The paper points out that Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw was snapped filming a scene without a wedding ring. It's true! We ran a picture too! From that they surmise that Carrie will end up single again. But later in the day, Parker and Chris "Mr. Big" Noth filmed a scene when they were both wearing wedding rings. Does that mean they're divorcing? Or maybe they get divorced, and are single, and then they remarry. Maybe Carrie gets divorced and then she remarries Miranda in Connecticut (the ladies can do that there) so that Carrie can raise a red-headed stepchild of her own. Or maybe one is a dream sequence. Oh, this game makes our head hurt more than a night of cosmo and cougar sex talk with the girls!

Oh good for you Carrie, girl! Chris Noth aka Mr. Big aka John James Preston has signed on to be in the next Sex and the City movie. So I guess that means he and Carrie have stayed together. Do I hear the pitter-patter of little Manolo-clad feet? (Hm, sort of!) [Variety]

Disney has picked up the comedy Boss about a dad whose 21-year-old son somehow becomes his, um, boss. Wasn't this movie already sorta made with Topher Grace and Dennis Quaid? Ah well. Expect some sadsack like Tim Allen to get involved and then some shitty little shit to play the little shit. [Variety]

Because disease is very dangerous in spaceships, Star Trek has delayed its Mexican release date due to the swine flu outbreak. [Variety]

Slow and steady actor Danny Huston has signed on to play Poseidon, god of the sea, in the new Clash of the Titans remake. Scottish actor Kevin McKidd is also playing Poseidon soon, this time for the Chris Columbus directed comedy Percy Jackson. It's reported that in both movies there's a volcano that erupts and then a meteor hits earth while Truman Capote looks on bemusedly. [THR]

Jeffery Katzenberg announced the strongest first quarter ever for his DreamWorks Animation, and that he'd be staying on as CEO for another four years. Hits at DreamWorks have included Monsters vs. Aliens, Bee Movie, and the Madagascar franchise. You know, all the not-Pixar ones. [THR]

• Lindsay Lohan confirmed her split with Samantha Ronson and insisted the decision was part of a very healthy and mature effort to "focus on myself." Upon hearing this, Ronson changed her locks and discussed a restraining order with police, so confident was she in Lohan's ability to turn productively inward. Lohan promptly had a run-in with the police. Who would have imagined such a messy breakup for this model relationship?
  
• Courtney Love's lawyer, on her client's drug-fueled plunge into broke-ness: ""Courtney noticed the money was gone when there wasn't any left." Deadpan gallows humor: the only possible response to having Courtney Love as a client. (Besides asking for a hefty retainer.) [P6]
  
• Before Lauren Conrad's contract expired in March, MTV producers supposedly rushed to film enough stock footage of her for the rest of The Hills' season. Conrad was asked to react to various imagined and fictional slights that had no bearing on reality, something which must have been quite a stretch for her. Then Heidi Montag fed the tabloids bitchy quotes like, "We don’t need her." [Gatecrasher]
  
• Suri Cruise already has fashion endorsement deals and devoted fans in the celebrity toddler set; her own magazine can't be far behind. [Mail]
  
• Forget what you've heard, Chris Noth can confirm he definitely is (not) doing the Sex And The City movie.
  
• Sure, the media likes to focus on the half of her bikini Amy Winehouse wasn't wearing while streaking through a five-star Caribbean hotel resort recently, but isn't the real story the half she kept on? Always with the sensationalism. [Mail]

Per a press release we received, the SNL afterparty venue closes January 13 with a performance by Joan Rivers.

There's just no room in New York anymore for the pet venues of wealthy celebrities! From the release:

The Cutting Room is closing due to an untenable rent increase, with the building's landlord demanding more than double the current rent. It is only the latest New York intimate performance venue to close; in recent years, venues from Fez to CBGB have shuttered due to the hostile real estate market.

So sad.

