Gawker: Christmas

Huge Grinch and chair of Boston University's ...

Choire — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 13:00:46 EST

Huge Grinch and chair of Boston University's religion department goes out on the long branch of sociocultural relativism and declares that every day is a holiday that is nearly as great as Christmas! CRUCIFY HIM. [WaPo]

Antishopping Makes Baby Jesus Happy

Choire — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 09:30:01 EST

Just in time for the birthday of shop-loving Baby Jesus, the Times covers shop-dropping, the practice of placing items in stores. (Aww, remember the Barbie Liberation Organization?) They also stumble on one of our faves, Packard Jennings—if you find yourself in San Francisco in January, he'll have a new show at Catharine Clark Gallery. (But how will he disrupt his own commodification in the gallery???) The anarchist action figure he leaves in Target stores are really super—and the business-reply pamphlet is extra-dreamy.

Anarchists in the Aisles? Stores Provide a Stage [NYT]

NY'ers In Peace-Wanting Shock!

Pareene — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:06:07 EST

Roving, pedestrian hassling videographer Alex Goldberg spent some time in SoHo and Union Square asking passersby what they wanted for the holidays. While many people want to be left alone by dudes with video cameras, a few want world peace, and one gentleman just wants to be loved, and to hear himself speak.

Six Ways To Avoid Holiday Sobriety

Pareene — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 15:50:54 EST

Newsweek invited third-generation etiquette expert Lizzie Post to help Holiday get-togetherers and get-togetherees avoid awkward moments with teetotalers at their Christmas parties. Post offered six tips that we loved so much, we repurposed them in a humorous fashion!

When you're hosting:

1. Never Assume Don't say, "Can I get you a cocktail?" Instead, just hand them a drink when they walk in the door. It's cold out! That's hospitality.

2. Tap That Know the early signs of drunkenness, such as slurred words, obscenities or unusual confessions. Now your party is really getting good. If you see insobriety, we suggest pouring 'em stronger and turning up the music. As Lizzie Post says, "Cork it, and put the wine away for the night." It's rye time.

3. Be Subtle Don't announce "Please, no booze" on a written invitation. "Invitations are supposed to be inviting," Post says. "It's not polite. You don't put 'No smoking' on an invitation or little signs around the house." No, you man up and let people drink and smoke. Because it's a "party." Not a damned stupid 12 step meeting—which, we might add, you can certainly light up during.

What about when you're the guest? First, congrats; you've made the right decision. No cleanup and you can leave when you get bored! But there are still some etiquette tips you should keep in mind.

1. Considerate Gifting Don't bring a bottle of wine or Scotch to a party unless you're asked to. It's their job to get you drunk. Grab a sixpack on the way up if you're worried they'll run out of the good stuff. Then hide it!

2. Don't ask "Never ask anyone why they're not drinking, even indirectly. It can seem like a harmless ice-breaker, but in fact it's downright rude to hand a woman a Coke and say, 'Expecting?'" We have nothing to add to this tip. It is totally inappropriate to hand people virgin Cokes or invite pregnant ladies.

3. Don't tell You're not obliged to explain why you're drinking. No one needs to know the extent of your pain. And you'll tell them when you've had enough, goddammit.

Six Ways to Avoid Holiday Booze Blunders [Newsweek]

4000 Horny Jews To Storm Meatpacking District Against Christ!

Joshua Stein — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 13:49:16 EST

Christmas Eve for Jews is depressing! Especially for me, in part because I hate Chinese food. Also, it's the birthday of Christ (who my people killed) so that makes me feel bad. But, one way I could see feeling better about myself is going to The Ball, an event where "4,000 Jewish Singles take over 5 Chelsea/Meatpacking Nightclubs (Hiro, The Park, The Cabanas, Highline Ballroom and Earth)." A) My mom would be pleased as punch! B) I don't know, I always get this frisson of excitement when I find out not all Jews are bookish. Some are actually complete losers. C) Jewish girls totally put out at Christmas.

