Three things that are amusing about the newly released trailer for shock-auteur Lars von Trier's forthcoming Nymphomaniac:

Child-actor-turned-penis-model Shia LaBeouf will be having for-real sex in Lars von Trier's upcoming film Nymphomaniac, according to the actor himself.

If you were rich and famous and had a movie to promote, you would be in the south of France right now basking in the sun and strolling down the red carpet in a couture creation. But you're not. You're reading this on the internet somewhere. Because we're jealous, let's all make fun of the stars who are there, shall…

Uma Thurman and Arki Busson kissing on a park bench ... Vera Wang standing outside Harry Cipriani on Fifth Avenue and 59th Street ... Whitney Port walking downtown ... Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez having dinner at Nobu 57 ... Sarah Jessica Parker walking son James to school ... Ashley Judd getting out of an SUV in…