A 2004 Guardian profile gave a decent (if gushing) overview of the venue, which Noth opened in 1999 (as co-owner with Steve Walter) because "I'm really pretty bored with all the popular spots that make money." He certainly avoided too many of those headaches.

Not that the Cutting Room lacks popularity, at least among a certain crowd. Noth told the Guardian "The Saturday Night Live parties, we have them here" — and "they can get" decadent.

The tabloid clippings would appear to bear that out. They depict Will Forte and Jason Sudeikis jumping on stage and singing Bon Jovi; Demi Moore introducing Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg's Aerosmith cover; and a version of "Shook Me All Night Long" with Dan Aykroyd on vocals and Jimmy Fallon and Horatio Sanz on guitar.

According to one Chicago Sun-Times gossip item, Noth even culled one of his girlfriends from the ranks of the Cutting Room, where the woman worked as a bartender (Noth was soon finding her acting and modeling gigs, the item claimed).

Noth is going to try and reopen "later this year," according to the press release. Uh, well, there are only three days left. But real estate types in New York are pretty desperate right now, so you never know. Thank God for the down economy.

In today's installment: Neil Patrick Harris, Woody Allen, Matthew McConaughey, Brian Grazer, Blake Lively, Pierce Brosnan, Christian Slater, Chris Noth, Jason Lee, Jenny Lewis, John Rzeznik, Dave Navarro, Mark McGrath, Dyan Cannon, Camryn Manheim, Bruce Vilanch and more!

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 6
· I was at the Arsenal in Los Angeles last night and saw (HOT)MIKE BORTONE (Survivor), PAMELA ALDON ( I remember her from Grease 2, but now on Californication and King of the Hill) and LIZA SNYDER (Yes, Please). They looked like they were having a great time, drinking & laughing & hanging out with a bunch of fun people. At one point I thought Liza & Pamela were going to get up & dance with the DJ's, but no luck. Good Times.

THURSDAY, AUGUST 7
· Saw BLAKE LIVELY at Urth Cafe in Beverly Hills. Amazingly, she mistook ME for one of her friends and stopped me as I walked by and said, "Hello." She realized her error and was very sweet in apologizing. She's as pretty in person as she is on TV.

· DYAN CANNON — all 90lbs of her — managed to waft/ tremble/ stumble into my abs class today at Equinox. I thought to myself, "Oh my god, that woman looks like the gorgeous Dyan Cannon, star of my all-time favorite and underrated Al Pacino movie Author! Author! But it can't be her because her surgically enhanced lips are bigger than my ass."

While the instructor yelled at us during the "reverse crunch" series ("this targets LBF, people! Lower Back Fat! Nothing attractive about that!"), I determined that it was indeed her. Her body is 15, most of her face is 35, but her lips are just...wow. A very bad decision. Sort of criminal, really, that some surgeon would go through with that. Someone should hire her for something—but first demand she gets rid of the trout pout.

· I saw WOODY ALLEN & SOON YI today at MOCA. He does not at all try to hide the fact that he's looking at you. Definitely a people watcher.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 8
· While at the Eddie Izzard show at the Kodak, I spotted a very cheery CAMRYN MANHEIM. I always expect her to be in a foul mood but she seemed open and, dare I say, bubbly. As I was waiting for the show to start I felt the cold wave of hack comedy wash over the crowd. As I turn around, I see a T-shirt with a hacky comment and the unmistakable bleached bowl-cut of BRUCE VILANCH entering the room. Watching Izzard perform, Vilanch must have felt like a midget trying to guard Shaq. Hopefully it made him realize he should quit the business and leave the hackiness to butchers, golfers, and Dane Cook.

SUNDAY, AUGUST 10
· I saw JOHN RZEZNIK of the Goo Goo Dolls getting his Polish on at Warszawa in Santa Monica. He was with some appropriately punk looking pals, pretty cool, having his pierogi.

