Gawker: classic ads

Murderous Pistol Cannot Hurt You

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 17:17:14 EST

Iver Johnson Revolvers "are not toys: they shoot straight and kill." Nevertheless, they're "absolutely safe," and "Papa says they won't hurt us." In 1913, as now, gun owners were mainly schizophrenics. [Copyranter]

Nicolas Sarkozy Prefers Bonux Detergent

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 16:35:00 EST

Here is the most powerful man in France, Nicolas Sarkozy, starring in a detergent ad circa 1967. Your fears are true, kids: Embarrassing things you do now will come back to embarrass you again decades later. [Telegraph via Adfreak]

Your Mind Will Be on One Thing Only

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:14:52 EDT

I believe this is a 1929 ad for ExtenZe. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge.]

Stupid Lazy Dishonest Mexican Likes Sanka

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 12:58:18 EDT

Whoa: It's an old Sanka ad from the 1940s that's totally racist against Mexicans. How racist? You'll just have to click to enlarge and read the whole racist thing. People like you like this stuff. We hear. [Copyranter]

When Cigarette Ads Had Balls

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 16:20:16 EDT

In five years, will you be a wheezing, blackened mess? Or—conversely—will you have five more years of tobacco byproducts in your lungs? Well. You have to admire their "Lie big or lie dead" attitude. Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

[Had to Discard Every Headline]

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 13:19:01 EDT

"The Journal is a wonderful aid to men," this ad says, in real life. [Copyranter at Animal NY]

Disco Stu Welcomes You

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 11:42:17 EDT

Ha, it's an old ad for Plato's Retreat, NYC's most famous disco-era swingers' club. Plato's is "not for everybody" (gays), but if you like publicly sexin' swingers in comical outfits, well, you should have been around 30 years ago. [DBTH]

'DDT Is Good For Me-e-e!'

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 12:15:02 EDT

"During 1946, exhaustive scientific tests have shown that, when properly used, DDT kills a host of destructive insect pests, and is a benefactor of all humanity." And cancer. Copyranter found a particularly good one today. Click through for full version.

[Via Copyranter]

Sprite Blow Job Ad Shockingly Derivative

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 12:40:41 EDT

Disappointingly for sex-on-Youtube purists, the fake banned Sprite blow job ad that shook the world to its very (sexy) core yesterday is not the first time that exploding carbonation has been used as a male orgasm metaphor.

This French Perrier ad was made in 1976 and it is basically exactly the same as the Sprite one, but without the blow job. Just goes to show: there are no new metaphors for orgasms. Sorry.

Also shocking: the fake Sprite ad had its origins in Williamsburg.

[Adland via Adfreak]

Coca-Cola: Superior to Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Heroin Syrup

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 16:39:03 EDT

"Coca-Cola is a delightful palatable and healthful BEVERAGE. It relieves fatigue and is indispensable for (Business and Professional) MEN: Students, Wheelmen, Athletes. It relieves mental and physical exhaustion." And for the ladies?

"Is the favorite drink for LADIES when thirsty, weary and despondent."

Coke ad, circa 1905. Suck it, Coke ads circa 2009.
[Copyranter]

Keep Your Baby Fresh, In Cellophane

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 11:08:01 EDT

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser."Good things are twice as good in cellophane." You know, this would be just as powerful if it were an ad for microwaves. Yes, it's real! Click to enlarge. [Copyranter]

Stupid Americans Eat Grape Nuts

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 10:43:06 EDT

What is a Grape Nut? "Carin Gendell, who was its senior brand manager in the 1980s, remembers how her staff described it. 'Grape Nuts,' she says, 'was people eating advertising.'" Grape Nuts are made out of lies!

Here's what Grape Nuts is, really: wheat, barley, yeast, water. Here's what Grape Nuts is not: everything they told you it was.

The founder of Postum Cereals not only cooked up Grape Nuts in Battle Creek, Mich., around 1898, but also concocted some of the earliest mass advertising to peddle it. A 1910 ad said Grape Nuts had "phosphate of potash" for building "brain and nerves." It didn't. Another said the Panama Canal couldn't have been dug without Grape Nuts because it "keeps almost indefinitely in any climate." Other ads claimed it prevented malaria and appendicitis. It doesn't.

The image associated with this post is best viewed using a browser.Nor do Grape Nuts help make you A Real Man, nor do they make you gay! You've been tricked!

