clothes - Gawker

posts about #clothes more →
The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed
We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Brand Names Separate The Real From The Corporate
Palin's Real American Shopping Spree
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How Television and Movies Make the Clothes
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CNN: "A Vest is Like an All-Day Hug"
'Anthropologie' Throws a Bone to the Poors

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DaveCrabtree
08/20/09

In reply to The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed
Good news, Brian. I think Don Draper sticks with white pocket squares, so no need for you to buy a new one with the rest of the new outfit. I'm sure you've got sitting in your top dresser drawer a dozen recently laundered and ironed linen handkerchiefs that would be suitable. No?
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Edited by DaveCrabtree at 08/20/09 1:53 PM DaveCrabtree was starred DaveCrabtree was unstarred

Queen of the Passive Aggressives
08/20/09

In reply to The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed
Clean, dirty, new or old a low cut blouse works at any interview.
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BookishLookish
08/20/09

@Queen of the Passive Aggressives: Not if your tits are better than your potential boss's, doll!
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Queen of the Passive Aggressives
08/20/09

@BookishLookish: It would be hard to find a female C level so I should be all set!
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sparky
08/20/09

In reply to The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed
"Dress for the job they want, not the job they don't have." I'm now imagining the city filled with people dressed like firemen and ballerinas.
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if_i_only_had_a_heart promoted this comment Edited by sparky at 08/20/09 1:29 PM sparky was starred sparky was unstarred

If_I_Had_a_Poodle
08/20/09

@sparky: and astronauts, cowboys, super heros ... every time i see a kid at the supermarket wearing dressup stuff i admire the parents who let them be who they are
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badasscat
08/20/09

@sparky: Sexist!
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shostakobitch
08/20/09

In reply to The WSJ's Threadbare Fashion Advice for the Unemployed
the real key here, and this is often overlooked, is don't wash your clothes unless they smell completely revolting. washing clothes is like wearing them while you lean on things and eat hot dogs or carl's jr.

ladies - if you are experiencing a particularly heavy estrus just spritz some febreze in the crotch of your favorite pair of ben davis slacks. that'll keep you from smelling like the autoclave room down at the local blood bank.

men - try to limit the amount of farts you push through your pants. maybe find a stairwell, pull them down and purge that gas. or put activated charcoal packets in your underwear.

normally these tips 'n tricks might sound a little "european" but we're living in recessiaggedon now and this is only going to get worse before it gets better. start thinking about dropping the local cooper a line to ask about the off-season clearance sales of barrels with suspenders attached. it's never to early!
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bens
08/20/09

@shostakobitch: Is turning your pants inside-out and wearing them again acceptable? What's the 'proper' way to wear a cumberbund?
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shostakobitch
08/20/09

@bens: pants inside out is ok but how are you going to access the skoal long-cut in the back pocket?

a cumberbund is to be worn just under the breasts of the bridesmaid you're copulating with in a rented buick lucerne outside the wedding reception. she caught the bouquet!
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Gizmosmonster
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Oprah needs to start her own fashion line. Problem solved.
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SaraRueful
06/01/09

@Gizmosmonster: It would just be too confusing -- it would plus-size one year, then all size 8s, then back to plus ....
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Smitros
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Have I not read above thoroughly enough, or has no one bothered to brag about the size of his, um, "shame"?
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forwardmotion
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
I shop online for pants anyway. Trying on pants in a store is my idea of the seventh circle of hell.
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rednrowdy
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
i've always felt that these stores who carry plus sizes only online are basically telling people "we want your MONEY, but we don't actually want to ever SEE YOU in OUR STORES".

and for that, i fart in their general direction...and i'm fascinated to see how long this trend lasts.
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City_Dater
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
"Fat people having to shop online rather than visit a retail outlet" is now number four on the list of First World Non-Problems About Which Someone Without Perspective Will Bitch Endlessly.
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BookishLookish
06/01/09

@City_Dater: Thank you, CD. Always the voice of reason.
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jaxdesert
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
I think clothing manufacturers are just sneaking plus-sizes into the regular clothing anyway, by mis-sizing everything. I swear to god if I were shopping in 1952 I would be a size 300 but in today's spreading girth mentality I am miraculously a size 12. I bought a size "32" waist white jeans the other day that are baggy on me--and there is NO way except, when I've been doing alot of meth, that it's accurate.
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SaraRueful
06/01/09

@jaxdesert: I've found it's completely opposite at the upper end of the size chart. I'm a big girl -- pretty darn big, actually -- and I still have a couple of shirts I bought at Lane Bryant probably 20 years ago that I still wear. (Granted, at this point they're housecleaning or painting shirts, but they're intact and they fit.) If I went to Lane Bryant today and picked up the same size, it would be SKIN TIGHT. Across the board, all their stuff. So clothing manufacturers are trying to charm people in the "normal" range and shame people beyond that. I hate them all. I wish I could sew.
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meechybee
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
I wish I could easily discriminate against people for being tall as people do for being overweight.
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kimsama
06/01/09