MONDAY, AUGUST 11
· It was the day of hot rocker boys of the 90’s at Equinox on Sunset. Saw DAVE NAVARRO and MARK MCGRATH. Dave’s always there, so that might not be much of a sighting. Mark got approached by some overeager fangirls and looked a bit confused, then scurried away.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 12
· It was a celebrity smorgasbord at Nobu (Malibu) around 8:30pm: BRIAN GRAZER, PIERCE BROSNAN (looking fantastic!), CHRISTIAN SLATER (not so much) and MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY (the usual). They were not all together as that would be just plain weird.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13
· Driving home from work last night (13 Aug) I passed MIA MICHAELS (So You Think You Can Dance) heading in the opposite direction (west - natch!) on the Santa Monica Blvd. at the Van Ness intersection. She drives something big and Jeep-like and black. Naughty lady was at the wheel and using her cellphone. Brazenly! But then, as we all know, celebs are above the law.

· While waiting outside of my chiropractors office...I see CHRIS NOTH (aka, BIG) come out of "Miss Barry's Bootcamp". He was shirtless and glistening all over (having just finished being tortured by "Miss"). Anyway, he was very nice and did not seem to mind people checking him out (nice bod for an over 50 man). Needless to say my tiny little life got a lot bigger for a second.

· It was a celebrity paradox at Poquito Mas on Cahuenga. First, we see a scruffy yet sexy JASON LEE eating with his son PILOT. He seemed like a typical father with him, very sweet, taking him to the bathroom, making sure he had enough nachos, etc. He had a FULL beard (Jason Lee, not the kid), but it kind of worked on him. Then, just minutes later, an absolutely adorable JENNY LEWIS walked in with a pal. They looked like two sweet high school girls. She and Jason Lee made the awkward "I'm famous and you're famous and we are kind of Silver Lakey-Eastsider cool" nod to each other and I couldn't help but think that they would be an adorable couple. A little too cool for school though, perhaps...

THURSDAY, AUGUST 14
· NEIL PATRICK HARRIS and DAVID WALTON (from Quarterlife) are working up a sweat (separately) at Equinox on Sunset.

And coincidentally (?) the lads at Maxim have backpedaled on their brutal Rex Reed-like criticism of Parker last winter, when they crowned her the Unsexiest Woman Alive.

In a rather pathetic effort to make amends, the August issue tries to make up for the bullying piece with a shiny new judgment of Parker's appearance. Too bad it’s just a brilliant use of semantics, twisting the same exact insult into a more flowery-sounding version of its original assessment: "This Barbaro-faced broad [needs to] pull her skirt down, Secretariat, we'd rather ride Chris Noth." (Um, we hear Details is hiring?)

To which SJP memorably respondedat the time: "Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest women in the world? Wow! It's kind of shocking... It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do?"

Well, SJP? Apparently, get that mole removed and, voila! You're now the magazine's "Unexpected Crush." Congratulations! We think! Sort of!

• LATE AMENDS [NYP]

As the Daily Mail reports, Cattrall's metallic dress started bunching up 'round her rear end, forcing Kim to cheekily dig out the material from in between her very toned ass, all the while winking. But Kim didn't stop surprising the crowd by allegedly telling reporters at a previous premiere that she "hopes we get to come back and make another." Which is very sweet, but judging from the NY Daily News' report from the scene, a repeat performance of the mob scene isn't something we'd like to see anytime soon:

"Organizers of the celeb-studded event overbooked the 6,000-seat theater, leaving bounced fans fuming. The angry crowd surged against police barricades, cursing and stomping their Manolo Blahniks."

Even Chris Noth, who's still clinging to that charming rep like a security blanket, blowing kisses to the furious crowd did little to numb the pain. As one fan said, "We waited in line 21/2 hours. I guess we'll go drink a Cosmo or five now." Which is quite possibly the saddest comment made by a woman we've ever heard.