[WSJ. Pic via]

When Appliances Made Americans Weird

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 17:15:01 EDT

Classic appliance ads from the halcyon days when women were in the kitchen, dad was drunk in the den, and kids were really fucking creepy-looking: is there anything better?

This child is about to be a "Child Trapped in Fridge" headline.

Four waffles: because good white families have four people. No more. No less.

This lady is just crazy.

Little Timmy and his sister, Satania, love toast.

Both the first and the second statement in this advertisement turned out to be false.

[Woman's Day via Adfreak]

The Campy Swine Flu Ads that Saved America

Hamilton Nolan — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:26:33 EDT

During the Great Swine Flu Panic of 1976, they didn't leave the PANIC alert to the newspaper hacks; they had PSAs to explain how not getting a flu shot would kill you and your family.

Basic message: Anything sign of happiness in your attitude will cause you to die, followed by your loved ones.
But hey, I like the pep!

[via Buzzfeed]

Six Million Ways to Die

Hamilton Nolan — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 12:00:00 EDT

This, ~~reportedly from a "European trade publication circa 1998,"~~ may be the single most unintentionally terrible ad ever produced. At least in the last 11 28 years. Click to enlarge. [via Fishbowl LA]

Actually, it's from 1981. Shoulda checked the archives. (Thanks, Greg)

Drink Your Bitters: AIG's Ads From the Good Old Days

Hamilton Nolan — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 16:17:04 EDT

You know what you don't see much any more? Those supremely reassuring AIG TV commercials. They've disappeared, for some reason. Luckily astute (and bitter) people have preserved them on the internet!

1. There, there, honey. Shut up and look at the butterflies. Our future is safe with AIG.

2. You want your child's finances to be as secure as their car seat. That's why you've gone with AIG. Because you also bought a defective car seat.

3. This ad comically features the tagline, "The clock's ticking." Yes it is.

Please refer to these whenever the temptation to feel sorry for AIG arises. [Mep Report's YouTube page, via Agency Spy]

Classic GM Ads: When Times Were Not So Terrible

Hamilton Nolan — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 12:00:34 EST

Poor General Motors Corp may not be around forever if certain auto dealers on a bus ride cannot persuade the federal government to give the failing company $25 billion. Sad! Remember when GM cars ruled the roads, America ruled the world, and men were men? Those were the days. We've collected a gallery of ten classic GM ads from the good old days of the 1930s, to remind you of what once was, and what shall never be again. Weep for your autos:

[via Gallery of Graphic Design]

The Best Of Cigarette Pseudoscience

Hamilton Nolan — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:08:02 EDT

Yesterday, the Supreme Court heard arguments in a class action case accusing the tobacco industry of fraud for its marketing campaign aimed at convincing the public that "light" cigarettes are safer. This just shows you how far we've come: 50 years ago, we would have had to call the Supreme Court to determine which brand has the smoothest flavor for your T-Zone! Coincidentally, the New York Public Library is now holding a huge exhibition of hi-larious old cigarette ads. With doctors! Babies! Blackface! And other outrages! In honor of our nation's justice system, the 15 best are below:

Democrats Have Lost The Nuclear Ad Race

Hamilton Nolan — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:44:19 EDT

Simplicity—which often involves leaving things unsaid—is a rare tactic in advertising today. We want every bell and whistle listed and explained for us completely and quickly so we can get back to playing Wii! Political ads are no exception. Here's Barack Obama's newest ad attacking McCain; it takes the trouble to spell out, on screen, the same things the announcer is saying, because Americans have lost our ability for inference along with our attention spans. It lacks three crucial things that the classic 1964 LBJ ad, titled "Merely Another Weapon" (after the jump) has: One clear message; a trust that viewers will understand that message themselves; and awesome atom bomb blasts:

[LBJ ad via The Living Room Candidate]

"Men grow neglectful when wives grow careless"

Hamilton Nolan — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 16:15:12 EDT

There's an episode of Mad Men (I told you I must relentlessly mine this show to catch up with every other ad writer) in which Sterling Cooper has to come up with an ad campaign for a stimulating "weight loss" machine that actually owes its popularity with women to the fact that it's an undercover vibrator. Cue the euphemisms: "Rejuvenator," "youthful glow," etc. Today, of course, euphemism is dead. The agency would sell the product with "Turn it on and cum!" So it makes us wistful to look back on how they sold embarrassing things in the good old days. (With sexism!). After the jump, classic ads that gently persuaded your grandparents to choose the right brand when they were feeling... not so fresh:

[via the Gallery of Graphic Design]