Craven Fashion Mag Eds' Crazed Beggings For Flashy Crap!

Choire — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 13:20:55 EST

The blogfest that is T magazine's website has taken a turn for the greedy, as the staff has begun posting "holiday wish lists" that might as well be coded solicitations for publicists! "Fashion magazine editors may have it worse than the general population. Every day we find ourselves surrounded by beautiful objects," say the supposedly tongue-in-cheek bloggers, before going on to solicit Brunello Cucinelli wool flannel travel jackets and the harlequin dress from Miu Miu's Spring/Summer collection. ATTENTION PUBLICISTS: I WOULD LIKE A NEW PAIR OF SHOES, BECAUSE THESE HAVE HOLES, FOR SERIOUS. SEND THEM TO 76 CROSBY STREET, NY NY 10012 BEFORE MY LAST DAY, 12/31. KTHXBAI!

Gays Devastatingly Lonely—They Buy Gifts For Animals!

Choire — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 12:30:34 EST

New study shows that 7 out of 10 gays own pets! 9 out of 10 gays say their pet is "a member of the family" and 2/3rds of gays have BOUGHT THEIR PET A HOLIDAY PRESENT. "Anyone who knows me and my partner Greg also knows that our Wheaten Terrier Chester is a big part of our family," says prominent sad gay Wesley Combs, President of Witeck-Combs Communications, Inc.

GLBT Adults More Likely to Own a Pet than Heterosexuals [Business Wire]

Inside The News Corp. Holiday Gift Bags

Maggie — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:50:38 EST

News Corp. employees picked up their holiday gift bags today—what did they get? "A Simpsons page-a-day calendar, some Jeff Foxworthy book, and The Simpsons Movie DVD," one of the lucky recipients tells us. Anything else? "We also got an Emergency Procedure Guide." Oh! Well that will definitely come in handy should there be a second freak chemical accident at the News Corp. headquarters this week! "In the event of 1211 exploding, we have to take a bus to Seacaucus, NJ," says a staffer. Um, through the tunnel? No thanks!

Rep. Dem Yvette Clarke, first-term Congresswoman ...

Pareene — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:10:36 EST

Rep. Dem Yvette Clarke, first-term Congresswoman from Park Slope, "was one of just nine members of Congress who last week voted against House resolution 847, a symbolic bill that, among other things, acknowledged 'the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.'" SHE VOTED 'NO' ON CHRISTMAS. [The Brooklyn Paper]

Earlier this week, Congress passed a resolution ...

Emily Gould — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 10:40:31 EST

Earlier this week, Congress passed a resolution affirming that "the House of Representatives ... expresses continued support for Christians in the United States and worldwide; acknowledges the international religious and historical importance of Christmas and the Christian faith;[and] acknowledges and supports the role played by Christians and Christianity in the founding of the United States and in the formation of the western civilization." That ought to clear up any lingering confusion. [Scanner]

NewsCorp Holiday Party Celebrates... Climate Change

Emily Gould — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 12:00:27 EST

From the mailbag, about the big News Corp. party on the 14th: "Omg you would not believe the news corp holiday party invite. it's in the form of a comic book about how 'we saved the planet. (*not yet but let's party like we did.') My favorite nauseating bit: 'When it comes to climate change it's important to remember the 3 Rs: Relax!! Rejoice!! Rock!!' Whew—i feel so much better about my planet's future now that NEWSCORP is on it! Also we're asked to wear something blue in honor of COOL CHANGE, the party's theme. And all the rooms at the hilton have appropriately dubbed monikers for the party (my favorite being the escalators, now renamed 'The Winds of Change' that will blow you to the appropriate part of the venue). Good god." It goes without saying that you must send us images of this invitation NOW.

Email friends of party photographer Patrick ...