And of course, there were the requisite horrendous fashion choices, notably made by Ashley Olsen in pants so oversized she could have comfortably fit both herself and MK inside, plus Jennifer Hudson's decision to shove approximately 95% of her breasts in photographers' faces and, unsurprisingly, legendary SATC wardrobe wench Pat Fields sporting what may be the most cringeworthy combination of purple and red hair dye we've seen to date. To be fair, dressing horribly is sort of her "thing," so we'll go ahead and forgive the kookiest of all kooky stylists.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, Getty, Splash]

• KIM CATTRALL ON THE 'SEX AND THE CITY' MOVIE: 'I HOPE WE GET TO MAKE ANOTHER' [Us]
• 'SEX AND THE CITY' PREMIERE TURNS UGLY [NYDN]

Whether you want to admit it or not, most of us have seen the infamous Rabbit, and while LoveHoney has used the same design, this new Mr. Big version looks like a vibrator for boys. Would you really want to use a sex toy that looks like your remote control? Or your alarm clock? More importantly, are there really any women left out there who want to fantasize about Chris Noth while using a vibrator? Have you seen the guy's bachelor couch? Finally, this new trend of attempting to sexify SATC characters is taking all the sex out of the show and the movie entirely. Three words: Sarah Jessica Porkher.

And for any interested parties, below you'll find Mr. Big's friendlier-looking competitors of the same name:

• NOW THERE'S A MR. BIG VIBRATOR [The Sun]

"I did want an emotional roller-coaster but...Kill Mr. Big? I would have been chased around the planet by women with torches. It's a summer movie. Why would I want to kill anyone?"

Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie Bradshaw: Not a chance. King claims women would chase him down with torches if Big bit it, but should the show's narrator and guiding light pass on after taking a cab that oh-so-glamorously crashes into Barneys or falls victim to a cocktail poisoned by some envious Vogue staffer, enraged SATC fans would hunt down King not with torches, but things like guns and machetes.

Cynthia Nixon/Miranda Hobbes: Nah. For one thing, Nixon recently revealed the fact that she went through a cancer scare back in 2004, so killing off Nixon's most famous role to date would just be plain cruel.

Kristin Davis/Charlotte York Goldenblatt: We've already heard she magically gets pregnant against all odds, and dying after giving birth could be seen as some kind of tragic but ironic plot twist. Fans have suffered through season after season hearing about Charlotte's baby-making anxiety, so the joy they'd feel knowing Char finally reached her stereotypically feminine life goal might nullify the sadness felt should she not pull through.

Kim Cattrall/Samantha Jones: If one of the four girls is really the killed-off character in question, we'd safely place our bets on Sam for two reasons: her character was diagnosed with cancer during the last season and though we were assured she eventually beat it, that's one disease with a temper, sadly capable of returning. Secondly, Samantha is the most controversial of the four; some fans love her for behaving like a man in a woman's body and boldly suggesting sleeping with every man in Manhattan is an example of feminists' success. But others just think she's a slutty bitch.

What we really think? It's Steve's mom. She's old, demented, eats garbage and despite being played by the worshipped and adored Anne Meara, it's just her character's time. Plus, Meara's take on the role is delightfully hateful: a beer-swilling, old-fashioned crazy kook whose voice makes us cringe.

• 'SEX AND THE CITY' DIRECTOR ADDRESSES DEATH RUMOR [CNN]

There were a lot of nauseating elements of this show, what with all the shoe analogies and shit, which is perhaps why they made everything so pink, so as to simulate a giant spoonful of Pepto Bismol.

And speaking of pink:

Dude has on a pink shirt with floral cuffs, and he's FREAKING out about SJP. I think it's safe to say that this is the gayest this guy has acted since he started having anal sex with other men.

They actually made it a point to acknowledge the other gay men in the audience as well.

None of them are nearly as fun as Pinky though.

Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

In today's installment: Russell Crowe, Drew Barrymore, Kiefer Sutherland, Teri Hatcher, Matthew Perry, Chris "Mr. Big" Noth, Chrissie Hynde, Jemaine "Flight Of The Conchords" Clement, Mindy Kaling, Samantha Mathis (with Keith Carradine!), Werner Herzog, Dax Shepard (with Bradley Cooper!), Cedric Yarbrough and Professor Cornell West.