@meechybee: Lower your seatback 100% of the time when flying. That'll learn 'em!
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Mama Penguino
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Oh, who cares. I'm sick of fashion and all it entails. Seriously, women, it's enslaving all of us with it's ridiculous attention to sleeve length and button count. I've become guy-like in that I've whittled down my wardrobe to one expensive "goin' to court" black suit, three pairs of nice slacks, and two blazers (both dark colors) so the entire ensemble can be mixed around depending on what's at the dry cleaner's that day. If I get fatter or skinnier or just sick of a particular item, it can be replaced sans fanfare.
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kneetoe
06/01/09

@Mama Penguino: Ok, I'll grant you that's "guy-like," but I don't think you've achieved actual "guy." But let's check: how often, if ever, do you dryclean those outfits?
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Mama Penguino
06/01/09

@kneetoe: Quite frequently, but I've been trying to perfect my Dryell use so I can take them less often. Seriously, this is huge for me. I used to haunt the racks at Nordstrom night and day and I had so many cute little suits and three-inch heels out my a$$. I used to have to hide my purchases in the trunk of my car and then bring them in at 5 a.m. while Mr. P was sleeping. I'd stash them in my closet, bring them out in a couple of weeks and when Mr. P asked, "Is that new?" I could honestly say, "Oh, honey, no...I've had that for a while. You haven't seen it because it's just been hanging in my closet." No more. I'm free from the tyranny of threads.
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kneetoe
06/01/09

@Mama Penguino: More power to you. I agree; I hate spending money/time on clothes. I used to have a suit job, which made life pretty easy, but now I have a shirt and tie job, which is more of a pain in the a$$ (but not as painful as those three-inch heels, I'd wager). And I'm guessing, based on the comments on the above post, that all you're hiding places were low to the ground.
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Mama Penguino
06/01/09

@kneetoe: I have to know: do you wear funny ties, sedate ties, franchise ties (Harley-Davidson comes to mind), or just any old tie? Mr. P has worn the same tie for the last 15 years!

As for my hiding places, the god's honest truth is that I could put a big note on the refrigerator door that said, "Am a Kneetoe's having sexual relations" and Mr. P would not notice. I could have hid my new clothes (and purses, and shoes, and jewelry, ad nauseum) anywhere, probably. But they had to have a 2-3 week cooling off period because he would notice they were new when they were on my body. Take from that what you will.
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Mama Penguino
06/01/09

@Mama Penguino: Sorry about that. I meant "Am at Kneetoe's . . . "
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kneetoe
06/01/09

@Mama Penguino: I knew where you were.

I'm pretty much of a sedate, although I hope at least slightly interesting, tie wearer. But god knows I don't own very many: more than one and less than 10 on active duty. So, do you have any lingering shopping addictions--say, purses, or jewelry, or are you completely reformed?
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Mama Penguino
06/01/09

@kneetoe: I'm utterly reformed. Mr. P and I adopted from China in 2005 and I simply gave up trying to look like a million bucks. Now I'm happy looking like a crisp $100 bill: clean, a little make-up, longish wavy hair, black pantsuit. The only thing that looks like $hit on a black pantsuit is banana, but Little P can manage her own now, so I'm less likely to be slimed. It doesn't hurt that I finally got promoted to my ultimate position at work so I don't have to worry about impressing the big boys.

BTW, sedate is perfect. I approve!
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Nora Bombay
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Wow. So I have a whole new list of stores who will not get my patronage. I'm fat. I'm not going to feel guilty about it or be ashamed about it. And if you feel that I should buy your items sight unseen just because I weigh over an arbitrary size limit?

Yeah, fuck you all.

Myself and my very $6,000 a year clothing budget will go elswhere, thank you.
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resipsaloquacious
06/01/09

@Nora Bombay:

So, I guess, Mickey D's is not on that list of stores?
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BookishLookish
06/01/09

@resipsaloquacious:

Oh, you are evil.

What are you doing later, handsome?
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saythatscool
06/01/09

@resipsaloquacious: Fucking howling.
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allyzay
06/01/09

@Nora Bombay: i'm supposed to feel sorry for a person who can afford to spend $6k a year on clothing? boo hoo hooo!
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iplaudius
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
Duh, the fatties of tomorrow only wear Snuggies, Slankets, and Wearable Towels.

And don’t you worry about those baguette-swallowers. Where there’s a will, there’s a way, I always say.
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propertius
06/01/09

@iplaudius: Doublement entendu, mon ami.
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iplaudius
06/01/09

@propertius: C’est vrai, même si j’aie toujours des difficultés à parler avec une baguette dans la bouche.
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Treece
06/01/09

In reply to We Need Bigger Fig Leaves to Hide Our Shame
I think I see Rebecca Rubin by that tree.
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BookishLookish
06/01/09

@Treece: I love the medieval depiction of animals. Is that a lion? A wolf? A creature out of the artist's imagination based on what he read? Is this a little guy who once existed but no longer does?
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Treece
06/01/09

@BookishLookish: And his hair was perfect. No complaint about the fig leaf placement?
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BookishLookish
06/01/09

@Treece: Oh, THAT little guy!

*blushes*
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skahammer
06/01/09

@BookishLookish: So innocent, you.
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