Just 240 Years Late, It's Your Hillary Clinton Liveblog
The past two weeks have been a rollercoaster of political emotion and deadening boredom, and boy, are we tired.
Chelsea Clinton: The Republican Party Platform Has Embraced Child Abuse
While addressing the LGBTQ Delegates at the 2016 Democratic National Convention on Wednesday, Chelsea Clinton read this year’s Republican Party platform for filth.
Is This Chelsea Clinton's Real Father?
If you’ve been even vaguely tuned in to the overactive Hillary Clinton conspiracy mill over the years, you’ve likely heard about the questions of Chelsea Clinton’s paternity. But for those who haven’t, here’s how this song goes: Bill Clinton is sterile, and Chelsea’s real father is Clinton confidant and federal tax…
Chelsea Clinton's Husband Fucked Up
Marc Mezvinsky, husband to Chelsea Clinton and occasionally successful hedge fund manager, thought it would be a good idea to bet on the Greek economy a few years ago. But unfortunately for him and the rest of his firm, it was not. Mr. Chelsea Clinton has fucked up.
Snake Oil Biotech CEO Will Fundraise for Hillary
Last October, the Wall Street Journal popped the reputation of Theranos, a much buzzed-about biotech startup that claimed to have revolutionized blood testing. As it turned out, their claims were not true—they simply hadn’t done what they’d claimed they’d done. Now, the mildly disgraced firm’s CEO is stumping for the…
Horse Girl Georgina Bloomberg Trying To Make This About Her
Rumor has it the contentious 2016 presidential election is tearing apart famous acquaintances Chelsea Clinton and Ivanka Trump. “I am also here!!!” says Georgina Bloomberg, who is, in typical horse-girl fashion, trying to make it all about her.
I Watched Bill Clinton Not Play the Saxophone At a Bowling Alley, For Hillary
BROOKLYN, NEW YORK—On Wednesday night, Bill Clinton stood onstage not five feet away from a large saxophone for close to 40 minutes without touching it or even looking in its direction once.
Chelsea Clinton is leaving NBC News, where she was reportedly paid $600,000 to produce segments like “Chelsea Clinton reflects on Judy Blume’s impact on her childhood” and “Chelsea Clinton admires vegetarian stands taken by Stella, Linda McCartney.” She will be missed.
NBC Paid Chelsea Clinton $600,000 To Be Chelsea Clinton
A few years ago, NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton as a “special correspondent”—which meant, in practice, that Bill and Hillary’s daughter didn’t have to do any actual reporting. It turns out that coddling a child of privilege is very expensive! Politico reported on Friday morning that NBC News paid Clinton $600,000 per…
Chelsea Clinton Is Pregnant
Chelsea Clinton, scion of a former president and a possible future one—and more recently, vice-chair of the Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton Foundation—has announced she's pregnant, according to CNN's Robert Yoon.
Crush Nepotism Wherever It Lives
The New York Times reported yesterday that JPMorgan Chase is under federal investigation for hiring the children of China's elite with the explicit goal of boosting the bank's business prospects. Good. Nepotism on Wall Street is just as gross as nepotism at the media outlets that cover Wall Street.
What’s This Times Piece About the Clintons Saying?
Early this morning, the New York Times unveiled a 2,878-word, A1 investigation into the Clinton Foundation, the eponymous philanthropic arm of the Clinton family’s equally unquenchable ambitions. “PAPER TAKES DOWN CLINTON FOUNDATION,” Drudge trumpeted; “devastating,” The Telegraph gasped. Uh, but: the piece doesn’t…
Here's What Chelsea Clinton's $10.3 Million Apartment Looks Like
Rich celebukid Chelsea Clinton and her other side of the tracks husband Marc Mezvinsky will move into a 5,000 square-foot prewar apartment with expectedly high ceilings, shiny hardwood floors, and park views. The Whitman, a 1924 building by Madison Square Park in NoMad, is very close to their loft in Gramercy where…
Nepotistic Celebukid Not the Next Edward R. Murrow After All
Last year, NBC News hired Chelsea Clinton to "report" on things for them, because here in America, major news networks are purely in the entertainment business and the privileges of dynastic nepotism will get you everywhere. That is why she was hired. Because of who her parents are. It has nothing to do with her…
The 10 Least Fascinating People of 2011
Tonight, the American Broadcast Company airs Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011, wherein TV's grande dame of celebrity reacharounds offers profiles of some of the most spellbinding figures of our time. This year's list includes the likes of Katy Perry (fascinating breasts), Donald Trump…
Chelsea Clinton's Super Boring TV Debut
Yeah, last night was the TV debut of Chelsea Clinton, NBC's newest """""journalist.""""" All you non-famous kids out there who saddled yourselves with a lifetime of debt in order to pay for journalism school, who are now either unemployed or underemployed or stuck at some boring dead end niche publication wondering…
Chiefs of Staff Are the Hottest New Rich Person Accessory
Chelsea Clinton gave what appears to be her first-ever interview to the New York Times. And we were surprised to learn that the 31-year-old has a "chief of staff." She's not the only one. Ultra-Rich People Trend Alert!
Newsweek Sucks
In your finally Friday media column: Newsweek sucks, Chelsea Clinton's NBC infiltration works, a bodybuilder becomes a magazine editor, drone journalism arrives, and your angry layoff rant of the day.
Celebukid Reporters and the Age of News-ertainment
So, Chelsea Clinton is joining NBC "News" to "report" on "Making a Difference." We'll pause here as you get out all of the obvious jokes. (Pause.) Great. Now, let's take a moment to contemplate just how vapid our nation's most powerful "news" networks really are.
