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Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
The War of the Cloves
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J. Frank Parnell
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
True story: I got booted from watching a sex show (a rather lame one at that) in Amsterdam for the simple act of lighting up a Djarum and puffing away. Apparently, the Dutch hate clove cigarettes. Coffee shop owners won't even let you smoke them in their shops.

Come on people. It's not like it's pot. #cloves
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raincoaster
10/28/09

@J. Frank Parnell: It's a hangover from that unpleasantness in Indonesia. I'm not kidding. #cloves
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Z und Vielpunkt's chick
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
Cloves were my gateway cigarettes. As a bitter ex-smoker, I say ban 'em. #cloves
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Hiphopopotamus
10/27/09

@Z und Vielpunkt's chick: They hooked me too. They are clearly geared towards kids... maybe not as much as the Camel Calypso Passion Mint Mojito Candy Bubble Gum Menthols, but close. #cloves
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Z und Vielpunkt's chick
10/27/09

@Hiphopopotamus: Yum. Candy. #cloves
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metalkate
10/27/09

@Hiphopopotamus: you must be the only two in the world. i smoke the occasional flavored cigarette or cloves and have never become hooked on cigs at all, but all my friends who were little badass real smokers in high school (and probably to this day) smoked reds or whatever most disgusting foul things their mothers smoked... My impression has always been that flavors and cloves are for fake smokers only. But maybe i'm just incredibly self-absorbed in my outlook. #cloves
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IpsoFacto promoted this comment metalkate was starred metalkate was unstarred

IpsoFacto
10/27/09

@metalkate: I agree, I usually buy a couple packs of cloves during the summer and I think its quite a stretch to jump from Djarum to Newports. Not a weed to heroin stretch, but still pretty big. #cloves
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mimigoliath
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
I smoked them in high school because I liked the smell better (incense-ish!) and thought that if I told guys my lips tasted like cherry, they'd make out with me. This was ineffective. Not only because my breath smelled like cloves, but mostly because I was an unsavory, embarrassing person to be around back then.

That said, my HS best friend called cloves "little goth girls," and I still call them that now, 10 years later. #cloves
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bytememehard
10/27/09

@mimigoliath: If you are in high school and want guys to make out with you, don't tell them your lips taste like cherry. Get the word around that you put out. Very effective. #cloves
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m4ximusprim3
10/27/09

@bytememehard: Or just put out. Then you don't even have to go through the trouble of spreading the word yourself. #cloves
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Mrs. Beeton
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
I am a smoker, and have hilariously evolved in my smokes of choice. It used to be cloves (when I was 18), then several ill-advised packs of Lucky Strike unfiltered, then Marlboro Reds for years and years (because I was TOUGH) and now Parliament Lights, probably because I'm a jerk.

Cigarettes are great. #cloves
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femme-bot
10/27/09

@Mrs. Beeton: I went from whatever I bummed off people, to cloves (when I was 19), and now I'm on Marlboro lights. What next!? #cloves
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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith promoted this comment femme-bot was starred femme-bot was unstarred

Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
10/27/09

@femme-bot: I found this hilarious brand of cigarettes called 'Cameos' or some such because the packaging is really tacky and therefore no one tries to bum them from me when we're out- my best friend calls them my 'tampon cigarettes'.

Menthol also works in a similar way except, you know, you actually have to smoke them. #cloves
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femme-bot
10/27/09

@Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith: I kind of love that packaging. It looks so classy. #cloves
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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
10/27/09

@femme-bot: it would be, except that the government health warning on the package is of some hackneyed old man. really didn't pick their audience well when choosing the image on that one... #cloves
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IpsoFacto
10/27/09

@Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith: A few years ago I bought a $20 carton of "Kentucky's Best" smokes outside Cincinnati. They were 100s, had a sweet horse head on the cover, and tasted like hot garbage. I just had to start giving packs to people who later told me that they ended up throwing most of them away. #cloves
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Lymed
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
Djarum Blacks, they're air-cured. #cloves
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Han Valen
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
Um, maybe job one should be taking the word 'CIGARETTES' off of the fucking box. Just saying. #cloves
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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith promoted this comment Han Valen was starred Han Valen was unstarred

Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
10/27/09

@Han Valen: well it worked for this:
(and yeah I know it's candy so it's not technically the same, but hell, look at it- the 'spaceman' bit wasn't fooling anyone) #cloves
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OHymenMyHymen
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
There's something about cloves that remind me of this rebellious high school senior desperately seeking attention (maybe because she was always smoking them).