Emily Gould — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 15:01:57 EST

Email friends of party photographer Patrick McMullan have an opportunity to give their loved ones some truly meaningful trinkets this holiday season. "Dear Friends of Patrick McMullan, Do you need some great holiday gifts? Get a copy of Patrick's latest book, GLAMOUR GIRLS for the favorite glamour girl in your life. As well as past books, KISS KISS, INTENTS, SO8OS and SECRETS OF THE RIVIERA.. All in stock but not for long. A gift set for the photography lovers you know at a special price. SO8OS, INTENTS, KISS KISS and SECRETS OF THE RIVIERA together in a SO8OS Le Sport Sac bag for $195.00 plus tax and shipping. For smaller gifts, have prints made. Prints of you and your friends always makes [sic] a great present. Please place your orders early."

Martha Stewart's Totally Sirius Christmas Tree

Choire — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:00:57 EST

As Page Six noted this week, the 36th-floor midtown lobby of Sirius Radio had a disastrous Christmas tree—until Martha Stewart came in herself and fixed it all up. And here it is! Can't wait to see how fellow Sirius host Judith Regan defaces this tree when she comes in to work next week.

The cookies look a lot like Martha! 1970s stoney Martha.

And these look just so much like Howard Stern and yet they do not smell of personal lubricant.

That sign also says in tiny type, "Don't fuck with my motherfucking tree, you fucks."

Holiday Rituals Reinforce Stereotypes

Emily Gould — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 12:30:56 EST

In interfaith households, the Times informs us, holiday traditions are fraught with tension and discomfort. Because, well, Jews will be Jews: "When her sons were toddlers, Amy Manata, a Jewish woman with a Catholic husband, began conducting a silent war. In the months leading up to Hanukkah, she would ask the boys, now 4 and 6, which toys they wanted most, then bestow them at Hanukkah to ensure that it was a better holiday than Christmas." Also, gays will be gays: "Scott was like, 'Would you please turn that off?' I was like, 'It's not "Jingle Bells." It's Diana Krall.'"

'Times' Makes Gift Shopping Simple For Employees Who Hate Their Families

Pareene — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:00:00 EST

Are you married to a New York Times staffer? Or are you Simon Rich, spawn of Frank Rich? Thanks to an in-house Times email, we know exactly what you're getting this Christmas: "Fleece pullovers." Or maybe pens! "Avoid the holiday crowds by doing your gift shopping inside The New York Times Building," they entice. Everything's under $80!

From: NYTIMES MAIL Date: Dec 5, 2007 12:34 PM Subject: The New York Times Store Employee Sale To: NY TIMES NOTES , NY TIMES INTERNET
Gift Shopping Made Easy

Avoid the holiday crowds by doing your gift shopping inside The New York Times Building.

Visit the 14th floor cafeteria for quick-and-easy gifts from The New York Times Store. All gifts priced under $80. Major credit cards accepted.

14th Floor Cafeteria
11:30 a.m. - 3 p.m.
December 5 & 6
December 12 & 13
December 19

Employee Discount
All items have been reduced by up to 30% off retail prices.

The Store will be stocked with many crowd-pleasers including the following best-sellers:

Pens
Desk diaries
Mugs
Beach towels
Hats
Fleece pullovers
3-month calendars
One-piece outfits for babies
and many more!

We're sure Charles Stevenson will love his Times-branded desk calendar from his little Critical Shopper. Finally, a convenient way to schedule an orgy at the weekend home.

This Could Be Your Foot!

Emily Gould — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:30:31 EST

Hey, do you want to "get down" with Perez Hilton? That celebrated blogger—one of the 100 most influential gays of the year!—will be toasting the festive season with "his ad team" at Stereo (512 W. 29th!) on Thursday the 13th from 8-10 p.m. Bring a white-out pen for IRL face-scribbles!

"Christmas party hangovers will cost UK businesses ...

Choire — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 09:50:21 EST

"Christmas party hangovers will cost UK businesses £790m this year in lost productivity, it was claimed today." [Guardian]

So This Is What Christmastime Corporate Penuriousness Looks Like!

