORTHEMOMENT stands shirtless, shifting from one foot to the other and blinking arhythmically. As he waits, another party of five arrives.

The second party consists of four gay men, mostly indistinguishable from one another, all wearing sunglasses, tee shirts, and cargo shorts. Accompanying them is a tall brunette woman in sunglasses and a white cotton dress with a tan lobster pattern. Two of the INDISTINGAYSHABLEs are on each side of LOBSTERHAG, assisting her to walk. Her face, although covered in large sunglasses, exposes a look of pain.

The party is seated and peruses their menus. LOBSTERHAG stares into space.

A loud siren rings out throughout the bay.

Previously: Do She? She Do!