APRIL 10
· Another Matthew Perry Trivia sighting at Barney's Beanery in Pasadena on Thursday. His team of 4, "Dos Dedos", only contained one dressed-up young lady this time, and most likely took first right in front of the antagonistically-named "Bing's Bingers". I say "most likely" because I left before they announced my losing score...

APRIL 11
· Standing in line with all the middle aged punkers at the X reunion show at the Henry Fonda Theatre was Chrissie Hynde...She looked great and didn't look like she's had any work done...couldn't believe she had to wait in line with the rest of us!

APRIL 12
· Drew Barrymore was at the Derby Dolls roller derby on Saturday night April 12th. Here is some photographic evidence.

· I was having lunch at Cafe '50's in Sherman Oaks around 1pm. I couldn't help but notice that every 10 minutes or so, a group of girls ages 7-12 (?) wearing colored bandanas (different colored than the last group, not different colored from each other) with an assigned parent or guardian would come in and have their photo taken by the jukebox (I heard one mother saying it was a scavenger hunt). After 2 or so waves of bandana-wearing tots, Teri Hatcher came in leading the Pink Bandana group. She wasn't wearing much makeup and politely asked for the someone to take the group's photo (that's a switch) by the jukebox. Then they were off, presumably to find 12 bottlecaps or some such that was next on the scavenger list.

APRIL 13
· Russell Crowe with his wife and boys strolling around the Century City mall on Sunday afternoon. They looked like every other family suffering from heat exhaustion.

· Mindy Kaling from The Office having a brunch at Joan's on Third. Met up with some (nonfamous) friends, looked cute and casual, drives an adorable Mini Cooper.

APRIL 14
· Samantha Mathis and Keith Carradine (don't think they were together but stranger pairings have happened in this town) at the Arclight on Monday night. I assume they were there for the special screening that little me wasn't invited to because I didn't see them at my screening of The Visitor. Just before the movie, as I was exiting the ladies room I passed Carradine entering the men's room undoing his pants several feet before the doorway. Note to guys: ick.

· Today at approx. 5:00 PM at the Starbucks in Dana Point, Chris Noth and his girlfriend walked into my Starbucks and ordered a drink. Chris ordered a Chai Tea Latte and his girlfriend had a chop chop pasta salad. They were not with the baby. His girlfriend seemed very very nice. She actually asked for a fork from me and I told her where they were but we were out so I went to the back to get some and brought back one to her and handed it to her and she said thank you and was very nice about it. However, Chris was sort of a dick. Not really a dick to me but a total dick to his girlfriend. Anyways, I thought this was a notable celebrity sighting..

APRIL 16
· could have sworn i saw Jack Bauer at Dan's Subs in the Valley. He even had the arm tats, looked great clean shaven ...he was not with the woman from ny. He had his arm wrapped around a different raven haven hair chic. Much more busty and shorter. at one point he called her Janet (or maybe Janice). He was very happy and relaxed.

· Today at the Koo Koo Roo on Wilshire I saw Cedric Yarbrough, Jonesie from Reno 911. He was hanging out by himself eating lunch listening to something on his earphones. I don't want to say anything bad about him being there or being lame or anything like that because I LOVE Reno 911 and my boyfriend doesn't, so there.

· Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords waiting to cross Los Feliz Boulevard at Hillhurst. Had to look twice because, although that block of the street is not so lousy with hipsters, Clement was blending in with his surroundings. Is he staying in one of the big-ass apartment buildings on the north side of Los Feliz?

APRIL 17
· Saw Werner Herzog at Hollywood Video on Westwood Blvd. ask the clerk if they had a used copy of 'Jungle 2 Jungle' on VHS. [Ed. Note - Really?]