Joshua Stein — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 17:25:11 EST

Earlier today we explored the BYOB shysteriness of one company's yuletide party and we asked for your disgruntled corporate christmas stories. You obliged in spades, you bitter battle worker bees. Here's a selection. Keep them coming at tips@gawker.com

"Our company is not holding a formal party this year because we just began an employee wellness program, which is incompatible with alcohol, fatty food and, presumably, random sex. Our holiday gift consisted of a tote bag (which were available year-round in the supply room), a golf towel from our former parent company (surplus), and a cup. How original."
"Umm, I work for a multi-million dollar law firm - one of the biggest in the world - and this year they have decided to throw our "party" in the unheated lobby of the building that we work in and share with another global firm. The lobby is open 24/7 (meaning there is always business being conducted and people coming in and out), surrounded on all four sides with ceiling to floor open windows (people stand outside and gawk constantly), and is home to one of the largest areas of lost tourist gatherings in the city - seriously WTF???? nightmare!"
"I heard Ann Taylor is having theirs at Spanky's BBQ! Now that's classy....."
AND, for all you folks looking to crash Reuters' holiday party: Hope you wore a nice outfit, cause it's tonight!
"It's our "holiday" party tonight (the closest holiday being Thanksgiving) In the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center. From 6 to 9. On the same day as the effing tree lighting."

How Will Your Company Ruin Christmas?

Joshua Stein — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 12:25:02 EST

Every year around Christmas, companies throw holiday parties they clearly don't want to throw. Employees of these companies go to the parties looking to get wasted and hook up with a co-worker. The clash of breathless expectations and corporate penuriousness is like a crashing wave upon a rocky cliff, except instead of salt water the wave is fashioned out of a year's worth of accumulated workplace bile. Send tales of your company's trangressions to tips@gawker.com.
Today's shitty corporate christmas party comes to us from the Fillmore East, the concert venue that used to be Irving Plaza. It is pretty shitty.

It's that time of year again!! This year we will be having a combined celebration for the staff of Fillmore NY at Irving Plaza and Blender Theater at Gramercy. Here's the important info:
When: Friday, December 7, 2007 from 8PM-11PM

Where: Downstairs lounge at Gramercy (127 E. 23rd just in case you didn't know...)

What: Karaoke!! And other good times...

Drinks: BYOB- sorry guys, this is a no-budget party, not to mention you people drank a warehouse worth last year... Seriously, please bring a bottle of your favorite booze or wine or a six pack o beer (or your fave Snapple drink if you don't drink alcohol.)

Snacks: Some will be provided BUT if you feel like baking (Jesse Bellin), we all love treats!!

After Party: TBD (but you know there will be one!!)

I think that about covers it! Feel free to contact me with any questions.

Looking forward to having a cup 'o holiday cheer with all of you!!

How Ayelet Waldman Stole Christmas

Emily Gould — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 16:30:04 EST

Ayelet "Michael Chabon's wife" Waldman, the most happily married woman in America ("our sex life - always vital, even torrid - is more exciting and imaginative now than it was when we first met") is at it again, this time oversharing in the pages of Harper's Bazaar. Unusually, she's venturing out of the marital bed and into the rest of her bliss-filled household, talking about how she and her brood celebrate the holidays. Once upon a time, she says, she coveted her gentile friends' pine-scented rituals, but that all ended when she met Her Husband. "Inclusion in any culture other than the one we were making together no longer mattered to me."

But the alien culture of the rest of the world still threatens to encroach on Waldman-Chabonism sometimes. How does Ayelet cope when it does?

I told [my daughter] Sophie, as I have since told her younger siblings, that there is no such thing as Santa Claus, that he is a character in a story just like Willy Wonka or Amelia Bedelia. I further instruct them that their Christian friends are sweet but gullible, and out of respect for their limitations, we should all work hard to sustain their delusions for as long as possible.

Can there possibly be a more functional, harmonious family on the planet? You'd be so sweetly gullible to think so.

"Two rainy summers followed by drought have ...

