Gawker: cheese

Ruth Madoff Ventures Out In Search of Cheese

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 10:36:08 EDT

Last night, as her husband sat in jail and reporters and photographers continued their stakeout of her home, Ruth Madoff was like, hey, I need some cheese! She went to the grocery store. Just spontaneously.

Finally, something for the bored-outta-their-minds reporters on the Madoff family stakeout beat! What we imagine to have been a small media mob tracked Ruth to the Food Emporium, where she picked up some American and Jarlsberg cheese, and was looking for detergent to WASH AWAY HER SINS, obvs. But she was fed up with all the paps!

"Oh, this is crazy, forget this!" she fumed. "Oh, very exciting, I went to the grocery store."

Ha, Ruth Madoff sounds like my mom, if my mom was suspected of fraudulently pilfering millions while overseeing the books of the biggest financial fraud in US history. If this was a publicity stunt to make Ruth Madoff seem more like the average person, it really sucked. Jarlsberg cheese? Okay, Mama Warbucks!

["Rat joke."]

Pic via the Post.

Russell Crowe Is Shocked To Hear The News!

Douglas Reinhardt — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:44:44 EDT

Boomp3.com

At the premiere of Body Of Lies, Russell Crowe was shocked to hear that one of the reporters on the red carpet was not a fan of cheese. The rough and tumble Aussie actor couldn’t believe that the reporter did not enjoy one of the finest things in life. Crowe said, “Perhaps, this woman has been given the wrong cheese and maybe I’m the person to teach her about the ways of proper cheese consumption. I love CHEESE! Give me a nice slice of Havarti and a beautiful Bordeaux and I’m as tame as a baby kitten.”

[Photo Credit: WENN]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Are You Less Successful Than A Block Of Cheese?

abalk — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:05:25 EDT

Remember "Wedginald"? It's that stupid wheel of cheddar cheese that the whole stupid world is watching mature on the Internet. Well, yesterday was a very big day for Wedginald indeed! Creator Tom Calmer cut the cheese to assess its maturation.

So how did the world's first celebrity cheese fare in its final taste test? If you believe the hype, not only did it do very well, but it is an outstanding example of dairy brilliance. Like wine-tasters, cheesemakers have a language all of their own to distinguish their creations from their plastic-wrapped ugly sisters.
A spokesperson for the cheese described it as having "a caramel nose, a sweet twiggy greenness and a creamy good length of flavour". Mr Calmer called it "lemony, with a certain "spritziness".

You hear that? A piece of cheese has a spokesperson. Meanwhile, you're just sitting at work reading about it on the Internet. You've made some poor choices in your life, haven't you?

Wedginald, the cult cheese, finally gets its big taste test [Independent]

"WWW.CHEDDARVISION.TV: It must rank as one...

abalk — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 12:10:17 EDT

"WWW.CHEDDARVISION.TV: It must rank as one of the weirdest spectator sports, having attracted a global audience of more than 1.5 million in less than a year, and it involves, literally, nothing happening. People across the globe have been logging on to a website in huge numbers to watch a 44lb handmade cheddar cheese from Shepton Mallet slowly mature. Addicted surfers have, over the last nine months, been able to admire the Somerset-based cheese, named Wedginald by its creators. So far, 1,525,548 are registered as having logged on. " [Times (U.K.)]

Remainders: BlackBerry Black Out

Emily Gould — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 18:46:10 EDT

A sociology professor on the BlackBerry outage and the damage done: "It's hard to speculate on exactly what kind of effects this BlackBerry outage could have, but I imagine that users could feel isolated and alone." GOOD! [Popular Mechanics]
Does it maybe say something about Internet-fame that this live cam of cheese mouldering on a shelf has been viewed more than 900,000 times? [NYT]
One in four NYC men report binge drinking. Are you that one man? We are. [NYC Health]
Tagging "Barack Obama 08" or some variant in the bathroom is totally a trend! Two is trend! [VV]
Kate Moss has her own font. It's pretty. [Fashionista]

Fairway Begins Catering to the "Hip" Demographic in the Cheese Aisle

Doree Shafrir — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 14:55:36 EST

A tipster sent the (admittedly blurry) photo above, of a hunk of cheese from Fairway in Red Hook. From what we hear, the cheese wasn't half-bad. Hip cheese: It's what separates us from Middle America.