But I want to smoke my cigarettes, not fuck them, so let's stick with Camel Lights in packs of 20. #cloves
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Vivien Smith-Smythe-Smith
10/27/09

@OHymenMyHymen: Camel is the most disgusting-smelling cigarette ever.
My old flatmate brought back several of those massive cartons from duty-free earlier this year, and (as she lacks the social graces that usually compel people to smoke outside) completely saturated every cloth surface in the house with that smell. Cloves are *almost* a welcome respite to that stench! #cloves
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cmd
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
You know how you eat something that gives you food poisoning and then forever and ever the smell of that food reminds you of puking your brains out? Yeah, that's cloves for me. Thankfully I'm not friends with any hippies. #cloves
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Tchotchke
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
Ok, but regardless of how this turns out, clove smokers are still assholes, right? #cloves
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hilikusopus
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
If you're inhaling burning debris, it's a cigarette. If you actually enjoy swizzling burning debris around in your mouth, then you probably accidentally inhaled burning debris. #cloves
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Colander
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
To be fair, like cigars, many clove-smokers do not inhale the smoke; they merely, like, roll it around on their tongue or something. I don't see the point in that, but this is a true story. #cloves
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mimigoliath
10/27/09

@Colander: That's because they apparently put "holes in your heart." That was the "big rumor." #cloves
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Sleepyhead
10/27/09

@mimigoliath: Oh shit, it was! They "broke off jagged little particles, like fiberglass, that actually ripped holes in the tissue of your heart". My friend told me. #cloves
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shostakobitch
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
I'm sure whatever the government bans can just be smuggled in with the rest of the regular-flow shower heads, drugs, switchblades and Cuban cigars. Oh why won't someone just think of the children? #cloves
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Conchie Birdie
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
I remember when cloves were super cool - freshman year, standing outside Claflin, trying to not look like a freshman. #cloves
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BadUncle
10/27/09

In reply to Clove Makers All Like, 'What Cigarettes?'
Just another conspiracy from the Mulling Spice Industrial Complex. #cloves
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Dr. Nick
10/27/09

@BadUncle: Damn you, Big Seasoning! #cloves
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City_Dater
10/27/09

@BadUncle:

But we won't let it get us down...
Light up another cinnamon stick and let the good times roll! #cloves
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VirginiaIno
09/08/09

In reply to The War of the Cloves
Really? I smoke cloves, and I'd like to meet the kid that can afford to drop $11.00 bucks a pack to feed his habit. This is actually straight up bullshit. Clove smokers make up about 0.5% of U.S. smokers, and frankly when was the last time you saw a sign or billboard advertising them? Meanwhile, you can't walk through a poor urban area without seeing a billboard or advertisement on every corner for Newports or Kools. Really Obama? Menthol isn't flavored? I defy you to not tell me this isn't some tobacco lobbyists wet dream to increase business revenue by expanding their marketing efforts. In the grand scheme of things, I think my Djarum Lights only do damage to ME, while menthol cigs are most likely part of the reason (besides pollution and poor living conditions) asthma is out of control among African American children around the country.

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thatgirlinnewyork
09/08/09

@VirginiaIno: all hail djarum (but bidis were in my college arsenal when i couldn't find them).

this is big tobacco whining--they had their colorful, innocent characters dissed, now washington wants to take away the smokable equivalent of mike's hard lemonade. sorry, but cloves don't fit the category.

not to worry--hundreds of bodegas and the whole of jackson heights will make sure we still get our jovial clovial fix.
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