APRIL 18
· Odd couple Dax Shepard & Bradley Cooper (Nip/Tuck, Wedding Crashers) at Katsuya in Studio City.

APRIL 19
· Toast on 3rd Street, today. Was putting my name on the host's list, when I saw an older man in a black suit out of the corner of my eye. I told my friend, "Huh, that orthodox dude looks like Cornell West." And It WAS Cornell West! He was having lunch with a more casually attired Tavis Smiley. The PBS whore in me was totally freaking out.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

"Which feisty pop star has dumped the father of her baby for a lesbian? She's keeping the romance under wraps - for now..." [Mirror]

Chris noth. Big was sitting the starbucks on 8th between 5th and university. And signing autographs.

Send sightings to stalker@gawker.com and they'll appear, if they're good enough, on the full map.

• Lindsay Lohan served 84 minutes in a Lynwood jail for her July DUI charges. [TMZ]
  
• Chris "Mr Big" Noth's girlfriend is knocked up. [Page Six]
  
• Cyclist Lance Armstrong claims that he and purported new girlfriend Ashley Olsen are "strictly friends." [Page Six]
  

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you're viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

• Among the shocking revelations from the lips of tragic former child star Lindsay Lohan's ex-bodyguard: "Dina often 'let her do whatever she wanted, just to keep her happy and working . . . [At her 16th birthday party] Lindsay drank whatever she wanted - I saw her drinking beer and mixed drinks with my own eyes [without Dina's intervention].'" Whoever would have guessed that such a thing was possible. [Page Six]
  
• When Katie Couric karaokes, she picks lame singalong numbers like "Sweet Caroline" and "America The Beautiful." Boo. [Page Six]
  
• Chris Noth will reprise his role as "Mr. Big" in the SATC movie, which will come in handy for those of you who still send in "sitings" of "Mr. Big" as if that is his actual name. [R&M, last item]

How can I excuse this trampling upon the ghost of former editor Jessica Coen, who so sternly enacted the ban? It was early; I was forwarding stalker sightings to the Stalkette interns who handle such things. That witch Emily was out that day! I only had Wheat Thins for breakfast! I have a million excuses. Whatever.

But really, I think I meant to do it. Some of you lady-folk and homos out there will relate. Chris Noth has a certain thing; it's the slightly craggy, slightly pickled, almost-entirely-but-not-quite un-menacing daddy thing. He's unpredictable! Maybe he's trouble. I bet his apartment (surely he has one?) is wacky! He's the kind of guy you totally would have slept with accidentally five years ago. (Despite the insane eyebags!) Okay, maybe five months ago. And then you wouldn't have told your friends for at least three weeks. Just like a Williamsburg bartender, or that "novelist" you totally did out of boredom and tequila. Okay, this is getting really Carrie Bradshaw and sad, and so I'll shut the hell up. Anyway, I'd hit that. And I bet you would too.

The real point is, maybe we shouldn't misunderstand the Noth That Walks Among Us So Frequently. Remember this? In October of 2005, Noth told the Times this about New York City:

''It has deteriorated into a very clean and shiny mall,'' he said, running his hand back and forth over his bristle of hair as he gets worked up. ''We have to go out of Manhattan to get a texture of the city. I'm not just talking about graffiti and that we want to bring the crime back. From the meatpacking district to the East Village to below Houston Street, all those delicious and interesting and complex neighborhoods are just basically gone. It has been death by fashion and trend.''

In the middle of the show, Short plucks a startled-looking Chris Noth (Mr. Big) from the audience, brings him on stage, and forces him to do scenes with him. Noth was awkward but good-natured. They did several routines, including a Jiminy Glick interview that she said was hilarious. When Short was done with him, an usher led Noth back to his seat. It sounded and looked completely spontaneous ...

Jiminy Glick Sticks It to Schwimmer, Riedel, Noth and More in Broadway's Fame Becomes Me [Playbill]

[Photo: Getty Images]