All night last we were giddy with anticipation thinking we'd definitely get an email from the wacky Charmaine Blake. Unfortunately, we did not. But a "dear personal friend" of hers, a Spielberg no less, did take the time to write in to inform us that some unknown evil goblin recognized Charmaine Blake as she was enjoying a tasty dinner last night with John Ratzenberger at Wolfgang Puck's Cut in Beverly Hills, which prompted the hellion to spring into action with a diabolical plot to destroy Charmaine Blake, expertly crafting a press release that just so happens to read exactly like something Charmaine Blake would write, based on what we've seen of her work, and then blasted it out to slew of press contacts that this rogue rascal just so happened to have laying around.

See for yourself:

From: MelissaSpielberg@aol.com
Date: July 1, 2009 2:07:05 PM PDT
To: melissa.spielberg@gmail.com
Subject: Media Alert: Celebrity News Retraction

To Whom if May Concern:

My name is Melissa Spielberg. I am a dear personal friend of Charmaine Blake's. Ms. Blake is very upset about the email that went out about her and John Ratzenberger having dinner last night. Apparently someone witnessed Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger having dinner at Wolfgang Puck's "Cut" in Beverly Hills last evening. Unfortunately, word leaked out and someone emailed a tip from a fictitious email address claiming to be Charmain Blake. The email address CharmaineBlakePR@aol.com and ExclusivePRFirm@aol.com do not belong to Charmaine Blake and have no affiliation whatsoever with Charmaine Blake. These emails does not exist and we sincerely apologize to everyone for this most unfortunate miscommunication.

Please be advised, if you received this email yesterday, you were being deceived.

Charmaine Blake and John Ratzenberger are very good friends and I hope everyone will respect their privacy.

Thank you for your kind understanding with this matter.

Sincerely yours,
Melissa Spielberg

Wow! Such are the perils of being "the most famous publicist" we suppose. Charmaine Blake's enemies are powerful and determined and will stop at nothing to destroy her. This is obviously the work of the Godless, child-raping David Letterman.

Charmaine Blake PR [Charmaine Blake PR]
Charmaine Blake's Blog [Charmaine Watch]

1. Went on date with Cheers actor; issued press release that went viral while on date. Not many publicists can claim that.

2. January 14, 2009: handled publicity for "Birthday Bash for Hollywood Publicist Charmaine Blake."

3. "First Publicist to ever put 'ED HARDY WATER' ON THE MAP"

4. May 10, 2008: "Launch of a personal underwater aircraft"

5. Domination of mindspace: "Charmaine Blake – What is she doing today? That is the question that Hollywood, Californians have in their minds from time to time."

6. Not being held back by her given name: "Fun is her middle name, but business is her fortay."

7. November 10, 2006: "the 1st Annual Read to succeed literacy gala. Honoring congress woman maxine waters and Lu Var Burton"

8. Diversity of skills: "Charmaine Blake is a famous publicist, who works hard for her clients and then plays hard."

9. Not a liar: "Charmaine Blake is getting famous from what she does and that is why we say that she is the publicist in the spotlight. She really is!"

10. "Professionalism"

Apparently some LA-based flack named Charmaine Blake, "the most famous publicist," is on a date right now with Cliff Clavin from Cheers and couldn't resist blasting out a poorly written press release under the table on her Blackberry.

Poor John Ratzenberger. He's probably trying to put the pieces of his life back together after his ex-girlfriend was almost inspired by a country song to set his car on fire, and now he's on a date with the craziest, drunkest, most publicity-hungry publicist in town. She also has a blog, which is always a sure sign of mental instability.

This is why LA sucks!

via Alex Blagg's Tumblr