Emily Gould — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 12:40:21 EST

"Two rainy summers followed by drought have produced a shortage of some Christmas tree varieties in New York, especially Fraser firs, one of the most popular choices, according to growers. 'We've had it three years in a row now. Two with excess rain and now a drought. Mother Nature can't seem to get it right,' said Robert Norris, a tree farmer and executive secretary of the Christmas Tree Farmers Association of New York." Silly old Mother Nature! Also, last week's UN conference on global warming in Valencia concluded that "global warming is "unequivocal" and carbon dioxide already in the atmosphere commits the world to an eventual rise in sea levels of up to 4.6 feet." [AP]

Christmas Once Again Under Threat From Harvey Weistein

abalk2 — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 11:40:13 EST

Say what you will about Harvey Weinstein - he's a big fat Heeb with a bad temper and a gruff, uncouth manner - but the man knows his marketing. Consider the forthcoming Black X-Mas, a Santa-slasher pic from the Weinstein Company being released on Christmas Day! The holiest day of the year! Predictably, the outrage police have already had their hackles raised: Matt Drudge links to this Nikki Finke cri de couer:

Shame, shame, shame on Harvey and Bob Weinstein, and their distributor MGM's Harry Sloan, for opening a holiday-themed slasher movie on Christmas Day. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the ads and release date for Black Christmas from Dimension/MGM. The promos even make fun of "people who express outrage" as well as the plot's body count. And the entertainment industry wonders why it continues to have a huge PR problem as promoters of garbage?

Now, there are a couple of possibilities here: Either the Weinsteins know that they have a turd on their hands and they're dumping it in theatres at the last possible moments with the hope that the sanctimony brigade will gin up enough publicity to ensure at least a decent opening or, you know, Jewish executives worship money above all else, by promoting for profit the adulation of violence.

Actually, maybe they're not mutually exclusive.

Weinsteins & MGM To Release Xmas Crap [DHD]

Gawker Gift Guide Part One: Knowing Our Demo

Emily Gould — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:15:00 EST

As everyone knows, Gawker readers are classy, affluent individuals whose extreme productivity allows them plenty of time to stay up to speed on the important goings-on of the internet. And, like many refined, tasteful people, they're incredibly hard to shop for. As the Holidays approach, we thought we'd make like every other reputable news and entertainment outlet and provide you with a few gift suggestion that are tailored to the unique needs of the hip, savvy Gawker demographic. They're after the jump, conveniently broken down by reader stereotype.

FOR GAYS:

Gay marriage finger puppets make a great passive=aggressive gift for the children of your most intolerant relative.

FOR COKEHEADS WHO LOVE IRONY:
Haha, it looks like a McDonald's coffee stirrer, but it's a gold coke spoon! Oooh, so many levels. This one shows your drug friends that you didn't go to art school for no reason.

FOR HATERS WHO LOVE TO HATE MARIO BATALI:
Winding up little Mario and watching him walk blithely to his doom at the end of the tabletop will satisfy these giftees' twisted needs.

More to come as the holidays loom closer! And please feel free to send in suggestions.

Ali Lohan Makes It Only Too Easy To Make A White Christmas Joke

Doree Shafrir — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 16:15:22 EST

Best Week Ever directs us to the Amazon page for Ali Lohan's Christmas album, Lohan Holiday. Besides the requisite jokes about Lindsay's late-night habits, there's also this verse from their version of "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas":

Oh-ho the mistletoe hung in Wilmer's jeans

Really, what better way to kick off the holiday season?

Have Yourself a Merry Lohan Christmas! [Best Week Ever]

Do They Know It's Hanukkah At All?

krucoff2 — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 09:32:08 EST

War on Christmas? Bah, only among retailers. Jews in Israel are more reflective and celebrate the festive Hanukkah season by welcoming Nazis to the Ben Yehuda street mall in Jerusalem.

Zionazis [Jewschool]
4th Night of Chanukah [Jewlicious]