Chaunce found time between feuds with Page Six to sit down with his childhood friend Tony and pen the screenplay for Lapdance. It's the dramatic tale of two high school buddies from Jersey, one of whom goes into gossip and the other into being a doorman at Scores. Chaunce wrote up a summary for us. Highlights:

Like working at Gawker, zing! Minus the sex and celebrities and girls. Chaunce knows how to turn a scoop—and how to turn a phrase:

The dramatic conclusion:

Yes.

Today Chaunce sent out a big email blast that "New York Post, Page Six scribe, Marianne Garvey, has been fired!" Chaunce wrote that Garvey used to write for him at Steppin Out (which she describes as two pieces when she was in college for $40 each), and that she had recently turned down a cover at the mag that instead went to Shallon Lester at the Daily News, so maybe Richard Johnson was so mad about it that he fired her? But definitely, she was fired. According to Chaunce.

Actually Garvey left to take a job at In Touch—which she announced more than two weeks ago. By all accounts she left on her own terms, and wasn't fired.

When this was pointed out to Chaunce, he sent out a "statement":

We received a tip that Marieanne Garvey had been let go by the Post. When we called the Post for comment we were told by the paper that Marieanne no longer worked for the Post and would not comment further.
Marianne has just informed us that she quit and that Richard Johnson was the best boss she ever had.
We wish Marieanne the best at her new job at In Touch magazine.

This has caused Garvey to freak out a bit. So Chaunce emailed her an apology:

Calm down..... You're insane. We get dozens of tips a day and we follow up on all of them.
Good luck at In Touch.. haha

Wrong, late, and mean: the three attributes of a great gossip hound.

CHAUNCE HAYDEN: What separates the New York Post's Page Six from the New York Daily News' Rush and Molloy?
SHALLON LESTER: We just write better. We're really clever. I think it comes down to really good writing...
I really wanted to work for a newspaper and I love the Daily News and the Rush and Molloy column. It's not like [New York Post's] Page Six where we're out to smear people and ruin people's lives. They have a definite tone that is different from ours. Page Six has a much more biting, undercutting tone. I hope our column doesn't come across that way.

No, never!

CH: Ever get offered a bribe to give someone good press?
SL: Sure. But my neckless [SIC] does not say revenge for nothing. If people want to f-k with me they're in for a long hard road. I don't respond well to threats or bribery. A lot of journalists do it and you can totally tell when it's happened just by reading the article. Personally, I never take anything in exchange for a story. I hate being indebted to someone, plus we have a very strict policy about that. I've seen a lot of people take, take, take. They're in this job just because they like to get free shit. But they can't write their way out of a paper bag. I see it a lot.

Also she talks about how she was once a virgin and now all her ex-boyfriends are rock stars and athletes and how Perez Hilton is a "gangster" and how she has a reality show coming out on VH1 so that should be interesting one way or another.

Today, Steppin' Out has a circulation of around 85,000 and is distributed throughout New Jersey and New York City by a team of 30 drivers. Hayden is the editor, but, more important, also serves as the magazine's de facto publicist: Since no one actually reads it, it's up to him to feed the best material to the various gossip outlets around town, most of which are desperate to fill column space each day.

This is how "gossip" works! Armies of professional tipsters (literally professional, in many cases—some Ron Burkle-owned magazines are known to have piles of cash on hand for these tipsters) who sometimes feed you great stuff and sometimes utter bullshit.

So Chaunce seeks status and publicity for himself, netting himself closer access to the famous and semi-famous who he then sells out to Page Six until one of them then turns on him and Page Six is forced to burn him, the end.

"It's actually not that difficult to get people to appear in the magazine," he says. "I just promise them the cover. Of course, no one has ever seen the damn thing, but publicists have usually heard of it, which is good enough. Everyone's a fame whore in this town."

True! When we first began receiving emails from "Chaunce Hayden" on behalf of Steppin' Out they confused and upset us, but now, sadly, we understand the whole game. And we've still never seen a physical copy of this magazine.

Chaunce's full statement:

Statement from Chaunce Hayden: Neither myself or any other employee of Steppin' Out magazine, published anything at anytime to suggest that [Opie's fiancee] Ms. Smigo was involved in a sex tape. In fact, I went as far as to print that Ms. Smigo was not involved in a sex tape despite what Page Six of the New York Post suggested. When contacted by Bill Hoffmann of the New York Post, prior to their story about a sex tape involving Ms. Smigo and Bam Margera, I was asked if I thought the story was indeed true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I never saw a tape and that this is a rumor that has been on the internet for two years and that a former employee of the Opie and Anthony Show is claiming the story to be true. I told Mr. Hoffman that I was waiting for an answer from either Mr. Hughes or Mr. Margera to confirm or deny the story and I would wait until I saw a tape before filing my story. The next day Page Six published the item, despite my denial of a sex tape. In fact, I personally advised Mr. Hoffmann not to print anything until he saw the tape. Mr. Hoffman asked for 48 hours to "work" the story after I suggested he hold off until he saw the tape as well.

Yea Chaunce, you should probably get a lawyer, though. And here's a transcript sent by Hayden, in which he helpfully inserted the name of the real culprit in all this:

Transcript: Opie commenting on his XM radio show about the alleged sex tape between Bam Margera and his fiancée Lynsi Smigo. Opie confirms how long the story has been public and where the story originated: This is a false rumor. It's a lie that was started a year and a half ago by someone and we all know his name (Ben). Fucking Chaunce was the one who fed this story to Page Six and made them believe that this story could be possibly true. This guy [Ben] is a complete asshole. I'm now up to 20 names of people I know that (Ben) told this rumor to behind my back. He's been trying to get this rumor out there and trying to get as many to believe this. He got message boards to believe it. He's got people saying, "Let's try to find the fucking tape!" This whole thing started one and a half years ago! Everyone knows who started this. I'm not allowed to say his name on the radio right now. He would text me non-stop around the clock. I wouldn't budge. I finally wrote back, "Wow you are damaged. You need help." Then he wrote back, "Lynsi...Sex tape. Do I have your attention now?" I thought who is ever going to believe it. Now this motherfucker [Chaunce] gets Page Six to believe this and now I'm in hell.

Page Six does the nasty:

The story spreads:

It's not true!:

Also, lies are hurtful:

[via The Smoking Gun]

[Steppin' Out]

When Chaunce Hayden sent out an email blast this week, he got this back:

From Richard Johnson to Chaunce Hayden: We're not using stuff from you at this time, or possibly ever again. My boss was furious we had to run a correction. It is an embarrassment to the entire newspaper. Don't you get it? Don't waste your time sending us items. We're not going to use them.

OH YEA?

From Chaunce Hayden to Richard Johnson: Well Richard... it wasn't that much of an embarrassment for you. After all, you took the cowards way out and blamed me for your bad reporting. I told Bill I never saw the tape and that I was told about the tape from an ex employee of the O&A show. But you didn't have the guts to take the hit for it. You should know I got several emails from your co-workers who thought what you did was a disgrace. But I'm sure you already know that.

How hypocritical of you to take hundreds of items from me for nearly 20 years and one goes sour and you throw me under the bus. What kind of person are you? You should be ashamed.
But again... I'm sure you already know that.

[pictured: Chaunce's hardcore tat]